perfectioner

I am learning to rest in the process. I am learning to enjoy the actual journey. I am learning to be kinder to myself. I am learning to appreciate who I am. I am learning to let people see who I really am. I am learning to accept that perfectionism is a lie. I am learning to understand that I am young and I have so many years left to make mistakes, laugh at my mistakes, and then learn from my mistakes. I don’t need to have it all figured out now. In fact it would be quite odd if I did.
—  me

anonymous asked:

Oooh! How about This bird, my soul.... but SCI-FI?! :D (aka Zinat rules in space)

I’ve spent some of the last week reformulating my outline for this, so fuck yeah, let me talk about Zinat in Space.

  • First of all, high fantasy Mughal-inspired Zinat doesn’t wear the hijab, because that was largely a cultural shift coming out of North Africa in the 16th century and only spreading to the rest of the rest of the Muslim world in the 18th. (And so had not touched the Mughal Empire circa Akbar’s rule, except in the sense that women across the world wore veils to protect their hair from the need for frequent washing.) 
  • But Space is post-postmodern futuristic nonsense! so Zinat is an extremely well-educated hijabi/muslimah/crown princess who cannot believe that her father is asking her to marry a total stranger. For political reasons, nonetheless.
    • She went to Space University for public policy and administration, and she still cannot fathom the logic that leads to her betrothal to Boromir Ithilien, some glorified soldier from the Gondor sector, which recently entered into an array of contractual trading agreements and military support agreements with the Haradi sector. 
      • Contractually! She is part of the contract!
    • Honestly, this is the 37th century, and her father is Emperor of the Haradi sector, she is far beyond having her life given or taken on the whims of legalese.
    • Nevertheless, she agrees to—at the very least—meet with this Boromir Ithilien. For the father she loves and the string of planets, moons, and suns she feels such a duty to.
  • Well, Indrani, her personal assistant says after their stiff, overly polite first meeting, at least he’s nice to look at…?
    • For a gora, Zinat sighs, rubbing at the place between her eyes.
      • Nevertheless, she does her duty. She drapes herself over Boromir at benefits for the photo ops; she lets herself be caught coming out of club openings with his hand at her waist—her only comfort is that he seems more uncomfortable with such things than she does.
      • (Every time, he kisses her chastely at her door, and does not press the issue. Even that night when they sat in a secluded booth, and she talked enthusiastically about subsidies and policy stakeholders for three hours, and he listened intently, and made insightful comments about the peculiarities of the Gondor system, and she thought she would not mind him coming in and maybe—
        • His touch at her elbow made her shudder, but he just looked at her, long and searchingly, and then he said his goodnights.)
    • Do you want to be married to me? she asks, as they slow dance at some function for orphans, or sick women, she’s lost track in the whirl of benefit dinners, concerts, charity auctions. She does remember that at that point, she had begun dressing to match him, her hijab, her dress, black and silver like his dress uniform. 
      • I’d rather have you than others, Boromir had said, with a kind of honest bitterness in his voice. (That’s not an answer, she almost said, but he twirled her in time to the music, and introduced her to the Gondorian Minister of Finance, and she was too consumed to think of anything else.)
        • Do you want to come in? she does ask, when he escorts her to her door. I can make you coffee.
        • When he swallows audibly, her pulse spikes. I—never want to come in, he says, and she hears the rest only dimly through the haze of white noise, something about like you very much, and desirable, beautiful, charming, everything, and asexual.
          • Oh! she laughs, relieved and terribly disappointed and relieved and both, at once. (It will take several long meetings over coffee to hammer out the details particular between the two of them, the unofficial contract. He is much more affectionate, she finds, once he is sure that he is not being misleading. She is not so nervous when she knows he cares for her as more than just a prize to be won, and he is not rejecting her as someone to be desired.)  Well, if that’s all.
    • It’s settled, she tells her father via transmission. Sign. I consent.
  • They are married in winter for the Haradi system, summer for Gondor. He smiles as he slips the ring—alien, she is accustomed to different traditions—over her finger. She kisses him lingeringly, thinking of reform, of the bills Senate Majority Leader Faramir (coincidentally, her new brother in law) has on the docket.
    • Welcome home, Lady Verethragna, Boromir says, carrying her over the threshold of Ithilien’s palace. 
    • It doesn’t feel like home yet, but then—
My Experience as an INTJ #26

Signs of an INTJ

  • When talking, their eyes tend to keep shifting away from yours as if in avoidance, yet when you start talking, they will instantly snap to yours and stay there unfalteringly (provided that that the INTJ deems you worthy to be listened to); this results in the intense INTJ stare
  • They tend to say very little especially if you’re acquainted but not quite friends; it might lead you to think that they don’t like you when that’s not usually the case or they are often mistaken as being shy (uuuuughhhh)
  • They hold strangely accurate general impressions and predictions despite lack of remembered concrete details
  • Perfectionism is a pretty good giveaway
  • Seems to have mastered the Mona Lisa Smile™
  • Casual friendly body contact = ???
2

“One of the things that is key about what I do is that I really don’t settle for something if it’s not right. I don’t lie to myself like, ‘It’s okay, it’ll do’… So I end up working a lot of hours on things that I probably shouldn’t, but it always means that by the time I’m finished, I’m happy with it.“

Meet Kyle Lambert, the Artist Behind the Now-Iconic Stranger Things Poster by Kat Thompson

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald opens up the world of the aristocratic America, while challenging its flaws and perfectionism through the hidden emotions and often materialistic life of its iconic and mysterious protagonist. The Great Gatsby contains real wisdom, good inspiration—all full of wonders, love, and allure—always for searching, always for longing.

Rhett forms two circles out of clay and Link knows what he’s trying to do. 

He makes a vaguely square shape that Link correctly interprets to be a butterfly.

Link is good at taking Rhett’s half-formed creations and parsing out what Rhett is trying to do with them.

They’ve made an empire out of this game, of Rhett giving Link bits and pieces of things that Link moulds into detailed and intricate creations with hard work and perfectionism. 

Link could never be bad at a game that is all about knowing what’s going on in Rhett’s mind. Link has spent too long being electrocuted by the synapses in Rhett’s brain and being blinded by the sparkle in his eye.

Link is the cartographer of Rhett’s mind, and he’s spent thirty years exploring it. He knows how it works.

3

Things Theatre Fans Say #146, “Okay but Lin-Manuel Miranda would be proud of me”, got really popular. I wanted to share these pictures of quotes from Lin I keep in my office. I have a lot of baggage like social anxiety, low self-esteem, and sometimes crippling perfectionism. I keep these quotes to remind myself to not be afraid and to do all the things I know I can do. 

 No matter what you’re dealing with, I hope you find strength, wherever it comes from. Theatre shows us both how the world is and how the world could be. Sometimes that means theatre teaches who you are and all the amazing things you can be.

Letting Go of Perfectionism

‘Spiritual practice can never be fulfilled by imitation of an outer form of perfection. This leads us only to “acting spiritual.” While we may be genuinely inspired by examples of wise teachers and traditions, their very inspiration can also create problems for us. We want to imitate them instead of being honest and true in ourselves. Consciously or unconsciously, we try to walk like them, talk like them, act like them. We create struggle in our spiritual life when we compare the images we hold of ourselves with our images of enlightened teachers, of figures like Buddha, Jesus, Ghandi, or Mother Teresa. Our heart naturally longs for wholeness, beauty and perfection, but as we try to act like these great masters, we impose their image on ourselves. This can be very discouraging, for we are not them…

“It is our very search for perfection outside ourselves that causes our suffering,” said the Buddha. The world of changing phenomena, whose cycles he called endless samsara, is by its nature a frustration to any image of perfection we might place on it. Even the most perfect moment or thing will change just a moment later. It is not perfection we must seek, but freedom of the heart. Remember again the words of the Buddha: “Just as the waters of the great oceans all have one taste, the taste of salt, so too, all true teachings have but one taste, the taste of liberation.”

The Third Patriarch of Zen Buddhism explained that liberation arises when we are “without anxiety about nonperfection.” The world is not supposed to be perfect according to our idea. We have tried so long to change the world, yet liberation is not to be found by changing it, by perfecting it or ourselves. Whether we seek enlightenment through altered states or in community or in our everyday life, it will never come to us when we seek perfection. If not, then where do we find the Buddha in the midst of this? The Buddha arises when we are able to see the world with honesty and compassion. In many spiritual traditions there is only one important question to answer, and that question is: Who am I? When we begin to answer it, we are filled with images and ideals - the negative images of of ourselves that we wish to change and perfect and the positive images of some great spiritual potential - yet the spiritual path is not so much about changing ourselves as it is about listening to the fundamentals of our being.’

- Jack Kornfield, A Path With Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life.

idk if this is an autistic feel but simultaneously the most fun times I ever have and the most aggravating times I ever have are when I get seriously invested in perfecting something I want to do. It comes with this weirdo black and white thinking where if it doesnt end up with the result I want I get miserable and feel like a failure. But in actually planning, doing, thoroughly testing, drafting, experimenting, whittling down a task until its the absolute best I can make it. I love that and I love making things that are routine feel special because they’re mine and I can make them better and better until I think they are the best.

Then when my ability to appraise moves on I will feel kind of bad about myself and see it as not good enough. then the process begins again.

I hate being judged on any of the ‘practices’ until I can with confidence say that i ‘can’ do the thing. So it leads to misery when most of the real world thinks you can drive a car, do a job, cook, perform a task the second time you are told to do it, not after you have done it successfully-but-not-amazingly many many times. Something within me feels pain at that idea, feels I ‘can’ only do things I have perfected, and i ‘can’t’ do things until I have perfected them, that it’s not really doing the thing properly but a weird. version of the action that’s a WiP.

So all at once it is the most enjoyable thing, to experiment and perfect and try over and over again until its mine and I’m proud to say i did it… but it’s also the most frustrating thing to not see myself approaching that point, feeling my attempts are being wasted or I’m not learning anything from them, or knowing others see what I think are imperfect or lackluster attempts before I’m willing to say with confidence I ‘can’ do something.

Part of me is really focused on doing something “right” and if it’s not done “right” it’s not really done– just a step on the way to actually doing it “right.” and you can see how executive function wants to play hell with that, and how depression nastily saying ‘you can’t do anything right’ would stop me in my tracks, and how anxiety loves to hint ‘but what if you haven’t perfected it as much as you thought? what if today is the day that disaster strikes because you aren’t perfect at this?’

and all sorts of shit

but despite that, and despite real external judgey voices too, working at something and trying to make it better and better is still like, the gold standard of what makes me happy.

“Perfectionism is very addictive because it is very seductive. It’s so great to think ‘There’s a way I can do things where I can never be held in judgment by other people, that I can totally escape criticism.’ But it doesn’t work.” —Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability #ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm

artwork by Heo Jiseon

Made with Instagram
FMLS90 Day 26

(From mobile, so no fancy formatting…but you still get the info, so at least there’s that)

Post a few of your favorite motivational quotes. Tell us why they “speak” to you.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

This is motivating, uplifting, and easy to believe. Why? Because I’ve done hard things before. Knowing that I can, in fact, do some hard things makes me likely to try others. Maybe I’ve never run a 5k, but I’ve deadlifted my body weight. That was hard, it took practice and training. I’ve never built raised planters. But I’ve cooked a complicated recipe. That’s a hard thing, it requires planning and measuring and following instructions exactly, so I bet I can do it. I’ve overcome frustration, I’ve looked for answers and found them, and that stuff translates across context.

DON’T LET PERFECT GET IN THE WAY OF GOOD.

I’m a recovering perfectionist. I want to get it right, whatever it is. I’ve failed at eating healthy before because I didn’t accept “Good enough.” Chicken and veggies? NO. It has to be organic chicken and locally sourced organic veggies, on sale! Otherwise, I might as well eat junk food.

I’m finally starting to see the middle ground between “perfect” and “fuck it.” Chicken and veggies, especially the frozen ones that are super easy to cook, are perfectly acceptable.