performing the single

I’ve never been this affected by a single performance in my whole life I’m still shaking louis you wonderful wonderful human I am so sorry and so proud and I love you so much


Ed Sheeran performs his new single Castle on the Hill live at Radio 1, January 6, 2017. 

Friendly reminder that Johannah was the first who believed in Louis and now we get to see him perform his very first solo single with all the support and love from friends and family. Johannah must be so proud from above 🌹


despite being on stage countless times before, they still get nervous
See One Direction's Louis Tomlinson Debut 'Just Hold On' on 'X Factor'
One Direction's Louis Tomlinson debuted "Just Hold On," his collaboration with Steve Aoki, on 'The X Factor UK,' just days after his mother's death.

Louis Tomlinson became the latest One Direction member to embark on a solo career as the singer performed his debut single “Just Hold On,” his collaboration with Steve Aoki, on The X Factor UK.

Tomlinson, along with his One Direction band mates – who attended Saturday’s performance in support of the singer – were first discovered on the X Factor stage in 2010.

Tomlinson’s debut solo performance came just days after it was announced that his mother, Johannah Deakin, died after a battle with leukemia at the age of 43. Following “Just Hold On,” judge Simon Cowell praised Tomlinson’s ability to perform while mourning his mother.

“What you’ve just done… the bravery… I respect you as an artist and I respect you as a person,” Cowell told Tomlinson. “Your mum was so proud of you, Louis, she was so looking forward to tonight, she’s watching down on you now and you’ve done her proud.”

Tomlinson said that his mother would have wanted him to performance on The X Factor, Telegraph reports.

“That was harder than I ever imagined,” Tomlinson tweeted Saturday. “I want to thank everyone around me and all of the amazing fans out there that made that so special!”

Following the performance, the studio version of Tomlinson and Aoki’s “Just Hold On” was released to digital music services.

What It’s Like

I know what it’s like to sit on the couch and watch people on the news jump from buildings and not understand it.

I know what it’s like to sit there and imagine yourself in their place while not knowing why you’d even want to.

I know what it’s like to grow up in a family who gave you the perfect childhood with love and money and endless privilege and I know what it’s like for that to be used as an excuse as to why there should be nothing wrong with you at all.

I know what it’s like to wear long sleeves and torn jeans in the summer because keeping secret skin a secret means more than the southern heat and the salt seeping in.

I know what it’s like to want to talk about it with people you think you can trust but not talking about it because it’s not for attention, right?

I know what it’s like to think you bear your burdens alone.

I know what it’s like to feel like a stranger in your own skin and I know what it’s like to feel like you’re watching yourself from afar live a life you don’t even recognize.

I know what it’s like to wake up and paint over the cracks in your mask in order to smile just a little brighter so the questions won’t flood in from the people queued up that think you’re nothing less than stable and healthy and great.

I know what it’s like to stand beside a parent while they watch mental illness on the 11 o’clock news and whisper thank god that’s not my child.

I know what it’s like to watch the people you love sigh and shake their heads when he ends up in the hospital again because he wanted to kill himself for the third time this year, and I know what it’s like shoulder your guilt because apparently that what it is to them; an inconvenience in their otherwise normal lives.

I know what it’s like to be called lazy and useless because you’re not sick, no you’re not sick and you just need to get your act together. We all have bootstraps and it’s time you got a firm grip on yours.

I know what it’s like to have all the energy sapped from your body because your head is a leech and it wants to suck you dry of everything you once loved and enjoyed and sought pleasure in.

I know what it’s like to overthink your every action and I know what it’s like to condemn yourself because you feel as if you’re not deserving of anyone’s time or energy or glance.

I know what it’s like to feel the embrace of someone you thought you loved and I know what it’s like to take their sickness and make it yours and I know what it’s like to be hated for thinking the best course of action would be to cut it off like an infected limb. I know what it’s like to be the bad guy; the bad guy in someone’s story and the bad guy in your story and I know what it’s like to not be able to change the narrative no matter how hard you try.

I know what it’s like to watch the sun rise while you scribble in a journal hoping that maybe if you write one more sentence, catharsis will come and you won’t feel so alone anymore. I know what it’s like to beg and plead with yourself and I know what it’s like to reach out in the only ways you can to the people you thought would be there, only to find they’re just houses not homes. I know what it’s like to sleep in a bed for giants and wonder why you feel so goddamn small.

I know what it’s like to sit on the porch step and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes in order to keep your hands occupied; to have the smoke burn your throat so you don’t have to tear it out yourself.

I know what it’s like to feel the weight of a gun in your hand.

I know what it’s like to squeeze the trigger at some thin paper target you imagined yourself in and feel the kick ripple through your arms and connect into your chest.

And I know what it’s like to be home alone and have a muzzle pressed against your temple and I know what it’s like to be home alone and have that metal clank against your teeth because your hands are shaking too much and I know what it’s like to battle that voice in your head that does nothing but scream do it just fucking do it.

I know what it’s like to not know what the fuck is wrong with you and I know what it’s like to lay awake at night and ask the cold sheets next to you why you have to live a life like this. I know what it’s like to think about your own funeral and to count on your hands the number of people you think would maybe care.

I know what it’s like to not know what it’s like to be normal, and I know what it’s like to not be able to remember what normal even is.

But I also know what it’s like to empty a clip into your bare hands and palm each bullet before putting it all back safely. I know what it’s like to tell yourself not today not today not today.

I know what it’s like to stick around for one more song and I know what it’s like to keep moving forward even if you have to claw your way through every minute of every day.

I know what it’s like to laugh with the girl you think you could one day love. I know what it’s like to feel a small beat of your heart when your best friend reminds you you’re alive and you’re here and you exist in every moment of every day.

I know what it’s like to befriend the death sitting on your shoulder and I know what it’s like to tell him to fuck off. 

I know what it’s like to lie down 100 feet beneath the sea and to realize there is probably nothing in death quite like the quiet you find there. I know what it’s like to walk through jungles and rainforests and feel the humidity coat your skin in simple pleasure. I know what it’s like to greet new cultures and speak in different tongues and I know what it’s like to find yourself in tiny pieces of big people and big places.

I know what it’s like to feel another hand in your own and I know what it’s like to find salvation in such a simple gesture. I know what it’s like to feel the warmth of someone’s back as they’re pressed against you, fast asleep.

I know what it’s like to suffer and I know what it’s like to thrive.

I know what it’s like to be human like you and you and you and you and I know what it’s like to know exactly what it’s like to wonder what comes next and if maybe you can stick around to greet it all.

I’m sorry I can’t write a recap for this show (19/03/17), because I just don’t have time to spend hours on it this week. But this performance was so special that it merits some mention.

The whole show felt like an outpouring of love and joy from every single person involved. It really captured, in one performance, why I fell in love this play. It’s having a collective experience with a group of people who love Harry Potter, and it’s watching a cast who understand that love bring the story to life. It’s seeing Harry’s emotional intensity lived out so completely on stage, and watching him and his firey, difficult son figure out that they love each other, and the ways they can express that to one another. It’s seeing two boys who love each other working out their problems together and supporting each other, the pure heartbreak of their separation, and how they would go anywhere and do anything for one another. It’s seeing individual actors do stunning things, and forgetting that you’re watching anything other than the characters themselves.

I love being able to sit in a theatre and just get lost in this incredible world for five hours, and I love how outside of the show all these actors are such wonderful people. It’s a joy to interact with them, and watch them interact with each other. And most of all it’s a privilege to be able to share this play with so many amazing friends, people I’ve never met in person before but it feels like I’ve known for years, who I can flail and meta with; who get it.

It was a genuine honour to be in the theatre for today’s performance, and there was one moment when everything was lit up while the boys saw Hogwarts through the trees, where I just looked around and went wow. This exists, and we get to experience it, this beautiful work of art and passion and love. What a gift.


This is one of my favorite parts of Yuri’s Yuri on Ice single performance. I always get so happy when I see this part. Look how proud of himself he is, and how tall he is standing with his chest out. That’s a very proud and confident stance. He knows what he is doing, and is confident in his abilities. He also looks so free and at peace during this part. I just love it!! I don’t know what part of Yuri’s life this part of his performance, but it seems like it is a turning point when he realizes something important to him that he is happy and confident about.

(Sorry for the shitty photo quality, it was hard to get a good shot of this part)

[TEASER] 170215 ‘Moosical Curtain Call’ Concert Teaser - Moonbyul

Moonbyul will be performing her first solo single ‘구차해 (Worthless)’ at MAMAMOO’s upcoming concert, Moosical Curtain Call ©


Rogue One: Second Viewing

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -

Watched Rogue One for the second time today on the big screen.  Here are some more thoughts since I’m not inundated by “HOLY SHIT” feelings from experiencing it the first time. There may be some repeat thoughts.

NB, as usual: have only seen the movie and read a small portion of its prequel Catalyst so far. I try to talk about individual characters themselves, but shipping thoughts concerning RebelCaptain (Jyn/Cassian) and SpiritAssassin (Chirrut/Baze) still occur.

Warning: THIS IS REALLY, REALLY LONG. Not exaggerating in any way.

  • Quick General Thoughts 
    • I’d seen the movie a little more than a month ago and have swamped myself in fandom, so I thought I wouldn’t have Extreme Emotions from seeing it again. I even thought I’d be bored for some bits.
      • I was wrong.
    • It’s a beautiful movie, and I honestly liked every single performance by the actors and actresses. I thought they were all really good or amazing.
    • By far one of the most intense movies that I’ve seen in general, not just the Star Wars ‘verse.
  • Lah’mu
    • There’s a piece of symbolism in some Rogue One book material that talks about how the movie bookends the theme of “Jyn” and “home.” AKA: Jyn starts the movie by having a home, and Jyn ends the movie by rediscovering home. Figuratively, this is shown by Lah’mu with her parents (start) and the Scarif beach with Cassian (end) (or you could argue the entire Rogue One team becoming family, a la Baze’s “little sister”, as “home”).
      • However, now I can see there’s also a literal interpretation of this: Jyn’s Lah’mu home is next to a beach. And you remember where she dies? A BEACH.
    • If one of the Stormtroopers was taught even a little bit of forensic science, Jyn would have absolutely been found underneath that damn rock. They live on rich, loamy soil. Anyone heard of footprints or tracks? I guess Death Troopers are too busy learning how to kill people.

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