perception on a relationship

You bored, or feeling artsy but don’t have any inspiration...!?

Do you need to distract yourself? Or are you simply bored? 

Well, let’s fix that shit right now~

Here are some great websites to make the time pass.


First off, here are some 100% free art programs!; 

  • Photoshop CS2 - (Windows, not sure about Mac.)
  • FireAlpaca - (Windows and Mac)
  • Medibang Paint Pro- (windows and Mac)
  • Sketchbook Copic Edition - (Windows and Mac)
  • GIMP - (Windows) (Mac)
  • Paint tool SAI [cracked]  - (Windows) (Mac)
  • Paint tool SAI 2 beta - (tumblr post on said program)
  • iPaint - (Mac)
  • Paintbrush - (Mac)
  • Pencil - (Windows, Mac)
  • Paint.NET - (Windows)
  • Seashore [still in development, ver 0.5] - (Mac)
  • ChocoFlop - (Mac)
  • Inkscape - (Mac and Windows)
  • ArtRage [Demo] - (Mac and Windows)
  • OpenCanvas 1.1[must pay for 2.0] - (Windows, not sure about Mac.)
  • MyPaint - (Windows)
  • Krita - (Windows)
  • Vectorian [Supports Animation] - (Windows)
  • Pixia[Japanese, some English versions] - (Windows)
  • Asperite - (Windows)
  • Chasys Draw IES - (Windows)
  • SmoothDraw - (Windows)
  • TwistedBrush Open Studio - (Windows)
  • BOUNS - CTRL+Paint [Great for teaching all kinds of stuff, like how to use digital programs.]


Alrighty, but maybe you don’t want to download software to draw, free or not. That’s just too much time, and let’s face it, you’re already bored. Well, I’ve got you covered peoples, here are some free browser paint/drawing programs!;

  • Pixlr.com-a browser photoeditor, and can be used for drawing!
  • Psykopaint
  • QueekyPaint
  • PaintOnline- ((also has some random free browser games on site too!))


Sooo, maybe You just don’t feel like drawing…understandable, you beasts-here’s a BUNCH of other websites to calm and/or stretch those brain muscles!;

  • create pixel art
  • Awesome photo editor and art program, all free…!
  • Totally free transparent textures
  • make a cute chibi
  • draw some cool generative art
  • be a graffiti creator
  • create a picassohead (you don’t need to be a picasso to do so)
  • paint online
  • another awsome site to create pixel art on
  • and another one
  • create your own mandala
  • or color one
  • create an avatar
  • or you can try creating your own superhero
  • here you can interact with organisms in different environments to see how to music changes
  • here’s a website that translates the time into hexidecimal colours,
  • Here is a website where you can travel along a 3D line into the infinite unkown
  • here is a website where you can listen to rain with or without music
  • Need a model in a certain pose for drawing? here
  • Want to build your own planet
  • here is a website where you can create your own galaxies
  • make your own pattern (very useful if you need a new background)
  • create next hit comic
  • make a city which looks like something from 90′s games
  • draw a mandala like design
  • jig saw puzzles
  • more jig saw puzzles to solve
  • create a stunning HTML5 animation - no coding!
  • make a movie
  • create and dress up dolls
  • play a piano
  • you can also play a guitar
  • create sounds
  • another sound creator
  • create a logo
  • design your dream home
  • sketch rooms
  • explore fashion trends and create your own sets
  • build a website
  • try this app for building a website
  • Or maybe start learning how to code!
  • design your own t-shirt or a beanie or sweatpants and order them
  • design your own phone case
  • pretend to be a graphic designer with this cool online tool
  • Make your own Glitch art
  • Here’s another glitch art maker
  • And another!
  • Holy hell, here’s a third!
  • make an image look like it was created by a commodore 64
  • freaking cool text generator!
  • Easy to use word processor
  • Make up really cool patterns or run your photos through it :)
  • Write an essay on anything with no hassle
  • Wanna see how something you write would look like if it was on JacksFilms YGS((Your Grammar Sucks videos on YouTube))?
  • Make pictures out of text
  • ASCII word generator
  • Need an idea for some fanart-here :D
  • mario
  • cubefield
  • sleep calculator
    essay typer
  • rice questions
  • maths 
  • artsy-fartsy pretty thing
  • quotes
  • survive nature
  • rain
  • tumblr music
  • calming rain
  • themes
  • backgrounds [x] 
  • loads of references


Still haven’t found something that would float your  proverbial boat? 

Then try these out!:

  • watch a documentary
  • learn to code
  • do something yourself
  • workout with the help of this great youtube channels
  • learn things
  • play pokemon or zelda or other awesome old school games
  • waste your time on miniclip
  • play games at additing games
  • or try games at agame
  • calm your thoughts
  • the quiet place
  • it will be okay
  • vent or listen to someone
  • pour out your soul
  • explore the sky
  • look at art from around the world
  • virtually visit museum of iraq
  • explore world with arounder
  • create a music playlist
  • list through rare books
  • scroll useful science website
  • create sand art
  • brain games
  • try out tastekid and discover new favorite band or movie or book
  • interactive 3D anatomy
  • random street view
  • post a secret
  • create a family tree
  • find our what’s the difference between x and y
  • help scientists and become volunteer researcher
  • create your own font
  • read a classic short story
  • In the mood to read, but not sure exactly what book to go for?
  • scribble on maps
  • listen to letters
  • play with acrobots
  • listen to podcasts
  • make a bucket list
  • Ever want to see the most truly useless websites in creation?
  • Prank a friend with this blue screen of death!
  • Zone out watching the colors drip down
  • Sprite generator!
  • Face Generator/Creator!


Even More stuffs;

  • Wanna make a custom minecraft skin?
  • Well then these’ll work!
  • This one too~
  • Wanna make a custom error pop up?
  • Or a custom blue screen? 
  • WELP, what about making some ASCII art?
  • Here ya go!
  • And another one~
  • WAIT-last one…
  • OH, and here’s a HTML to image converter!..You’re gonna need that!
  • How about a pixel text bubble generator
  • Here’s a photoediting website that’s free and pretty awesome to mess with!

Ok, maybe none of these peeked your interest. 

Maybe you’ve been wanting to create an o.c, but never really knew how to start, or you just enjoy making O.C’s.

This  part of this list is specifically for OCs and Oc building. It can also apply to developing RP characters~


Gemsona stuffs;

  • Just a straight up character gemsona creator
  • Here’s another
  • Not sure what gem to go with, or where? 
  • OR maybe your unsure about more than just that?

Credit to http://spacetravels.tumblr.com/post/78602010683/so-you-want-to-make-an-oc-a-masterpost-of-ways For the majority of links here!

 ((I added a couple of links! In the appearance, details, and the whole of item names section, and the Gemsona area-((above))! 

As well as the couple of Transformers/Southpark character builder links, and Undertale/TMNT below..

Basically every link I made bold I added, because I am complete fandom trash…

..Seriously, Go check her wonderful blog out~!!!

How to Write Better OCs:

  • basic tips on how to make your oc even better
  • tragic backstory? learn how to write one/make yours great
  • writing specific characters
  • a wordier, great guide on how to develop your character
  • kick out those vague descriptions and make them AWESOME

Character Development:

  • how to actually make an OC
  • Q&A (to develop characters)
  • more Q&As
  • giving your character a backstory
  • how to write an attractive character

Need an Appearance idea?

  • Humanoid generator? check
  • Here’s another one
  • and maybe if you didn’t like those this’ll work
  • Need Monsterpeople?
  • Well, then here ya’ go
  • Maybe you need Cats?

Diversity;

  • adding more racial diversity
  • avoiding tokenism, AKA, how to add diversity to your cast not just because you “need” it
  • writing sexuality and gender expression(doesnt include non binary, if you have a good ref to that, please add on!)
  • masterpost on writing more diversity into your story
  • cultures of the world
  • guides to drawing different ethnicities(not just a great art reference, but also really helpful in appearance descriptions!)


Mary Sue/Gary Stu;

  • Test to see if your character is a Sue
  • Explains subdivisions of Sues/Stus
  • Powerful Characters Don’t Have to Be Sues


Villains;

  • villain generator
  • need an evil sounding name for your evil character? bam
  • villain archetypes
  • what’s your villain’s motive for being a villain?


Relationships;

  • character perceptions(What your character thinks of themselves and what others think of them)
  • how to write strong relationships between two characters
  • 8 ways to write better characters and develop their relationships with others
  • OCxLove Interest Handbook
  • develop your couple with good ol’ Q&A!
  • how to write realistic relationships
  • how to write relatives for your characters(this is more OC related to a canon character, but will help in writing family members in general)


ARCHETYPES;

  • 12 common archetypes
  • 8 archetypes for male/female characters
  • female archetypes (goes pretty indepth from two main categories)
  • a list of archetypes


NAMES;

  • how to name your character
  • random name generator
  • most common surnames
  • surnames by ethnicity


APPEARANCE;

  • tips for better design
  • basic appearance generator
  • pinterest board for character design (includes NSFW and images of skeletons/exposed muscle (?) so tread carefully!)
  • clothing ref masterpost
  • Clothing generator
  • Another clothing generator
  • More clothing generator
  • Aaaand even more
  • Steam punk clothing
  • Char Style preference
  • Dress Generator


OTHER DETAILS;

  • give your character better powers
  • a list of professions
  • proactive vs reactive characters
  • positive and negative traits
  • interest generator
  • skills generator
  • motivation generator
  • 123 ideas for character flaws
  • list of phobias
  • Oh shit someone died
  • Backgrounds and stuff? yep
  • Quirks
  • Personality. you need that shit
  • Need something fandom related?
  • City generator hell yeah
  • location? got ya
  • World-building?
  • make your own god damn laws
  • Landscape.


Need Item names?;

  • Fantasy/sci-fi/etc. medicine names
  • Stuff to make things more interesting.Weapons, clothes, treasures… whatever your characters need.
  • Item & Artifact Generators



Other story stuffs!

  • Genre, Plot, & Story Prompt Generators
  • How did your characters meet?
  • Fanfic plots. you bet your ass!



WAIT!…if none of that worked, then maybe you want to make a SouthPark style character?

  • Here!
  • Well, this one’s nice too~
  • And another..
  • Aaaand another!


What about Transformers Characters?;

  • Here’s a Transformers name generator~
  • And a Character builder!


UNDERTALE STUFFS GUYS;

  • Undertale character speech box creator!
  • Want inspiration for an Undertale Oc?
  • OR a super Edgy Undertale Theory generator?
  • Maybe you just want to read some funny Sans Puns!


TMNT STUFFS;

  • How about a TMNT creator?
  • Or a TMNT meme generator..


If any of the links have any issues for whatever reason, HERE’S THE LINK TO THE SAME LIST I COPIED TO MY DA ACCOUNT JUST IN CASE;

http://ladyevel.deviantart.com/journal/Mega-List-for-Boredom-and-Inspiration-577571203

Me: Anti-straight and the constant hatred of straight people often hurts other members of the lgbt community because it throws any of them who are “viewed” as straight under the bus and it’s also harmful to straight trans peope–

Some asshole: SO ARE YOU SAYING STRAIGHTS ARE OPPRESSED? LMFAO FUCKING STRAIGHTIEE :)))) I HATE CISHETS lmfao go choke straightie

Don't Label Jin in BTS with Female Pronouns or Automatically Associate Him with Namjoon

Please, don’t call/or imply that Jin is a mom/wife/parent/princess etc.; claim indirectly that Namjin is the only Jinship; or automatically associate Jin with Namjoon as a default, because of these reasons:
1. Misrepresentation of Jin’s personality: BigHit restricted Jin’s personality because they wanted him to have a certain image as being cool, calm and collected until around 2016, when BigHit finally allowed Jin to act like himself. As you can see in recent videos, Jin is much more playful, outgoing, childish and loud. However, the label of mom still remains despite the fact that he doesn’t exhibit the stereotypical traits of a mom anymore. Cooking and taking care of the members does not automatically make him a mother. This is why I don’t want him to be called mom/wife/princess anymore, because you’re misrepresenting who he actually is. All the members say Jin ist the most childish.
2. “But the other members call Jin mom, and Jin has called himself it as well”: Yes, I acknowledge that this has happened; however, J-Hope and Jimin has also been labeled as moms. J-Hope especially have been referred to as the mother-figure much more frequently than Jin. Both J-Hope and Jimin have done actions that can be perceived as stereotypical mom-traits. Why does the label only stick to Jin? Plus they’re calling him uncle now.
3. The appropriate context: If you’re going to label someone as mom, at least it should be in a context where the member actually acts in a way that is stereotypically considered motherly. Instead often what happens is that Jin is labeled as a mother/wife no matter how unlike a stereotypical mother/wife he actually acts.
4. Double standards and hypocrisy: For example, Jin has nearly kissed Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook but this is still considered a son-mom-moment, with comments like “Mommy Jin, what are you doing trying to kissing your son?”, “Cute mom-and-son bonding moment” or “Stop cheating on Namjoon.” This limits our perception of Jin’s relationships, because they are all reduced to son-mom-moments. If near-kiss-moments had been between any of the other members than Jin, the interactions would not have been interpreted as a mom-and-son-moment. But just because it’s Jin, his interactions are judged differently. In other words, there is a double standard on how Jin is treated compared to other members. It is hypocritical that Jin is judged differently.
5. Limiting the way we perceive Jin’s relationships: It also limits the type of relationships Jin is allowed to have, both romantically and brotherly. The mom/wife label is indirectly forced on people like me, when people continue to comment things like mom/wife. When people comment that Jin is “cheating on Namjoon” or “Mom Jin and dad Namjoon taking care of the kids”, people implicitly make it clear that Jin can only be shipped with Namjoon (even if it’s just a joke), and when people, even if they don’t bring in Namjoon, call Jin mom they are indirectly reinforcing the ship and the role Jin has.
6. Shipping: Worse is when Namjoon or mom jokes are used to promote their ship. Saying that Jin is “cheating on Namjoon” or imply in any way that Namjoon or Jin are in an actual relationship, dismisses Jin’s other relationships with the other members. and implicitly reinforce that Jin can not be shipped with anyone than Namjoon. This often happens when people don’t want Jin to be shipped with anyone else than Namjoon, so they make “jokes” and misgenders him because they don’t want Jin to be shipped with anyone else then Namjoon.
7. Indirectly/Implicitly preventing shipping: Saying things like “You can’t ship mom and son, that’s incest” and “Everyone already knows that Namjoon and Jin is married”, is a dismissive gesture, that is implicitly preventing people from interpreting Jin’s relationships in another way than mom-and-son. People hide behind this “joke”, to prevent Jin from being shipped, brotherly or romantically etc., with anyone else than Namjoon.
8. Stereotyping of Moms: “A stereotype is a preconceived notion about a group of people.” By calling Jin mom/wife, people are indirectly implying that making food and taking care of the members, is how a mom should/and is acting.
9. “But it’s a compliment”: Maybe people mean it as one, but it’s still problematic to perpetuate a stigma about moms, and implicitly about gender roles.
10. Gender roles and heteronormativity: By stereotyping Jin as the mother and Rap Monster as the father, people are implying that there needs to be a “submissive” and “dominant” in the relationship, often in relation with “femininity” (female) and “masculinity” (male). Instead of just being a relationship with two men, people are indirectly strengthening the perception that there needs to be someone traditionally feminine (female) and someone traditionally masculine (male). Even though I don’t believe anyone is intentionally intending to be homophobic or sexist, this is still a case of unintentional and internalized sexism and homophobia, that stigmatize and generalize people. This is heteronormativity.
11. Misgendering: About the princess/mom/wife label, Jin once corrected a fan when she called him princess, he wanted to be called prince. This can be applied to the mom/wife label too.
12. “But we know that he is a man, it’s just a joke”: Jokes can be problematic and harmful, and as I mentioned before, it still misrepresents Jin’s personality, stereotypes him and limits how we view his interactions with other members.
13. “It’s still a joke. Calm down. If you don’t like the comments, just ignore them.”: People are entitled to their opinion, but don’t tell us not react or tell us it’s just a joke, because we understand that it’s just a joke, but we don’t find it funny. Stop trivializing our feelings, perspectives and experiences and blame us for implicitly for being “too sensitive” and “not being able to take a joke” when so many people do not like that Jin is called mom/wife/princess etc. Our feelings should be acknowledged. We should not be marginalized and overlooked, and we need to speak up, because if we don’t, people will continue to call Jin mom/wife/princess. Stop misrepresenting Jin’s personality; stereotyping him; being hypocritical about how you chose to interpret Jin’s relationships/personality as mom/wife/princess when you wouldn’t have done the same with another member; and limiting how we view Jin’s interactions and relationship with the members.

Side note: English is not my first language, so I’m sorry if I didn’t articulate myself well enough. I made a post about this before, but this one is much more organized, and I added several points.

Enough with this anti Otayuri crap.

Let’s start by saying that I’m not a hardcore Otayuri fan; I don’t mind them, I just like Viktuuri better. 

Now, ship hate is nothing new: always has been, always will be -cause some people are just incapable of sharing their opinions without bashing and flaming. You have the right to dislike a certain ship if it’s toxic or unhealthy (like Sasuke/Sakura for me) or abusive (like Sangwoo/Yoonbum for me… still read KS though, I’m a sucker for psychological horror) or illegal (like Sebastian/Ciel in probably every industrialized country in the world, but I mind my own business), or simply triggering. You have the right to state your reasons.

You don’t have the right to be an asshole without a reason though.

Here a piece of advice: you think that Otabek is a pedophile? That Otayuri is unacceptable for age reasons?


WRONG.


If it makes you feel that way, it’s your opinion. Your own perception. If thinking about a relationship between two teenagers of 16 and 19 respectively makes you feel uncomfortable because your idea of age of consent is different from the one stated by the law, it’s a matter of opinion. Every opinion matters, but you have to keep in mind that Otayuri has shippers from all over the world, and the age of consent might vary. 

Here’s some data:

In many countries (at least in most of European/Western countries) the age of consent is set at 14-16. For example, where I come from (Italy, one of the most close-minded country I’ve ever seen, but things are slowly changing, thank God) it’s perfectly acceptable to have sex if you’re at least 14 -of course the consent is invalidated with partners who have custody or some kind of institutional power over you). In Italy you can even have sex at 13, but in this case your partner must be a minor him/herself and 3 years older tops, otherwise it’s punishable. So in Europe Otayuri is generally legal.

I don’t know much about American law, but I know for sure that A) the age of consent varies from State to State, and B) the most common one is 16. Same goes for Canada. So in Northern America Otayuri is generally legal as well. 

Yuri!!!! on Ice is a Japanese show. Kubo Mitsoru is Japanese. In Japan the age of consent is set at 13 (although in some prefectures every sexual act conducted on a minor is considered illegal, while in Tokyo the age consent is 17). Guess what? With some variation, in Japan Otayuri is legal.

In Kazakistan? Here the age of consent is set at 16, regardless of consent and sexual orientation (yes, in some countries taking it up the ass makes a difference, don’t ask me why). I’m getting tired of repeating myself, but according to the law of Kazakistan Otayuri is legal. 

This leaves Russia. “Article 134. Sexual Intercourse and Other Actions of Sexual Character with a Person Who Has Not Reached the Age of Sixteen Years: Sexual intercourse committed by a person who has reached the age of eighteen years with a person who has not reached the age of sixteen years shall be punishable […]”. That means that even in Nohomoland™ Otayuri would be legal. 

So, as you can see, most of these antis are not simply stating their opinion, which would be their right if they were to respect others as well. Otayuri is legal in almost every industrialized country (Arabia and Islamic countries are another matter, and I’m definetly not getting started on that), so why the fuck are people talking about pedophilia?!? Do you even know what a pedophile is? Apparently you don’t, and you’re lucky you don’t. 

A pedophile is the old beggar at the corner of the street who tried to shove his hands under my sister’s shirt when she was 5. A pedophile is a sick person, a dangeros person, a criminal who lusts after children. 

If that’s what you think of this when you watch YOI and see an Otayuri moment, then you’re lucky enough to not know what a real pedophile is. 

Keep in mind that every data I collected is taken from the Internet, since I’m not a law student nor I have access to legal data from the other side of the world, but I tried to be as accurate as possible. What I’m trying to say is that, if Otayuri makes you feel uncomfortable because of the age difference, you don’t have to bash other people because of it: every country has its own code in the matter, although there’s a general tendency, and that has nothing to do with ship wars. And keep in mind that the age of consent matter is an ongoing debate because it has little to do with age per se and more with psychological maturity. I mean, if we were to listen to Mother Nature, women would have the right to have sex at 12, 10 in some cases, since their bodies can bear children, right? 

It. Is. A. Matter. Of. Perspective. 

i think in itself the kin/ID communities aren’t bad as obviously i have some myself, some i keep private and some i discuss, but the obsession with finding the perfect/correct person in a sea of people who you know nothing about beyond their kins with the express intention of rekindling relationships of any sort is extremely unhealthy

like seeking those people out, forming relationships based on nothing but past life perceptions of compatibility is very bad for you and setting you up for a lot of disappointment as well as setting one another up for impossible standards and encouraging behaviors to keep one another close ie lying about memories, exaggerating events from those canons, living too much in the past… it’s not good and makes your growth stagnant

Persona Charts: What do they mean?

Okay so it is common knowledge that the Sun is the bones of the personality. It’s what allows the other aspects of ourselves shine through. These other aspects or personas if you will, are characterized by the planets in our chart. This is where persona charts come from, there is no persona chart for the Sun because as the most important, the Sun’s persona chart is our natal chart. So what do the other nine person charts show us about ourselves?

There are 12 personalities but 9 persona charts because some planets rule two signs meaning that persona chart is applicable for both.

Moon Persona Chart (Personality 4): Corresponds with the “Mother” archetype and so can be used to interpret the native’s perception of their mother or the relationship there. Can also be interpreted as their inner child and emotions. This persona chart helps us find what makes us feel emotionally secure or what subconscious factors we have playing in the background.

Mercury Persona Chart (Personality 3 and 6): This chart speaks for both our intellect and style of communication as well as adaptability. It can be interpreted as both our interaction with others and our capability to accept and adapt to necessary changes.

Venus Persona Chart (Personality 2 and 7): This chart speaks for both our values (of others an ourselves), our security and insecurity and our beauty as well as our relationships with others and the world itself.

Mars Persona Chart (Personality 1): Takes on the archetype of the Warrior. It shows us our capabilities to take charge and assert ourselves in life. It shows us what fuels our motivation and how we execute our desires.

Jupiter Persona Chart (Personality 9): This persona chart shows us our relationships with religion and philosophy. It shows us our inner therapist and wanderer.

Saturn Persona Chart (Personality 10): This chart shows us the nature of our life lessons and where they appear in our lives. Here we see vocations and truths.

Uranus Persona Chart (Personality 11): In this persona chart we see where we must feel free, where we feel the need to rebel and where we cut ties. It shows us our localisation independence and liberty.

Neptune Persona Chart (Personality 12): Here we see how we as individuals transcend the mundane world. It shows us our spirituality and is great for looking at possible “gifts”. It shows us how to see through the illusions.

Pluto Persona Chart (Personality 8): This persona chart in particular shows us how we face our demons and come to peace with the darker side of ourselves. It shows us how we turn the darkness into our own light.

Lesson 11.4: Soul Relationships

Our souls come here to grow. We cannot grow in isolation and different souls cross paths in order to help each other and all of humanity to evolve. We do this through different relationships: karmic relationships, soulmate relationships, and twin flame relationships. A lot of the time we confuse these relationships and misinterpret their meaning, because they all do have overlapping attributes. However, all kinds of soul relationships are unique in their own way. 

Karmic Relationships

Karmic relationships are relationships with people who teach us lessons we didn’t master in our last lifetime. They usually don’t work out, but that’s because they’re not supposed to. Lasting forever would defeat the purpose of a karmic relationship. Your karmic soulmate should come into your life, teach you/challenge you through different experiences, and then leave. This sounds harsh, but it’s not bad. They are called “karmic” relationships because their purpose is to help both of the souls balance mutual karma. That’s why karmic relationships often form based on strong attraction (whether it be physical, mental or emotional), because both souls know that they need this connection in order to balance karma from a past life. There will be good times in these relationships and the end is not always abrupt or through heartbreak, especially if the two souls involved are mindful. It takes strength to be in these relationships, as sometimes it’s hard to let go. 


We may want to hold on for some reason, maybe there’s something in the relationship that we can’t let go of, but we have to understand that letting go is learning our lesson and afterward we will move on to better things and new lessons. Like any soulmate, you can have karmic relationships with your friends as well.

Soulmate Relationships

Soulmates are souls who teach us lessons as well. The souls we’re with in karmic relationships often teach us things that influence our perception of reality and help us to grow our perception. Soulmates often teach us things that help us to grow internally. 

“Soul mates share a common mission and comparable stage of spiritual development. They come together because they are working on the same type of karma and the same chakra simultaneously.

So soul mates have an attraction that is based on the sacred labor and on the path of self-mastery.

A soul mate is like the echo of oneself in Matter working at the same task to fulfill a blueprint for God.” – Elizabeth Clare Prophet

Soulmate relationships experience hardships just as any other relationship does. The difference is that in soulmate relationships, the hardships we face are usually centered around growth. The challenges help us to change and when we experience difficulty with a soulmate, we turn to introspection to see what we can do internally to help the situation. This is because soulmates are here to help us do that, to be introspective and see how we can grow. Soulmates often focus on you and how you can become a better person, whereas karmic partners focus on themselves. See, karmic lovers won’t directly encourage us to grow. Through their actions and the flaws in their personalities and our ability to let go of them, they help us to grow. Soulmates directly try to help us become better people. They even help us with self-awareness and realizing our greatness and our purpose.

Half of our soulmates won’t even be romantic. The purpose of a soulmate is to help us grow and evolve in this life and become better versions of ourselves, which doesn’t have to be romantic. A soulmate can even be a stranger you encounter for a few minutes, but within that encounter something will happen that helps you to grow. We often have “soul circles” or “soul families”, a group of other souls who we travel through lifetimes with. These will be good friends of yours who you become friends with in each lifetime. If you have friends who feel more like your family than the people you’re actually related to do, then they could be your soul circle.

Twin Flames

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Sibling Abuse in ACOTAR

I am writing this post to deal with the misconceptions about what constitutes sibling abuse in the ACOTAR fandom. When replying to this post, it is very important to keep the discussion polite and respectful. Please also consider that the trivializing and belittling of this subject can have a negative impact on survivors of this abuse who are reading your comments. I would also request that we leave other characters out of these discussions, especially if they have no bearing on the topic. When using information from one of my sources, I will use a number that I assigned to that source. A separate post with information from different articles will be posted and tagged “sibling abuse sources”, and labeled by the same numbers. I will also be using direct quotes from ACOTAR. I am writing this post in between different school and regular work, so I did not have time to detail the parental abuse (mostly in the form of neglect) also found in ACOTAR. I will only touch on it and its tie to the sibling abuse. If needed, I will do a post on other familial abuse later. I am a survivor of familial abuse – both parental and sibling. Unlike Feyre, the abuse I suffered was physical as well. When reading this post remember that I have a lot of experience with this topic, and that others who read it and your comments may too.

           Family violence is awful in all its forms, but is usually depicted inaccurately with men as just perpetrators and women solely as victims of abusive family acts. This study’s findings indicate that there are no gender differences related to surviving sibling abuse or perpetrating emotional and physical abuse among siblings (3). There are three factors to consider when defining sibling abuse - perception, intent, and severity. Perception refers to how each sibling sees the interaction. If one sibling involved in the sibling relationship views the behavior as abusive, there is a dynamic beyond normal sibling rivalry (3). Intent refers to what a sibling hoped to accomplish through an action or behavior. When sibling abuse is present, the intent of the perpetrating sibling is primarily to cause harm. Severity is related to the duration and intensity of the sibling behavior. As severity increases there is greater chance that the sibling relationship is abusive. Perception, intent, and severity exist within three primary categories of sibling abuse: psychological, physical, and sexual (3). Psychological abuse is typically not recognized by parents and is often dismissed as normal sibling rivalry. This type of abuse includes belittling, intimidation, provocation, destroying possessions, and torturing/killing pets. Psychological abuse is different from “normal” behavior based on consistency and intensity. Examples would include words and actions expressing degradation and contempt that have an impact on the sense of well-being (insecurity and self-esteem) of a sibling, such as daily harassing statements like, “No one in this family cares about you and we would all be happier if you were dead” (3).

           The most prominent perpetrator of sibling abuse in ACOTAR is Nesta. There are numerous words and actions found in the beginning of ACOTAR that support this statement. One of the most prominent instances, was this exchange between the sisters, “What do you know?” Nesta breathed. “You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” She stormed off, Elain darting after her, cooing her sympathy. They slammed the door to the bedroom hard enough to rattle the dishes. I’d heard the words before—and knew she only repeated them because I’d flinched that first time she spat them. They still burned anyway.” The last insult she told Feyre is almost identical to the example given by Source 3, “No one in this family cares about you and we would all be happier if you were dead”. The text shows that Nesta had said similar hurtful statements before, and said them knowing that they emotionally hurt Feyre. By analyzing this exchange with the three aspects of sibling abuse in mind, this exchange is clearly psychologically abusive. Feyre clearly perceives this as a verbal/emotional attack, and the words Nesta use greatly wounds Feyre emotionally. Nesta’s intent in this situation is also clear – she is seeking to hurt Feyre. Nesta is looking to wound Feyre for her disapproving of Nesta’s possible marriage proposal. Nesta uses this specific phrase because she has used it in the past and knew it had hurt Feyre’s feelings. The last aspect of sibling abuse, severity, is also evidenced by this exchange. Nesta has used almost those exact words to hurt Feyre before, and she actively looks for ways to wound Feyre emotionally, as evidenced by more quotes found from the book.

           More exchanges that reek of abuse found in ACOTAR include, “… so you can have enough time to paint your glorious masterpieces.” She sneered at the pillar of foxglove I’d painted along the edge of the table…” In this quote from Nesta, she is knowingly and purposefully mocking the only activity Feyre enjoys – painting. Her sneering at Feyre’s work also highlights just how sarcastic Nesta’s words are when she called Feyre’s painting masterpieces. Sarcasm on its own is not abuse, but when paired with Nesta’s actions (like trying to hurt Feyre’s self-esteem and pride of her artwork) shows that Nesta has the intent to emotionally wound Feyre. And Nesta succeeds in her attempt to belittle Feyre’s art, “I drowned the urge to cover up the painting with my hand. Maybe tomorrow I’d just scrape it off the table altogether.” Nesta’s next psychological abuse tactic is to humiliate Feyre in front of their father and other sister by exposing Feyre’s sexual activity and trying to use it to shame her. “She added with a small smile, “At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.” My father let out an embarrassed cough, looking to his cot by the fire. He’d never said a word against Nesta, from either fear or guilt, and apparently, he wasn’t going to start now, even if this was the first he was hearing of Isaac.” The role their father plays in allowing and propagating the abuse will be discussed later, but is seen in this quote. It is also interesting his potential “fear” of Nesta. This is an example of an abuser humiliating their victim to elicit shame in the target of their attacks. As will be discussed later, lowering a victim’s self-worth and increasing their shame is a tactic to gain power over them. Sex shaming an individual on its own, while hurtful, is not only abusive. But when the other factors of the situation are considered, it adds to the narrative of daily abuse Nesta bestows on Feyre. When analyzing this situation with the three sibling abuse factors, perception, intent, and severity, it is easy to see that Nesta is being abusive again in the text.

Siblings who resort to bullying view it as a means to exert power, often in response to the fact that they have been victimized by parents, older siblings, or someone outside the family (1). The aggression of the perpetrators can be a means of getting back at a favored child and releasing the anger stemming from their own abuse or an attempt to claim a sense of mastery over the trauma of their own abuse or situation. The aggression can also be a form of mimicry that is reinforced by other aggressors in the family (1).

The whole power dynamic of Feyre’s family is entirely turned upside down. The father no longer has control or power over his children, and they are left to grapple for it between each other. His lack of control is seen not only in how he never tells his children what to do or reprimands them for their treatment of each other, but also in the ways Nesta looks to use his painfully injured leg against him, “His simply carved cane was propped up against his chair—a cane he’d made for himself … and that Nesta was sometimes prone to leaving far out of his reach.” Nesta is malicious in her behavior towards him, and while it is understandable for her to be angry and hurt by his negligence, it does not give her the right to lash out at him and Feyre. No human is perfect, so occasional outbursts would be understood, but her consistent and calculated actions against the members of her family show that the situation they have grown up in has affected her enough to use abuse tactics to try to regain power in the situation. The following quote from the book is another instance of her seeking to claim power from the others, “From beside my father, Nesta snorted. Not surprising. Any bit of praise for anyone—me, Elain, other villagers—usually resulted in her dismissal. And any word from our father usually resulted in her ridicule as well.” Anything that could help lift Feyre’s sense of self-esteem is instantly destroyed by Nesta. Nesta is almost certainly in pain, and she is looking to make sure everyone not only stays that way – but hurts more than her. Some might argue that Feyre is the one with the most power in the family, since she is the only provider and source of food and money. There might be credence to this, if it weren’t for two things. First, Feyre would never withhold food, or money for survival necessities, from her family in order to control them. Second, it is possible that one of the reasons Nesta resents Feyre is because she is the sole provider (Nesta could change this by trying to help support the family, but doesn’t) and used psychological means of taking any power that Feyre might have. An example of this can be seen in the following exchange between the sisters, “Nesta picked at her long, neat nails. “I hate chopping wood. I always get splinters.” She glanced up from beneath her dark lashes. Of all of us, Nesta looked the most like our mother—especially when she wanted something. “Besides, Feyre,” she said with a pout, “you’re so much better at it! It takes you half the time it takes me. Your hands are suited for it—they’re already so rough.”” Nesta will eventually chop the wood, but she did not do it prior to the book starting when Feyre originally asked her to, and most likely only does it to try to curry some favor with Feyre before they head to the market, which will be addressed later. In this exchange, Nesta is using what, at first glance, looks to be a compliment, but is really intended to insult Feyre. First, Nesta offered an excuse not to contribute to the family’s survival, then she compliments Feyre’s ability to chop wood, and followed it up with a compliment that Feyre had an affinity for wood chopping – since her hands were rough. This is, of course, an insult since Nesta believes that manual labor which impacts the hands is a task only poor people – people lesser than her – should do. Her belief is evidenced by the perfectly kept state of her own hands and fingers. Feyre, the provider, theoretically should be able to demand help from her family. But she at most offers empty threats, since she promised her mother that she would care for them no matter what. If Nesta did not chop the wood, Feyre would have eventually done it. This is a fact that Nesta knows and exploits. That is why Feyre does more than the bulk of the work needed for the family’s survival. These, along with other exchanges in the book, show that Nesta is using psychological abuse to claim power from her family.

           Several studies over the past three decades found data which shows that sibling abuse is pandemic and can have fatal results. One study found that as many as 40% of children in the United States engage in physical aggression against siblings, and as many as 85% engage in verbal aggression against siblings on a regular basis (1). Many factors, such as the severity and intent of an act by one sibling and the emotional impact of that act on another sibling, is used when determining if an interaction is abusive. Negative sibling relationships are characterized by fear, shame, and hopelessness. Negative relationships indicate that some form of abuse is occurring (1). Examples include ridicule, which involves both words and actions that express contempt and degradation, which deprives the victim of a sense of self-worth. The sibling who can exacerbate fear gains control in the relationship through minimizing the other’s self-esteem (1). Emotional abuse includes numerous and often cruel forms of abuse, such as belittling, intimidation, scorn, provocation, destroying possessions, and torturing/killing pets.

As discussed earlier, Nesta is looking to gain control from the other family members through contempt, degradation, belittlement, scorn, and goading. This is evidenced yet again in the following excerpt, “My sisters had gone quiet, and I looked up in time to see Nesta crinkle her nose with a sniff. She picked at my cloak. “You stink like a pig covered in its own filth. Can’t you at least try to pretend that you’re not an ignorant peasant?” I didn’t let the sting and ache show. I’d been too young to learn more than the basics of manners and reading and writing when our family had fallen into misfortune, and she’d never let me forget it.” Nesta is belittling how Feyre provides for the family by insulting her appearance after hunting and bringing home food. She is also purposefully picking at Feyre’s insecurity – the fact that she was never able to learn to read and other skills the upper/middle class have in their society. Examining this interaction with the three factors of sibling abuse in mind, Nesta is yet again abusive. Perception – Feyre feels the “sting and ache” that Nesta’s words create in her. She is emotionally hurt by her sister yet again. Intent- Nesta is looking to undermine Feyre’s accomplishment in killing a deer and looking to use a known insecurity to hurt Feyre more. Severity – the text states that Nesta has used illiteracy, manual labor, and lack of education to mock Feyre before, and this is yet again another instance of her calculating what the best words to wound Feyre are in that situation. Yet another example of Nesta finding ways to exert control on her family members is seen here, ““Take those disgusting clothes off.” I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark back at her.” Some might argue that Feyre is abusive as well, and while it is important to keep in mind that all interactions are seen from Feyre’s perspective and might be biased, Feyre’s intent is also very clear. After Nesta negatively orders her to disrobe, she feels the insult in the order, but tries to keep her anger inside her and not lash out. That is not a commonly found trait in abusers, and Nesta certainly doesn’t display it. When angered, Nesta instantly lashes out, and looks to find ways to severely hurt those who she is upset with.

The family environment is an important factor in sibling abuse because sibling abuse often is a reflection of behavior that has been witnessed or experienced within the family. The family is an interdependent unit, and the actions of one family member have an impact on all the other members. Conflict over the number of emotional and material resources available, and how parents handle it, heightens stress among siblings. Children are at greater risk of sibling abuse if their parents are unavailable to meet the children’s needs and are unable to help them to resolve sibling tensions (1). Experts on sibling abuse have proposed that maladaptive parental behavior and dysfunctional family structures play key roles in fueling sibling abuse. In a study conducted by Wiehe (1997), the normalization of abuse by parents was found to be a key factor in the severity and frequency of abuse between siblings (1). It’s been proved that an abused child may inflict abuse on a sibling because they are modeling the actions of their parents.  Some victims of severe sibling abuse have reported that their family environments were toxic. Wiehe (2000) reported that some victims have “described the atmosphere in their home as a ‘battleground.’ A culture of violence developed for all family members living in this culture”. Raised in such an environment, children learn to survive through intimidation and cruelty. Families who live in chaos are at risk of sibling abuse. Chaotic and disorganized families move from crisis to crisis, and it seems that no one has control. Parental stress and overburdened caretakers are two factors that result in the assignment of parental responsibilities and tasks to children. It has been shown that there is a strong link between lack of parental supervision and the frequency and severity of sibling abuse (1).

The father in ACOTAR is neglectful to the point of abuse, which will be discussed in a different post in the future. His emotional unavailability, inability to / lack of trying to provide for the family, and refusal to protect the siblings from each other all display his neglectful abuse. The chaotic situations the family endures – losing their mother, losing their fortune, moving to a hovel, watching their father beat, living without parents who provide for them – all deeply impact the sisters. All of them are hurting, and this leads some of them to turn to abuse to deal with the issues. “But at least Nesta didn’t fill our heads with useless talk of regaining our wealth, like my father. No, she just spent whatever money I didn’t hide from her, and rarely bothered to acknowledge my father’s limping presence at all. Some days, I couldn’t tell which of us was the most wretched and bitter.” The losses this family has faced has brought them all low and filled them with pain, but it seems only Feyre is looking to actively improve their situation.

Some families promote the development of alliances at the expense of other family members. When this happens, an unhealthy triangle develops in the family structure. Triangles are not always bad. However, when rigid rules and patterns are established in the triangle, problems may arise. When this type of triangle exists in a family, resolution of emotional problems is often prevented (1). 

There is an unhealthy trio in the house – and Feyre got the short end of it. Nesta and Elain are the most bonded, and Nesta actively looks to undermine and cause Feyre pain. Instead of Elain trying to heal the rift between the other two sisters, she takes Nesta’s side – even though Nesta is predominantly cruel. This unhealthy partnership, the support of an abusive individual, and neglectfulness to the point of abuse along with the father, all show that Elain is not innocent when it comes to sibling abuse. Textual evidence of this will be provided and analyzed in a different post. Nesta also psychologically abuses Elain – but to a much lesser extent than Feyre. This again, will be covered in a different post. This post has grown too long, and so it will continue to mostly focus on the sibling dynamic between Nesta and Feyre.

           According to the National Family Violence Survey, the rates of sibling abuse “make the high rates of other forms of family violence, such as parents abusing children or spouses abusing each other, seem modest by comparison”. Even with the high incident rates, sibling abuse is the least reported and researched form of abuse (4). Emotional abuse may include verbal intimidation or name calling, degradation, insults, and threatening or completing acts of violence (4). The differences between sibling violence and abuse are that violence showed reciprocal aggression between siblings, and abuse was a result of one sibling exerting power over the other. Capsi defined sibling abuse as, “unidirectional hostility where one sibling seeks to overpower the other via a reign of terror and intimidation and reflects an asymmetrical power arrangement” (4). When assessing psychological abuse, questions related to emotional aggression can be used. These include, “what is happening that hurts your feelings?” and intent “[insert example from student’s story], did this happen accidently or on purpose? What tells you that it was ‘on purpose’?” Questions such as these will likely elicit concrete descriptions of the behavior between children (4).

           There is another source of power found within families – money and material items. Feyre is the provider of the family, the one who risks her life to hunt and bring back game. The animals can be used for a few purposes, for instance, some parts will be used for food, and other parts sold for money. Feyre, the main/only real source of income for the family should be able to decide how the money is spent. This right is undeserved and should be revoked if the provider is selfish and wasteful with the family’s funds. The book shows that Feyre is neither. Instead, her sisters are the selfish ones when it comes to money:

“I’d love a new cloak,” Elain said at last with a sigh, at the same moment Nesta rose and declared: “I need a new pair of boots.””

“I kept quiet, knowing better than to get in the middle of one of their arguments, but I glanced at Nesta’s still-shiny pair by the door. Beside hers, my too-small boots were falling apart at the seams, held together only by fraying laces.”

“She drew out the two syllables of my name—fay-ruh—into the most hideous whine I’d ever endured, and Nesta loudly clicked her tongue before ordering her to shut up.”

“I drowned them out as they began quarreling over who would get the money the hide would fetch tomorrow…”

           Why should either Elain or Nesta be given the funds the hides would earn? Neither of them hunted the animals. If they weren’t being selfish, they would be discussing the ways to use the money to best provide for the family – every member. Instead, they bicker over which one of their unhelpful and lazy selves should spend the money for their own individual benefit. Clothing is of course a necessity, but Feyre’s clothes are in far worse a state than their own, partly due to her physical activities she performs to provide for them. Since she is the youngest, it is also likely, though not specifically stated, that she got the hand-me-downs over the years as many younger siblings do, especially in poor households. Yet the siblings who did not earn the money argue over how they will spend it. Many abusers are willfully ignorant of their selfish behavior and how it affects others. Other abusers, as is likely in Nesta’s case, also selfishly seek to use money they have or haven’t earned as a power ploy. Nesta, who constantly points out Feyre’s shabby and poor appearance, has no doubt noticed the differences between their apparel. She certainly knows that Feyre’s are in a worse state, but still seeks to better her own wardrobe at the cost of her sister. Though Feyre earned the money, Nesta is trying to take away Feyre’s power to use it.

Physical and emotional sibling violence are one of the most common forms of violence against children and the consequences of physical and emotional sibling abuse can affect children and adults. Research has found children and adolescents who have experienced sibling violence to have experienced mental health, loneliness, psychological problems, and poor peer interaction and behavioral problems (2). Violence against a child, regardless of, is still violence against a child, unfortunately sibling violence has been mostly ignored in child welfare. Children and teenagers who had experienced sibling aggression reported higher mental health issues than children who had not experienced sibling abuse. Children who were victims, and perpetrators, of sibling abuse were found to be more likely to end up in abusive romantic relationships later in life (2). Both the victims and the perpetrators of emotional sibling abuse tend to have significantly lower levels of self-esteem as adults than do nonvictims (1).

The unhealthy dynamic that Feyre and Nesta grew up with was rife with the possibilities to become a selfish and psychologically unhealthy individual. Nesta had considered an engagement, which implies a prior attachment/relationship, with a man who would most likely be abusive. Feyre did end up in love with a romantically abusive partner, Tamlin. Tamlin was not just abusive towards her, but also arguably to Lucien. All sisters were unlucky enough to live in a situation that can create abusers, but only one sister did not show any indications of being abusive – Feyre. Unfortunately, she was romantically involved with an abuser, but thankfully got out and found someone who would not abuse her for the first time in her life.  

Almost all interaction between Feyre and Nesta in the beginning of ACOTAR is Nesta trying to emotionally hurt Feyre and purposefully lower her self-esteem. When reading the book, it is important to remember that Nesta has been treating Feyre that way for years – not just the few days the readers see. Feyre has been living in a hostile environment, one that Nesta inflames, for years. She has suffered emotional and mental trauma at the hands of Nesta’s psychological abuse.  

Abuse is abuse. Siblings are fully capable of abusing each other, and do so in ACOTAR. Nesta’s later actions in no way erase her abusive behavior. Future actions do not change past ones, but can begin to try to make up for it. Some abusers can and will look to protect their victims from outside threats and dangers besides themselves. Some abusers will love and care for their victims. Some abusers will do nice and kind things for their victims. Some abusers will even change their behavior. But none of it, none of it, will in any way lessen or erase their current or past abuse. Some readers don’t think Nesta did anything wrong. Some don’t want an apology from Nesta, and think it would be out of character, in that sense, they would be right. It is out of character for abusers to apologize for their behavior. But that does not mean the abusers don’t need to, or shouldn’t, apologize for their actions. Or be held accountable for them.

In order for an abuser to deserve forgiveness they need to recognize their actions as wrong. They then need to meaningfully apologize. Lastly, abusers would need to change their behavior and keep it that way. Then they would not fit the criteria for an abuser any longer. Simply stopping abusive actions do not undo abuse, erase it, or mean a person no longer deserved the title of abuser.

Nesta was an abusive sibling. The fact is that she actively sought out ways to hurt her sisters continually on a daily basis for years. The problem isn’t just that she wasn’t unconcerned with other’s feelings, it was that she calculated ways to hurt them. Whether she still is, or is not abusive is not what is being discussed in this post. Nesta’s character is an excellent opportunity for the author to show how an abuser can grow and change and be redeemed.

Personally, I will never enjoy reading about Nesta’s character. Many of her actions in ACOTAR are nearly identical to many of my brother’s. Her treatment of Feyre is very similar to some of the ways he treated me. I can’t read parts of the book with Nesta’s character and not be reminded of my brother. It is certainly possible for Nesta to grow and change, like my brother could, but even if they do, I would still not want to read about, or associate, with them. Many readers who have not suffered through sibling abuse will have no problem reading and enjoying Nesta’s character, and there is no problem with that. The problem is only when readers erase negative aspects of a character, and claim there were no misdeeds done by characters they like.

There is nothing wrong with liking a strong, willful, sarcastic, uncaring character. There is nothing wrong with liking a morally gray character. Or a villain. Many do, including myself. The situation only changes to being not okay when people refuse to acknowledge a character’s misdeeds and mistreatment of others. Everyone can have problematic faves, the only problem arises when fans refuse to acknowledge their fave’s problematic behavior. We are all capable of critical thinking and liking complex things. There is no reason to blindly pretend a character has no flaws, or that the flaws aren’t harmful to others. We can still love characters, flaws and all.

Again, I ask that only polite discussion takes place on the subjects of abuse in the fandom. There is no reason to write words that can be construed as hurtful to people who have suffered sibling, and other, abuse in the past. Please remember that survivors could be reading anything you post and say. I am tagging everyone who liked/reblogged a post I saw earlier stating there was no sibling abuse in ACOTAR. I am not looking to call anyone out, but only to shed light on a very prevalent and harmful form of abuse that has been swept under the rug far too many times.

@highfaelucien @nyx-morana @sonerdyandhappy @highladystarfall @sarcastic-catastrophe @pterkvinsky @emaurie @pterodactylichexameter @bluevanillakittykat @wrydtoyourmother @that-greeky-girl @casualbookfox @shamelessyaoishipper @dont-cry-fireheart @valamerys @bookdork6 @bookworm1018 @accidental-rambler @foxboyandflowergirl @extreme-introvert @midnight-charm @acourtoftears @wherewildflowersprosper @liiilyevans @vague-af @blogtealdeal @feyre-cursebreaker @rowan-buzzard-whitethorn @court-of-wildfire @decaffeinatedcoffeethings @christina-dh @readerofthewilderwest @never-not-a-fangirl @wordwitch-of-prythian @emdig2001 @pksuburban @shadowcarnation @my-name-is-fireheart @justbooklover @supervintagebookworm @cassianandfenrysaremyboyos @wingspanmatters @greenfire2908art @wearejustdustbetweenthestars @midnightbeast @sxcxhxyx @imthepinkstarburst @ericatheweirdo @eyes-s @a-court-of-feels @she-wrote-her-way-out @shadowthepiratecat @fantasycourts @that-one-lightning-queen @just-another-random-book-blogger @azargetfreaky @someholyh2o @dorica117 @abookandacoffee @rufousnmacska @tea-at-fijve @tbhfangirl19 @fictionalcharactersaremyreality @chocolateauthoress @acourtofstarsanddreams @over300books @karlisreadingcorner @study-read-repeat @eliseroseblack @lovebooks23 @miladyaelin @blunt-truthofit @liryenenderea @hollow-kingdom @rebornasqueen @jnlmangum @sassycoconut @salvaterre @starrydawn6559 @mm23219 @shittakemushrooms-blog @theneptuneviolin @booklover0602 @bellatrixship @literarynonsense @highladyofidris @aster-lane @awkwardbuckytrash @akwodino @elains @padmeamidala242 @schmayschmay @feryearcherons @pegblinity @readinglikewildfire @somebodymagical @ashowott @im-choking-on-my-halo @theravenclawwitchling @callmeladytypewriter @booknerdswiftie @motherofmajesticflapflaps @sammsy @lysassndra @secretjasmine @rattlebag @cuddles-and-chocolate-cake @crystaldophinpotato @yeahimabitawkward222 @aangrynarwhal @captain-book-lover @really-bloody-tired @tiara2155sr @z-oglow21 @aevoit @its-perfectly-abnormal @mystic-imagination @noperage @propshophannah @mynamestartswithaz @accidental-rambler @agalathynius01 @randomno1 @adiposesherlock @sparkleywonderful @borganmert @r–a-n–d-o–m @elidexlorcan @elentiyariddle @awkwardfan563 @jsoifu @eoyai @alienathedreamer @mlecbane @micmac21 @theinconsistentblogg @amandamartinez3568 @klarolinebellarkestydia @tothestarswhoanswered @tired-and-annoyed @sparkpegasus12 @aeteater @allaboutthefandom @dave-and-kurt-trash @wintercovrt @bookstore-babe @trisdawn @manonxblackbeakheir @ibluedragon2003 @jegglefizzogg @dshammout @hpshattermegames @princevvhitethorn @pleasedftbaforever @allhailqueenmaas @eviesamos @badwolf1967221b @reincarnationchance @faith8993 @qwackycoincoin 

someone sent me a very nice ask that i’m going to answer in a bit but a minorly relevant part of it involved pointing out something that many people have observed: the gradual reducing of ‘me and phil’ and ‘me and dan’ to ‘we’ and ‘our’ - and like, just.

imagine the conversation that must have led to that?

imagine dan and phil some time in mid to late 2016, trying to figure out how this would go: how do they tell us? how much do they tell us? how tightly do they guard it? how do they keep us out?

and imagine one of them just quietly suggesting: or we could not

because how exhausting must that have been, you know? and for them, at the time, probably less exhausting than the alternative for opening themselves up to a perception and pressure and invasive inquiry into their relationship that they weren’t ready to deal with; but still, something can be the lesser of two evils and still not feel very fun at all. 

how many years of taking selfies they didn’t post, of averting their eyes when they wanted to look, of fingers flexing to reach out and tease and tickle and poke and prod and then falling still at their sides?

they get that now, they get to have that. and i fully believe the conclusions drawn by minds more clever than mine in recent discussion on IDB: this is for them, this is not for us. this is not some prize we get for being good fans. this is themselves, taking some weight off their own shoulders. this does not mean they’re comfortable with us; it just means they’re done letting their discomfort rule their lives when it comes to all things on-camera and social media. 

we are the obstacle they had to work around, the way we take their memories and their life and twist it into our own, their aversion to that is the mountain they had to climb without really knowing what the top would look like - and they didn’t do it for us. they did it for themselves.

though i guess the look down the other side wasn’t as scary as they once thought it was because they seem to have taken quite well to this post-baking universe where they post selfies with soft, satisfied smiles and like each other’s tweets and reach out and touch in gentle, surface ways when the urge strikes them and move to a new house together with a smile and an understanding that the conclusions our greedy minds will jump - that where there is one there is the other, that they’ll move together, that it would be downright silly to think they wouldn’t - to are exactly the right ones

so yeah. we and our. that’s nice. 

(A table of contents will become available at the end of the series. Recent additions can be found in the meantime in either the posts by pear or the relationships tags. This series will remain open for additional posts and the table of contents up-to-date as new posts are added.)

Part Fourteen: The Definition of Friend

Once individuals come together through those mutual bonds we talked about last time in Part Thirteen, a relationship has to take one step further over the threshold from acquaintance to friendship. But what does that mean? What differentiates a friend from someone with whom you have a friendly acquaintanceship with? What kinds of things do friends do for each other and how can we portray in our writing that the relationship between two people is something more than simply getting along in public? How close do two people have to be before they are considered friends? These are nebulous questions with lots of interlocking variables from personality, individual thought, and societal ideas, but let’s explore and see if we can put it into perspective.

Reciprocity in friendship:

Starting with the societal obligations, as part of your culture building, as you think about kinship and how families are constructed, also set aside time to puzzle through how social relationships work. Reciprocity–the idea of exchanging equivalent gifts/services/attention/emotion as part of mutual dependence–is a core of friendship.

Our expectations of someone that we view as a friend are that they will provide that reciprocity: When one needs a shoulder to cry on, the other will provide, but that other needs to be able to go to the one with a similar need. When one person picks up the bill for something, the other will pick it up at a point in the future. When one gives a gift, the other will give a gift in return at some point.

Most frequently, reciprocity is viewed as the equivalent exchange of physical gifts, but it can also be thought of in terms of emotional gifts as well. When we speak to someone, we expect that in return we will receive their attention. In a friendship, when one shares something exciting to them, the other ought to give them their attention and enthusiasm on their behalf in return, and then the other allow for the same.

People use each other for all kinds of things, and what makes this use acceptable between individuals that consider each other friends is that reciprocity–an even expectation from each. It sits at the core of friendship because without it, the power balance between the individuals is apt to tip one way or the other. Relationships that develop without that reciprocity are much more one-sided, like that of a patron, or supervisor, etc. Friendship should be a coming together of equals, and power plays have no place in friendship.

Personality and individual ideas of friendship:

Now, this idea of what friendship is and what’s expected is what’s developed within our cultural consciousness. What friendship means to your cultures may be different and have different rules. Society itself will have an idea of what it looks like and it’s your decision how you want to build that definition. That said, the way individuals choose to define their relationships outside of that cultural concept will differ somewhat. For some folks, the giving of gifts isn’t required at any level of friendship, and how many times have we wondered whether we’re good enough friends with a person to do something?

Personality and mental illness have big impacts on individual perceptions of relationships and where people stand with each other. It warps our understanding of what’s acceptable between each other, and those perceptions don’t always match between people. This can be the biggest impediment to the formation of friendships. Knowing how much one person enjoys another isn’t an easy thing to gauge (as I can attest to, and I’m sure many of you, as well). The return of any reaching out a character does can help them better align their understanding, but consider how their personality (likes, dislikes, tolerances and intolerances within others) allows or hinders their formation of friendships and how those may manifest in action and speech. The same research should be made in regards to characters with mental illnesses, including those with anxiety of any form. How they perceive each other and themselves will play a huge role in how they interact with and accept or reject others, and how their friendships form.

From acquaintance to friend:

The friend threshold is crossed when two individuals are able to find a commonality with each other that they both enjoy, plus additional interactions beyond just a couple of times. Those standing just at the threshold are most often encountered in conversation. Topics are light and surface–a simple sharing of time together, and occasional testing of deeper waters to see whether the “enjoyed commonality” extends further. Are perspectives the same, making conversation easier and bringing two like-minded people into a greater camaraderie? Or are their perspectives different, but in an interesting way, expressed politely and non-antagonistically so that the two can still enjoy each others’ company without needing to agree on everything?

If they are able to talk about deeper subjects without too much uncomfortableness, then they are likely to start increasing the time spent together. They move from “someone who understands” to “someone with mutual affection.” A friend, but a new one. Depending on how many commonalities the two share, the similarity of their perspectives, and how their personalities and senses of humor jive, this new budding friendship may blossom even further from hanging out over coffee into the careful steps of sharing new things with each other. If they are able to either enjoy the things that are shared or at least appreciate and support each other in them, then the friendship has an even larger chance of continuing on to spending more and more time together and being willing to do more and more for each other. In short, they will come to trust each other, built on the proof of reciprocity already built between them as they moved through the threshold into friendship and begin to peer into the beyond.

Next up: Friends, part 3!

why black paladin keith is bad writing (in which i criticise a lot of writing choices)

So if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know how much I hate the unfortunate possibility that Keith will become Black Paladin and leader of Voltron in Shiro’s absence. And I have good reason, it’s multiple levels of bad writing. it shows really blatant writer favouritism and actually does a disservice to his character as well as those of the other main characters. I’m putting this under a readmore because its long but here we go

Keep reading

PR and controlling the media - the basics

I’m not going to try and unravel the boys / bands PR, we’ve been trying to do this for years and there’s no reason to think I have all the answers. I will try and explain the different tactics at a PR teams disposal and how much they can (or cannot) control the media. 

PR is not like maths, or science, or grammar, it’s not an exact science. It’s about people, and because of that no two situations will play out in exactly the same way. 

Another thing to remember is that it’s a balancing act. The media need PR people, and PR people need the media. So there is a lot of ‘I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine’ / trading favours / and choosing battles so as not to ruin relationships you may need in the future. 

……

The basics

At the beginning of a ‘campaign’ be it a rebrand, an album launch, a single launch etc the PR team will put together a PR plan (communications plan, whatever you want to call it). This will be lead by the Business Objectives - in a commercial business this is invariably linked to their bottom line (profit/making money). These Business Objectives will be supported by Communications/PR Objectives - what specifically you are trying to achieve through your PR/Communications - these must link directly back to the Business Objectives you are trying to achieve.

You would then look at your Audience (the people you need to connect/engage with to achieve you Communications Objectives), these can be: customers/stakeholders/staff/the media etc. After doing audience segmentation and analysis you would then start to put together a Tactical Plan to reach your Audience>meet you Communications Objectives>meet your Business Objectives.

You would then craft a set/s of Key Messages to use in all of your communications to get across all of the points you want to convey. These will run through all tactics, although they may flex depending on the specific audience you are targeting. 

It is at this point that what we are calling ‘PR’ starts to be seen by us, the rest of it goes on behind the scenes. 

……..

Tactics and control

Advertising / advertorials - This is the only tactic (other than your clients SM) you can have full control over (other than the specific placement in some case). The major downside of this tactic is that they lack credibility as you are paying for them to be included and therefor don’t come through the lens of a third party. 

………..

A proactive press release - These are drafted either in-house or by an agency and are signed off by the client (Harry/Harry’s team  / Louis/Louis’ team etc) They carry all of the key messages you want to get across and traditional each paragraph should be able to stand alone incase the journalist only uses a small section of it. The audience for this is the media, who then in turn reach another audience for you (the public/specific segments of the public if the journalist is from a nice title eg NME/Cosmo etc).

Sometimes journalists are lazy/busy and use the whole of the press release as the article and don’t remove / add anything. In that case, in terms of ‘control’ it’s a big win as they have published exactly what you want to say. 

Sometimes they include their own intro text / exit text / opinion alongside your copy. Depending on your relationship with them and their perception of your client this can be a good thing or a bad thing. 

If they include something that’s factually incorrect eg get the release date wrong, the PR team can get in contact with them and ask them to correct it. They do have to, but if it’s factually incorrect they normally do change it as it could effect their credibility with their readership. If they include something you don’t like but is an opinion / a quote from someone else etc, again you could ask them to remove it, BUT they are unlikely to as why should they? It’s not in their interest. The PR team may be able to persuade them by offering them something in return / threatening to take away from them - eg offer an interview, threaten to take away access to the artist in the future. This is dodgy ground and should only be done if the reach of the title and the damage the wording included warrants it. 

…….

Selling in a story - this is where the PR team specifically contacts a title to offer them a story (normally on an exclusive basis). Although not as ‘formal’ this is unfortunately what we have seen Rusty doing with the Sun. This tactic is normally employed when you want to have more control over how the story spreads than just issuing a press release gives you. It could be to reach a title you particularly want to target - eg one of the boys may want to expand their fanbase and their PR team may then offer the story to a publication they don’t normally work with - for example The Guardian art section / NME. In terms of control - again the journalist can add their own opinion spin, but in the process of selling the story in, you can build in checks and balances - for example the PR having access to it before it is published to approve it. Again this is not black and white, and will need to be negotiated on an individual basis. 

……

Reactive media lines - This is traditionally when ‘something’ has happened and a journalist contacts the PR team and asks for their response on that ‘something’. This tends to be one more contentious / unplanned issues that you can’t get ahead of and do proactive media work on. This is where a team can really get it wrong with the deadly ‘not comment’. Even on a reactive basis your response to the journalist should still cover off as many of you Key Messages as possible. In terms of control, a reactive line is hardly ever published in isolation - it normally sits within a bigger piece where they may have got statements / quotes from other parties, and include a lot of the journalists own opinion. 

…..

A note on corrections

In print - Nine times out of ten it is not worth asking for a correction in a print piece. Invariably the original piece will have been large and read by many, many people. A correction will be tiny and barely read by any one. 

Online - This is more likely to be worth pursuing as the copy will stay on the website indefinitely and can be changed almost immediately. (Please see info above under ‘Proactive press releases’ re: requesting changes, the same caveats apply here.)

……

Shady things

We see more than our fair share of shady goings ons, the best way to differentiate between a ‘above board’ press release and a story that has been ‘sold in’ is to look at which media outlet it is in / how many media outlets it is in simultaneously. 

If a story breaks in one or two outlets only it is likely to have been sold in. (The exception to this would be it a story breaks ONLY in a really obscure title, in which case they are most likely making it up for hits)

If a story breaks in multiple titles simultaneously with pretty much the same core wording, it’s pretty much a sure thing that it’s a press release. 

……

I think that’s pretty much it. This got VERY long :/

  • Some things are shady, some things aren’t. 

  • You have to pick your battles. 

  • And don’t piss off people on your way up that you might need on your way back down. 
Home, family & other herbs

Davy Perez is sort of filling the huge hole that Robbie Thompson left in my heart when he left. His last two episodes have been incredibly good, so I’ve decided to take advantage of the motivation that has apparently come back to me. As usual, most of the posts I write focus on the Dean/Cas relationship, so if that’s not your thing, you will probably not like this. There are five things about episode 12x15 that I want to point out as relevant to me in regards to Dean and Cas.

The first relevant thing was that Dean’s the one communicating with Cas. Dean was talking on the phone with Cas while Sam was doing the same with Mary. Of course, Sam had to become Mary’s direct line of communication, mostly after he agreed to work with the BMoL. And of course Dean was the one receiving updates of what Cas was doing –both at the beginning and at the end of the episode. It’s exactly what anyone would expect. I simply liked the visuals. For example, Dean’s and Sam’s conversations were simultaneous the first time we saw Dean on the phone with Cas.

The second time, it was obvious Dean was the one making the call even if he had Cas on speaker. 

I think these visuals reinforced the idea that when Cas isn’t at the Bunker, Dean keeps an interest in whatever he’s doing.

The second relevant thing was that Dean noticed something was off with Cas. Just as Dean was the one who noticed that something wasn’t alright with Mary in episode 12x13, this time he noticed that something felt off with Cas, too. As I mentioned above, Dean had Cas on speaker; that means both Dean and Sam heard what Cas was saying. However, Sam didn’t notice anything weird, whereas Dean did. The same happened last season when Lucifer was possessing Cas. Dean noticed that something was off, but Sam dismissed Dean’s suspicions. Dean is very perceptive with the people he loves.

 Another important thing regarding the Dean/Cas relationship had to do with Cas’ conversation with the other angel in this episode. The other angel asked Cas if he ever missed Heaven. He said that no matter how much he loved Earth, it wasn’t home. Cas made no comment about it. Don’t you think it’s interesting that an angel talked to Cas about home just three episodes after Dean Winchester offered Cas to go home?

(Source x

It’s even more interesting to think that both episodes were written by the same writer. Don’t you think it’s also very remarkable that this angel used the words “family” and “true family” to convince Cas to give himself a chance to be forgiven and welcomed in Heaven? It was Cas himself who called the Winchesters his family three episodes ago; it was Cas himself who confessed how much he loved them.

(Source x)

All of that happened in an episode written by Davy Perez, so I’m pretty sure what’s going on with Cas is on purpose, and I’m quite excited about it. I’ve spent more than 3 years waiting for the moment when Cas will choose the Winchesters (and by that, I mean Dean) not because he has to, not to save anyone’s life, but simply because he really wants to.  

The fourth relevant thing I need to mention is the fact that Dean thanked Crowley for saving Cas. Dean Winchester thanking the King of Hell himself for saving Cas was something I never expected to happen. I knew Dean was grateful; I just didn’t think he would bring himself to say it out loud. For some reason that reminded me of Benny. In season 8 we were shown that Dean learned to trust Benny because he saved Cas. Dean never said it textually, but the subtext was very clear. This time Dean used his own words to express his gratitude to Crowley for saving the life of someone that means a lot to him. That was better than I could have expected.

The last thing about the episode I want to point out is the foreshadowing we were given during the conversation between Sam and Gwen. I’m perfectly aware that the lying part Gwen mentioned was supposed to make Sam realize that lying to Dean was a bad idea, and that was why Sam told Dean the truth about working with the BMoL at the end. However, in this episode we had another person who decided to keep information from Dean: none other than Castiel. Cas didn’t tell Dean that he was going to Heaven to talk to Joshua, but Dean will find out sooner or later.

The thing is that the relationship between Marcus and Gwen doesn’t foreshadow anything good for Dean and Cas. Gwen is the one who survived, the one who felt that Marcus loved her more than she ever loved him. The one question she asked herself was: Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? She lied even though she knew everything was over, but why was everything over? I suppose it was because of the long distance thing. What about Dean and Cas? Cas was tempted with the idea of going back to Heaven. He lied to Dean (or at least didn’t tell him something) probably to make things easier, just as Gwen. What can be more of a long distance situation than going to Heaven while the other person stays on Earth? Is it possible that season 12 will end with Cas going back to Heaven? (Of course, even if that were the case, I’m sure it wouldn’t be forever).

Some people might think that Gwen could be a Dean parallel. Truth be told, I thought about that possibility as well, but I discarded it because I don’t think lying to Cas is part of Dean’s arc. In this episode the one who had to leave was Gwen, so I see her as a Cas parallel because it’s more logical to expect Cas to leave. Nevertheless, I have to say that the “Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth?” could apply to both Dean and Cas. Dean hasn’t told Cas his feelings. What if Dean’s the one staying on Earth feeling that Cas loved him more than he ever did and feeling guilty for never telling him the truth about what Cas meant to him. This could be interpreted in both ways, and for some reason I consider the two options too painful to bear.

These are the things about the Dean/Cas relationship that caught my attention from episode 12x15. Dean is obviously the one communicating with Cas, the one noticing that something is going on with Cas, and the one being thankful for still having his angel alive. In addition, Cas’ arc about choosing to be an angel or human isn’t over yet. He still has to figure out what family he wants for himself and where exactly his home is. Finally, season 12 is foreshadowing more unrequited love between Dean and Cas (or at least that’s what they both think) and a huge chance that Cas ends up this season upstairs.  This episode has a lot of layers to discuss, so if I missed something, I hope someone else can write about it. All in all, I appreciate the effort Mr. Perez is making to keep his episodes consistent to the themes that are being developed. Now I’m looking forward to the rest of the season that will probably make me suffer too much.

False Twin Flames, Karmic Attachment, A Spiritual & Psychological Fusion.

A ‘false twin flame’ is a specific type of karmic attachment that leaves a pretty lasting impression, and a lasting impact, that is, until the actual twin flame makes themselves apparent. And sometimes, even then, the dent left by the false twin may be so prevalent, that it too affects the twin flame union, and the ways in which the twin in question perceives love, and perceives members of the opposite sex, (opposing energy).

Just like not everybody has a twin flame, not everybody has a false twin. The two sort of go hand in hand, and you cannot have one without the other.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

symptoms of bpd?

There’s plenty cause BPD is more of a spectrum than a definite illness with a certain amount of symptoms cause all in one it’s all about emotional instability, a false perception of relationships, extremely intense emotions and black and white thinking, so here’s a few

  • everything is either black or white- there’s no grey area for you, you can never be neutral
  • your emotions, positive or negative, are extremely intense (when you’re happy, you feel like you’re about to burst and when you sad, you literally want to fucking die) 
  • it only takes 1 little thing to change your mood within a split second 
  • people are either ultimately good or bad to you (you find it hard to wrap your head around the fact that people can have both good and bad character traits)
  • someone is nice to you= they’re amazing!!!!/ someone is mean to you, even if only once= they’re horribly evil and hate you and want you dead 
  • the people you love are like perfect god like beings to you
  • making little mistakes upset you to an irrational point 
  • things in general upset you to an irrational point
  • BPD itself comes with a lot of irrational thoughts and fears. you overthink and develop fears concerning relationships that people without BPD wouldn’t ever think of 
  • since BPD has a lot to do with relationships, many people who suffer from it have one (or more) favourite person they focus on and all of their emotions depend on said FP’s actions. there’s this meme that says something like “when my friend doesn’t reply within 2 seconds or in a slightly different tone I assume they hate me” and i guess it’s relatable for a lot of people but that’s literally life for people with BPD 24/7 
  • so you really take everything personally 
  • and when your FP or another person you value acts slightly irritating you automatically assume something’s off and they hate you 
  • people with BPD are a lot like little puppies and it’s horrible they’re being mistaken for cruel people just cause we tend to be aggressive and impulsive at times 
  • impulses!!!!! impulses!!! impulses!!!!! it takes you 0.02 seconds to come up with a fucked up idea and turn your fucked up fantasy into actions and 0.04 seconds to instantly regret it 
  • auto aggression. not always only cutting and “classic” self harm but also giving in to impulses that you know will harm you and doing other things that are bad for you and your health 
  • drug abuse and alcohol abuse cause BPD in general comes with a lot of dependence and you quickly grow attached to whatever keeps you happy
  • BPD sadness is not comparable to depression sadness cause depression sadness is often numb and grey and cold and quiet whereas BPD sadness cuts like a knife and makes you wanna rip your insides out- not degrading the kinda sadness you feel when you’re depressed, it’s just as horrible 
  • people with BPD can cut you out off their life without batting an eye
  • which is another reason as to why we’re often perceived as evil but really it’s just a way of protecting ourselves and we can’t help it 
  • people with BPD really are like puppies in desperate need of love but we come off clumsy and helpless cause we’re living in constant fear of being abandoned
  • another symptom that I personally struggle with a lot is having no concept of relationship permanence. Like when my boyfriend is gone for longer than a day I start to feel like he won’t ever come back and like he’s never been here in first place. 
  • it is- you guess it- like a puppy waiting for their owner to come home- it doesn’t matter if they’re gone for ten minutes or an hour or a day, it always hurts and it’s confusing to us and just terrible
  • and another symptom that I personally struggle with an awful lot is jealousy and I fucking hate it but it’s common that people with BPD want their FP to be theirs and only theirs entirely and when your FP gives another person the slightest bit of attention you automatically assume they like that other person more than you 
  • all in one, BPD distorts your idea of relationships and influences your emotions and thinking in terms of relationships, it comes with impulsive thinking and going from thinking you’re a God to wanting to kill yourself within seconds