I’ve found this girl on YouTube who’s talked about being “mute” for many years during her school years and it can relieved me that I’m not the only one who’s like this. I am so shy and anxious. Am I in a group of more than 3 people then I’ll be quiet the whole time. Like I psychically can not get anything out. It’s like everything I want to say gets stuck in my throat. It’s the most frustrating thing ever and I feel like it has ruined my life, but it’s just something that I have to accept. But as I said, it’s relieving knowing that I’m not the only person in the word who is like this. Maybe I’m not as weird as I think

Romantic inadequacy

So, I have this crush. Its a fairly recent one, but a strong one all the same. And, I think, (think) that the person likes me back. I’m not so sure, but a little.

Now, the problem is, I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A SINGLE DAMN RELATIONSHIP. Why? Several reasons.

I’m shy. Like, very. It takes a while before I’m comfortable around people. Also, my introversion kept me in my room playing video games throughout HS while my peers were out doing shit. So I kinda ruined those opportunities for myself. Heck, even if I’d gone, I would have been “that awkward friend.”

My background and religious community (I grew up orthodox jewish) doesn’t encourage teen relationships much. I even went to an all boys school. (Which…was a problem in itself for me…)

I try to think I’m okay looking. But sometimes I doubt that. Like, one day I’ll look in a mirror and go “hello handsome looking gooood today!”

And other days I’m like “oh shit. I look like a fucking dweeb…”

But anyway, the bulk of my problem is that because of my inexperience with any sort of relationship, I have no idea how to proceed. None at all. If I even should. I consider this person a friend and I don’t want to make things weird at all…

Even if people tell me to “go for it!” And to “be confident!” I probably can’t. Chances are I’ll just end up suppressing everything. Sounds healthy, no?

Ugh. I guess I should just shut up and go to sleep…

i’m almost done unpacking my new dorm room and it looks so cute and i love looking at it but i feel so horrible? and alone? and i wanna die?

the rest is going to be a mess of thoughts so don’t read if you like coherence and/or organization

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davesnothere  asked:

When you get this, respond with five things that make you happy then send it to the last ten people in your notifications! :-)

Nobody ever sends me things like this. This might be the first time ever.

1. My son eating a meal that he loves. Nothing makes me happier than watching him eat, even though it’s the equivalent of watching a wild animal feed on the carcass of a recent kill.

2. Any day that I’m not at work, but especially a weekday when the kids are in school. I like hearing the kids at recess from my backyard while I’m sitting on my patio thinking about not being at work and not having children around to ruin it.

3. Lisa’s boy doing his fake Rhode Island accent that is going to eventually become a real Rhode Island accent even though he doesn’t know it yet.

4. A well placed hipcheck. It’s a lost art. Nobody lays them out anymore. My favorite hipcheck artist of all time was Kyle McLaren. He was a mediocre hockey player at best, but he was one of the BEST hipcheckers that ever played the game. Just watch this one. Or this one. Or this one

5. The smell of a brand new Sharpie. Preferably a Magnum. 

Did I mention not going to work?

I’m such a slut for poetry honestly like even in English classes and writing courses or whatever so many people are always like “I love fiction and stuff but not poetry” and it saddens me bc poetry is such a cool n diverse medium but school + the way we’re taught to read poetry have ruined it for so many people

IMO poetry doesn’t exist to be pulled apart and compared to other poems it exists to do whatever the fuck you want it to do, it can be cathartic or it can be political or it can be vague and that vagueness can be intriguing rather than irritating if you don’t force people into intensively analysing it till they understand the message completely

idk I just think writing poetry and reading poetry and making art to go with poetry, whatever, I think it’s such a useful thing and such a precious thing and I’m really sad that school and the curriculum have robbed so many people of the passion they might have had for it

No Holding Back

SUPPORT ME on Patreon to get rewards like this!

Beacon was in ruins.

Every building had sustained some kind of beating, and in most cases, it was enough to leave the structures in shambles.

But despite the severe damages, it was most important that there had been no lives lost during the battle to defend the beloved school.

The aftermath was still a bit chaotic as students, teachers, and family members alike swarmed the campus, offering or receiving medical attention, trying to make repairs, or searching for people they wanted to check up on.

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The big thing about the people who have sworn to make yandere dev life hell they use things from like 8 years ago

If it were me they’d use a lot of stuff from high school when cps was getting involved to say I hated my parents and wanted to ruin them. No. I was just tired and stresed and scared of being hit when if I failed and my school councillor decided she didn’t wanna help make it better by actually doing her job

Things from more then 3 year in the past can not count as a receipt . That’s what’s it’s called right?

This is not a trial to judge a man into jail
This is the god damn internet

I am so nervous, I feel like crying

I’m now sitting in my room (im my new dorm) all alone. My parents have left. And there is no one else in the dorm (yet) I’m very scared of how things will work out. A new school. I don’t know anyone. I feel like crying when writing this..the only thing that keeps me from not to is that I have makeup on (don’t wanna ruin it till the rest of the people come) Right now I just need someone to talk to to let me think of something else.

Today was largely shitty but these things made up for it somewhat:

-finally got to level 12 in Pokemon Go


-got messages from high school best friend telling me that her mother had gotten her Harry Potter and the Cursed Child out of good intentions (friend did not like it much, heh) so I got to send her the words “YOU’RE RUINING VOLDEMORT DAY”

me @ my partner just now: “i had SO many weird dreams last night!! i dreamed that my lizard got flushed down the toilet–wait wait no no, i think that was actually the night before last? or maybe two nights ago? but last night i dreamed that someone set [name of my school] on FIRE! that one wasn’t funny at all, it was HORRIFYING! and it was while i was still a student there and we all had to evacuate and people were screaming and afterwards it was all in ruins. it was very scary. i didn’t like that one. OH, and i think i also had one where i was, like, cooking with your mom? only i was, like, actually a dog or something? @thethirteenthour’s dog, specifically. …i think i may be getting too much sleep.”



((I never dreamed this would happen in such a short time or at all since I had this open before as a side blog and only had 1 person following me for a year (and that was my sister). Then I moved up to 4 followers somehow on it and couldn’t figure out how to get people to ask questions. Suddenly I make it a main blog instead of side and I’m super popular! (don’t ruin this for me 1 million+ people…) Thank you all for following! ^0^))

((Depending on if I’m in school or not I might do a giveaway for 50=+ followers. We’ll have to see. (after all I’m going on a hiatus in about 2 weeks (maybe sooner) to get into schedule and see how much homework I’ll get). :3 ))

((Many thanks to all! And to all… Happy following~))

I’ve honestly never been this stressed in my life. I already deal with a lot of anxiety in my personal life, but having it here too is becoming too much. I’ve made a lot of good friends here and had some good times, but I’ve also seen a lot of bad things here that continue to happen and I can’t deal with it anymore. In my personal life, there are too many good things going for me that I don’t want ruined by this place. I want to keep my sanity, or at least part of it. The cliques, the pettiness, the drama every day is EXHAUSTING. I have never even seen this much drama in high school, it’s ridiculous. I miss the days where I would blog in peace and didn’t worry about who I should or shouldn’t reblog from. I feel like I’m watched by people every day, waiting for me to make one mistake and then it’s over. One mistake here and you’re ruined for good. It’s exhausting. It’s honestly completely draining to have to deal with these constant negative thoughts whenever I log in. It’s not worth it. If you’re stuck in a toxic environment, why stay? Just to keep up appearances? Well, I can’t do that anymore. I’m moving back to my personal blog and this blog will remain on semi/hiatus. If you want to follow my personal blog, you can send me a message if you like.

In high school there was this girl that like, tried to ruin my life??? Like some real life mean girls shit??? Anyway

We had this teacher that every year put people into pairs to study for the AP exam and she knew that me and this girl did not get along (bc said girl liked to air her dirty laundry and bc teacher was nosy af) and thought she could fix it lickety split by…. Making us work together

Or maybe she thought she would help us work together in the face of adversity, she was always into that weird preachy shit

But like. I felt the whole time like teacher this is NONE of your business why the actual fuck did you do this why are you making me go through this hell with this human who tells lies about me daily why have you done this

And so one time I asked her. Now, there was a third girl in the group. Teacher straight told me that third girl was the stupidest student she has even had and felt that mean girl and I were v smart and v kind and could help stupid girl.


WHAT?! What kind of teacher says those kinds of things and plays sociology games like that????

And I guess this whole thing irks me bc of course teacher is praised as best teacher most awesome amazing teacher bow down to her but she was never anything but fake-nice to me and put me in a really shitty and stressful spot and phew I need to vent about this sorry.

translucentsplash  asked:

for the ask meme; 41, 72, 79, 86

41. top 10 favorite songs 

ugh this is hard so i guess i’ll do the list in no particular order: 

i’m a ruin - marina and the diamonds
video games - lana del ray
spirits - the strumbellas 
prosthetic love (piano version) - typhoon
giants - bear hands
featherstone - the paper kites
welcome home, son - radical face
poison oak - bright eyes
transatlanticism- death cab for cutie
magdalene - bear’s den 

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

i go to school in the northeast so everyone there has dunkin shoved halfway up their ass and look down upon me for this but starbucks lmao

79. do you believe in ghosts?

not the supernatural kind, not really. ghosts in terms of people from your past? ya ya ya 

86. what is your phone background?

a dragonair lol 

die-fahne-hoch  asked:

9, 10, 26, 41 and 5 :D

9. What’s your dream job? I’m not really sure anymore tbh. I think my dream is to write a book tho.

10. Ever been in love? Maybe. Who knows, I guess. I’ve thought I was in love a lot of times, but none of those times ever worked out very well so maybe that wasn’t love after all.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? Man idk. There’s nothing that really sticks out as being the BEST thing.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike? Oh man sooooo many people. Rn now tho I’m specifically thinking about this one cunt who spread rumours around the school that I was a Nazi and all other shit like that. People kept harassing me because of what that bitch was saying and she basically ruined what would have been a relatively alright school experience for me.

5. Coke or Pepsi? Either is alright by me, but coke by choice.

And we started ANOTHER theory class today (this is our 8th one..8th not including prac) and we had to introduce our selfs and why we were there or what our plans were and everyone else had such passion and drive and have a long term interest and people have quit uni and their jobs and travelled interstate or international to follow their dreams

And im just like “i couldnt get a job so i went on the college website and picked what looked good. Dont know what my plans are yet”.

Bc “i failed high school due to mental illness then spent the next tw years thinking i ruined my life and not confronting my issues and then my closest friend died and slapped me back to reality and i took a risk doing this and ive been dragging myself out of the mud solo ever since” is a bit too much information

the (idk what it's called) tag

I’ve been tagged by @captainjaspar

rules: you have to answer these questions and then tag nine other people to do the same.

relationship status: all the single ladies

favourite color: BLUEEEE

wake-up time: school days: 6:00 am summer and weekends if I get to choose 11:00-12:00

cats or dogs: dogs but I like cats too

pepsi or coke: i hate pop/soda

call or text: i usually text but my mom is always like texting me “call me” so…

chapstick or lipstick: chapstick

last song i listened to: I already know it’s gonna be Shawn pcd😁😁 like I guessed ruin by Shawn Mendes

i’m tagging….

@shawnlenemendes @the-ogoc @theaestheticmemebitch @jasparcastle @luminescent-jaspar @lilmuffinmendes and I’m too lazy for the rest lol

15 facts about me :)

i was tagged by @a-cafeconleche thank you sweet pea!

1.  i’m actually really shy around new people, but if you know me well then i never ever shut up

2.  my southern accent isn’t very strong unless i’m mad or sassing somebody

3.  i have cold urticaria, which means that i’m allergic to the cold

4.  i really love hot chocolate

5.  i’m never getting over how bad the suicide squad movie messed up the joker and harley’s relationship :((

6.  my birthday is august 22

7.  i forgive people too easily

8.  i have four siblings :/

9.  i still haven’t recovered from sayonara hitori and press your number (and i never will)

10.  lotto is going to ruin me

11.  shinee’s new album is also going to ruin me

12.  i like pastel colors

13.  i’m incredibly good at embarassing myself

14.  i used to love reading but school ruined the joy that i took from it

15.  i try to eat healthy food, but chocolate, man

i’m tagging:  @byuntaes @minniecakes and @80spcy but you definitely don’t have to do it!!