OK!!! as a consequence to all of that I’m facing two solutions , Giving up on my life and delete my blog , but in this case I will fail you and myself and this is not a satisfied solution, I love all of you, and you are a really important part in my life….
I spent the last couples of days thinking about that I need a fresh start, SO I’m gonna delete all my posts expect my downloads ( and I’m thinking in moving them to another blog as an old cc and wcif blog) and cancel my legacy ,and after that I’m gonna start over with new cc and new gameplay, I know this is a huge step but it is better than delete my blog, it is for a better experience, I hope you will understand me I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind if things dose not look like I want, I can’t help myself, in my case even the tiny little things can affect me in a really bad way, I m so sorry for that !!
My first bullet journal- yep I’m giving this a try. I bought this pretty (but plain) notebook from Muji for under $10. I’ll start customising it when I’m bored, but I’m pleased for now.
For me, it’s incredibly hard to keep notebooks because I’m such a perfectionist. One wonky line or a spelling error will frustrate me enough to tear a page out. Confession: I did just tear a single page out of my brand new notebook. Oops.
I guess I need to constantly remind myself to find beauty in the imperfect, and it’s okay to have mistakes. But. I’ll do my best.
I’m to the point where I can’t even stand silly Sebaciel now. It’s gotta be super serious, all or nothing, life or death, beautiful, dangerous Sebaciel. Not ‘Sebastian what’s for dinner?’ 'My COCK’ 'Omg no you didn’t’ 😞 I went back and read some of my sebaciel mpreg fics from a year ago, and I was literally cringing. I didn’t expect to change THAT much from 18 to 19. Jeez.
You wouldn’t even be able to guess. Not with my seemingly carefree attitude, messy hair, sweats and makeup-free face. You couldn’t tell by the imperfect nature of my handwriting or the untidiness of surroundings. Sometimes I just don’t even attempt things through fear of them being imperfect. I’d rather just not try at all. When I do try, it’s 100% preplanned, it’s mapped out, it’s scheduled. Everything has to be perfect, everything has to follow plan and be exactly how envisaged. If it’s not, I have to do it again until it’s perfect. I never settle for anything less than the best.
I don’t really get why people think of perfectionism as a good thing. Believe me - it isn’t.
It keeps me from finishing anything, mostly even from starting with it. It drives me mad and it burdens me. It’s the reason I always turn projects in late but still unsatisfied and it’s the reason I’m procrastitating so badly. It’s the reason I regularly end up crying and completely overhelmed over such simple things as writing a birthday card.
Being a perfectionist is no honour.
If there is anything you guys see that you think could use a bit more defining/cleaning up/changing (head only) please let me know! (the eye is not done, I deleted what I had previously in case anyone was confused about what is happening there)
Having other people’s opinions will really help me because I will literally work on this forever and still think there are things wrong with it.