I need to find a way to make money while I look for a job. But I really don’t have any marketable skills outside of academics. I’m not crafty at all.
I don’t know if anyone would be willing to pay for a tutor? Maybe I could also try and sell some of my photos from Europe? I got a few really good ones that I would just need to edit some and then figure out how to get them printed large enough to be worth selling. I don’t have very much in ways of clothes or anything like that to sell.
Ugh why can’t I sew or paint or make (nice) jewlery or something?
I really don’t wanna go back to Portland tomorrow. 221b con has been a great experience, and I’m looking forward to writing the fics that I’ve mapped out while at con, and learning more about this amazing fandom.
Shinsekai Yori Episode 22 - “A fiend has descended among the villages, and many have already died. We must do all in our power to stop the fiend. Do not follow us. There is something I want you to do.”
“because i love you. both of you.” -Nikolai. // “His name was Nikolai. The ribbon belonged to his mother. She had… sewn it into his shirt so that he would have something of hers near his heart. There was no priest. Just us… saying we loved each other. This was the only ring he could give me. We were very young. I was hardly sixteen. He was seventeen. It was good we had each other, even for a short time.”
Who wants to read my Mercutio meta for tonight’s audition? Everyone? Ok:
My Mercutio is a very melancholy but sarcastic guy. Tortured soul who hides behind a mask of humor. Not a unique interpretation, but one I’m using to fuel queen mab. It starts out with him just being a dick, teasing. He gets caught up in making up all these details on the fly, very masturbatory almost. But then something he says hits too close, touches a nerve. It starts with talking about lovers’ dreams. He gets salty which leads him to make fun of the lawyers and priests etc. Then he gets to the soldier’s dream, how mab delivers PTSD. He gets fucked up by that all of the sudden. Lachrymose even. His PTSD dreams, I think, are those featuring Romeo always falling in love with anyone but Mercutio. This fuels Mercutio’s jealousy which, built up over time, heightens his inner rage. Hence the soldier metaphor. Fighting to remain Romeo’s friend when he can’t be his lover, because being his friend and secretly loving him isn’t as lonely as the alternative. Then he almost gives himself away (tho Romeo at this point is too dense and wrapped up in himself to notice- he never notices, Mercutio reminds himself daily) so he snaps back to his bawdy humor as a defense, gets riled up, and then is silenced. Which is a relief. Then defaults back to snarkiness for the majority of the scene, and the play, until his death. Even in dying he never reveals to Romeo how he feels. That would be the final defeat- he doesn’t want to be remembered that way, a pathetic unrequited lover. So that’s when the rage comes out. Which, unknowingly, he foreshadows in mab. His battle imagery, which he relates to PTSD in an offhand metaphor, actually predicts his death. Tragic. Idk those are my thoughts.
I think, though, that Mercutio’s depression is more than just wasted love. It’s also a manifestation of his dissatisfaction in life at large. He’s wealthy, privileged, and highly educated, perhaps the smartest character in the play. But all that dissatisfies him. He knows he has so much left to learn but is without the proper instructor. He has a lot of life yet left unexplored and is overwhelmed by his smallness in the universe. He is at his core and in every aspect of life unfulfilled and that is his tragedy. He doesn’t know how to learn that which he hasn’t learned already. And to make matters worse he is in love with his best friend and I think Benvolio knows about it and can’t help, because no one can. Mercutio is trapped in a life he has no joy in, which he is reminded of every day. He would leave Verona but leaving Verona would mean leaving Romeo and he’s incapable of that. So he’s stuck in this beautiful gilded cage and Romeo holds the key. In a way, Mercutio enjoys that fact. Because he is a masochist when it comes to Romeo. He’s addicted to the misery because it inspires his poetry, one pursuit in his life that he is good at and can be proud of. His pain is the vessel for his joy. My only love sprung from my only hate. Oh fuck I’m giving myself feels. Help.