perpetual grace



Being in a relationship with Francis hardly turned out the way you would have imagined it to be. After following him on a hunch you end up becoming his prized experiment until Wade and the pair somehow form a close bond.


School is finally out and I wrote something. I really want feedback, so tell me if you want another chapter.

I got this idea from mixing suggestions from

• quicksilevrs

• cassidyconner

• tornado897

___________________________________________ AFTER THE FIRE

Things hadn’t started out like this, but what was there to prevent continual tragedy, the perpetual fall of grace, or even the burning sensation that traveled from the tips of her toes to the very top of her head? Life was a tragedy while living was only the prolonged sentence of that misery in full. It was no one’s place to discredit the world as a miserable place so brazenly, but under the current temperature exposure that she was being exposed to, it was only granted she feel so bitter.

Air, as it filled her lungs she could only feel the shearing peel and rip of her lungs seeking some kind of relief… but air only became fuel to the flames. Initially the burning had been something felt in passing until it became almost unbearable; then there were the needles that poked and prodded her skin, leaving pin makes over her upper arms and shoulders. Inevitably this cooled the inner heat she was easily distressed by, but what relief could truly be felt when it only dulled the pain? There was still the sickening feeling of mortality dripping over her lips though.

{Last Name}, {First Name}. Resident ‘patient’ being treated in this ‘program’. Her initial entry hadn’t been under usual circumstance, she wasn’t dying and her family wasn’t selling her off to repay debt… Her only connection to something as inhumane as this was her boyfriend. The man that easily swayed her opinions and affection with kind words and lofty promises of taking them somewhere beautiful in such an ugly world. It had been her appeal to affection and what she thought was true love that brought her where she was… Francis. There was something about his name that brought a sickness to her stomach and the flames only seemed to increase inside when she thought about how manipulative and vile he was for doing this to her, to these people.

Their meeting wasn’t anything she would call special looking back, but in that moment when she had first met him she thought it was the most perfect beginning for a romance. He complimented her and it was a first for her to have a young man as charming as him approach her so easily. They talked for days, for hours, for months; it was something out of a movie for her and unbelievably so she fell in love. {Name} told Francis her fears and joys, sad and happy memories… everything. And in turn he told her (what she believed at the time) everything in return. The pair spent holidays together, woke up in each others embrace from long nights spent binge watching movies. Francis was a hard man to crack at times, but inevitably he loved her right?

She couldn’t have been more wrong.

It started when he began leaving the apartment they shared more and more often, the calls he got were getting more and more frequent… She thought he was cheating on her because there was hardly any reason for a doctor to be on call as much as he was. That being said, he told her he was a doctor and there was hardly any reason for her to not believe him. Why would she doubt him either way? Francis had never given her a reason to doubt him in the first place until he started leaving more and more often. It had been the worst decision of her life to follow him, and even today she regretted it more than anything else.

What was supposed to be simple exposure turned into some twisted nightmare; what she thought was going to be some underground strip club turned into a nightmare out of the Twilight Zone gone a hundred times over wrong. A dimly lit room filled with hospital beds and groaning bodies hooked up to modern day torture devices; {Name} Hardly knew what to expect, let alone what the right thing to do was when faced with some underground ring of illegal medical experimentation projects. Prepared to leave and pack her bags as soon as she reached home she was pulled in a tight, almost painful, embrace, and carried to what looked a time capsule. Being shoved in and locked inside she panicked. Nothing was visible until the small eye hole of a door opened to reveal her boyfriend.

“{Name}. Now I thought I left you at home. A hospitals a nasty place to spend your time when you’re not meant to be there… There’s germs, disease…”


All she could see was that smile on his face, that sickeningly sweet smile he feigned every time they saw one another. “And it looks like you’ve caught something series love.”

He shut the small window and then there was darkness.

It had been like that for the first few days, complete and utter darkness. There was no way of telling day from night, there was no food and sparse amounts of water. She grew tired and irritable, there was no point in banging and screaming for Francis to come back… It only hurt her in the end. So she complied and suffered in silence until she was in compliance. You would have imagined things would get better, but they only proceeded to get worse. After a week in the ‘dark box’ they tested her, blood tests and multiple stress related challenges. She was forced to wear the bare minimum and then put through the first round; strapped upside down as the blood ran to her head. They kept her like that long enough to cause pain and stress but stopped short of causing a brain hemorrhage.

She didn’t understand it when they said there was a ‘high likeness’ for mutation, but from what she could understand it’s what kept the torture coming. From nearly drowning her to leaving her without human contact for days on end… whatever they were doing, it was working, but it wasn’t enough. They needed a final push and that final push happened when ‘he’ came.


“The final test {Name}. Either we succeed and you come out a new woman or… Well I’ll assume you understand.” It was the first time he’d spoken to her in over three weeks and it only made her hate herself more for having ever found him to be a decent human being. The young woman was in a metal box, compact and cold to the touch as she was placed in almost bare. {Name} could only watch lifelessly as two men placed her inside and shut the container, this wasn’t the first time she’d been trapped. She was broken and couldn’t do anything to hold back the screams as Francis turned the heat up to unbearably high temperatures… She felt like she was burning alive.

It took a few days for her to get used to the pain and the injections doctors gave to keep her from passing out. That’s when she saw through the small opening, they were bringing someone new in… and immediately Francis seemed to hate him. What was his name… Wade? The guy wouldn’t shut up, but {Name} barely cared seeing as it annoyed the hell out of Francis.

Unfortunately for her, this guy was right next to her for what seemed like the entire time he was there.

“So iron giant… Why are you here?”

No response.

“…Well that’s interesting, I’m glad I got such a talkative roomie to share the next few months with. Maybe we’ll even get to the point we’ll start finishing each others…” He stopped talking for a good minute before talking again. “See! I already knew what you were about to say.”

Their first introduction and she hadn’t said a word the whole night, it was like he could already tell she wasn’t going to speak. And she hadn’t the entire month they’d been there. There was something about Wade that she appreciated and there were times when she wanted to talk to him, but the pain that filled her every time she breathed was too much… He knew that and stood up for her when Francis decided on turning the temperature up more and more… She felt relieved she couldn’t see herself day in and day out… But she only imagined it was bad when they let her out to clean her up, that was the only time Wade was ever silent and she could stare at him with blank eyes… He knew she would never speak to him, but that was fine because Wade did enough talking for the two of them and he knew she appreciated that.

Today was just supposed to be another day between them, they’d already been in such close proximity for so long that Wade had talked about everything under the sun, his emotions slipping out from time to time… she wasn’t in her metal box today, rather she was stretched over a portable bed just across from Wade. They were tired, exhausted and Wade looked like he was about to give up.


“What?… Holy shit, and this whole time I thought you were brain dead. Surprise surprise. You know this only looks bad on your part with how long I’ve been pulling shit out of my ass to keep you entertained {Name}. I’m expecting a lot from you since you just raised the bar from demented patient to cognitive thinker… Unless {Name} is all you can say. Then we’re having problems again.”

She smiled faintly before noticing Francis and it started again. She was going in and out from the medicine he’d given her earlier. Her mutation was supposed to be present but for some reason it just wasn’t there just yet.

{Name} could only see Wade, Francis, and that jerk of an assistant Francis had with him all the time… They were talking and something happened… Next thing she knew they were yelling, talking about mindless super soldiers and Wade was yelling. “F-Francis…” She was so out of it as she slurred each syllable that left her lips. She could only make out the last of what Francis said… he was going to leave Wade in some kind of airlock for the entire weekend… “Frn-cis…” She wanted to tell him stop, but he wasn’t in the mood after locking Wade in. “

“Don’t worry {Name}.” He gently touched her head, looking over the sickly state of her being before continuing. “I was always planning on keeping you for myself.” With that he lifted her off the bed as she weakly struggled in his grasp before he placed her in her metal box again and turning up the heat to unimaginable temperatures. “Just a little longer.” With that both of them were left in unimaginable torture until Francis decided to come back for them.


When Francis had come back she couldn’t tell what time it was, but something in her had snapped… She was frustrated and upset, the pain wasn’t prevalent, it didn’t matter, if anything temperature only seemed to increase as she got more and more upset. The box wasn’t hot anymore, everything was just rage filled… Francis had come back with his assistant and they were just about to let Wade out. The weekend had gradually phased into one continuous movement

{Name} placed her hand one the heated metal and pushed in, “Francis…” Her voice was small as she pressed more against the metal, loud creaks were heard, everything happened so quickly. “Francis…” Creaking, breaking, Wade, the flames… There were only miniscule as the fire started, it seemed like it was something that could have been stopped until the metal box finally caved and a fire storm spilled over the room in a flurry. “FRANCIS!” And like that she was on fire, but she felt freer than she had in years… She was on fire, she was the fire, and then it all went dark in and out. She was sure Francis had only seen her for a moment and there was certainty a lot of surprise on his face.

Things were going from vibrant reds to black in what felt like slow motion. She could hardly make out the figures pushing and fighting one another… In and out, in and out… it was the end and there was only one person left, impaled on a protruding pipe. Then complete darkness.


Wade was left for dead, impaled on a pipe by Francis… fuck Francis. He would have thought this was the end… {Name}. The girl was lit, like a house fire on steroids, but she looked… alive. They were both left in carnage until the fire died after hours of burning and there was nothing left but ash and soot. It took Wade a few hours to regain consciousness and pull himself up, the wounds healing as he made his way over to where she was buried among the rest of the wreckage. He was alive, Francis had been screwing with him this entire time… All those people… {Name}. Holy shit {Name}. Even though he was tired he knew she was here, she had to be alright. It took half an hour, but he found her. In all, Wade wasn’t obligated to take her with him, but he knew he couldn’t leave her there… He didn’t want to. This girl he’d accumulated a softness for and that smile… Call him a bastard for even being attracted to her. But getting tortured next to the same person for who knows how long can do things to you. And even if she never spoke to him, she made it bearable, and he was hopeful because of her.

So he took her with him.

perpetually fascinated w graceful, elegant ppl, like how do you not live as if you’re drawing a big weight from a well while simultaneously riding a tornado on fire 

DAY 2618

Jalsa, Mumbai                 June  15/16,  2015                Mon/Tue  12:38 am

We are blessed and so humbled by the grace of the Almighty .. we are in perpetual ecstasy of His grace and benevolence .. His will prevails and shall always .. what be written in our fate and in our temper, is what we shall encounter ..

So be it and so be it all ..

I am with animation today. ASTRA the FORCE has been launched today, a superhero animated character, to be made for Tv and to be broadcast on DISNEY .. an initiative, a start, a beginning, new and almost pioneering for this part of the world, and a most humbling moment for its main protagonist ASTRA or yours truly in imagery … !!!

It shall be a 52 episode tv series on the Disney Channel and it is going to be projected by early 2017 - takes a while for animation to be creatively put on by design and story .. those 2 little ones are the twins, a boy and a girl around whom the story shall run and who shall seek the power and wisdom of ASTRA as and when they find themselves in some kind of distress …

There was ‘Supremo’ many years ago, that was captured on comics, by a progressive thinking journalist, Pammi Bakshi with an imagery of mine in a younger avataar. This one is more recent and as you may have noticed, more commensurate with my age. The imagery and the context and content of the story shall be creatively worked on, and is and has been initiated, for a release by early 2017 .. and yes the voice shall be mine !!

They ask me at the media interaction why I choose to involve myself in all these activities, when artists much younger than me, and of this fantastic new generation, do not ..

My reply is simple : they have the liberty of time .. I do not .. they have an entire lifetime ahead of them .. I do not .. their years ahead are plenty .. my years ahead are limited ..

Really though, would this not be the reason … there are not many years left for me professionally .. indeed not many days or months .. but the younger generation does .. when they speak of their career, they look ahead with an ease that shall not and cannot be compared to mine .. so one does what comes your way, in as soon a manner as possible .. and be content .. content that we had been given the grace of time by the Almighty .. for at this juncture, it can only be His grace that shall work relentlessly, with devotion and liberated ease of sanction .. the eventuality of our living does need some thought at some point of time .. I have been through it many a time .. but all times are not the same .. and shall never be the same ..

It is becoming increasingly evident that the mind works in more diverse ways than it ever did before. This is a blessing at times and a bother more often. Diversity has overtaken our lives and minds .. those that shall overlook this most intelligent factor, shall survive .. those that shall not .. shall not survive .. I am nearing the latter … 

A team .. a team of dedicated and trusted people is the need of the hour .. where does one procure them .. where do they come from .. when and how shall they be able to accommodate that which is difficult to accommodate .. as time goes by one wonders, why an initiation did not get the attention one seems to have discovered now .. but those thoughts shall keep prevailing and shall keep disturbing us ever ..

The truth however is this .. it is never too late for anything in life .. 

It shall happen .. it shall be overcome .. it shall materialise .. 

My love …..

Amitabh Bachchan 

PS : Sunanda Pandey Ef from Abu Dhabi .. her grandparents celebrate their 75 th wedding anniversary .. god bless them and theirs .. our prayers and love ..

Sunanda Ef ke Nana - Nani ji …75 varsh ho gaye aap dono ki vivaah ko .. 75 vi vivaah jayanti pe hum sab ki oor se sneh aadar aur charan sparsh .. iswar aap dono ko sukhi rakkhein, swasth rakkhein .. 

Aur Sunanda ki Mausi ji ki 50 vi vivaah jayanti .. badhai .. anek badhai !!

Why is my impulse sadness

and my inkling to doubt

why do I have this propensity for blame

and this habit of clout..

oh Lord, I wake with my heart unsettled,

callous walls take their form.

I try to conjure my own strength,

but am soon weak and worn.

oh such selfish convictions,

words, thoughts, and notions untrue -

all my efforts are null,

without the light of your word,

without the influence of your love,

without you.

oh Lord - you shift this faint heart for your glory,

you save this sinking mind,

sew this wretched soul new.

I owe it all - life at it’s fullest,

joy at it’s brightest,

to you.