percussion jokes

Band instruments as things I've heard them say
  • Piccolo: .... (I don't think I've ever heard them speak. Thinks they're better than everyone and doesn't talk to other band kids)
  • Flute: guess what 'band director' said about 'piccolo'
  • Oboe: *quietly playing a solo, very concentrated*
  • Bassoon: *squeak*
  • Clarinet: we're gonna play those two notes ff instead of p so it sounds like 'DOOT DOOT' wanna help
  • Bass clarinet: I don't think I play here
  • Alto saxophone: I can fit my whole mouthpiece down my throat I'll show you
  • Tenor saxophone: we either play 4 half notes the entire song...or constant 32nd notes....I don't understand
  • Bari saxophone: so do I do sectionals with the trombones, or...?
  • Trombones: *screams into instrument*
  • Tuba: why am I even here
  • French horn: (secluded, doesn't speak much. Very put together. Know what they're doing)
  • Trumpet: *clearly plays wrong note* that wasn't me
  • Percussion: *screaming* RATCHET SUPREMACY
Percussion Puns

(some of these only make sense if you play percussion)

Practicing ruffs sure is a drag!

What do romantic percussionists give on Valentine’s day? Cymbals of their love!

If you throw a small cymbal into the water, it’ll make a splash!

I see your flying drumset is broken. Shall I give you a ride?

Bad drummers will get thrown into the flams!

Why did the drummer play in court? Because it was a fill-ibuster!

What’s a drummer’s favorite body part? The percus-shin

What do you call two eighth-notes in an apple? A core-ter note

What do you call a body of water that’s playing too fast? A rushing river

What do percussionists play on a bugle? (or: What do percussionist plumbers fix?) flam taps

Why did the drummer swear? Because they play per-cuss-ion

Why do drummers like glue? Because it sticks to you

What do you call a mean guy under a bridge with a book by George Lawrence Stone? Stick Con-troll

I’m on a roll with these percussion puns.

Beginner Musician Guide: Instrument Names
  • Flute: Fruit
  • Oboe: Oblow
  • Clarinet: Squidward
  • Saxophone: Sax
  • Alto saxophone: Tall sax
  • Tenor saxophone: Ten saxes
  • Baritone Saxophone: Berry Sax
  • Bassoon: Bass soon
  • Trumpet: House pet
  • French horn: Drunk trumpet
  • Trombone: Slide trumpet
  • Tuba: Giant trumpet
  • Euphonium/Baritone: Mini tuba
  • Percussion: Concussion
Accurate Descriptions of Instruments
  • Piccolos: no.
  • Flutes: what you are y'all like some of y'all are really weird and some of you guys are walking goddesses
  • Oboes: duck sounds, and tuning issues. also chill out ur not oboe god
  • Clarinets: SHADY AS HELL????? AT EACHOTHERS THROATS LIKE 24/7
  • Saxophones: You guys are really full of yourselves or emo.
  • Tenor saxophones: Weird. Wierdos.
  • Bari Saxophones: Even weirder than the tenors believe it or not
  • Bassoons: Either lil shits or angels blessed from the high heavens no in between
  • Bass Clarinets: Emo nerds. That's it.
  • Trumpets: The big ego thing is not a lie, you either know it or you are in denial.
  • French Horns: toot toot. hon hon hon baguette.
  • Trombones: A giant cult. Laughs at fart jokes, god complex.
  • Euphoniums: Y'all are fucking weird as hell.
  • Tubas: big toot
  • Percussion: sex jokes and rim shots