person shark

anonymous asked:

What if we want Kisabae more like sharks, can you provide me headcanons please?

Sure! Though, since sharks have such a broad spectrum of traits, I hope you don’t mind a few generalizations .u.”

  • Picky eater: He might try anything *once* to see if he enjoys it (like sharks may nibble on new potential prey), but, day to day, he has a particular shortlist of things he eats, and that’s what he sticks to. Since sharks are concerned with getting the most nutrition from their meals, maybe he’s on a strict schedule FOR THEM *MUSCLE GAINS* or fanatic about the raw food diet or something.
  • Doesn’t *sleep* sleep: In a universe where Gaara could go sleepless so consistently without, you know, DYING, it’s hard to say if this headcanon makes him more like sharks or more like the other humans in this universe. Either way, Kisame rests through periods of inactivity, during which his eyes are open and he still seems aware of his surroundings, as he can exit this *sleep* and respond at a moment’s notice. When *sleeping* outdoors, he makes the perfect scarecrow for bandits and the like.
  • Smol: Compared to his female clanmates, Kisame is short, lithe, and thin-skinned. A female Hoshigaki could break steel over their rippling biceps.
  • Cartilaginous blob: Just as sharks are made for their particular pressure systems, Kisame’s form only holds up around sea-level. Take him hiking up a mountain and he starts to sag. Firm jello man. Pastillage bones. Squish.
  • Cavity-proof: Kisame can maintain glossy white teeth with the occasional gargle of vinegar, as opposed to the average person’s daily toothpaste and mouthwash and whitening strips and—
  • Denticles: Kisame has toothy, sandpaper skin that sticks to his clothes and may leave anyone giving him a shoulder rub with raw, red palms. Hugs and kisses are fine, but please don’t do anything… else… without a condom.

While we’re at it, here are some shark traits I couldn’t add to the list because they contradict Kisame’s canon:

  • Sharks can’t really float (with some deep-sea exceptions? I think??). Kisame bobs like a buoy.
  • Sharks have multiple rows of teeth. Kisame very clearly has one row.
  • Sharks tend to roll their eyes back when attacking. Kisame’s eyes just derp out.

AND THE OBLIGATORY LIST OF FAN-FAVORITES, FOR POSTERITY:

  • Sheds teeth
  • Carnivorous (+/- tea)
  • Excellent sense of smell
  • Claspers
The signs as memes

Aries: do you crave that mineral

Taurus: pepe

Gemini: I’m a snerson (snake person)

Cancer: I’m a snerson (snail person)

Leo: blowing the trumpet and slamming the oven door

Virgo: RICKROLLING

Libra: I’ve never heard of a George Glass at our sküle

Scorpio: left shark

Sagittarius: inappropriate audition songs

Capricorn: *looks at smudged writing on hand*

Aquarius: I came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Pisces: putting things in that weird-ass advertisement frame

Aquarium Date Prompts

- “No, I will not be your lookout while you try to climb into the tank to pet the fishes.”

- “Aww, look at the cute dolphin.”
“That’s a manatee.”

- “Are we allowed to touch the fish?”
“No.”
“What about this one?”
“No.”
“Ok, what about th-”
“No.”

- “This is so sweet. I’m glad we came, honey.”
“Ahh, same. This is really ni-”
“LOOK IT’S A PENGUIN. LOOK HOW CUTE!”

- “What’s that there?”
“I don’t know, seaweed probably.”
“I’m pointing to a stingray…”

- “Don’t you love aquariums?”                                                                     “Yeah, but zoos are better.”                                                                             “Get out of my sight.”

- “That fish looks so sad.”                                                                             “Aww, it kind of does.”                                                                                       “Let’s break it out. You distract the guards, I’ll break the tank.”

- “We have to walk by the sharks to go see the penguins.”                                 “But the sharks will break the glass or something. They’re scary.”               “How many times do I have to tell you, nothing will happen. Come on, let’s go.”  *insert Person A carrying Person B past the sharks while Person B screams*

- -“Why are there penguins at an aquarium? They’re not fish.”                         “I know it’s kinda weird that an aquarium has birds.”                 “Mammals.”                               “Honey, penguins aren’t mammals.”               “Since when?”