It’s just annoying with the (Hunt for the) Wilderpeople thing, cause, um, I liked how our Rotten Tomatoes score for (What We Do in the) Shadows was Taika’s highest one and I was like ‘you need me, man’ and then Wilderpeople got higher than that, so ‘ahh, you don’t need me, don’t need me anymore…’
I fucked up the tiiiiimeliiiine~~ Lmao the timeline can just go fuck off I guess. Don’t worry. This isn’t the last we’ve seen of Thor.
monstrous in size, with a thick, golden mane like threads of actual gold. His
paws were large enough to crush a grown man without even involving his claws,
and whatever humans didn’t get crushed under them were body-checked into the
walls, which were still live with lightning. The electricity made his mane
stand on end, and it should have looked comical, but he just looked even more
Tony and Yinsen up in his teeth like kittens and carried them out of the cave.
The change from cold and damp to hot and arid made Tony’s teeth ache. He could
hear Yinsen, babbling something—they were probably prayers. But who wouldn’t
pray when they were literally hanging out of a monster’s mouth?
wouldn’t remember. He’d think it was a storm, a short, an explosion—anything
but what had really happened. Thor had made sure of it. Tony had begged—Yinsen
had kept him alive, kept him sane, it
wasn’t fair that he wouldn’t remember. But Thor had calmly explained that most
humans could not handle the truth, that monsters were real—and not everyone was
as clever as Tony was.
Tony clung to
Thor’s back and shivered as the monster trotted further out into the sand.
Yinsen had been left near a town where he could get help, but Thor had insisted
on taking Tony with him. He’d been too tired, sore, and thirsty to argue.
said, like he’d decided something. He knelt. “Dismount, child.”
“’m not a
child,” Tony mumbled petulantly, but obediently slid down onto the ground, the
monster’s silky fur slipping through his hands like water.
at him, somewhat fond. “Even your oldest human is yet a child in comparison to
up at him blearily, rubbing his eyes to try and block out the haze. “Are you
leaving me? Why couldn’t you leave me with Yinsen?”
“I could not
be certain you would not insist on telling him the truth again. Most humans
cannot handle that, Anthony.” Thor smiled, and his teeth were long and sharp
beneath his lips. “You must be special, Anthony, for Loki to reach out to me
up at him again. “Loki?”
my dear brother,” Thor chortled.
said, either too dehydrated or, more likely, too baffled to understand the link
between a white deer and this golden, leonine creature. “How did—”
“I leave you
here, Anthony,” Thor boomed, and then there was a crash of thunder, a flash of
lightning, and the monster was gone. There weren’t even any paw prints.
“…You left me
in the desert,” Tony told the air.
But he wasn’t
going to get anywhere just standing there like an idiot. He shielded his eyes
from the sun as he looked up at a dune. He might be able to see something from
there. He started trudging toward it.
notice that Rhodey had been approaching, and he yelled and flailed when an arm
wrapped around his waist, elbowing his friend in the cheek.
even mind, which meant it was like being elbowed by a baby bird. “Next time,”
he said sternly. “You ride with me.”
said, unashamed of how tearful he sounded.
Rhodey tightened his grip around his waist. “I got
you, man. We’re gonna get you home.”
Obadiah brought Tony home. The monsters would have wondered why they had
instead of whoever Loki had sent for, but they were just too happy to have him
back. It was irritating that they had to hide in the shadows and wait to greet
him. Obadiah always set their teeth on edge, though, and Pepper… Pepper always
sighed when she saw them.
that?” Steve whispered, jerking his elbow into Bucky’s side. “Bucky, what is
what?” Bucky asked, then grunted when Steve elbowed him again. “Ow!”
grumbled to himself, rubbing his side and cursing Steve’s pointy elbows. He
frowned when he finally saw the glowing blue light under Tony’s shirt.
Sometimes Steve saw things on different frequencies if he wasn’t focusing. He
wondered what the light was, but was too distracted by worrying. Tony had been
gone a month, and looked it, the way his clothes hung too loosely on him and
his eyes were sunken in his face, with deep bruises under each eye.
He hoped at
least Obadiah left soon. He wondered what he should feed Tony.
and Pepper chased Tony to the bathroom when he took off at a sprint.
slithered after them, peering into the bathroom. “Everything alright?”
“The doctors told him a cheeseburger would be too
much,” Pepper sighed, gently rubbing Tony’s back as he heaved his stomach
contents into the toilet. “Hi, Steve.”
dropped from the ceiling and onto Steve, ignoring his offended noise as she
slammed his upper body into the ground. “Is he okay?”
grimaced. “Ehm… Kinda?”
Clint repeated, filling the doorway. “What’s kinda mean?”
alive,” Pepper decided.
Tony sat up
straight, gasping for breath, making concerning little wheezing noises. Then he
bent forward to puke again, sobbing quietly.
Steve sat up
so fast that he sent Natasha flying into the bathtub. He ignored her cursing
and threats to slither up beside the boy, placing his hands on his ribs gently.
“Tony, it’s okay. You’re home. We’ve got you.”
pretended that didn’t make him want to panic. “Where does it hurt, honey?”
a little, stroking the brunet’s sides helplessly. “I can’t help with that.”
reached out to touch his shoulder and proved how far she’d come in accepting
them by not flinching when her skin met his scales. “I don’t think anyone can help with that, Steve.”
“Is he done
puking? Give him to me,” Clint ordered, holding his wings out. Natasha wet a
washcloth in the tub to wipe Tony’s face with before Steve handed him over.
Clint bundled the human into his wings, hiding all but the toes of his shoes
and a little bit of his hair. He turned and hopped gently out of the bathroom,
being careful not to jostle him. “This is mine now.”
fuck, Clint?!” Steve called after him, and he would have followed, but Pepper’s
hand was still on his shoulder, which was very unusual. He turned toward her,
frowning. “…Ms. Potts?”
paused from clambering out of the bathtub. “What’s wrong?”
injured,” Pepper explained slowly, trying to find the right words. “He almost
died. Should have, really.”
“…But he’s alright
now,” Natasha said, more statement than question, but open-ended enough to be
alive,” she repeated. “When he was attacked in Afghanistan, he was hit with
shrapnel from a bomb. In the chest.”
unconsciously covered her own chest. “That’s where all your important bits
at her for a moment. “…Yes. Especially the heart.”
wrong with Tony’s heart?” Steve asked quickly, alarmed.
said softly. “It—you need to understand. He should have died. It’s a miracle
that he’s here. But that miracle cost him.”
squirmed. “Is that why he was throwing up?”
throwing up because he’d been eating a handful of rice for a meal for a month
and decided he was okay eating a goddamn cheeseburger,” Pepper snapped, then
sighed and closed her eyes. “…I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
We know Tony has poor decision-making skills,” Natasha offered.
again. “Thanks. No, Steve. He has an electromagnet in his chest keeping
shrapnel from tearing up his heart.”
gonna be okay,” Steve tried, falling silent when Pepper just stared at him
somberly and shook her head. “…But… why?”
Pepper took a
deep breath. “Steve, the shrapnel is in his chest, it should have killed him on
his third day in Afghanistan. We don’t… we don’t have a way to remove the
shrapnel. Not without killing him anyway.”
“…What the fuck!” Steve snarled, jerking away from
her. “What good is all your medicine if it doesn’t work?!”
Pepper began, but he slithered out of the bathroom, so fast that his scales
scraped the tiles. “…Does he think that I don’t wish there was a way to help
reached out to put one of her hands on the human’s shoulder, then thought
better of it. Her prickly hairs irritated Pepper’s skin. “I understand, Ms.
Potts. Steve… Steve and Bucky are always going to be more invested. They can remember
when Tony was just a baby. I think sometimes they believe he’s still that
her head thoughtfully. “…I do not believe for a minute that Tony was ever
helpless, even as a baby.”
that Tony nearly tore his ear off when he didn’t want to go to sleep for the
out a tired laugh. “That sounds about right.”
Bucky said, trotting into the den, and then paused when he saw Clint rocking
back and forth on the back of the couch. “…He needs something in his stomach,
have him,” Clint snarled.
about to snarl back, but then he noticed that Clint’s words had lacked his
usual snarky bite. He approached the other monster carefully. “Clint. Steve
said he vomited. He needs something in his stomach.”
Clint was still
and silent for a moment before he drew his wings down just enough to expose
Tony’s head, tucked safely beneath his chin. “You can’t have him.”
the—” Bucky began angrily, then paused. “…This is about the blue light, isn’t
“You can’t have him.”
take him back!”
his mouth, biting back the retort he’d had ready. “…Clint, do you think that’s
a tracking device on his chest?”
rocking back and forth again.
Bucky told him gently. “Steve told me it’s not. And he got the information from
Ms. Potts. You know Ms. Potts doesn’t have the patience to lie.”
his grip on the human, loosening a little. “…Then what is it?”
magnet?” Bucky frowned. “It… keeps shrapnel from a bomb from killing him.”
unwrapped one wing enough to carefully run his taloned fingers through Tony’s
hair. “So they can’t find him?”
Bucky answered softly. “And even if they could, we’re here, aren’t we? We won’t
let them take Tony again.”
Tony murmured after a moment, nuzzling under Clint’s chin again, and seemed to
sink deeper into his feathers. “Nice.”
closer, putting a hand on Clint’s shoulder to stop his rocking. “Tony, honey? I
made some broth for you. You wanna drink some?”
silent for a moment, then extracted his hand from Clint’s feathers just far enough
to close his fingers around the mug. He paused with the mug pressed to his chin
until Clint raised his wings again and hid him from view.
to smile when the empty mug was thrust out of the sea of purple feathers, but
then he remembered the light in Tony’s chest, the way Clint had been protecting
him and fearing that someone would track Tony down. Clint sometimes got like
this, on edge, and they could never tell what exactly triggered it, but
clutching Tony in the safety of his wings always seemed to calm him down
He glanced up
as Hulk lumbered into the room, tensing up a little when the giant monster
reached out both hands toward Clint. He relaxed again when Hulk simply scooped
Clint and Tony up in his hands like they were a delicate flower.
worried,” Hulk said, stroking down Clint’s back with one broad thumb. “Glad
poked up out of Clint’s wings again. “I’m glad I’m home too, Hulk.”
quirked upward into a small smile. “Troublemaker.”
Tony said tiredly. “…’m sorry.”
ordered, so gently that it was jarring in and of itself.
Tony made a
small noise of agreement and ducked back under Clint’s wings.
shuffled his grip, hopping up one of Hulk’s arms to perch on his shoulder.
“This is mine now. I live here.”
Loki isn’t in here gloating about how he helped save Tony,” Bucky said after a
minute, looking around.
frowned, rubbing his cheek over the top of Tony’s head. “He saw the light and
freaked the fuck out. Well, as much as a guy like him does. He beat it real
quick. …’s kinda why I thought… I mean…”
his head. “That it might be something to track him with?”
Clint adjusted his grip on the boy. “Like I knew he was fast because deer are,
but… man, he barely cleared the door, he leapt so far.”
Bucky mumbled. But Loki was usually weird anyway.
and sat down, much more carefully than he usually did so as not to jostle Clint
and Tony. “Puny monster.”
literally the only person who thinks that but okay,” Bucky told him.
raised her eyebrows when she found Loki huddled in the library. “Surprised
you’re not out gloating about helping to save Tony.”
began, then stopped. “…That was not natural.”
her head, frowning. “…What?”
a cylinder of flesh missing.” Loki
put a hand over his chest. “Human hearts are… are delicate. I cannot
believe—they should have just let him
disagreed, but she understood. Humans were quite ill-suited to injury. They
were squishy, didn’t have leathery skin or scales to protect them. Many times
Natasha had come upon dying soldiers and put them out of their misery before
the cold or wildlife got to them. She even felt sorry for them sometimes, but
often help was too far away to get to them in time.
shown a worrying propensity to live if only to spite people,” Natasha said
after a moment. “And I doubt that will ever change.”
Loki said. “Disgusting. I may vomit.”
fought not to smile. “You like him!”
definitely going to vomit.”
stopped fighting, grinning under the other monster’s glare. “You like him.”
“I am going
to vomit on you.”
out a short laugh. “You think Tony hasn’t already done that? Whatever you vomit
on me will never be as bad as beer and chili-cheese dogs.”
looked a little green at hearing that.