perfect sir

I love guys who can sing. I love guys who can dance. I love guys who can act. I love guys who model occasionally. I love nerdy guys. I love modest guys. I love guys with a sense of humor. I love guys who support the LGBT+ community. I love French guys. I love guys with brown eyes. I love guys who take silly photos with their towel as a cape pretending they’re a superhero. I’m talking about Alexis Loizon. I love Alexis Loizon *cries in French*

Sir.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader.

Warnings: SMUT. Unprotected sex (remember to wrap your presents, kids), Dom/Sub, kind of, use of the word Sir, pet names, russian words, blow jobs.

Word Count: 946.

Rating: 18+

Masterlist

Literally just a dream I had, as always the tags go to my beauilfu wives @sexylibrarian1 and @thecrownedrose, also tagging @kittykitty-mewmeww, @supernatural-girl97 who asked to tagged in everything and @brokenanxiety


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People who are still questioning whether or not the Counselor actually blew up the state of Florida:

  • “Don’t be ridiculous. Clearly, we’re being sent to an underwater base. I’m perfect for the job sir. Was stationed at Fort Florida. Undersea pressure was enormous.” [From Fifty Shades of Red]
  • Tucker: One for each State? So there’s fifty of you.
    Tex: Forty-nine, remember?
    Tucker: Oh, yeah, that’s right. Man. Poor Florida.
    [They bow their heads in remembrance of Florida.]
    [From Let’s Get Together]
  • ‘1 Year Before Blood Gulch: The State of Florida Sinks Into The Ocean’ [From the Fanguide]

I think it’s been long since proven that the state is deader than the Freelancer that shared its name. 

His peers dub him the Bloody Knight.
Not for the heads he takes,
as he takes none.
Nor for the battles he fights,
as he shows only mercy.
Instead, it is for
the holes
in his palms.

Priests call the wounds “Christ-marks.”
Perfect circles, perfectly centered,
showing no bone or gristle
when sunlight shines through.
His aged father claims
they were there all his life.
Whenever he prays,
they bleed.

On feast days, he eats alone.
The other knights stay far away,
and whisper rumors to their wives.
He is too righteous, for some men,
the others sore because
he bested them,
and spared their lives
in hateful clemency.

His king pays it no mind.
Where others fear to touch,
he freely gives affection,
laying clean, smooth hands
on stained gloves.
“Jealous bastards,” he says,
leaning close,
“forget them.”

Each night, they lay together.
Faces close, and sharing breath.
One of the king’s hands
held firmly in his,
he thanks God for this man:
the love of his life.
As he communes with his Lord,
the knight’s palms trickle blood,
staining their sleeves.

—  Stigmata; kristyn n.k. [x]
PRANK WARS [GEORGE WEASLEY]

request: “77 with george please? i love your stories” - by anon

a/n: thank you, anon 💞 hope you like this :-)

77. “What makes you think I’ll trust you again after this?”

Masterlist + Request here! 

    “Weasley!”

     Your unpleasant scream filled the corridors of the castle, Peeves the Poltergeist immediately following the sound only to find you covered in white paint and red feathers from your head, down to your toes.

     "Ha! I didn’t know they allowed chickens inside the hallways!“ Peeves shouted and snickered, flying around you repeatedly before going away.

     Soon, Professor Lupin had heard it as well since you were closest to his classroom, and as he went outside to check what had happened, his lips twitched slightly when he saw your condition.

     You groaned loudly once again. “I’m going to kill that git, I’m going to strangle him until he stops breathing and -”

     "Y/N,“ Lupin walked towards you. “What is the meaning of this?”

     Just in cue, you heard two boys laughing from the classroom. You looked behind the professor and saw Fred and George Weasley with their faces red, patting themselves on the back. Though you were only sending a death glare on George since you knew that this was his plan - considering that the two of you had an endless prank war going on.

     "Why don’t you ask George Weasley, Professor.“ you gritted your teeth. "I’m sure that he can enlighten you.”

      “I see.” he pursed his lips before turning around. “Weasley, mind coming over for a second?”

     "Which one, sir?“ the twins chimed in the same time.

     "The one Y/N is speaking of.”

      Fred placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder in a teasing manner, heading back to the classroom while George rolled his eyes and marched forward where you were standing.

      “Y/N! I hardly recognized you. I thought I was looking at a rooster.” he began chuckling.

      Blood boiled under your skin even further because of his comment. “Oh, you think you’re so clever but just you wait -”

      “Y/N,” Lupin stopped you before you can finish what you were trying to say.

     You looked at the teacher and shut your mouth, crossing your arms, still covered in paint and feathers.

     "It has brought to my attention that the two of you have been pulling senseless pranks on each other for the past month, George and Y/N.“ the professor began with a kind smile on his face, his hands folded.

      "In my defense, sir, he was the one who started it.” you pointed at George, his eyes widening at what he heard.

     "Absolutely not. May I remind you that you were the one who made me eat that cupcake that made my fingers have their own fingers!“ George exclaimed.

     You sighed. "For the last time, it was a dare!”

    “I don’t believe you.”

    “What a surprise!”

    “You didn’t have to do it so technically, it was still your choice.”

    “I was forced to do it, that’s why I didn’t have a choice.”

    “Just admit that you’ve been wanting to do it -”

     "Oh my god! You’re speaking absolute rubbish!“

    "Okay, that’s enough.” Professor Lupin joined your conversation, an amused look on his face because of the argument he just witnessed. “The two of you, breathe, and Y/N …” he got his wand from his pocket and with a flick of it, the mess on your whole body was gone, making you mutter a quick thanks.

     "So,“ Lupin began again, "let’s make a deal. I won’t let Professor McGonagall know about this incident, since she is the head of both of your houses and she is quite frankly so close to sending letters to your parents, and in return, you’ll stop pranking each other. Is that clear?”

       You rocked your heels back and forth. “Yes, sir.”

      “And George?”

       He crossed his arms. “Yes, sir.”

      “Ah, perfect.” Lupin smiled. “Now, shake on it, will you?”

      You raised your eyebrows, glancing at George beside you. “Absolutely not.” you scoffed.

     "Why not?“ George asked but you could see that he was now grinning.

     ”What makes you think I’ll trust you again after this?“ you told him, turning to Lupin. "Now, excuse me, professor, but I really must be going. I’m supposed to be in Charms right now but since someone acted so childish, I am late. Thank you for the help, sir.” you sent one last glared to George, waltzing away then.

     George only chuckled, unfazed by your coldness, glancing at the teacher for a moment before setting his eyes on your fading figure as you turn to the left.

    “Ah, she really is something, isn’t she? I’m going to marry her someday.”

youtube

ERRRmmmygod!

5:02 Sean Schemmel’s new Black Goku voice sounds British

Barcelona (Shawn Mendes x Reader)

A/N: A long ass random imagine where you meet him at Barcelona. Inspired by recent current events in SHawn’s life haha

« Bye babe. I miss you. » Shawn sighed into the phone.

“I miss you too babe. I’m flying in tomorrow though, remember? You’re gonna see all of us.” Y/N replied.

“I know, I know. I can’t wait. I haven’t seen you in a month.”

Y/N smiled softly. She can practically hear the small twinge of pain in his voice. Of course this was his dream, this was what he always wanted to do; but it wasn’t easy being apart from your loved ones nevertheless.

“Oh okay I gotta go, we’re driving to the airport. I’ll see you in a couple hours!”

“I can’t wait to see you Y/N.”

“You sure you don’t mind coming to pick us up at 1 am? You got a show tomorrow, we can just Uber to your hotel.”

“No no I want to come.”

“Mkay, I’ll see you Shawn.”

“See you love. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You hung up, a smile on your face. You had that fluttery sensation in your body again, really excited to see him again.

“Ready Y/N?” Aaliyah called.

“Yep!”

You had gotten along very well with Shawn’s family at this point, they had welcomed you very warmly. You often hung out with them, so flying to Barcelona with them was no problem at all.

You dragged your suitcase into the living room to find Manny, Karen and Aaliyah waiting for you.

“What is up with these huge suitcases girls? We’re there for four days.” Manny chuckled.

“Dad us women have lots to bring.” Aaliyah retorted. You nodded in agreement, laughing.

“Happy birthday Manny! Almost forgot to tell you that before leaving.” You said all of a sudden.

“Oh thanks Y/N! And you birthday is coming up too right?”

“In three days.”

“Nice, nice. What can I say, Tauruses are the best.”

“Yep.” You said, high-fiving him.

“Alright alright, let’s go shall we? The flight leaves in 2 hours.”

You guys drove to the airport, you and Aaliyah hanging out in the backseat, taking random selfies on Snap and making stupid Musical.ly’s.

“Shawn’s gonna see these and piss himself of excitement.” You laughed.

“Hahahah I’ll call Geoff and tell him to record everything if that happens.”

You guys got to the airport right on time, with a couple minutes to kill.

“Oh my god are you Shawn Mendes-“

“Yes.” You and Aaliyah both said.

You looked at each other, about to burst out laughing.

“Sorry what were you gonna say?”

“Girlfriend. Shawn Mendes’ girlfriend.”
“Oh then that yes.” You answered.

“And me definitely not.” Aaliyah replied.

“Oh my god aw, you guys are going to visit Shawn?”
“Yup.”

“That’s so freaking cute honestly.”

“Thanks!”

“Oh my god I gotta tell my friend in Barcelona-“

“Um we kinda wanted to keep this private- oh okay bye then.” You weakly ended as the girl ran away without listening to you.

“Well shit.”

“Well shit. But you know what do you expect, people will obviously recognize us.”

+

“Y/N WAKE UP!”

“JESUS Aaliyah, you woke up the whole plane.”

“WE’RE LANDING.”

All of a sudden all of the drowsiness left your brain as you perked up. Indeed, on the small screen it said you had less than twenty kilometers till the airport of Barcelona.

+

Shawn checked his phone for the umpteenth time. 12:30 AM. Okay, that was a reasonable time to leave at right? For the past two hours, he had been checking the time and wondering when he should leave for the airport. He ordered a taxi big enough to fit 5 people, and was on his way.

Getting there, his smile of anticipation never left his flushed cheeks. He sped walked to the Arrivals section and waited.

Shawn: You guys landed?

Y/N: Baggage claim!

Shawn: Aah see you soon!

Y/N: real soon x

He put his phone into his pocket and stood there waiting, fidgeting and tapping his foot.

+

“Alright got everything? Do we have everyone now? Aaliyah, Y/N.. Hahah Y/N jetlag is hitting you huh?”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna go get a quick coffee. I’ll meet you guys at the exit kay?” You yawned.

+

Shawn’s eyes lit up as he saw his mom, dad and sister. Aaliyah ran up to him and hugged him tightly, Manny and Karen following suit.

Shawn stood back to the door as he reunited with his family.

“Where’s Y/N?”
“Turn around sweetheart.”

He turned around and saw his beautiful girlfriend, hair up in a messy ponytail and wearing a Harry Potter hoodie with leggings. She spotted him and her face lit up in a huge goofy grin.

He ran to her, catching her and hugging her tightly as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

After what seemed like a long time, he let her back down.

“Haha sorry I smell like airplane.” Y/N grinned up at him.

“I missed you so much.” He bent down and kissed her cheek. “And I like this sweater.” He said, pinching her waist, causing her to giggle and writhe around.

They both started laughing rather loudly, kissing each other everywhere on the face their lips could reach.

“Okay, okay you want me to throw up in my mouth?” Aaliyah came in between them.

Shawn just couldn’t stop smiling, and pulled her in a tight group hug with Y/N. He was so inexplicably happy.

They eventually made their way out the airport and into the hotel.

“And yeah it’s two double beds?”

“Yes sir.”

“Alright perfect, thank you.” Manny said, leaving the reception desk with two hotel room keys. He joined Aaliyah, Karen and Shawn with his arm around Y/N in the lobby.

“Well, Aaliyah Karen, room 426. Y/N, we’ll leave you with Shawn.” He said with a small wink.

“Sleep well kids.” Karen waved, before going towards the elevator.

Shawn turned his head towards Y/N.

“Whatcha smirking at.” Y/N said.

“Nothin.”

“Alright let’s go, its 2 AM.”

+

Shawn yawned, sensing consciousness approach. Turning around, he saw Y/N; remembering the events of a couple hours ago.

“Helloooooo.” He whispered playfully in her hear.

“Miffmnhm.”

He chuckled, almost forgetting what it was like waking up next to Y/N. He moved her hair out of her face.

“Y/N….”

“What.”

“We gotta go to my dad’s birthday brunch.”

“Mhmmmmmmmmmm.”

“It starts in half an hour” He sing-songed.

“Mhm.”

“It’s a really good Spanish food place.”

“MHMM fine.” She said, sitting up. She yawned and stretched her arms.

He smiled at her, hugging her waist.

“I’m only joking it’s in 2 hours.”

“Ugh Shawn.” She groaned and threw her pillow at him.

“Hey!”

“Well. Now that I’m awake Mister Mendes, why don’t you show me around Barcelona before this lunch thing?”
+

Y/N and Shawn walked down the streets, hand in hand; soaking in the sun. Shawn couldn’t keep his eyes of his girlfriend. His eyes wandered from her braided hair, to her sunglasses, to her flowy dress.

“Will you quit staring, you’re making me feel self-conscious.” Y/N giggled.

“You’re freaking beautiful.”

Y/N blushed, smiling stupidly back at him.

They had breakfast at a little café.

“I love this place. And ooh free coffee on your birthday!”
“Which is in two days.” Shawn pointed out.

“Right.”

“Don’t worry, I have a bunch of stuff planned.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Of course! I asked around about what to do in Barcelona and made a list of things you would enjoy.”

“Aw.” Y/N smiled. “Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me! I want to do this. Stop feeling like you owe people something, Y/N. You are worth so much, you just can’t see it. But I do.” Shawn looked at her.

“Thanks. I love you Shawn.”

“I love you too.” Shawn took her hand on the table and rubbed her thumb softly.

They spent the rest of the morning walking around, poking around in shops.

Shawn had missed being with Y/N, missed witnessing her crazy self.

“Aw a street act! Let’s go see.” She took her hand and dragged him to the next street.

It was a violin trio, and spotting the couple, they started to play the melody to “Mercy”.

Y/N laughed and started singing, quite off-key but neither of them cared.

They wandered around a bit more before approaching the street they were supposed to meet Shawn’s family.

“OH MY GOD SHAWN!”
“SHAWN MENDES!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”
“HOLY FUCK”
“SHAWN”

Came a bunch of screams. You both turned around, spotting a flock of girls running towards you.

“Hey guys, so I have to go and be with them.” Shawn gestured towards you and behind you. “But thank you, thank you so much.”

He came and held you by the waist and led you inside a colorful restaurant, dodging the accumulating camera flashes.

“Sorry about that.”
“What? Oh it’s fine, I love your fans.”

“I do too, but sometimes it’s just so much.”
“I understand. But hey- why why do you look so down?”

“Well it’s just I don’t know, I love them believe me; but sometimes I just- I don’t know I just need-“

“Privacy.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s totally understandable, Shawn. It’s hard being a celebrity and having everyone know who you are. But at the end of the day, you’re living you dream and you’re surrounded by people who love you. Including me.” You whispered that last sentence.

“I love you so much Y/N.” He hugged you.

“I love you too.”

Man it felt nice being together again.

Originally posted by smendesgifs

also my birthday is in fact tomorrow, 3 days after Manny’S :)