personal gods

I’M ACTUALLY CURIOUS

How many of you actually like Saeyoung/Seven and how many of you are just scared to start discourse because he’s the fandoms pet and you’re scared of getting hate for stating your opinion publicly?

xix | cooing at the devil

i. so this is how a river dries
to reveal a cracked, sad earth
too chalky to bury the dead in—
the sun takes it.

ii. i’m on the verge of knowing him well
his tendencies float into my lap
and nestle in: it feels like love.
this i must handle with care—

iii. if i brush against his thoughts
he snaps turtle doves at the neck,
tossing them leaking into my arms
leaving me dirty with darkness.

iv. witch! he says, if you continue
to slather me with this shit,

i will certainly explode,

you’ll kill me—

v. doves do cry when strangled;
they actually shed tears—
did you know?

It is absolutely not appropriate to repeatedly and continuously call and text me about your project you want me to do art for despite the fact that I’ve said multiple times to email me and that I don’t want to do business correspondence over my personal phone. It is ESPECIALLY absolutely not appropriate to try to hunt me down at work to talk to me about the project you want me to do art for, and then continue to call and text me. This is absolutely positively not okay.

IM SORRY for the other night. I don’t know why I choose to live post every time I’m going through a breakdown. I needed a day or two to recollect myself.

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and concern. It opened my eyes up a little bit more. I know I’m not alone but my mental illness forces me to believe that I am. I know I’m loved and appreciated but my depression makes me feel like I’m not. I promise I’m okay. I’m trying, believe me.

Jesse Cale put on a live Instagram video the other day(same night I posted all those things), and he played on his piano, opened his window and let the rain and thunder come in, and the beautiful melodies and song that came from that man made me cry. It was absolute heaven. I felt all my anxiety melt away and my stupid breakdown subsided and I felt a wave of pure ease and calmness. I felt okay.

He continued to share a quick story about how he wasn’t okay and he’s been through all these dark and hard times as well, but he made it through. He knows it doesn’t go away but he shows that it won’t last day to day. I am a deep feeling magic being and that’s okay. ❤

anonymous asked:

This time you are literally just asking people to tell you you are good and fishing for compliments. I bet that was the whole reason you started your movement so that people would see how great you are

Maybe I am. Maybe right now I need someone to be there for me instead of me being there for everyone else all the time. Maybe right now I’m hurt and so full of doubt that I can’t keep being strong. Maybe I need some encouragement because I was reminded that I’m not good enough, that my writing just isn’t good enough. Is that a fucking crime? Am I not allowed to be hurt? Do I have to be strong and protect everyone else all the time? I’m just a human, a fucking 18 year old girl I’m allowed to be hurt and need to be the one who is cared for for once. 

And don’t you dare say that I only created #bekindtowriters for attention. I did it because of people like you who have nothing better to do than sit around and wait for people to be vulnerable and then attack. I’ve done a lot of good for this fandom in the last few days, I’ve been strong and protected others when they needed it but I can’t do that right now.