personal attendant

i’m not gonna stream the concert tonight because i wanna be awake for the Not Today MV release but feel free to send me links and clips and tweets of all the wonderful moments i miss to keep me in the loop! 

The Women's March went smoothly because of white supremacy.

Let me be clear on something, as a person who attended the DC March. There were no arrests and no “riots” because this march was organized and largely attended by white women. Yes, there were people of many races and cultures in attendance, but it was a largely white event. I was there. I saw it.

My white ass was walking down a street–that had to be blocked off–screaming “Black lives matter!” and nothing happened.

And you know what? There was little police presence. Honestly. I was warned to wear a bandana for tear gas and to bring clear bags in case the huge militarized police presence wanted to take my bag. I was told to not be frightened by the tanks and to know that I was practicing my right to peaceful protest.

But y'all, there were no tanks. I saw one military vehicle and maybe four cop cars. I saw more police and military in the metro on the way in.

And there was a reason for that. Had these marches been organized and largely attended by women of color, this would have gone so differently. There were people climbing on cars and on porta-johns and in the trees. Offenses that have earned tear gas and tasing and vitriol from law enforcement at MUCH SMALLER and manageable events. Don’t look at this as “Well they were polite for once.” I’m sorry to tell you this, but that is a racist statement.

We acted the same as any number of peaceful protests that saw police brutality. Just the same. But we were shielded by our white-ness and that is important to recognize. I was privileged to be allowed to SHUT DOWN the entirety of Capital Hill because my fellow marchers and I were white. Recognize this, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You did a good thing, but realize *why* you were able to do it.

Episode 100 Director’s Notes

((I normally don’t post these but I felt that these were so important to read no matter what kind of fan you are. Thank you Joseph and Jeffrey, you have given us so much and continue to give us your all.))

My wife and I got married a few months after we got engaged. We were married in a short ceremony that took place in our apartment, officiated by Carlos-voice/delightful person Dylan Marron, and attended by only our immediate families.

Thinking about episode one hundred, we discussed the idea of Cecil and Carlos getting married. We didn’t want this to be a lengthy multi-episode plotline. A wedding does not always have to be a saga. Sometimes it can just be a day.

When we talked about this episode, we also discussed a way to celebrate the landmark of 100 (!) episodes. That is 100 episodes that Jeffrey and I have written and edited (with the occasional help of our amazing guest writers, something we’re hoping to continue and even expand in 2017), 100 episodes that Cecil has sat down and recorded, 100 episodes that I have edited in Audacity, 100 episodes that have gone out into the world to be downloaded by anyone with an internet connection.

I forget which of us had the idea, but there came the question: could we include every person who had ever done a guest part for us? The answer, it seemed to us, was definitely not. That’s a lot of people, and our episodes aren’t that long. Maybe we could fit in a bunch of them, but not all.

But we decided to try. And they’re all in there. Some of them just for a word. Some for full monologues. All of them are amazing performers who have brought this world to life for us over the last four and a half years.

Working with folks like Wil Wheaton or Retta or James Urbaniak is obviously an amazing experience. But so is working with performers like Kevin R Free and Kate Jones and Erica Livingston. Every person we’ve cast on our show has had two things about them: 1. They are wonderful people who are a delight to work with. 2. They are exceptionally talented.

We are grateful for each and every one of them, and so excited we could bring them all together for this day.

- Joseph Fink
December 15, 2016


In the old model of broadcast television, 100 episodes is a milestone beyond just the roundness of the number. (And it is pretty round. Just look at it: 100.) One hundred episodes was the marker that indicated the show would be syndicated. Residuals for years! Obviously in podcasting, everything is syndicated all the time, and there are no residuals from networks.

Perhaps the years will age this medium into something resembling the models of television, but in our time making this show, what’s been so rewarding is not having to create it under the machinery of gatekeepers and check-writers. We wrote it, acted it, recorded it, produced it, promoted it, and for a variety of reasons, people liked it.

For 4 ½ years and 100 episodes, and a novel, and 5 different live stage shows, we have written nearly half a million words for the Night Vale universe. (500,000 is even rounder than 100!) And in the lobbies after shows, or on twitter/facebook/tumblr/email, or sometimes even in the streets, people tell us: “This show is important to me.” “Night Vale saved my life.” “Cecil puts me to sleep.” (I swear that last one is said in the tone of a compliment.)

Never did we think our weird little town would be considered important, especially not to so many people. We’ve watched fans come together online for the past nearly half a decade and share stories of coming out, of social anxiety, of fighting illnesses, of insomnia, or of something as simple as boredom. They share their love of Night Vale, not with us, not out of praise, but with each other. In that way Night Vale becomes a real place - a meta-universe of itself where people meet to build stories of how alone they no longer feel.

I grew up before the internet, and I wish I could have had a community to tell 1980s me that sports has non-aggressive fans, that someone else was watching Eerie, Indianabesides me, that it’s totally cool to make a Rogue (X-Men) cosplay, and maybe even wear it in public, and maybe even how to get that white streak in your hair. Sorry, I have no photos of that moment in my life, but just know Rogue had way better abs than I.

I had radio, and I slept to it, and it was my community. It was a single voice telling stories and playing music, and it put me to sleep. Radio was important to me. It didn’t matter the song or the story, just that it comforted me at my most difficult time of day: night.

It heartens me to know other people love Night Vale and love each other for loving Night Vale. I can’t believe we’ve made 100 episodes. Four and a half years. Time is weird, I guess. With or without our current listenership, I’m pretty sure Joseph and Cecil and I would still be making this show, but it’s way funner with you along. Thank you for making it great. Thank you for sharing your lives, both with us and with each other.

- Jeffrey Cranor
December 15, 2016

Guys I met this cute flight attendant on the plane

And she saw me drawing, and asked if I had social media so I gave her my Instagram and also a shitty 3-minute drawing of her face.

I have been chatting with her since.

I want to keep chatting with her.

Hope for me.

Percabeth's Wedding

You cannot convince me that Percy did not, PERSONALLY, ask Hestia to attend his wedding as a patron, instead of that b*tchy-hag known as Hera.

Like he approaches her at camp, everyone else watching behind him all confused, while he asks her verbally to attend his wedding, with a basket of gifts and an envelope invitation to his wedding to sit in the front row with the parents. And Hera isn’t even allowed on the wedding’s premises.

(Hades and Persephone are also invited, they bring Cerebrus)

Hazel is the flower girl and Nico is the ring bearer.

Someone please write me a fic where Person A is a hockey player that rents/plays/practices at the same rink as an elite figure skating school that Person B attends and the hockey team and the figure skaters are always arguing about time slots and hating each other but Person A and Person B fall in love and it becomes like Romeo and Juliet On Ice™

Person A and Person B are on opposite sides of the world due to events that they had to attend. Person A is sleepy, but they can’t sleep without the soft breathing that usually fills the silent room. Person B, without knowing, calls Person A to say goodnight. Person A is thrilled, then yawns halfway through a sentence, then asks Person B to stay on the phone until they fall asleep. Person B goes somewhere quiet, the balcony, or outside the room where the event is being held, and just stays on the phone, tells a story in a soft voice, then hums a soft tune until the unmistaken slow breathing of Person A is heard.

“Goodnight, love. Sweet dreams.”

This is a note from someone who works in food service: when you’re done eating, clean up after yourselves. I’m not judging you if you finger-paint with the ketchup. I’m not judging you if you make origami shit out of your food containers. Just clean the fuck up after yourselves. I shouldn’t have to personally attend to all of your messes. That’s not my job. I’m not your mother. You weren’t supposed to find out this way.