perfectionalism

anonymous asked:

what are your favorite things about Niall? I'm asking this because I love the way you talk about him, it's so endearing

like overall?

his laugh.his intelligence, his humbleness, his ability to literally talk to anyone about anything, his self deprication, his perfectionism, his cleanliness, his gross boy habits, his work ethic, his dedication to what he loves, his love for sports, the way he gets intensely obsessed with things and then quickly moves on, his love for himself, his chill attitude, the fact that he doesn’t care what ppl think about him. I love every single physical part of him, I loveeee his dry sarcastic witty sense of humor that a lot of ppl over look, I love the way he loves, his slight awkwardness, his ability to have fun doing just about anything, his drive to try new things and to be GOOD at them, his motivation, his heart.

anonymous asked:

People are always like "you're mental health is more important than grades" and "it's ok to take a day off from school" or whatever but I can't get out of the mentality that school (and band) are the most important things ever. And it's hard for me to think it's reasonable to miss a day of school because I'm stressed because I'm just going to be 5 times as stressed the next day trying to make up the work (my school's policy is so that say I'm absent Monday, all my work is due Wednesday) (1/2)

My grades will be lower, and also I probably wouldn’t miss school or rehearsal even if I was actually sick unless I was throwing up (I’ll still go to school and marching and with walking pneumonia bc it’s not like I can just miss 3 weeks). And math class always stresses me out so much because I can never get high enough grades in it and it’s so frustrating and boring. How do I chill out??? (2/2)

Hi darling,

I completely understand you on this! It is very important to put your mental health before school, but I really do get that it’s difficult for you to do that. I also think that your school policy is quite bad because it honestly sounds really stressful! I think it would be a good idea to slowly work into it. If you have a mental health day at once, then it will be really stressful for you. So maybe the first day it would be good to stay home, but still work on school, so that you don’t actually miss a lot and so that you won’t be as stressed about trying to make up the work, because you’ve already done it. Then the next time you could try having an extra hour to relax, on top of the time that you would normally spend relaxing. Take the time on getting used to it, it’s okay to do it like this a few times, before you move on to for example adding another hour of relaxing to it.

I don’t mean to put a label on you, but it sounds like you’re dealing with perfectionism, which I personally am too. It can be so frustrating, because no matter how hard you study, it never seems to be good enough. Try to find a grade that you’d be happy with, for example a 9 out of 10. From there, you can work on getting it lower. You don’t have to take big steps, you don’t have to go fast. It’s not about when you’ll get there, but it’s about that you’ll get there.

You will probably know what I’m going to say next, but it’s important to keep hearing it. Your grades do not define you. You are more than just your grades. Your personality is so much more important. You can achieve so many great things in life without having the grades that you’re aiming for. You’re asking so much of yourself and there’s a high chance that at some point this will all get too much for you, causing you to break down. And trust me, when you’ve completely broken down, you’re not able to get good grades. You’re tearing yourself down with this and I really don’t want you to get to the breaking down point <3 So please start working on this. Write down every day that your grades don’t define you. Say it out loud to the mirror. Remind yourself that it’s okay to get a bad grade, and that what you consider a bad grade, probably still is a good grade if you look at it from a more neutral vision. Are you being so hard on others too? Then why would you be so hard on yourself? I know it sounds very logical to do and that there will pop a lot of reasons into your head, but listen to yourself. Are those reasons valid? Or are they more excuses rather than reasons? You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. Think about what you would tell your best friend if they were dealing with this exact same thing. Tell that to yourself. You can be your own best friend, sometimes you have to be.

Maths can definitely be very stressful, especially when you’re perfectionistic and it’s a subject you’re not quite good at. Maths is about understanding it, if you understand it then you can get the good grades. But if you don’t completely, then it’s very logical that you’re not getting a perfect grade. You can’t study and just smash all the year numbers in your head like for example with history. Yes, there is theory that you need to know, but I bet you already study enough for that. Besides that I’d recommend you to practice, practice, practice. I’m a maths major and usually I do get the theory, but then when they ask me to use it I get completely lost. I’ve still passed most of my courses, just by practicing. So that’s a maths tip. On the other hand, I really don’t want you to feel so bad about maths. Everyone has their good and their less good subjects. Maths just is your less good subject. And like I said, if you don’t understand it, then it’s really hard to get a good grade. It’s different than with for example History. If you’re bad at that, you can learn all the theory and you’ll be able to get a good grade, simply by memorising everything. Maths doesn’t work like that and it really is okay if you don’t completely understand it. There are many people who don’t.

I know this is honestly all so difficult to accept and believe, but I haven’t written a false work in this ask. You are amazing and you are so much more than your grades. You’ve got this <3

Love Pauline

4

I’m electing Tumblr as my corner of the webs where I can dump roughs and progress shots and not feel too precious about it. :B

It’s been hard for me to share anything at all for a good while due to perfectionism - and that’s gotta stop. Expect to see regular dumps from me from now on - whatever I poop out on a day to day basis. Everyone needs a little outlet of this kind somewhere, hey. ;)

virgo are idealists at heart. and this is where the association with perfectionism comes in. it’s like virgos have a pristine idealism. to perceive the best that something can be, in put in a method to bring it into reality takes a wicked imagination and acute logic. but being mercury ruled and mutable can be confusing - just ask gemini. mercury can be deceptive, hence being known as the trickster. the mutable quality perceives multiple perspectives and can be a little unsteady. maybe the idea of what is perfect keeps changing. or he is too idealistic to feel content in reality. virgo is my favorite sign. i think they are as perfect as you could get, i wish they could see themselves the way i see them

levo.com
5 Habits That Are Secretly Causing You Major Stress—and How to Break Them
Raise your hand if by the end of the day you feel spent. Between work, home, and life, the reality is most of us end up running for most of the day. Add in the fact that as women we often have a tough time saying “no”—it’s a recipe for chaos. [Related: 10 Expert-Approved Tips to Triumph Over Summ...

Some quick and basic tips to help with procrastination, over thinking, over planning, second guessing yourself, and perfectionism. The advice is very sound :)  

Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect.
Healthy striving is self-focused—How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they think?
—  Brene Brown

total nerd win this morning omg

my professor walked by my desk and like gasped and picked up my notebook and raved about my notes to the point where she held them up and told the class that they don’t need to do nearly as much as i did, but that they can learn from me

I am embarrassed but it was validating because I always put so much time into them 

DIY Tarot Challenge

With my trusty 2H by my side…

I think that’s the only shot I have at even starting this challenge, let alone finishing it. Perfectionism is a curse. 

I’ve already become bogged down in the preparation phase. Can’t start until that’s perfect. Gathering inspiration is so satisfying, I could do it all day. Can’t start until I find the perfect theme, and as soon as I think of one, 3 more replace it. I’m an idea machine!!! Okay, I found the theme, but it needs a solid base. Can’t go anywhere until that’s perfected…

It’s too easy to get sucked into perfecting each anchor placement in Illustrator. There are too many options. Too easy to undo and redo a thousand times. It’s too easy to get lost in finding the perfect pieces for collaging in Polyvore. There are too many options and it takes too long to sift through them all. I can’t physically collage because I don’t have magazines. It has to be perfect.

Maybe if I set up a structure, it will make it easier? I’ll let the deck decide which card I work on each day. But that’s not how inspiration works. And it’s not how I work. I tackle everything at once, bouncing from one thing to the next.

Perfect. Finesse. Tweak tweak tweak. Get nowhere fast.

So it will be sketches. I think. That’s the plan for now. It’s more important that I complete the concept, than perfect it. Just keep telling myself this and maybe I’ll be convinced? 

Being a perfectionist is a bit of curse. It discourages me from new pursuits, because if I don’t think I’ll naturally be good at, it becomes a waste of time, To a perfectionist, the old adage of “practice makes perfect!” is an exhausting taunt. It means hours of trying, falling short of personal goals I lack the skills to accomplish at that time. It means hours, days, weeks of facing repeated failures and feelings of inadequacy with the hope that someday, after enough blood, sweat, and tears I might be passable. But even then, there’s no guarantee that, for all my effort, I’ll be good enough to be satisfied—the toxic fear of perfectionists everywhere. Adequate, okay, decent, average. These are all words that cut through a perfectionist like a knife.

But that’s the problem. Our circular torment. Truth is, a perfectionist will never be good enough. Not to them. They can received all kinds of respect and approbation from others, and people may wonder why a perfectionist is so haughty to dismiss the praise they receive. You tell them they’re talented, the scoff, “No.” You tell them what they have produced or achieved is good, and they respond with, “It’s not enough.” Our harshest critic is ourself, the one person that will never be happy. That will never be completely satisfied.

As a writer, I come across someone better and it cripples me. It makes me think, ‘All this time and effort spent amounts to nothing. I will never be anything. I’m never going to be that good. Why did I even bother? Why should I even continue? It’s all just a complete waste.” Because I’m good. But I’m not great. I’m not perfect.

Objectively, it sounds whiny. It sounds arrogant, but it is a very real struggle for the perfectionist. “Fishing for compliments” or “Being dramatic”, sometimes even, “Full of shit” comes to mind in response to our voiced insecurities. People see “good” and can’t understand why that is torture for the perfectionist. Why it isn’t “enough.”

Every day is a struggle of looking in the mirror, going about life to the best of your abilities, feeling stuck in a mediocre shell, diminished by our limitations until we are so woefully defeatist. But we work hard, all with thoughts of inadequacy swirling in the back of our minds, because we physically can’t settle for anything less than our best effort, even if we look at the finished product like “This is complete crap. What am I doing with my life?” We are seldom proud of our work, hypersensitive to criticism, easily defeated. Every little mistake is a catastrophe.

All of this is, for the most part, internal. We’re see as over-achievers, workaholics, arrogant, self-absorbed, anal retentive, neurotic…but there is a very good reason. Don’t hate us, mock us, roll your eyes as we dismiss our abilities yet again. Pity us.

Perfectionism is a miserable trait. It is the root of all my anxieties and it’s been killing my ability to write lately. I apologize to all of you for that.