"So I’m standing there filling up like I’ve done a thousand times before, and I hear a chunk. You know, the pump’s nozzle. The— the metal thing. The thing you squeeze, right? I hear a chunk. So I suppose, in my naivete, I took to understand that gas is no longer coming out of the nozzle, so I pull out the hose to put it back and whoosh! You know, I am suddenly soaked in gasoline. I mean, on my arms and my legs and my— my groin. So now I am in a panic, and I race home, I run inside the house, and I’m stripping off my clothes as fast as I can. I jump in the shower. It’s not until after I get out of the shower that I realize my gas-covered clothes have been soaking in the living room rug this entire time. I mean, it’s— it’s— the whole thing is just so stupid. I could have rinsed off at the station. Halfway home, I’m starting to realize— wait a minute— there’s a water hose right there next to the air pump. You know, for tires. Anyway, so that was my day. How was yours?”

  • right so now that we know blackbeard is alive and has the jolly, this is all I can think about:
  • Blackbeard:Liam never told you what happened to your father.
  • Killian:He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
  • Blackbeard:No.... I am your father!
  • Killian:Noooo! That's not true! That's impossible!
  • Blackbeard:Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true. Come with me, and we can rule the seven seas as father and son!
  • Killian:NOOOOOOOO! /dramatic reunion with his beloved floor

Leave it to me, Takamiya-kun.


Dear Little Lucas,

We’re getting ready for christmas, YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS, I cannot quite believe how quickly this year has gone. It feels like yesterday we were in january, finding out we were having a little boy and then you were here and now its christmas and you’re nearly 6 months old!

You have a huge fascination with lights, you could stare at them for hours. I cannot wait to get the tree up next weekend and go to the victorian christmas festival! You will get to meet a traditional father christmas! A santa dressed in Green.

It’s going to be such a lovely christmas.
Love you lots


the miracle of life; or, how emma swan managed to stay married long enough to see aliens turned to babies

There are a lot of things that become Constant Topics of Conversation once they find out they’re having triplets.  Emma’s personal favorite topic: Regina’s Fucking Amazing Pregnancy Tits.  Regina’s changes depending on the week and time of day. Early in the morning, when she is crabby from lack of sleep and sore muscles, her only topics are getting Henry ready for school and cursing Emma’s magic—although as the months progress, she tries to soften her words (a little).  Mid-afternoon, she talks about food.  Emma thinks it’s hilarious and, one day, takes screenshots of Regina’s texts over the course of three hours in which she lists her favorite snack foods in every cuisine available in Storybrooke and then some.

(When she sends the pictures to Henry, he bikes over to the grocery store and picks up three boxes of frozen churros.  Emma is sure that Regina will refuse, but by the time she gets home, the two of them have eaten a box and a half between them.  The third box has Emma’s name written on it in Sharpie and she makes a point to thank Henry out of Regina’s earshot.)

There is a space of about a month and a half, right around month five, when sex comes up as often as food.  When sex happens as often as food.  Regina starts talking about sex in terms of food and when Emma sleeps through her lunch hour instead of meeting Regina for a quickie, she learns more than the original meaning of ‘aperitif’ before dinner.  By month seven, when Regina starts entirely freaking out about her weight gain and refusing to let Emma touch her, Emma is almost grateful.  At least, she sleeps like the dead for close to a week, and then remembers that their obstetrician warned against sex after 30 weeks—something about risks to multiples and also magic babies—and does her best to shower Regina with adoration-sex for the week they have left.

But the real Constant Topic of Conversation is names.  And at first—when all they know is three babies and are still torn between giddy and petrified—it’s light-hearted and joking and they even spend two afternoons flipping through baby name books from 1983 and searching baby websites for the most outrageous names.

And then it gets real, and shit hits the fan.

Keep reading


they keep telling me I have his eyes

Had a blast up at my moms house today working on wedding decorations and hanging out. Jared’s family even came and hungout and our families are just perfect for each other. They get along so good, it’s perfect. 😍💙 I fucking love my life.