I wrote this a long time ago on Fanfiction.net, and sooooo,,, eck here y'all are. (I’m like 88% sure it was the first lgbt fic on the site for keeper and,,, I don’t know weather to be proud of myself or disappointed in others)
I don’t know what to do. I see him every day, and my heart flutters. We laugh, we talk we prank… but there are so many other things I WANT to do.
I feel ashamed. Like I’m doing something wrong. My feelings overwhelm me, and I don’t know what to do. The feelings… I’m not supposed to have them.
I see his dimpled grin in my dreams. His periwinkle blue yes hunt me, yet all I want to do is stare into them and get lost forever. I just don’t know what to do. At first, it was just the pranks, the jokes, the teasing that connected us. Now, it’s something much deeper.
He can make me laugh. Not just smirk, or chuckle, but full-out laugh, to where I can’t breath. He always knows the right thing to say… weather I need a consoling word, or something to laugh at, or just someone to confide in.
I see him on the grounds, I see him at Havenfield, and Everglen, and we have even gone to each other’s houses. He’s one of my best friends- maybe even my best friend.
That should be enough. I should be satisfied. I should be happy with the position that we were in together. But then why did I want more?
I’ve been avoiding him recently. We haven’t been to each other’s houses in almost a month. I don’t talk to him much at school, or at Fitz’s or Sophie’s. I’m just afraid that my feelings will show.
I use Foster to hide it. I’m overly flirtatious with her- as well as any other girl- so that they don’t realize the true chemistry burning beneath my skin. It’s almost painful to me.
Every day I anticipate seeing him. Although I’m avoiding him, I can’t seem to help it. I’ve memorized his schedule- I try to intercept him on the way to class as often as possible. I will walk past the class that he’s leaving just in time to catch him and say hi. Every time, he will flash me a dimpled grin and gaze at me with his periwinkle eyes, and I feel like melting in my shoes.
All of this- it’s such a terror to me. It makes my skin crawl, and I feel like I’m doing something wrong. But if it’s wrong, why does it feel so right?
It’s been three months since I first noticed the feelings stirring in my chest. Two since I realized what they might mean. And one since I had acted on them.
I think I’m finally ready to admit it. I am in love with Dex Dizznee.
“I am in love with Dex Dizznee. I AM IN LOVE WITH DEXTER DIZZNEE!”
The room was fairly dim, only lit by colored Christmas lights that no one had bothered to take down after last week’s Christmas party. A lopsided banner hanging up on one side of the room read “Happy New Year!” to remind you why you had come to this party in the first place, since with the blaring music and the milling party-goers in a refreshing variety of either Drunk or Completely Plastered, you kept seeming to forget.
As a gamer, I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually have a dream involving the games I play. The most memorable one to date was about World of Warcraft, and I had it either back during the original game or during the Burning Crusade expansion.
As the most successful MMORPG out there, I’m sure many people reading this are familiar with the PVP (player-versus-player) map, Warsong Gulch. For those who aren’t, it’s a basic game of capture the flag. The goal is to capture the opposing team’s flag three times while guarding your own from capture. There have been many improvements in how this map plays since its conception, including a time limit in which your goal must be accomplished.
But back in the day, these games could go on for a long time, because there was no time limit.
I guess I’d been playing Warsong Gulch a bit too much when I had a dream about being my druid in a game. I was ready to go, at the starting gate with everyone else as the clock counted down.
I looked at the score…
A THOUSAND FLAG CAPTURES REQUIRED TO WIN WARSONG GULCH. HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW.
Games are great. I love games. I even like Warsong Gulch, despite the never ending frustration it used to cause. But I’ll tell you one thing, this right here is the kind of torture that I expect sinful gamers face in Hell. Not only does this goal feel daunting, the amount of time it would take to accomplish is damn near impossible. You just can’t do it. In games where the teams were decently evenly matched, scoring just 3 flag captures could easily take an hour or two. A THOUSAND? WHEN WILL I EAT? WHEN WILL I SLEEP? NO SLEEP, MUST RUN FLAGS.
So run flags I did. And here’s the cool thing, since we’re in dream land and we can do whatever we want, we could actually fortify our base to keep the enemy team out. We did a lot of creative things in my dream match from hell, which of course didn’t make the game go any faster, but we’ve already established that this was an unwinable scenario anyway.
WE’RE PLAYING OUR ASSES OFF. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME WE’VE EVER BEEN IN. NONE OF US KNOW WHY, DUH, THIS IS A FUCKING DREAM. BUT IT’S IMPORTANT. WE’RE ALL TOP OF OUR GAME. WE’RE DOING THIS. WE’RE FUCKING DOING THI–
NO ARE YOU SERIOUS WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I did eventually wake up and kind of laid in my bed for a while wondering what the fuck was wrong with me that I would have a dream like that. Not only did I dream about World of Warcraft PVP, but I dreamed about something so ridiculous and horrible as needing A THOUSAND flag captures to win the damn game.
When I was maybe… five or six years old, I had an awesome dream that I got invited to and attended Tiger Lily’s birthday party. I was so excited about it. It had everything. This is Tiger Lily we’re talking about, here. Probably the best birthday party I’ve ever been to, obviously.
I was so excited about it that when I woke up I told my mom all about it, thinking that it had actually happened. We had recently watched Hook, and she informed me that I had only dreamed the birthday party of the century.
…What? I only dreamed the most awesome thing that has clearly ever happened in my short life? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..
This, of course, was absolutely devastating to young me, and therefore I proceeded to cry my little eyes out.