perfect sandwich

“Perfect Day” was originally inspired by a ham sandwich I had eaten. It was so amazing that it had turned my day into a perfect day. It was delicious, so delicious that I decided to dedicate a song to it. I really liked where I was going with the song so I changed some of the lyrics around and now it just sounds like any ordinary song. Most people wouldn’t of guessed that it was about a ham sandwich.
—  Lou Reed on “Perfect Day”

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Samin Nosrat has become known as the chef who taught Michael Pollan to cook, after the famed food writer featured her in his book Cooked and his Netflix show of the same name.

Now, she’s sharing her wisdom with the masses in her new, illustrated cookbook called Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat: Mastering the Elements of Good Cooking. The key to good cooking, she says, is learning to balance those elements and trust your instincts, rather than just follow recipes.

Nosrat’s own formal culinary education came at Chez Panisse, the legendary restaurant in Berkeley, Calif., founded by Alice Waters. She first went there as a diner, then asked for a job and got one, working her way up. And it was while cooking at Chez Panisse that Nosrat had the revelation that eventually led to this cookbook — that salt, fat acid and heat are the fundamental elements to good food.

“The elements and the tenets of professional cooking don’t always get translated to the home cook,” she tells NPR’s Rachel Martin. “Recipes don’t encourage you to use your own senses and use your own judgement. And salt, fat, acid and heat can be your compass when you maybe don’t have other tools.”

Nosrat frees her readers to use their own senses instead of measuring cups.

She says we should salt things until they taste like the sea – which is a beautiful image, but also sounds like an awful lot of salt.

An Illustrated Guide To Master The Elements Of Cooking — Without Recipes

Illustrations: Courtesy of Wendy MacNaughton

246 Things Bones Has Taught Me

1. 6,7,16 are Carbon, Nitrogen and Sulfur on the Periodic Table of Elements
2. If you plan to murder someone do it on a plane right before you land in a different country
3. What it means to be a rational thinker. And that being irrational sometimes is ok
4. There is such a thing as fate
5. Everything happens eventually. But nothing happens unless first a dream
6. There’s more than one kind of family
7. How to get someone off on murder charges
8. The definition of true friendship
9. 246 ways how NOT to kill someone, because you will get caught
10. When “the” is not the first word in the episode title, shits about to get real (ie Aliens in a Spaceship)
11. The skeletal system is the best part of the human body
12. A million little facts curtesy of Vincent Nigel Murray
13. All the words to Hot Blooded
14. Nothing good happens when the clock says 4:47
15. Everyone deserves happiness, love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and a dance
16. Very few people are scary once they have been poked in the eyes
17. Don’t ramble on and on about conspiracy theories. You never know who is really listening to you and what they might do with that information
18. People do almost anything for family (even murdering the deputy director of the FBI)
19. To appreciate Brainy Smurf
20. Never trust a Russian knife throwing act in the circus
21. You can buy weapons at the mall. But wanting a gun for the sole reason of shooting people is not a good enough reason
22. The plot to strangers on a train
23. How to save someone with compartment syndrome
24. How to make a carbon dioxide scrubber
25. If you start hallucinating cartoon characters and dead soldiers you probably have a brain tumor
26. To search for the truth even if it leads to unwanted results
27. Chasing someone may be the smartest decision you ever make and being chased may be your greatest joy
28. Diplomatic immunity is extremely inconvenient
29. Even scientists can change (and we are all glad she did)
30. To fight. Even when the odds are stacked against you
31. Sometimes you just have to dance to the music that’s playing
32. 1 Corinthians 13:4
33. We can’t change who we are (but thankfully he’s a sexy FBI agent)
34. To not be distracted by the shiny baubles, because you might miss what really matters
35. People make their lives out of chaos and hope. And love.
36. The center has to be solid because the center must hold
37. Daffodil, Daisy, and Jupiter will always hold a special meaning
38. Sometimes you have to take the brain and put it in neutral. Then take the heart and pop it into overdrive
39. There is someone for everyone, someone you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. You just have to be open enough to see it
40. Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform
41. Any lock worth picking is worth kicking
42. There are mysteries I will never understand but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause
43. Sometimes we have to have the ability to substitute optimism for reality
44. Try to get the signal before you are living with regrets (because we are all glad she did!)
45. That doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results is the definition of insanity
46. That people are more than just psychology
47. To find someone who makes your life messy, and confusing, and unfocused, and irrational, and wonderful
48. Go to the company Christmas party; because friends don’t let friends photocopy their butts at company Christmas parties
49. To appreciate Christmas Eve day. It’s both an Eve and a day, it’s a Christmas miracle
50. That there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in science
51. To find that person who will never make you fall and who will always be there
52. Be respectful of others. You never know what scars they carry on their back. Metaphorically or literally.
53. Life is a lot more than what can be cooked up in a chemistry set. Miracles do happen.
54. Phylogenetic Systematics
55. Always play in the key of G demolished.
56. To not jump to conclusions until all the evidence is in
57. If your world gets turned upside down, give it time, it takes three days for it to turn right side up again
58. That there are burdens which allow us to fly
59. We all share in the loss of a life. No matter who it is.
60. Glug-Glug Woo-hoo!
61. Ergo, ipso facto columbo oreo.
62. Beer from Missouri goes great with leftovers
63. Love changes everything
64. All the words to “Keep on Trying”
65. There is a mystery to life
66. That Wonder Woman is better than Cat Woman
67. WASP stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant (but we are really talking about the buzzing pest)
68. Booth is Superman (he beats up bad guys and leaps over things. Not to mention he is married to Wonder Woman)
69. All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect (and thank god her life didn’t exist outside the laws of nature)
70. Sometimes you have to have absolute faith in someone
71. All pigs are now named Jasper
72. Beer hats in the bathtub solve all problems
73. Having to hire two nannies (one to watch the kid and the other to watch the first nanny) isn’t crazy it just shows how much you care about your child
74. Sometimes it’s ok to let the ice cream melt
75. The garage is an excellent place to store C4
76. Hearts can’t be broken they can only be crushed. But her heart muscle is bigger than people give her credit for
77. Inertia demands us to keep going
78. The washing machine makes for a great make out location
79. That he’s with Bones. All the way. Don’t doubt it for a second. Because she’s his standard.
80. Sometimes you have to be bad to be good. That way your frontal lobe won’t be a dried up raisin.
81. What goes on between them is just theirs
82. Shooting machine guns is a totally acceptable way to celebrate valentines day.
83. Dancing Phalanges
84. Everyone deserves a knight in standard issue FBI body armor.
85. A rubber band is a great anger management tool
86. Sometimes you have to have the guts of a gambler and take that risk.
87. Don’t judge someone before you get to know them because she’s not a cold fish and he’s not a superstitious moron. She has a soul and he has a brain
88. That it’s illegal to have premarital sex in Virginia (but that didn’t stop them)
89. When you eliminate the possible, you are left with the truth, no matter how improbable.
90. That being the best doesn’t mean being perfect
91. That a stand up crook is better than a crooked cop. Any day of the week.
92. That when two people make love they break the laws of physics, they become one. It’s a miracle.
93. That pigs in a blanket and Mac n Cheese are gods perfect food
94. Sometimes the best gift you could give someone is not a material item. (We are all glad of the gift she gave to Zach)
95. No changies. No take backs.
96. Your gut doesn’t have any special powers but listening to it every once in a while is a good idea.
97. Sequences and patterns will continue until something disrupts the pattern.
98. Everyone has a puckish side that will not be denied.
99. Up and forward are only two directions. Science should look in all directions. (She taught us all that)
100. That everyone deserves a love that is more than just 3 weeks a year
101. To never travel to New Orleans alone.
102. That the swings make for the perfect first date location.
103. How not to act at a funeral (unless translation has occurred)
104. To learn to not fight to change the past. The pain is a part of who we are.
105. That life never comes easy. But nothing of value is ever easy.
106. To never skip snack time. Or meals. Or food in general.
107. That “The Lime in the Coconut” will hold a special place in all our hearts. Because that was his jam.
108. To find that one person who will never betray you.
109. Page 187.
110. That having a high IQ is no excuse not to bathe.
111. That friends never send friends’ fathers to the electric chair.
112. To never underestimate criminals with only one leg
113. That sometimes people don’t need time and space. Just some time.
114. That there’s nothing wrong with living in the moment; but it’s good to see what the future holds
115. That infinity goes in both directions. So we all will get a second chance
116. To dive into life, be courageous. Question things. Be happy. And don’t forget to laugh
117. That sometimes, love trumps logic.
118. To love everyday.
119. To never take life for granted. There are no guarantees.
120. That people lie; but bones always tell the truth
121. That loving someone, and everything around it, is worth it.
122. That there’s nothing more important than having hope.
123. Meatball and peppers make the perfect sandwich.
124. That addiction is a lifelong battle.
125. Always tell your partner that you aren’t really dead, you just had to fake your death to catch the bad guy
126. Don’t sleep with your college professors. They may get jealous when the student surpasses the teacher.
127. How to make the best Mac n cheese (so good he wants to be alone with it).
128. That you may choose to part with old items but you will never part with the memories you created with them.
129. That the world is a lot better than we think it is.
130. Every once in awhile Pinky can stump The Brain.
131. That there is such a thing as beginners luck.
132. To take a ride on the vomet comet.
133. That babies need grills.
134. Blackmailing a federal agent, while not recommended, seemed to work out for both parties in this situation
135. That if you end up being the parent to the best car salesman (or woman) that’s ok.
136. That it is totally worth it to have your own happiness completely contingent on another person.
137. That if you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever going to touch you.
138. To give yourself a chance to be happy. Even if that means moving on.
139. That my heart isn’t someone’s to claim, it’s mine to give away
140. That character is who we are under pressure; not who you are when everything’s fine.
141. That just because something’s difficult, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t do it.
142. That no matter the anthropological reasons, we fight to make the world a better place.
143. Don’t touch the bobble head Bobby
144. All the different reasons the FBI is given jurisdiction in a murder investigation
145. Sometimes you just have to flash your boobs to get information
146. To stand up and defend your friends.
147. That aliens don’t wear loafers.
148. That things don’t always end up as neatly as we wanted them too.
149. That we are all born unique and our experiences mold and change us.
150. You can be a polymath without being a douche.
151. That Pluto’s no longer a planet. It was demoted.
152. To leave life having given more than you’ve taken.
153. That love cannot be explained. It is beyond science, or religion. Beyond mind, or reason.
154. If you don’t have a gun, an app will work just fine.
155. That you don’t always get to pick your nicknames.
156. That living with a disability is not by any means a death sentence.
157. That it’s ok to plan your own surprise birthday party.
158. To expect the unexpected. It might lead to the greatest parts of your life.
159. Never turn down the chance to conduct a science experiment.
160. That purple elephants are wrong.
161. That his “charm smile” is just a sign of respect.
162. Skalle.
163. That Kansas gets boring after awhile.
164. That someone in your corner makes all the difference.
165. To never light cigarettes in an outhouse
166. The most beautiful things in the world are sunsets, the Mona Lisa and a perfectly thrown spiral.
167. Do NOT piss off your boss. If there’s a spider infestation just take care of it.
168. To take a ceramics class every once in a while.
169. Never pay for a plumber. Just get a “For Dummies” book and you’re all set.
170. That partners don’t say “forget it”
171. That you’re never too old to laugh at “boner”
172. That “the man” buys all the office furniture.
173. That he was right, bones really are the heart of the matter.
174. To enjoy a ceramics class every once and a while.
175. To always swim with a buddy.
176. The definition of a philistine, and luddite
177. To never steal evidence from a murder victims house.
178. That sometimes the relationship that didn’t work out leads you to the one that does.
179. That parents do a lot of crazy things just because they love their children.
180. That you can’t just kill Agent Andy.
181. That they were never just partners.
182. The difference between being impervious and being strong.
183. That we each learn to survive in our own way.
184. Norwegian death metal
185. To appreciate the magic of the Egyptian room
186. That he will always be King of the Lab. Even if he’s the only one who cares.
187. Diner eggs are simple magic.
188. Nunchucks are not toys. Seriously.
189. That your brain cannot digest breakfast burritos.
190. Never shoot an ice cream truck (even if you do offer to replace the clown).
191. To always respect the cocky belt buckle.
192. To never trust a washed up army fighter
193. To go to prom.
194. That each squintern brought something special to the team. We could never just choose one.
195. To be weary of bank vaults.
196. That if you have no other plans, racing beetles on a Friday night is totally acceptable.
197. To never be afraid to find a new passion
198. To love your work. Life is too short not to
199. Even an empiricist can have a heart.
200. That the definition of being “stupid in love” is spending $3000 for a quarter ounce of perfume.
201. That in 30, or 40, or 50 years we can all say we knew. Right from the beginning
202. That life is really just a lot of loose ends.
203. As long as a person has enough, they don’t need more.
204. To never be ashamed of where you came from.
205. That happiness comes from what you already have.
206. That wanting things to work and making things work are two different things.
207. To never stop being yourself.
208. That if he flies to New Orleans just to make sure you’re ok, you’re not just partners
209. To appreciate Alfred Hitchcock movies
210. Never try to fit stadium seats into an elevator during a blizzard.
211. To give a piece of yourself every once in a while.
212. That getting blown up may just be a part of the job description.
213. To appreciate hospital pudding.
214. The wedding was worth the wait.
215. To appreciate Cyndi Lauper
216. Setting up a rescue at the airport is an acceptable way to get back on someone’s good side
217. Female friendships before male romantic partners
218. That we are not our parents.
219. To watch out for serial killers on Craig’s list
220. To go to the Louvre.
221. That we can’t always save our siblings from everything.
222. Sometimes it’s ok to lie your ass off to the FBI
223. The only acceptable reason to leave the hospital AMA is to save your “partner”
224. To always wear a mask when cutting into bone.
225. That life works out.
226. That 306 pages for a will is not at all excessive.
227. To let someone else drive in London.
228. That life is hard and painful, but we fight together.
229. That your boss can’t be your lovely assistant.
230. That stuffed animals make great baby gifts
231. That nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.
232. Be weary of someone who takes New York action
234. A jail cell can be a perfect place for a wedding.
235. Never route against the Flyers.
236. To go to the museum more often. You never know who you’ll find
237. The best conversations happen in cars.
238. To appreciate colorful socks
239. That it takes all of us. Every single one.
240. To look forward to what ever happens next.
241. That it was worth the ride. Everything about it.
242. When the network moves you into every possible time slot it can only mean they love you.
243. To love.
244. That 12 years is a long time. And a lot of magic.
245. That it’s all about the cast.
246. To never doubt the little show that could.

So Season 12 is it; here’s to the last 12 years and to everything that happens next!



A warning to all who would continue down this road that leads to sandwich perfection…

Abandon hope. Kiss your friends and family goodbye. If you had a social life, give it a merciful death. This sandwich will devour your life, your soul, and everything that remotely resembles free time.  When all was said and done, this amazing, delicious, perfect sandwich took me four hours to make (not including grocery shopping time). It was not easy. It was not quick.

But by god it was delicious. 

In the end it was so enormous that I couldn’t close it and make it one sandwich and it ended up being two sandwich halves that everyone got a piece from each one, so that’s how I’ll be doing the recipe. Still brave enough to push on?

C'mon grab your friends, it’s Sandwich Time!

-MJ & K

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This little blurb is for my darling @t-starkasm who sent me this picture of a very obvious Smitten Kitten!!

So I added another little bit to the ORIGINAL STORY to include this darling little scene!!!



The ringtone of Steves phone completely interrupted the mission briefing, and absolutely made Agent Coulsons jaw drop.

Who let the dogs out? Who who who who! Who let the dogs out?”

“Oh my god.” His face flamed red and he scrambled to mute it. “I am so sorry, Agent Coulson, Colonel Rhodes, its um—”

“Captain Rogers.” Rhodey was trying his damnest to keep the snmirk off his face. “Captain Rogers.” he cleared his throat. “Would I be correct in assuming that Seargent Barnes is the one calling you right now?”

“I–I–” the Lion shifter swallowed back a growl of annoyance. “My mate changed my ringtone, I apologize.”

“Sorry, but Seargent Barnes chose that as his ringtone?” Agent Coulson asked in that quietly, polite way of his. “Seargent Barnes, the Alpha Wolf shifter?”

“Not that mate. My other mate, Tony.” he breathed a deep sigh. Tony had changed his ringtone because hed been upset Steve couldnt stay with him all day today. Not that Steve had wanted to spend his whole day locked in the conference room talking about missions and personell. No he would much rather be snuggled up in bed with both his mates. He missed Tony and Bucky so much he nearly ached. He needed a break from all this. A break from being Captain America. A break from being Steve. He needed to just be Bucky and Tonys mate, and let them take care of him.

Steve shook his head and pushed those thoughts away. He had been feeing down for weeks now and didnt really know what to do about it.

“If you’ll excuse me.” he said politely. “I need to take this.”

“Ah. Of course.” Coulson said with a little smile. “By all means, take your mates call.”

“Thank you. Just a few minutes.” Steve stepped into the hallway and opened his phone. “Bucky, I swear to god. You know I am in a meeting, I will muzzle your–”

“911, Steve.” Buckys voice was stressed, nearly a whine. “911, our room. Its Tony.”

“Oh shit.” Steve only stepped into the conference room long enough to snatch his shield, and took off running, no apology or explanation or anything.

“ I havent been around the compound much since this all happened.” Coulson commented mildly. “Does this sort of thing–”

“Tony is the most high maintenance person in the world. Also the most high maintence shifter. Steve and Bucky have their hands full all the time.”

“Tony only weighs eighty pounds.” Coulson raised his eyebrows and Rhodey just started laughing.

“Phil. You literally have no idea how much of a handful Tony can be.”

“Isnt his shifter form a cat?”

Phil. You have no idea.” The colonel collapsed back into his chair, shoulders shaking.

“But both Rogers and Barnes are Alpha–”

“Phil.” Rhodey was full on cackling now, wiping his tears away. “You have no idea.”

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Science Dad™ Tony Stark will always be a fav. He, along with babes Peter Parker and Harley Keener, make the perfect lil’ family.

Give me Tony Stark who donates new lab tech to Peter’s school after he makes an off-handed comment about how the lab tech at his school is out of date (he does this anonymously, but Peter figures it out relatively quickly).

Give me Tony Stark who goes to Peter’s school as a surprise and sits with him during lunch while entertaining Peter and his friends with funny stories about his days at MIT with his best friend, Rhodey.

Give me Tony Stark who sends Harley some fancy new tech (cellphone, tablet, a mini Dum-E, etc) every year on the anniversary of when they met (every note is signed, The Mechanic).

Give me Tony Stark who creates alibis for Peter when he has to run off and save the day and who greets Peter after a fight with medical care (he lets Peter sleep in his lab, it’s the only time he won’t blast his music).

Give me Tony Stark who provides verbal guidance (either over the phone or via hologram or webcam) for Harley while he works on a piece of tech to enter into his school’s Science Fair (and Tony sending him an upgraded potato gun when he wins).

Give me Tony Stark introducing Peter to Harley and actually have to sit down while they get to know each other because he is, for several moments, overwhelmed by the fatherly like care he has for Peter and Harley (he will probably never marry and have kids of his own, so this is as close as he can get).

Give me Tony Stark who invites Peter and Harley into his personal lab so he can get their opinions on the new schematics for his arc reactor for clean energy (he even has FRIDAY take down their suggestions and ends up altering the design because, hey, these kids are really freakin’ smart!).

Give me Tony Stark who, together with Peter, tries to create the perfect grilled cheese sandwich (calculating the right amount of butter and cheese) while Harley sits in the background eating the rejects (Tony stops him before he can eat his fifth because he’ll ruin his appetite for ~dinner~).

Give me Tony Stark who designs a mini gauntlet for Harley so he can use it’s stunning ability to aid other kids when they are being bullied (he designs it similar to his watch, but let bulky and hot rod red).

Give me Tony Stark who keeps Peter’s old costume framed in his workshop because he knows it’s something to be proud of (plus, Peter was gonna’ throw it away and Tony wasn’t having that). 

Give me Tony Stark who opens two separate accounts for Harley and Peter so they and their families will be taken care if anything happens to him (he doesn’t tell them, of course, because he doesn’t want to worry them but the possibility will always be there).

Give me Tony Stark who doesn’t censor his mouth around Harley and Peter because “if you can take on some scary as shit baddies, then you’re allowed to fucking curse!” (Harley is yelling “Hell yeah!” and “Shit, Tony’s right!” in the background).

Give me Tony Stark who passes on one of his class rings to Peter when he graduates high school (because Tony knew Peter would graduate a year or so before his classmates).

Give me Tony Stark who lets Harley help him take apart and rebuild one of his classic sports cars (the one Harley has been gushing over) for the hell of it (and not tell Harley that the car is now under his name).

Give me Tony Stark who finally gives in to Peter’s and Harley’s nagging and ends sitting in the middle of his couch with Peter on one side and Harley on the other as they watch Big Hero 6 (Tony doesn’t comment when both fall asleep just before the movie is over and he doesn’t move. He pities his father for never having this.)

I love these!

Gorditos Pt. One

“ Gordito’s has it all, and we want you to know that we’re becoming known for something more; we are on track to be the world’s first ZERO WASTE restaurant!”

             Working while going to school was never an ideal setup, but most of Brad’s friends were in the same boat as him: getting some help from their parents, maybe some financial aid, but still coming up short every month. He could probably stand to party a little less, and perhaps drink fewer beers. Lucky for him, Brad already had an in for the job at “Gorditos” – the assistant manager was his old frat brother Travis. Not only that, but Brad and his rugby team had eaten there more times than he could count – he probably had the entire menu memorized already.

             “These are your shirts. Make sure they stay clean.” Travis had definitely gotten to be a bit more of a hard ass since becoming assistant manager and graduating university. He was always the one egging on guys to do body shots and take beer bong hits, and now he was the guy who would get on your case for having a stain on your shirt. His actual ass was now anything but hard, too. Since the year or so of working at a greasy diner like Gorditos, he had swollen up like a berry, though admittedly Brad was a little bit softer than he had been Freshman year. That’s where Rugby came in for him.

Brad took a good look at his new shirts. They were the brightest red he had seen, almost like a clown nose, or a very ripe cherry. The titular “Gordito” was a cute Cactus, who had been lovingly embroidered onto every one of the shirts’ breast pockets. It might have been worse if the owners were not, in fact, from Guatemala, but it was still not very PC. Despite that, Brad was just thankful he might actually have a way to save up money before trying to move out on his own, sans roommate. As it was, living with someone who he wasn’t dating didn’t really appeal to him. Some space would feel so nice.

             The store was located in a perfect spot – sandwiched right between the campus and downtown, so it was busy most of the day. There was a near-constant drift of all sorts of people in and out – lots of the same families, or people who came and ordered the same thing every day at the same time. There was a sort of communal feeling that Brad had always appreciated, but the food had always been less than good for you, even if it WAS delicious after a night of drinking. It didn’t seem like Brad would have much trouble gaining sway there.

             The first day came, and Brad was as ready as he was ever going to be. He made sure that his rather long, wavy black hair was well tucked into his bun: Travis made it clear that his hair was fine, but would need to be put up at all times. He slipped himself into one of his new shirts, satisfied that it made it look as if he did not have just the tiniest beginnings of man breasts. He still looked like what he was, though ; a burger flipper. But dammit, he was ready to be a burger flipper with a paycheck.

             By the time he got in, things were already rather lively around the joint. No one seemed to even notice that he was new – one patron even asked him where the ice machine was. “Brad!”

Looking up, something the size of a king mattress was approaching. The man coming towards Brad looked like the Jolly Green Giant, but if he started eating cheesecakes every night and maybe weaned off the actual veggies. Massive, but friendly looking. He had the same shade of red in his shirt, only his looked like the world’s largest water balloon, filled to the brim. He extended a thick hand, which Brad gave a shake.

“I’m so glad to have you on board, son. We’ve got some exciting new ideas that we’re just about ready to share with everyone!” As it turned out, ‘everyone’ really wasn’t that many people. No wonder it was so easy for Trevor to get him a spot. Everyone looked pretty cool, and Brad even recognized a girl that he had Chemistry lab with. Once she seemed to notice him, he gave a wave, which made her seem a little flustered. Despite that, she gave a small wave back.

             The boss coughed. “I think this is good. Johnny’s not here, but he hates this crap.” ‘So do all of them’, Brad thought. Still, a special announcement on his first day of work was pretty exciting. Or as exciting as working at a burger joint could be. Soon everyone had been led into a sea of red shirts, all wriggling to get into the back room. Brad hadn’t been there before. In fact, the ‘door’ to the back room didn’t even look like a door. It was as thought someone craved a door shape out of the frozen metal of the freezer and built a conference room. Pushed up against the fastest wall was a massive tarp that covered what Brad could only assume was related to this big announcement. Once the chattering had died down, the boss started.

             “I’m thankful you all can be here for this – this is a historic moment at our location and for our future.” The silence wasn’t an uncomfortable one, exactly. But you could tell that the employees were hanging on their bosses every word. Brad already felt like part of the team, even if it was only out of mutual confusion.

             Boss spoke loud and steady. “Our location has been selected to be Gordito’s first ever Zero Waste Restaurant.”

The boss let the phrase hang in the air for a while before anyone spoke. A girl with curly hair and braces raised her hand.

“So…we aren’t going to throw stuff away?” She squeaked. She summed things up pretty well. That’s what it sounded like to Brad, too. Zero waste…it sounded like the kind of Eco-friendly Green stuff the school was always trying to implement. But how on earth was that possible?

             “This brings us to the big event.” The giant tarp behind him fell away to reveal…Brad wasn’t sure exactly what it was. It looked formidable, like something that could press a soda can into a tiny metal cube, but there was only several small chutes and a large, gaping opening on top. It was a shiny and impenetrable steel. It had, in huge emblazoned letters, “Z.W.M.”

             “The Zero Waste Machinery will be able to process anything into edible matter.” At first the sentence made grammatical sense, but Brad still wasn’t understanding. “It processes things into stuff you can eat? So are we going to sell it?” He thought. Restaurants these days were always trying to come up with some new gimmick to lure in customers. He had worked there long enough to know that nothing was going to change the customers minds unless it was very convincing indeed.

             Without thinking too much Brad raised his hand to ask. “Aah, Bradley! I knew you would be the one to step up.” Confused, Brad kept his hand in the air, thinking that maybe he would be asked his question now. Instead, two men ushered him up to the front of the pack rather forcefully, until he was at the front. Up close, the machine looked much more menacing…like something that clearly served a function, but did so at a high cost.

             “Our employee Brad will be our first Receptacle. We will let you know how things are going in a few weeks, but are very optimistic that this will cut the costs of our garbage and recycling services to zero!” Brad look out at his new coworkers, who all had the same expression Brad could feel forming on his face; confusion, and a little fear. Some of them clapped, but most of them stood frozen.

             “I’ll be…did you say…a receptacle?” The word sounded as foreign as a word from Micronesia right now. That was like a damn trash can, right?!

“I’m going to become…a trash can?” The boss laughed so much his belly bounced around like a gas molecule. “No no no, my boy. That’s the beauty of this here contraption.” He stroked one of the knobs with his mighty hand. “It produces food that might taste even BETTER than a normal burger! By rearranging the molecules, it could be possible to make any and all refuse convertible to fuel…or in this case, food.” The boss was looking at Brad with something strange in his eyes. It wasn’t malicious, at least not obviously so. But it was mysterious, if nothing else. Maybe this job was too much for him.

             “Thank you again for your attention – and Brad, if you would.” He motioned for Brad to follow him back into his office. Still fairly numb from the whole experience and accidental admission of volunteer, he followed dumbly. He wasn’t sure why there was more, or why he hadn’t bothered to just explain it all back in the room with everyone. Once they made it to his office, he noticed how considerable the dent marks were where his boss’ considerable ass cheeks nestled in once he had sat down.

             “There’s something important we need you to know about the ZWM, Brad. OR rather, a couple things.” Brad sat up a little mores traight in his chair. He had been expecting something banal and technical. Now things sounded serious.

             “We think this thing has the power to completely revolutionize the way we run restaurants, even homes eventually! The fact it was made at all is already a miracle…but…” His voice trailed down uncharacteristically. “…I’m afraid we’ve not had any chances to run actual tests.”

             Brad should have stopped right then, and realized this was something bigger than he had thought. Much bigger. Still, in his innocence, he was curious.

“So you don’t know how well it works?” The boss frowned. “No, not quite. We’re near positive the results will cause satiety and energy, but shouldn’t inhibit sleep or cause any sort of weight gain outside of eating normal burgers.” The boss now wore his usual smile again. “And there’s somethin’ big in it for ya. You agree to be the first receptacle, and your tuition is covered.”

That was a big load to suddenly drop! Brad felt his heart start beating madly, jumping up into his throat. The state university tuition was on the cheaper side of things,but that by no means made it cheap. Already Brad was bogged down with a few thousand in debt…

The boss stood up straight, looking accomplished. “And from the look of ya, you look like you can stand to have a burger or two. I hope you don’t feel too nervous about all this, it’s mostly about getting data so that we can get even more funding. You’re really doing something amazing.”

             Brad was smiling now. It wasn’t as crazy as it sounded. It was a chance to try something new, and as much as he sometimes hated to admit it, he did still love the food at Gorditos. If this lead to something good for the company or the future of fast food, why not give it a shot?

It was that curiosity that ended up getting Brad into what many would call big trouble.

“You do know it is impolite to scowl, Papa.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow, his daughter giggling at the look of annoyance. “Papa?”

“It’s what the Orlesians say.”

“It is most definitely not what you say, then.”

“I fear I rather like it.”

He scoffed, ignoring the smug grin his eldest child wore, glancing around the room. So little had changed at the Winter Palace in so many years, most notably his disdain for the place. Even for a simple luncheon, the ludicrous outfits and stifling decoration made him loathe even the immaculately perfect sandwiches laid out. His uniform was still too tight, and the scratch of the fabric in the summer warmth was miserably uncomfortable. This had been his wife’s idea, accepting the damn invite and playing the adoring visitors. On hindsight, he should have simply refused to entertain the idea entirely.

“The sooner this is over, the better.”

“You are just no fun, Papa.”

Cullen flinched at the use of the title again, scowling down at her. “And just where is your brother?!”

“Having his cheeks pinched and being fed fancy little cakes.”

His gaze followed his daughter’s guiding point and fell on his youngest child, who was happily perched on a chair surrounded by Orlesian women cooing over him, traitorous icing ringing his mouth, crumbs littering rounded cheeks, and looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

Mon petit, would you like another cake?”

“Is he not the most darling babe?”

So exquisitely like his father. The curls!”

“And the provincial Ferelden charm!”

“Speak the Chant again, mon chou.”

The youngster took the last bite of his most recent cake and cleared his throat, fairly obviously hamming it up for his audience, golden eyelashes fluttering as he pulled an exaggeratedly pious face.

I am not alone. Even as I stumble on the path with my eyes closed, yet I see the Light is here.

There were squeals of adoration, accompanied by disgustingly cute little claps, and Cullen wondered just when his son had transformed from the usually wild little heathen, covered in dirt and terrorising the tower guard, to this saintly child spouting the Canticle of Trials, with perfectly neat golden ringlets, a pristine uniform and holding the adoration of near half the Orlesian court with an angelic pout. As he glared at his daughter’s triumphant smirk, the boy chose that moment to glance over, face filling with delight at the sight of him, and the very words that left his mouth chilled his blood.

“Daddy! There you are!”

At once, there were several sets of eyes upon him, peals of delight and the feigned gasps accompanying them, and he felt a nudge at the back of his leg as his daughter skipped into the crowd, golden curls bouncing innocently as she grinned over her shoulder, abandoning him with little mercy.

“Enjoy, Papa!”

Commander! Won’t you join us!”

Andraste preserve him. He hated Halamshiral.

You do not mess with a man’s pregame ritual.  It is a sacred and honored tradition, and everyone knows that interfering with the ritual comes at a hefty cost.  Still, when the world around you changes, you have to make changes as well.

Jack Zimmermann must have his peanut butter and jelly sandwich before each game, but he knew that things weren’t quite right.  He knew it was not the type of bread, or the smoothness of the peanut butter, or the flavor of the jelly that felt out of place. He knew what was missing, but despite it all, he kept trying.  One knife-full of jelly.  Two knife-fulls of peanut butter.  Three strokes to spread it together.  Exactly the way he memorized it, but he knew it was never quite right.

Until one day Jack sat down and pulled a sandwich out of his bag.  It was wrapped in white parchment with small note signed with some kind words and a heart.  It was made with sweet honey-oat bread, crunchy gourmet peanut butter, and homemade pluot jam.  From the very first bite, Jack knew it was the perfect sandwich, not because of what was in it, but because for the first time in years, he did not have to make it himself.

Jack was satisfied, and the ritual was complete.

You do not mess with a man’s pregame ritual.  The Aces understood why Kent Parson must have his peanut butter and jelly sandwich before each game.

But they wondered why he always made two.

Kris Letang - Flirting 101

Originally posted by brendendillon

REQUEST: “Are you flirting with me?” “Well it’s about time you noticed.” (x) by @beelikehoneybee

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I loved doing this, and had to finish it, even though its half past three in the morning now



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Well after some extensive observations, dear Yi En Tuan, let us conclude the following:  Territorial arms are certainly not enough barrier to stop this particular Migratory Bird from repeatedly trying to seduce your Beach Boy..

This one-shot is slightly longer than the first, but it’s mostly dialogue (please ignore any spelling errors). Enjoy the first conversation Dipper and Mabel have with Greg and his big brother Wirt.


She loved it when he would scream. Not so much because he was easily spooked—Dipper did grow up in a town where monsters were an every day thing after all—but more or less because he apparently screamed like a kitten.

Even if he had never heard their own cat scream before.

Dipper grasped his cloak over his chest and breathed heavily while his twin sister laughed. Mabel had to let her book bag drop just to keep herself from tumbling over. “You’re so cute!” she said. “That twist you made while sending your notebook flying was just… so perfect! Figure skating Dipper!”

He glared at her, holding back his tongue. There were plenty of things he wanted to say to her, but they were all words he had heard his Grunkle Stan speak. And since he did love her, he made a vow never to repeat those insults to Mabel of all people.

It did not keep him from thinking them though.

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