• Uterus: Ok, it's taken me a month, but I'm finally all ready!
  • Me: Ready for what?
  • Uterus: For the baby, silly!
  • Me: Oh yeah, about that... we're not having a baby this month.
  • Uterus: ...what?
  • Me: We're not pregnant...
  • Uterus: But... I've been preparing all month for this!
  • Me: Well I'm sorry to disappoint you.
  • Uterus: Not as sorry as you're gonna be :)

Tbh, I have no patience for men who are horrified by periods and refuse to even go with their girl down the tampon aisle.

Like? Not only does your meat stick squirt out mucus-y baby filled toothpaste when you get too excited, but you expect girls to SWALLOW that shit. You have absolutely no room to be disgusted in anyone else’s genitals. Please take several seats.

Hey to all those people telling people “ it’s not so bad, just power through the cramps” when they're on their period because it’s not an excuse to miss school/work etc.!

I had bad cramps today, but I tried to “power through it” and went to class anyways, even though my grandmother had to drive me because I couldn’t walk to the bus.

I tried to “power through it” when I started to feel like I was going to throw up in the middle of my lecture, leaving to take a walk outside in the cold to try and clear my head, even though walking made my right side feel as though it was being ripped in two.

I tried to “power through it” when I started getting cold sweat all over my body, taking off my sweater and then putting it back on two seconds later because my body couldn’t decide if it was hot or cold.

 I tried to “power through it” when spots started to appear in my vision, and just kept walking towards the exit.

I tried to “power through it” when I started to dry heave, and started walking faster.

I tried to “power through it” when my ears started ringing and the spots took over my vision and I was so so hot but shivering and my side felt on fire and twisted into knots and stabbed all at once.

I tried to power through it to the point where I collapsed in the middle of my college hallway. A stranger brought me to Outreach Services, where I lay on the floor, vomiting, for an hour until somebody could pick me up and take me home.

The school paramedics told me that I had passed out because I put too much stress on my already taxed body. My body was taxed because of hormonal fluctuations and blood loss aka my period.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. In the past when I’ve had cramps like this, I’ve stayed in bed and eaten strawberries and watched MASH all day.

So don’t you DARE tell me that you should “power through the cramps and do it anyways”. Powering through made me pass out. Powering through made me have to be wheeled out of the school in a wheelchair because I couldn’t keep my balance to walk. Powering through made my grandmother with osteoporosis and a tendency to panic have to come pick me up from school and help me up the stairs and almost break her hip when I started to collapse backwards on the front steps. Powering through made my 13 year old brother have to supervise me while I took a bath because I was afraid I would pass out and drown (he was super sweet about it actually; we closed the curtain and he read me Voyage of the Dawn Treader). Powering through made my mother who works to support our family pretty much on her own have to take time off work to come home and make sure I was okay.

In conclusion; If someone feels crappy because of their period cramps, leave them alone. Don’t make them do things anyways, because you might make it worse. And definitely don’t make them feel bad for not wanting to do things because of cramps; that’s the reason I even got out of bed this morning. Be nice to people on their period. Possibly buy them chocolate or painkillers. Nut don’t make them do things when they have cramps, and definitely don’t tell them “it’s nothing, power through” because cramps? Cramps can be one of the worst things you could possibly imagine.

Seriously. Fuck you all.

Period Pain Potion

Hey witches,
I want to share this remedy with those of you who suffer from menstrual cramps like I do. In the past I’ve suffered debilitating period pain so severe that I’ve been hospitalized, but this remedy has been a life changer for me. It provids so much relief!

Period Pain Potion recipe:
2 tablespoons dried raspberry leaf
1 tablespoon dried cinnamon bark chips
1 tablespoon dried cramp bark
1 tablespoon dried passionflower
1 tablespoon dried willow bark
1 tablespoon dried ginger root, or if you prefer to use fresh ginger you can omit this and just add a few fresh slices to each batch you brew.
½ tablespoon dried scull cap (valerian root can be used as a substitute for a night time blend to help you sleep)
1 gallon moon water for brewing (optional, but can enhance the effects and help you get in touch with the divine feminine/lunar energy for a more positive period experience)

Mix your herbs up ahead of time so they will be ready for you when you need them. Store them in an air tight container to keep them fresh (I use a recycled glass jar). Be sure to label and date it.

Brewing directions:
Use approximately 1 tablespoon of herbal mixture per cup of boiling water. Add 2-3 slices of fresh ginger at this time if you didn’t add the dried ginger to your herbal mixture. Allow to steep for 5-15 minutes before removing herbs. The longer they steep, the stronger your potion will be. 
Drink at onset of pain and continue to drink as needed throughout your cycle.
I usually brew this by the quart so that it’s in the refrigerator ready for me to drink as needed. It can also be brewed at twice the concentration and diluted with moon water later rather than boiling the moon water to brew it with. It’s totally up to you. :-)
Peace, love, and blessings,
greensarah 
 
Safety disclaimer:
Use of this remedy is at your own risk. I’m not a medical professional and advise that you to do your own research on herbal remedies, especially if you could be pregnant, are nursing, have a medical condition, or are taking any medication, please consult with your physician first.

Things I hate more about my period than my period.

1. Leaking
2. Pads twisting while you wear them
3. Tampons that give you horrible cramps
4. Having to wear the pads because tampons make you cramp
5. Crying for no reason
6. Being a couple days late
7. Being a couple days early
8. Having no motivation because your vagina is screaming

Thoughts during PMS
  • Me: I'm SO hot
  • Me: I'm FREEZING
  • Me: My boobs hurt so bad right
  • Me: I just want to cuddle right now
  • Me: the neXT PERSON WHO TOUCHS ME DIES
  • Me: I want something sweet
  • Me: GOD WHY DONT WE HAVE ANYTHING SALTY
  • Me: HAHAHA THATS SO FUNNY
  • Me: *cries uncontrollably for hours*
  • Me: Oh wow I feel so skinny today!!
  • Me: Well, looks like I need to hit the gym
  • Me: WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY ZITS
  • Me: What's with that random pain in my leg
  • Me: Why does my back hurt so much
  • Me: Everyone is telling me I'm acting crazy like I don't see what's different
  • Me: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
  • Me:
  • Me:
  • Me:
  • Me: *checks period tracker*
  • Me: Oh right it's just my period
period tip!

if you’re worried about staining your sheets or clothes while you’re sleeping, consider getting fleece sheets and wearing fleece pants! fleece is made of polyester, and it’s REALLY hard to get it to stain. like, really hard.

you can actually use fleece as guinea pig bedding like i do, and I can personally attest to the fact that it’s strong as hell. I’ve had my piggies pee on it, poop on it, I’ve washed it once a week in hot water on a heavy cycle with bleach and vinegar, and that stuff has yet to get even a little discolored – and I’ve been using it for a year.

additionally, fleece is a relatively waterproof material, which will help protect your mattress.

so yeah, if you have an issue with staining your bedsheets or pants, invest in some fleece sheets and pajamas. they’ll save your life.

I went to the mall today and saw this in the bathroom. I was absolutely shocked. This is the first time I’ve ever seen one of these machines. Obviously, we all have seen the ones that cost 25 cents but these were FREE. IS THIS THE START OF GOVERNMENT FINALLY PAYING FOR OUR “non-essential luxury goods”????? I WANT TO SEE THESE EVERYWHERE IN THE NEAR FUTURE ESPECIALLY IN SCHOOLS !! IT WILL SAVE SO MANY GIRLS PANIC AND STRESS ABOUT RANDOMLY HAVING THEIR PERIOD OR FORGETTING THEIR PADS/TAMPONS !!!!