perfectionalism

I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.
—  Anne Lamott

anonymous asked:

Hi. So I suffer from an anxiety disorder and severe depression, and due to these I have a really hard time finding a label for my gender that sticks. It's like every time I find a label I think works, I get stressed out that I'm making stuff up and that it doesn't actually fit. Does this still mean I'm nonbinary or is there a different word?

Kynigender- a gender which is not able to be pinpointed due to the stress of the questioning process triggering anxiety.

Pendogender- never being satisfied with your gender no matter how well it fits due to self-doubt, causing one to compulsively search and seek out something that fits even better. Gender perfectionism. For neurodivergent folks only, coined with people with anxiety disorders, OCD, and OCPD in mind.

~Ade

Your Personality Type: INTJ

-Form just 2% of the population, and women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population 
-Imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy
- Often given the title of “bookworm” as children
- A paradox to most observers
- Radiate self-confidence and an aura of mystery
- Defined by their tendency to move through life as though it were a giant chess board
- When they are right, they’re right, and no amount of politicking or hand-holding is going to change that fact
- Neurotic level of perfectionism
- Goal-oriented, with long-term ideas founded on sound logic
- They compose a series of calculated actions with a predicted and desirable end goal 
- Brilliantly intellectual, developing a world in their heads that is more perfect than reality
- Social standards like chivalry are viewed as silly, even demeaning
- Prize honest and open communication
- Tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not
- Can typically come across as arrogant 
- Full of sarcasm and dark humor
- Tend to prefer to work alone in a more “lone wolf” position such as mechanical or software engineer

Source: 16personalities.com 
Find out your personality type!

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I kind of wish more people knew how perfectionism is actually a really sad trait a lot of the time; that it’s rarely ever about being overly fixated on a sense of achievement; that it’s not really something you can control; that you’ll never be able to relax and feel comfortable openly making mistakes like other people can. 

When I was growing up I functioned from an unspoken recognition that I had to be perfect. The things I did to be perfect were never things I felt good about or proud of and validated by; I was just deeply afraid of what would happen if I wasn’t.  

The very rare times I’d get in trouble for something minor or receive the slightest bit of criticism I would start hysterically hyperventilating with guilt over how I genuinely felt like I was a horrible person. My brain thought of myself in binaries; I was either perfect, which meant something closer to ‘adequate’ in that it wouldn’t draw negative attention to myself, or imperfect, which meant completely and utterly unacceptable and deserving of hurt.  Not being perfect was incredibly dangerous; it meant there were things people could use to hurt me, reasons they could give as my own fault for making me cry.

Not being perfect also meant that bad stuff out of my control would happen. When something happened to upset my parents – even if I had nothing to do with it – a pattern of scary and chaotic things would end up happening in my life. There’s already so much to be afraid of in the world as a little kid, so when upsetting people leads to scary shit you become intensely afraid of upsetting people and will do absolutely anything to avoid it, including being much more perfect than one little person could reasonably manage. 

Most people’s seemingly irrational fears come from very sad places. 

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31 Days of Samar Navabi: Day Six

Fan art by yours truly! My perfectionism isn’t completely satisfied, but considering life stuff that is happening, it’s a miracle that I focused long enough to make these!

Reblog to celebrate 31DoSN! Help us spread the love for this beautiful badass! And watch for iwantthepony‘s post tomorrow. :)

things the signs remind me of
  • aries:manhunt in the dark, sloppy first kisses, music so loud that it makes you see colors, long hair, roller coasters, extroversion, walks on the beach in winter, putting on a pair of glasses and seeing clearly for the first time
  • taurus:introversion, plucking pieces of grass out of the ground, noticing everything around you, painfully intricate doodles, believing wholeheartedly in the fortune inside a cookie, cynicism and distrust, feeling misunderstood
  • gemini:kite flying, rainbow striped tee shirts, falling off your bike and skinning your knees, fancy seafood restaurants, red-eye over sea flights, perfectionism, putting pressure on yourself and others, putting trust in the wrong people
  • cancer:denying compliments, tan lines, sour ice creams from ice cream trucks, popsicle-stained lips, cutting off all of your hair in one clean swoop, peer pressure, trying hard to take convincing “candid” photographs
  • leo:two very separate ends of a spectrum, narcissism, bright colors, controversiality, prank phone calls, pastel colors on designer clothes, country clubs, mountain dew, falling in love with everyone from strangers to your best friend
  • virgo:dust, popularity, foreign accents, light-colored hair, quaint beach towns, party animals, surprising someone with outgoingness, toned muscles, fierce opinions, protectiveness, strange addictions to strange movies
  • libra:honesty, keeping in touch with old friends despite the distance between you, telling ghost stories at sleepovers, adopting stray neighborhood kitties, untameable curly hair, retelling childhood memories and making new ties
  • scorpio:blue backpacks, puns and bad humor, making loud and spontaneous noises, making up catchphrases that you consider hilarious and no one else does, working tirelessly on school, trying to live up to high expectations
  • sagittarius:red and gold sharpie, suggestive smirks, early evening in winter when it’s already dark, mosquitoes, jokes and hilarious puns, self-deprecating humor, being hesitant and afraid of hurting others, bright sunlight
  • capricorn:combat boots and camouflage, perfect contouring and sparkling cheekbones, impeccable appearances, fishnet stockings, high-pitched, nervous laughs, expecting better grades than you get
  • aquarius:designer clothing, good fashion sense, wanting to live near the coast, body image issues, exotic eyes, jean jackets and old-fashioned bookshops, great conversation with friends over tea or coffee
  • pisces:small, white fluffy animals, making bitchy humor but feeling terrible if anyone takes it too seriously, forbidden love, close knit families and circles of friends, summer days spent doing nothing at all, brown eyes

ok people are theorizing Rainbow Quartz has two sets of eyes because Rose and Pearl come from very different places of mind.

but consider this: Pearl and Amethyst, from what we’ve learn so far, have quite a similar view of themselves (low self esteem; measure themselves by how people they value see them; constant need for reassurance from outside factors). however, each has a different way of handling (and hiding) the same issues (Pearl’s perfectionism and high strung attitude; Amethyst’s laid back ‘i don’t care what you think’ facade).

they think alike but act differently upon it.

Opal has one set of eyes and two sets of arms.

Tracee Ellis Ross Says: It’s Okay to Be Your Worst Self

“My standard of perfection often paralyzes me, or makes me terrified, or makes me feel ashamed. Instead, if I can make space for the idea that the goal is not to be perfect, but the goal is to be me, then I get to revel in the mixed bag of what it is to be a human. Some moments are good, some are bad. Some days are good, some days are bad.

We live in a culture where people are constantly telling us how to get what we want, and within that message is, “You need to be something other than you are”. So my antidote to that has been, “What if the goal is not to get what I want, but to discover who I am, be who I am, and accept that”? Because strangely, that takes courage!

As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment, and curiosity over fear.”

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So…I’m shitting some bricks posting this which is ironic because I DID A SIMPLE COMIC ABOUT MY PERFECTIONISM RECENTLY AND HOW HARD IT MAKES DOING ART as an experience. And now I’m stressing about sharing it but I’m going to because I feel like I need to because maybe other people can relate/reflect on this too.

I chose a deliberately simplistic style so that I wouldn’t anxiety this, and also because I feel like my perfectionism must have began when I was a child, so I must have had a child’s eyes….

I m p e r f e c t // Why is it hard to love people? Because we are all sinful. We’re selfish and prideful and we have mess. We do annoying and mean things. Yet, we have the opprotunity to choose love and grace regardless. Yes, when we love, our love for each other will always be imperfect- but it’s perfected by knowing perfect love. I am imperfect & yet I am loved perfectly. It’s the wonder of grace, and I’m growing in it. Listen: You don’t have to be better to be loved. You are loved at your worst; the ugliest it’s gotten, the lowest you’ve gone, the biggest bad choices…the Father was there loving you as His. Being a Christian is not about being perfect. It’s about admitting you aren’t, and looking to the Only one who is. It’s recognizing that you need a Savior- and seeing that Christ alone is the only one who can take our mess and make a masterpiece. We do not have to be perfect, because all we are is not by our effort or righteousness. We could never obtain it, no person can be sinless or perfect. I’m imperfect; and when God looks at me, He sees Christ’s perfection, because I am in Him and He is in me. That’s one of the beauties of the gospel. Christ makes us who we could never be apart from Him, but all we were created to be as His own. God is not looking for our perfection, He’s offering us His. We live from that grace, because everything we’ve received is because of it. Trust in the work He is doing in you. Grace perfecting love.

When’s the last time you stepped into the Light? Faced all the worries, troubles, regrets, bitterness, rage, jealousy, perfectionism, insecurity, pain, pride, and just taken it to the Lord, surrendered your attempts at control, and today just let your whole being say “Christ is enough. I praise and I will obey the One who gave me life, who loves me wholly, who calls me to live wholly surrendered & obedient to Him”? He who names you beloved & gives grace deeper than the farthest reaches of the ocean or the longest roots of the oldest tree, more abundantly than every mistake you have or will ever make. You are loved, let it seap into your heart. His grace will transform you, His strength will renew your bones, His sacrifice completely frees you to true life, life in Him, His call leads you. Let Christ be the One who you rest in, He is the only satisfaction, & in Him you will find real joy, real peace.