17. height difference kisses where one person has to bend do wn and the other is on their tippy toes
Heinz isn’t really all that observant. He’s brilliant, of course, but annoyingly dense sometimes. And so damn tall. Heinz being over a foot taller than Perry often makes Perry trying to be subtle impossible.
Not that Perry is subtle in general. But he is pretty sure Heinz would just laugh himself sick if Perry climbed up on a step-stool and demanded he come closer so Perry can kiss him.
The tips of his ears burn at the thought, and Perry instead crosses his arms and glowers at where Heinz is drawing in big sweeps over a large chalkboard, outlining something about an expansion to Perry’s lair, since he sort of blew up the last one along with the rest of his house.
“So what do you think? This way your family can’t go stumbling in anymore by accident, and you’ve got space to keep a real car in there, y’know something more, I don’t know, James Bond rather than the little mini cooper or whatever you have now–” Heinz walks over, hands gesticulating as he talks, and Perry is seized by the absurd desire to just punch Heinz in the gut so he bends down low enough to kiss.
That’s something more reminiscent of their relationship years ago though, and instead Perry seizes upon the next option on his very short list of ideas.
He grabs Heinz’s tie and yanks, making him cut off speaking with a yelp, bending down absurdly as Perry goes up on his toes. They bonk noses and Perry’s lower lip splits against Heinz’s teeth before he manages to line it up right, and it’s admittedly, probably the worst kiss Perry has ever instigated. He breaks it off quickly and is ready to beat a hasty retreat, his entire head feeling like someone had lit a match between his ears.
“Whoa, Perry the Platypus, is your mouth okay? You’re bleeding,” Heinz says, grabbing Perry’s shoulder before he can literally jump out the nearest window to escape the awkwardness in the pit of his stomach and exchange it for vertigo.
Perry shrugs as Heinz grabs his chin to inspect his lip, thumb brushing over the split, which stings a little.
“Y’know if you’d wanted a kiss you could have just gotten a step-ladder,” Heinz says, sounding far too amused, so this time Perry does punch him, just enough to knock the air out of him so he bends over. And then Perry plants a soft, smirking kiss against Heinz’s mouth as he sputters things about being past this level of violence.