Okay I just watched episode 9 of this season and I am absolutely reeling from the sciles scene. I like that this season is focusing on Scott's character not being the perfect wonder boy who always has a plan, because his pack is broken, and it started with him putting Theo above the words of everyone else and I am so sad I don't want to seem pushy, but could I have a short fic with stiles having a panic attack and sobbing on the phone with Derek, and then Derek appears at his window and cuddles
Of course you can moment I got it because the whole thing broke my heart too. Alas, responsibilities got in the way. I hope this helps.
Stiles doesn’t even register when he takes his phone from his pocket as he enters his bedroom; thinks about it even less as he slides his thumb over the name he promised he would never call. Not when he had finally had gotten away from all of this.
“Stiles?” Derek answers on the first ring. Stiles doesn’t know why that doesn’t surprise him.
“I- I can’t breathe.” It’s not what Stiles means to say, not even close to what he wants. But suddenly there’s no oxygen and the room is spinning, tears stinging his eyes. “Derek, please. I just- he didn’t believe- I can’t. I need you to believe me.”
There’s a small gap where Stiles feels like he’s falling, thinks he might pass out, but then Derek is right there in his ear again. Nothing changes, but it’s better. He breathes.
“Stiles, calm down,” Derek says slowly. “Listen to me, okay? Breathe. Count.” Stiles nods, even though Derek can’t see him and looks down at his hand. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. He does it another five times; doesn’t even realise that he’s counting out loud to Derek; doesn’t know how to say how much it means to him when Derek starts counting with him.
“I’m in my bedroom,” Stiles gasps suddenly, trying not to fumble with the phone, because he knows- somehow he knows- that’s what Derek is going to ask next.
“I can be there in an hour.”
Derek doesn’t hang up on him. He doesn’t talk either, instead letting Stiles listen to the radio in his car as he drives back into town. Stiles wants to tell him not to come. He doesn’t want to be selfish, but he can’t find it in him to say it. Go home. I don’t need you. I don’t care about you. Derek has never treated him like a friend, but he’s always made Stiles feel grounded; like he isn’t free falling. Words like anchor come to his mind, but he pushes them out, like he always does.
The window opens and Stiles watches as Derek climbs inside. He’s still graceful, but not as showy as he once was. There’s no dramatic landing or slow motion crouch; just the gentle fall of feet and familiar green- blue?- eyes instantly taking him in on the bed.
There was a time when Stiles used to feel self conscious when Derek looked at him, but now it’s comfortable in a way. He still feels his heart beat a little faster, but it’s a good kind of fast. Even though the kind of fast that scares him; the kind of fast that makes him think of his dad, think will you stop loving me?
“What happened?” Derek asks, coming to sit beside him.
Stiles shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t know how to talk about it.
They sit in silence for a long time after that. Stiles can’t think of a time he stayed quiet for so long without fidgeting. “I killed someone,” he finally whispers. “It was self-defense. Scott- Scott doesn’t believe me.” He takes a breath and then another one, before closing his eyes. He feels sick. “Scott was- he was supposed to always-” But he doesn’t know how to finish the sentence.
It’s one thing to lie awake at night thinking about how your dad doesn’t trust you, that somewhere along the line you became a disappoint to him. It’’s another for your best friend- your brother- to tell you he doesn’t trust you. That maybe he hasn’t for a long time. To realise it’s something you’ve been desperately trying to ignore. It’s something completely different to admit it out loud; to say, I feel abandoned.
Derek doesn’t say anything in response; just sits there, but when he eventually touches Stiles’ knee with soft fingers, Stiles lets out a shuddering breath he isn’t been aware he is holding.