perfect for job interviews

The Best Perfume Insults

I love people’s writing about perfume, because it’s forced to be so creative.  Scent is hard to talk about, so people have to resort to stories and metaphors, all of them intensely personal to the writer.

And when they don’t like a perfume, that creativity gives forth some of the best insults.  I have here curated my favorites from Perfumes: The Guide by Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez.  The list is long, but trust me, they’re all worth reading.

A disclaimer: The same thing that makes perfume reviews fun to read also makes them super subjective.  I have never found less of a consensus on anything than on perfume.  In other words, if you find your favorite perfume on this list, please don’t take it personally (and don’t blame me- I haven’t smelled most of these myself!)

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Interviewing Tips

Recently, I conducted a job interview (on the more comfortable side of the table) with two candidates. Before walking into the room, I was pretty sure we would go with the first candidate. After the first interview, I was pretty positive we would go with the second.

Interviewing is hard. It always sucks, but interviewing well is a skill that can be learned. For those who are now - or will be in the foreseeable future - interviewing for jobs, I thought I’d put together some advice. Because when you’re in a job market where you’re competing with hundreds of equally (or even better) qualified candidates, you don’t want to lose your chance due to an easily avoidable mistake.

Here are some tips:

* It sounds obvious, but prepare for the interview. Know who you’re meeting with and what job it is you have applied for. (I had an interview once where for many hilarious-in-retrospect reasons, by the time I got to the interview, I had no idea what company they worked for, even. When they asked what I liked best about the work they did, I had no idea. Needless to say, did not get a call back. My hose abandoning ship mid-interview probably didn’t help. Like I said, hilarious in RETROSPECT.)

* Consider the appropriate attire. When in doubt, don’t go more casual than business casual. If it’s a company where everyone wears suits, you should do the same. It is better to err on the side of being a little more formal than you need to be, rather than being too casual. Too formal may seem a little stuffy; too casual can come off like you’re not taking the job or interview seriously.

* You can never predict what you’ll be asked and chances are likely you will come across at least one question you weren’t expecting in every interview. However, there are some questions that are pretty common, so you should know what you’ll answer if they’re asked, before you even walk into the room. Questions like:
- What are your skills?
- What are your strengths and weaknesses?
- Talk about a challenge/problem you’ve faced at work/school and how you’ve overcome it.
- How do you work in a group?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- Why do you want to work here?
- Why are you leaving your former position?
- What kind of management style do you work best under?
- How do you deal with difficult people/situations/deadlines at work?
- Do you prefer solving a problem by yourself or as part of a team?

That is by no means a comprehensive list. However, I’ve interviewed dozens if not hundreds of times in my life and I’ve rarely if ever had an interview where at least three of those questions didn’t come up. You don’t want to be in a position where an interviewer asks why you want to work there or what your skills are and your answer is “I don’t know.” It is the fastest way to not be asked back. Believe me.

* About your former job…I really cannot stress this point enough. I don’t care if your current/former boss stole your lover and kicked your dog. When you get the job, you can share war stories around the water cooler. DO NOT TRASH TALK YOUR CURRENT OR FORMER JOB/BOSS AT YOUR JOB INTERVIEW FOR A NEW JOB! In fact, any question you get asked that could be negative, find a way to put a positive spin on it as much as possible. You don’t want your interviewer to walk out of the room wondering why you and your boss don’t get along. You want them thinking about the positives you bring to the table.

* This may take practice, but try to bring the answers you give around to the job or company. “What is the most fun think about my current job? Well, I really enjoy doing this thing and what I would REALLY love about being able to do this thing for THIS company is that it would give me the chance to…”

* Ask questions. Ask questions. ASK QUESTIONS. At least one. Write down 5-6 questions before the interview - some specific about the job, some that you can throw to the interviewer at the end of all your job-related questions are answered during the interview. Some questions to consider:
- What would you say are the challenges of this position / what would you say people in this position have struggled with in the past?
- What do you find most fulfilling / challenging about working for this company?
- Does this company engage in any mentorship of new employees (dependent on job)?
- How do you see the person in this position helping you most in your job in future?

Again, you don’t want to be in a position where you are asked what questions you have at the end of the interview and you say “none.” Even if you’ve asked questions during the interview, ask something at the end! Particularly if the bulk of your interview is with one person and the last of it is with someone else or several new people. They didn’t hear your brilliant and insightful questions you asked of the one person! They just hear you say you don’t have any and that seems like you are so disinterested. (As a bonus, several questions listed above can still be asked at the end of new people, even if you asked them of the original interviewer!)

I’m sure there are other tips, but these are good to bear in mind. I will say to remember to be enthusiastic - and a lot of the points above are meant to show your enthusiasm for the job. As an interviewer, it doesn’t matter how qualified and brilliant and nice and overall great you are. If you come off like you don’t really care about the job and have just applied because it’s there, even if this job is in reality your every dream come true, you’re probably not going to come off like the best candidate.

Good luck!

A Millennial’s Prayer...

Tomorrow I have an interview
Keep your fingers crossed for me
I’ve waited so long and worked so hard
for this opportunity

Tomorrow I have a chance
to leave my past behind
to prove I’m more than my circumstances
have always been defined

Tomorrow I’ll have a moment
Putting worth to all the pain
To prove our sacrifice and choices
have not all been in vain.

For tomorrow I sit here and pray
for a chance to move forward again
To find faith and health
and financial wealth
to feel secure…. to win.

Getting a job in Software Development

I graduated from uni in October and tomorrow (February) I start my first real job. ‘Wow, that’s a big gap!’ you might think, and, well, it kind of is but - I wasn’t searching for a job the whole time. In fact, the actual job searching (from sending out the first application to accepting an offer) took only 2 weeks. But let’s start with some basics:

(Please note: What I’m describing is true for Germany, where I live and did the whole application process. It might well be different in your country, although I’m pretty sure it applies to more countries than only Germany.)

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Imagine that you were expected to solve complicated multivariable calculus problems in a typical job interview, even if the actual job did not involve math at all.

Imagine that you were expected to bench-press 200 lbs in a typical job interview, even if the actual job did not require any lifting.

That would be ridiculous. 

But for some reason, expecting people to answer trick questions on the spot while maintaining perfect body language is considered normal in a job interview, even if the actual job does not require any social skills.

anonymous asked:

Hi emma I hope you're having a lovely day Do you have any advice about job interviews and how to make the perfect resume?

Hi! I’d definitely recommend checking out these for posts:

Hope these help x

anonymous asked:

Hopefully the dweeb potential here helps you feel a little better! Imagine like, reverse-matchups? What might a couple of skeles write about themselves if they sent an ask to a blog like this? Who tries to sound cooler than they are, who fails? Are they taking it seriously, or is this just a blackout-drunk/boredom-induced impulse?


He does it for shits ‘n giggles.
He’s curious.

“i’m a punny guy on the big-boned side. musically inclined. nap dates are great. spend a lot of time at a bar, but i’m family-oriented. love dogs. laid-back, into astronomy, work a lot of different jobs. oh yeah, and i like long walks on the beach and getting caught in the rain, etc.”


He has to know.



Black-out drunk.

“i just need to gwt laod., its jst impossiob;le when ur bros the ROYAL GYUABRD CAPTIAN! whag should i even say> i’m funny, i'n sexy adf, and i’m godo witg my tpbgue.”


He’s curious, and after careful research where he discovered it could be completely anonymous, he decides to go for it.


…It ends up reading more like a job interview.  He missed the point.


He’s gotta know; he’s been obsessing over these blogs an entire afternoon, and now this is incredibly important.



He’s got nothing better to do.

“tall, funny, laid-back, enjoys the sweet things in life. oh and i’m a skeleton monster.”

Revenge, Interrupted (Steroline Fanfiction) - Chapter 1

Fake Dating AU.

Prompt: “Our asshole mutual friends set us up on a blind date and didn’t tell us it was a blind date, so instead of getting to know each other we spent the entire ‘date’ scheming against them and decided an awesome way to get back at them would be to pretend to date and then have a horrendous breakup but now that we’re two months into this charade we’re not sure what’s real and what’s fake anymore” AU (credit)

Setting: This is a human AU, basically they’ve just graduated college and moved to the same city. Bonnie, Elena and Damon went to the same college and Caroline went to a different one and has never met Stefan or Damon, until now!

Ships: Steroline, Bonenzo and Delena (I don’t ship DE but this is an AU so they’re fine here I promise)

A/N: This is going to be super cliche and fluffy but I think our fandom needs that right now! This is also my first non angst fic and my first complete AU fic, I hope you guys like it.


[Ch 2] [Ch 3] [Ch 4] [Ch 5] [Ch 6] [Ch 7] [Ch 8] [Ch 9] [Ch 10]

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anonymous asked:

do you watch friends? there was a scene where phoebe complains that she's 30 but still hasn't had the perfect kiss. joey runs out of the coffee shop, kisses her & then says "now you can say you've had your perfect kiss." it was quite sweet. can you write a mini klaroline prompt based off that?

Thanks for the prompt nonnie and I’m sorry this took so long to do, I actually had it half written then managed to delete it and have had trouble getting the motivation again. And yes I adore Friends and this scene : )

I also want to tag @thenerdyunhealthybrit who gave me a Friends drabble prompt AGES ago and I never got around to it. Hope this will suffice, luv : )

I’ll Be There For You

“Well, that’s three months of my life I’ll never get back,” Caroline sighed, flopping onto the café’s couch next to Bonnie defeatedly.

“And another one bites the dust,” Enzo murmured, not even bothering to look up from his newspaper as Kol began to hum the melody of the aforementioned Queen song.

“It’s a little too early for your poor excuse of a comedy duo sketch, isn’t it?” She scowled in their direction. “Urgh. What’s wrong with me?”

“Well…” Kol began.

“You’re not being helpful,” Bonnie chided, giving her boyfriend a knowing look.

“She makes it too easy,” he argued, poking out his tongue.

“I meant,” she replied tersely, choosing to ignore his usually childish behaviour. “Why do I always pick the wrong guys?”

“I thought James was perfect relationship material,” Elijah offered, mimicking her premature and totally unfounded predictions and calmly taking a sip of his tea. “If I recall correctly he’s a lawyer, Harvard Rhode Scholar, has an impressive stock portfolio and likes the opera.”

“You really should have known from that opera nonsense,” Klaus interjected.  

Caroline turned to give the middle Mikaelson a weary glance. When they’d first met the Mikaelson siblings after Kol and Bonnie began to date all those years ago, his crimson lips and dimples had disarmed her briefly but then she found out just what an arrogant smartass and womaniser he was and the spell was well and truly broken. 

“It’s times like these I wish you’d not listen to anything I say just like your brothers,” Caroline said to Elijah, while choosing to ignore Klaus. She figured that unusual perceptiveness he possessed was due to Katherine’s influence over the eldest brother since they’d recently begun dating.

“Well, he must have done something wrong,” Katherine observed, snatching the last salted caramel macaron before Enzo could get his greedy hands on it. 

“Oh yeah, he did.”

“Oh, let me guess,” Rebekah offered. “He couldn’t dance like that Max fellow with the two left feet? 

“Yeah, you had bruises for weeks from memory,” Klaus shared.  

“No, it has to be Sam and his questionable fashion choices,” Enzo observed. “But between you and me, I don’t mind a good turtleneck. It can get a little nippy in New York City in the winter, after all.”

“Turtlenecks haven’t been in fashion for a long time and anyone who’d pay so little for a suit needs to have his head examined,” Klaus interjected again. 

“No, it had to of been the laugh,” Kol chuckled. “Do we all remember Nathan and that weird noise he emitted that sounded like a dinosaur dying?” 

“How in the world do you know what a dying dinosaur sounds like?” Katherine baulked. 

“I concur with Kol’s comments, just this once.” Klaus mumbled. For someone who showed zero interest in her love life certainly had a lot of unexpected opinions.

“You have to admit, it was pretty bad,” Bonnie whispered, not quietly enough though to avoid a dirty look from her best friend. 

“Is my love life really that entertaining to everyone?”


“Kol, zip it,” Rebekah warned, slapping him across the head for extra effect and some sisterly revenge. “It can be very difficult to find a good man, believe me.”

“Well, when the woman in question is your bossy, big sister then it’s not that surprising,” Kol shrugged. 

“Enzo? Are you going to defend me here?” She baulked, looking to her boyfriend who was still immersed in his newspaper. 

“You let him get to you every time, darling. You know just saying,” he murmured, his hand finding hers comfortingly. 

“Don’t take any notice,” Katherine said. “He’s hopped up on caffeine. As soon as he’s coming down from his high we can all pester him incessantly and pepper him with retaliatory insults.”

Caroline wasn’t unfamiliar with their usual banter and while she mostly found it entertaining, today she wasn’t in the mood. When would she find the guy who was going to change her perception on things, challenge her daily and give her the perfect kiss she’d craved? Call her a pathetic romantic but she’d been waiting for that kiss for almost thirty years and right now wasn’t sure it would ever happen. 

Her birthday was coming up in a month and it had taken all her strength to stay with James to that point. Yes, he was perfect on the outside and she was pretty sure would kill any job interview or parental interrogation but she wanted more. She wanted her perfect kiss and couldn’t wait any longer. She was running against the clock, after all. 

“Care?” Bonnie interrupted waving her hand in front of her face. “We lost you there, which isn’t entirely unexpected in this crowd. What was wrong with him?”

“It doesn’t really matter. I suppose he just wasn’t right for me,” she mumbled, feeling the hot water welling in her eyes and dreading having to explain her sudden reaction. “I actually need to get to work.” Before anyone could object she left, pulling her coat across her chest to ward off the winter chill.  

“Caroline,” he shouted, she’d know that familiar accent anywhere given its ability to cause a few niggling sensations down below. Why did her name have to sound so good rolling off his tongue? “Wait up.”

“What do you want Klaus?” She growled, turning around on her heel quickly and somehow finding herself rubbing against his chest teasingly, those necklaces in full view peaking out teasingly beneath his familiar henley. 

“What was wrong with him?”


“You didn’t say, no doubt due to my brother’s lack of tact as usual.”

“Oh come on, it’s growing on me,” she shot back sarcastically. 

“That’s when I know you’re delirious,” Klaus joked. Caroline was trying to ignore just how handsome he looked in that charcoal, fitted jacket and dark jeans. 

“And you must be too wanting to know about my latest relationship, I mean you’ve barely batted an eyelid.”

“Not sure where you’ve been all this time, love,” he smiled. Moving closer and fastening a stray lock of hair behind her ear, surprisingly her slightly. “Now, what did that ass do exactly and should I kick his ass?”

She was momentarily winded, struggling to breath because he felt so warm against her body and his spicy aftershave so enticing as it filled her nostrils. 

“All I wanted was the perfect kiss before I turned thirty, let’s just say he couldn’t oblige.” She noticed a slight tugging at the corners of his mouth, afraid she’d summonsed the arrogant monster from within.

“I can’t promise perfect but I’d be willing to try and help you out?” She was frozen now, wondering exactly what this would mean for their friendship but his close proximity only made her want him more. She figured you were only thirty once and as his mouth covered hers she realised just how good it felt. 

His lips massaged hers, slowly at first, almost like Klaus was relishing in the initial contact as Caroline melted into his embrace. She felt his tongue slip into into her warm and waiting mouth. She groaned against his lips unable to stifle the unfamiliar feelings he’d caused from just one kiss. 

The sound of a car horn broke them from their reverie and moving apart, albeit reluctantly. They continued to stare, their blue eyes unwavering their breathing slightly ragged. 

“I suppose I should, uh, get going,” Caroline said, finally managing to find her voice. 

“I suppose you should then, love,” Klaus smiled, those dimples making a sudden appearance.  She managed to tear away her gaze and make her way down the sidewalk even if her legs felt like jelly and her heart was racing that much faster. 

Fast forward three years and her friends relished in telling that particular story at their wedding reception but both the bride and groom liked to argue who really was the one to make the first move and if in fact it was the perfect kiss. 

Caroline liked to play her cards close to her chest to avoid inflating that already impressive ego but Klaus figured he had the winning hand given she’d agreed to marry him at all. 

A few facts

Everyone makes mistakes and isn’t perfect in interviews.

If I don’t get this job I will still be okay and there will be other jobs.

I actually got a ton of positive feedback.

I blanked and then got one piece of negative feedback.

They aren’t looking for me to know all the answers, they are looking for interaction and general temperament.

I have worth outside of how I make money.

I am a complete person outside my education and career.

Replaying the interview in my head is not actually useful.

Sometimes the position isn’t the best fit for you.

I can find a different job rather than deciding to be a different person.

I don’t know whether I got the job and I’m not a mindreader so ruminating on it is not going to tell me.

I will find out later tonight.

The Upper Hand: Jefferson x Reader {Part 3}

Part 1 | Part 2

Hamilton - Modern AU (Law School) 

Jefferson x Reader

2404 words

Hey, guys! I just wanted to say wow I can’t believe people are actually reading this and, even more shocking, you actually like it! I’m having a blast writing this and the feedback I’ve been getting is super awesome. I hope you enjoy part 3!

Originally posted by yummyfoooooood

With a groan Thomas throws the pen on his desk and rubs his eyes, cursing Y/N and her ambitious, overworking, 110% effort personality. The pressure she is putting on him combined with his other classload is starting to get to him. The two had had a total of four meetings after that first one, and each time she reminded him how much this project was worth and the amount of effort he needed to put into it (he can recite her inspiring (in her opinion) speech with her at this point). Doesn’t she know that he already puts a lot of pressure on himself in his studies? He didn’t become the second-ranked student in their class of 500 by smoking joints and partying all weekend or playing hacky sack or whatever she thinks he does in his spare time.

Her accidental admission of her class ranking had surprised him. He always assumed that she was average, maybe slightly above, that Hammy or one of the other HamilDorks helped her with her homework. Perhaps Thomas could find it in him to respect her enough to accept her suggestions and opinions about their project. She had definitely shown him that she was worth her salt by correcting his misinterpretation of a statute and quoting several laws and precedented cases from memory, which all helped strengthen their defense. One of the HamilDorks is actually useful—surprise!

He groans again just as James walks past his open door. His best friend/roommate lets out a chuckle and leans against the doorframe.

“Having problems?”

Thomas throws another pen against the wall over his desk, disappointed that it didn’t puncture a hole in the wall. “Yup.”

“Let me guess,” James says. “The little milkmaid from Kansas made another schedule for your case?”

For some odd reason, James’ condescending tone creates a little tickle of irritation in Thomas’ chest. His mind conjures an image of Y/N pulling her hair into a ponytail as she leans over her notes, her teeth working her rose-colored bottom lip as she concentrates. “She’s from Nebraska, James.”

“Does it matter?” he scoffs. “I think she needs to pull that stick out of her ass and relax. You’re top in the class. You’ll get it done no problem.”

Thomas clenches his fist and struggles to keep his voice even. “Perhaps you should focus on starting your own project, James. You know Hercules Mulligan isn’t going to be much help.”

He doesn’t see James furrow his eyebrows in thought, wondering why he is suddenly defending Y/N instead of joining in on making fun of her.

“You’re right,” James mutters after a pregnant pause. “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting with her tonight?”

In a panic, Thomas checks his watch, realizing that he’s lost track of time. It’s already eight. “Oh, shit!” he yells, hurriedly gathering his case papers and defense notes and shoving them into his bag. James thoughtfully observes Thomas as he quickly grabs a jacket and pulls on his shoes. His friend pauses in front of the mirror, runs a hand over his shortly cropped beard, and swats at a few rogue curls.

Thomas pushes past his roommate and jogs to the door, pulling it open hurriedly when his phone rings. He answers it, standing in the doorway to their two-bedroom apartment. His eyebrows meet in a frown as he listens to the person on the other end.

“What? The library is closed? Why? … Water pipe maintenance? Sounds like a bunch of—sorry… Uh, I don’t know where else to go. A lot of the local restaurants close at nine, so that would only give us an hour of work… Yeah, I know we need to keep on schedule.”

James appears in Thomas’ peripheral vision and clears his throat to grab Thomas’ attention. “I’m going to Aaron Burr’s for the evening to study for the Theories of Civil Law exam tomorrow,” he announces.

Thomas nods, his face brightening just enough for James to notice. “Okay, how about we work at my place? Madison is gone for the evening so he won’t distract us… Perfect! Let me give you the address…”

“This is where you live?” you ask, following Jefferson into the living room. “This is so…normal.”  

He laughs and motions for you to sit on either of the mismatched  couches (one dark brown leather, the other a god-awful blue and green plaid—you choose the leather). On the light wood coffee table are pens, pencils, and highlighters, along with a variety of sweating unopened root beer and orange soda cans. The perpendicular couches face a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall. Under the TV is a long thin table with what looks like an XBOX, a Wii, and two ugly red and black striped vases.

“What did you expect?” he asks, smirking. “Designer décor? An open floor plan with hardwood floors? A bear skin rug? A roaring fireplace and a wet bar? Four-car garage?”

You shrug. “I dunno. I heard you lived in France for a couple of years, so maybe baguettes and wine? Miniature Eiffel Tower sculptures?”

“Actually, these—” he gestures to the two red and black vases under the TV— “did come from France. What do you think?” he asks excitedly.

Should you tell him your real opinion or lie through your teeth? He looks so innocently happy, like a kid who made a picture frame made of macaroni noodles for their parent. You can’t squash on that kind of pure, unadulterated pride.

“They’re very nice,” you say politely.

“You hate them.” He shrugs. “You’re from Nebraska. What do you know about taste?”

Instead of yelling at him for insulting you and your home state like you would have a week ago, you laugh. Your amiability shocks both of you, and your laughter quickly dies on your lips. Awkward silence. He shoves one hand into his jeans pockets and rubs the back of his neck with the other. You smooth your skirt and lick your lips, looking anywhere but at him or his red French vases.

“So…” Jefferson finally breaks the silence. “I think we have everything we need here. Help yourself to a soda. Unless you want something else to drink?”

You shake your head. “Oh, no thanks. This is fine.”

“Okay. Let’s get to work.” He takes a seat on the other couch and spreads out his defense notes.

The two of you alternately bounce ideas off each other and work in silence for the next hour. You discovered that sitting on the carpeted floor and using the coffee table as a desk is more comfortable than leaning over it while sitting on the couch around the twenty minute mark. He realized that chugging two root beers and one orange soda leads to a lot of bathroom breaks halfway through the orange soda. You both found out that listening to a classical study mix on Pandora through his TV increased productivity after he yelled at you for humming an obnoxious popular hip-hop song you’d listened to on the way over.

“Do you have any more pieces of paper?” you ask after an hour of note-taking and paging through your textbooks.

He looks over the table as if he expects it to be there, frowning when he doesn’t see any. “I thought I brought some out…”

“All I see are pens and highlighters here.”

“I have some paper in my room.” He pulls his long legs out from under the coffee table and stands, groaning as he stretches his muscles. “Ahhh, man, you should really get up and stretch. We’ve been sitting too long.”

He disappears down the hall toward his and Madison’s rooms as you push yourself to your feet, echoing his groans. You start walking, slowly, across the living room floor, stepping over books and your backpack and your shoes, when you hear a crash and Jefferson’s strangled yelp. It sounded like a rainstorm.

Curious and concerned, you follow the sound of his cursing down the hall and into the bedroom on the left. You clap a hand over your mouth as you try to stop the laughter at the scene in his room. Jefferson glares at you, lying prostrate on the floor, partially buried under an avalanche of hundreds of boxes of mac ‘n’ cheese. His closet door reveals another hundred identical boxes stacked on high shelves.

“What on earth…” You shake your head, your shoulders shaking as you try to hold in your laughter. “I have so many questions.”

He curses again and sits up, pushing macaroni boxes off of him. “I can’t believe my precious betrayed me..” he murmurs breathlessly.

“Okay, first question. Why do you have so much boxed mac ‘n’ cheese? This is really unhealthy.”

“Um, excuse you?” Jefferson leaps to his feet, indignant, and begins pacing back and forth in front of you. He reminds you of Washington when he gets really passionate during a lecture.

“Macaroni and cheese is the food of the gods. This is the perfect food for any occasion—birthday, Christmas, christenings, job interviews, bad days, good days, you name it! It should be everyone’s comfort food. It’s cheesy goodness with soft pasta, carbs and dairy, so it’s totally healthy. It’s easy to make—takes less than fifteen minutes. Plus, I memorized the directions so I don’t even have to look at the box. Are you impressed yet?”

“You are insane.” You look over the boxes in disbelief. “How much did this all cost?”

“I buy it in bulk, so less than you think.” His smile widens as he nods eagerly.

“Why was it in your closet?”

“Not enough room in the kitchen cupboards. Madison hates it anyway, so he told me to keep it out of his sight. I have another box of boxes under my bed, too.”

You suddenly realize that you are standing in his bedroom. You take in the décor, the grey-and-white-striped comforter on the bed, the magenta throw pillow, the Eiffel Tower poster hung over his side table, the bookshelf full of books (lots about France and one curiously titled The Miracle of Macaroni and Cheese: Variations of the Best Comfort Food), the desk in the corner strewn with textbooks, papers, and writing utensils. Above his desk handwritten notes, printed quotes, and pictures have been taped or tacked to the wall.

“That’s my Wall of Inspiration,” he says, and you realize he’s been watching you as you look around his room. You take a step closer and read quotes about success and hard work from Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Steve Jobs before finding one printed on magenta paper in a large, fancy script:  

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

That’s really true, you think, wondering who wrote it. You read the author’s name in smaller print under the quote:

–Thomas Jefferson

“Ha! You quoted yourself on your Wall of Inspiration? That’s a lot of ego, Jefferson.”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.”

You shake your head at him reproachfully but you can’t knock the satisfied smirk off his face. His inflated sense of self makes you want to slap him but you also kind of admire him for it. He believes in himself and his abilities. He is comfortable in his own skin and doesn’t care about what other people think about him, which is evident by the magenta T-shirt with the words Qu’est-ce que j’ai raté? You find yourself secretly wishing that you had half the confidence he had.

Beside his quote on the Wall of Inspiration is a picture of Jefferson and a pretty girl with long curly hair and sunkissed skin. She is smiling at the camera, her nose crinkling cutely as Jefferson kisses her cheek. His girlfriend, you realize. You feel the smile on your face fade.

“That’s a cute picture,” you say, trying to act normal. “Who is she?”

His eyebrows move closer together as he follows your finger to the picture. “Oh, that’s Martha,” he says tersely, as if that answers your question. Technically it does, but it also produces more questions. Is she his girlfriend? Are they broken up? Why is she still on the wall? Is she around? Why haven’t you seen her around?

Wait, it’s none of your business, why do you care? It’s not like you like Jefferson. He’s an insufferable, overconfident jerk who wears too much magenta and has insulted you too many times for you to ever like him as anything more than a classmate. That’s what you two are—classmates and partners on a school project. That’s it. There’s no way you could ever be attracted to him.

Almost as though he had heard your inner monologue, Jefferson bends down to begin picking up the boxes of mac ‘n’ cheese strewn across his floor. His jeans tighten around his ass, giving you a front-row view of how round and—for lack of a better word—perfect it is. You can see the muscles in his back as his magenta shirt stretches with his reach. How had you never noticed how fit he was? It was as if someone had given you glasses that suddenly cleared up your vision so you could notice small details that you hadn’t before. Like the swell of his biceps as he lifts a big cardboard box full of boxes of mac ‘n’ cheese back onto the top shelf of his closet. You’ve always been an arm girl, you admit to yourself as you admire his toned muscles.

He glances over his shoulder at you and smirks as if he can read your thoughts. You shake your head hard, clearing your mind.

“We should probably get back to work,” Jefferson says, holding out a blank yellow legal pad.

You nod dumbly and take the pad from him, cursing your face as it betrays you with a deep blush. The blood makes your face hot and pounds in your ears as you follow him back to the living room. You fan yourself with the pad when he isn’t looking. Now you can’t help but watch his muscles as he sits back down, his back against the plaid couch and his legs stretched out in front of him.

Shit, you think. This can’t be good.

Let me tell you some awesome shit about clove oil ~

Not only are cloves a natural antibacterial and anaesthetic they are also great to use in spells to attract good luck and prosperity, to keep friends close, and to help stop malicious gossip.

So here is a simple little spell to encourage people to like you and think you are an amazing person. This is perfect for job interviews or if you’re going to a friend’s party and you won’t know a lot of other people there (like I did last night 😏)

So I have knee-high black leather boots. Before leaving the house I got some black boot polish and a rag. I put five drops of clove oil on the rag and then started polishing the boots. As I polished I visualised myself being able to talk to other people at the party with ease. I visualised my friends having a good time and people saying nice things about me.

And guess what. This shit worked like a fucking charm ✨

Clove oil. Use it. It’s great.

carolpelctier  asked:

Have you seen Modern Family? Haley, the oldest daughter of the het marriage in the show reminds me a lot of Jackie sometimes. When she opens her mouth I can't help but think "is this Jackie Burkhart's daughter or...?", that's how I imagine their girl. She looks a little like Mila to me lol

My brother is a big fan of Modern Family and I remember a scene were Haley goes for a job interview with an ass fashion designer I think? And the guy tells her off, so she comes back all angry and Jackie-like telling him she won’t go without her interview because she is perfect for the job. Then she tells him what is wrong with the outfit of the girl working there and she gets the job, lol. So yes, I can see were are going with that. 

And you are right! The actress does looks like Mila, I mean!!!

Hyde will have two grasshoppers to take care of and that drive him crazy. Maybe the girl would be like super secure in herself in some things, I mean, look at her parents, and have insecurities of her own like what if she doesn’t get to do something great like her mom did as a host in talk shows, what if she doesn’t find a great love of her life like her parents, or what if she doesn’t met her parents expectations, while Jackie and Hyde only want her to know they love her no matter what and that they will try support her doings like their parents never did for them.

I also imagine her to be a big daddy’s girl. I can see her saying something like “daddy will know about this!” to everyone, and she can’t take any big step without telling her da, but her biggest accomplice is her mom since she doesn’t want to disappoint daddy (without knowing Hyde would probably be pretty open about whatever she wants to do, unless he thinks is not good for her, but she is a good girl in general); so Jackie always knows where she is, with who she is, and what is she supposed to be doing, she would have that relationship she always wished to have with Pam: being her mother someone she respects, but also her friend, someone she can talk to when she needs her.

Imagine Eric burning Hyde because he become that dad, the kind of dad who lets his daughter do whatever to him and kind of agrees to everything she wants, but he denies it. Jackie knows better. What if he lets her paint his nails like Red lets Laurie? lol And Jackie takes pictures of it all.

Today I was walking and talking with one of my best friends and we ended up talking about jobs and finding one, and I was telling her how problematic it is for me to find a job because I have social anxiety. I told her that it would be really hard for me to do jobs that require constant contact with other people, and that I even screw up my job interviews because of course they’re the perfect context for me to be awkward, uncomfortable and fidgety even with meds, while shaking and speaking with a trembling voice that of course won’t motivate anyone to hire me for a job based on social interactions. And she said to me: ‘listen, you don’t have social anxiety, you just need to try and try again and insist on jobs that involve directly dealing with people and you just get used to it’, to which I replied that I do have social anxiety only to get as an answer ‘then I have social anxiety as well’. And believe me, I love my friend to pieces, she’s known about my depression and anxiety since the beginning and she’s offered her help and support countless times, but her comments today just hit me like a freight train because they didn’t acknowledge the reality of my social anxiety at all and made me feel undermined, like I was just exaggerating and making up imaginary illnesses to justify my being unemployed. I know she just meant to motivate me not to give up and to share her own difficulties in finding a job, but it was just disheartening to realise how impossible it was for me to make her realise how much social anxiety can affect your life and physically incapacitate you on a daily basis.

To Whom It May Concern at Bankington International,

I am writing to you to apply for the job of customer service experience coordinator. I want to be upfront with you: I am perfect for this job. I am reliable, motivated, and honest. I will also, in all honesty, rarely arrive on time for work. It is true. I will often be late. I have a lot of things to do when I’m not at work and I will often choose doing those things instead of working because I prefer that. I will hardly pretend to be sorry. My bad.

As a millenial and a college graduate, I am surprisingly not that computer proficient. I know only basic programs, how to download something that may or may not carry a virus, any how to type a cover letter such as this one. Also what is excel? Yes, I could learn, but I’m not doing that for free (see earlier point about “things to do”).

While we are on the topic of things you should know ­ that college degree? It’s theatre. Yep. Do not be dismayed, however, as I am highly professional except for when I cry at work. But even then I do it fairly quietly at my desk.

I only have two pieces of professional attire and one is definitely too slutty for work (unless you are into that, in which case it should be noted that I am pretty hot, like an 8 probably if you are into numbers). This means you should really just let me wear what I want, but I’m flexible. You’re the boss.

Please look over my credentials and definitely call me in for an interview because I am better in person than in all other mediums (see earlier point about being relatively hot). I look forward to hearing from you.

God Bless,

Stephanie “The Greatest” Weber

P.S. One time I stole products from a store I worked at. Since you are a bank, I probably would not steal any of your products because you do not sell anything.

[Stephanie Weber runs]