Aries: Think you’re gonna break my heart. Think you’re funny, think you’re smart. Yeah, you may be good looking, but you’re not a piece of art. - “Power and Control”
Yeah, I wish I’d been a, wish I’d been a teen, teen idle. Wish I’d been a prom queen fighting for the title. Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible, feeling super, super suicidal. - “Teen Idle”
I guess you could say that my life’s a mess, but I’m still looking pretty in this dress. I’m the image of deception. - “Homewrecker”
Lies, don’t wanna know, don’t wanna know, oh. I can’t let you go, can’t let you go, oh. I just want it to be perfect, to believe it’s all been worth the fight. - “Lies”
Living life like I’m in a play, In the lime light I want to stay. I know I’ve got a big ego. I really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though. - “Primadonna”
Virgo: I never sang for love. I never had a heart to mend because before the start began, I always saw the end. Yeah, I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me, but nothing’s ever gonna give, I’ll never set you free. - “Starring Role”
I’ll chew you up and I’ll spit you out ‘cause that’s what young love is all about. So pull me closer, and kiss me hard. I’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart. - “Bubblegum Bitch”
Born with a void, hard to destroy with love or hope. Built with a heart, broken from the start, and now I die slow. - “Valley of the Dolls”
When you’re around me, I’m radioactive. My blood is burning, radioactive. I’m turning radioactive. My blood is radioactive. My heart is nuclear, love is all that I fear. - “Radioactive”
Capricorn: And now I see, I see it for the first time, there is no crime in being kind. Not everyone is out to screw you over. Maybe, oh just maybe they just wanna get to know you. - “Fear and Loathing”
Aquarius: All my life I’ve felt it deep inside of me. All this time was fighting for what I believe. All my life I’ve tried to hide what history has given me. - “Sex Yeah”
All I really want is to be wonderful. People in this town they, they can be so cruel. I live my life inside a dream, only waking when I sleep. If I could sell my sorry soul, I would have it all. - “The State of Dreaming”
just to be clear: this is a post that is specific to a comment on the star trek discovery video. very specific to that particular thing before any of you come at me w/ any kind of Shit for this.
im tired of white people saying that non white people’s accents aren’t understandable or are super hard to understand (i could understand what michelle yeoh was saying PERFECTLY) like fuck you i hate you i have grown up all my life with ppl in my family who have heavy accents and have trouble with english here but i can still understand them you are such horrible people you are so cruel and mean you’re fine with chekov’s heavy russian accent and scotty’s thick scottish accent but god forbid the asian woman can’t have the perfect american accent fuck you all i hate you all so much and you leave a disgusting bitter taste in my mouth
and before any of you say anything, yes, i know it can be hard to understand someone with an accent. i have trouble too sometimes. but this is specifically about a comment on michelle yeoh’s accent and her speaking in star trek discovery, which was perfectly clear in my opinion, but so many people are so hateful in the comments there.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t exactly an insult. I too am from a western country. But if you try to take a global average of how people behave, actions that we consider normal turn out to be vastly extreme on a world-wide scale. There’s this dude called Joseph Heinrich who writes a great essay about it, here’s one of his examples:
If you’re walking down the street and you bump into someone by accident and when you try to apologise they shout at you and storm off, what do you think? Most western people probably think “Wow! That guy/girl/person’s an asshole.” But that isn’t necessarily what people from non-western countries do. They tend to have a more holistic way of thinking and are more likely (always bear in mind that these are generalisations and chances are there are some holistic westerners/ non-holistic non-westerners) to think “Wow! That guy/girl/person must be having a really bad day.”
Now let’s think about crime. When we hear about a person or a group of people committing horrendous crimes/actions (like… I don’t know, shooting black people for no valid reason, just an example) what do we think? “Oh my god! How can someone be so cruel? How can such evil people even exist?” The problem here is that we don’t take into account their environment, where they have been raised, and not just in a childhood sense. Raised as a student (school-life), a police officer (academy/force-life) raised as a citizen (social/culture-life) all influence how we act.
Take Philip Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison Experiment during the 70’s (I believe). He took healthy young men who had no criminal record, from multiple backgrounds (they weren’t all students) and gave some of them the power of a prison guard and others became prisoners. The experiment was cut short because the severe psychological trauma became too much too quickly, guards became physically and mentally abusive, prisoners began to think they had committed crimes and couldn’t escape. In interviews after the experiment participants were so confused and scared why they acted the way they did. This provides evidence for one simple idea: You are affected by the things around you.
In Zimbardo’s book “The Lucifer Effect” (It’s a very good book btw please check it out) he refers to how we call corrupted police officers as “a few bad apples.” I want to take this analogy further:
Imagine each human being is an apple in a huge orchard. Industry or professions are the barrels which the apples are picked and placed into and the government/society itself are the workers. Some apples become bad apples while on the tree when they’re found they’re tossed away by the workers. Some apples fall off the tree because of some tough winds or because of the curiosities of a small critter, they’re also swept away by the workers. Sometimes a worker may miss that an apple is bad and put it in a barrel, this is quite rare though. That apple might infect other apples in the barrel, but eventually (hopefully) they’re found and removed, and the apples which they infected are checked to see if they can be salvaged.
Now instead imagine that the barrel itself is bad, warped wood, a horrible fermented smell. But people keep throwing apples into it. Most of the apples are going to turn bad. Some apples might hold out for a longer time than the others, and they can shout “Hey! This barrel can’t be bad because I’m still a good apple!” But it’s dark inside a barrel, so they can’t actually see the barrel itself. The apples still hanging on the tree, however, can see the barrel in all its disgusting glory and can say “Gross, that barrel is horrible, I don’t want to go there.” They can’t see the few good apples left because a barrel is not transparent. So here’s what needs to happen: If you’re a good apple in this circumstance and want to be seen as a good apple you need to shout “Hey! I want out of this barrel, can anyone help?” Some apples might be able to hear you and pass the message around. Eventually, the workers will come rushing out to hear a chorus of apples screaming “GET THEM OUT OF THAT BARREL! THAT BARREL IS BAD!” The workers will go to the barrel and realise just how bad it is. Then they’ll have to destroy that barrel and replace it with a new shiny metal barrel that doesn’t have the problems the previous one did. Once again the apples will be salvaged and the remaining good apples will be put in the new barrel or a different barrel, but at least they won’t be thrown away.
Another useful analogy from this: Not all apples of the same type (species?) are bad apples. Maybe you bite into a gala apple and it’s rotten, you can spit it out and turn your nose, maybe for a bit you are slightly wary of gala apples but eventually, you’ll start eating them again. You also wouldn’t knock a gala apple out of someone’s hand and go “NO DON’T EAT THAT! I once had a rotten one of them so… yeah, no one’s allowed to have them anymore. I’m in fact planning on burning down the whole orchard where they come from.” Because if you did that people would (rightfully) think you’re a psychopath.
I saw a lot of people criticizing the boys with something like “They’re all the same”, “Sure they’re gay” “They look like girls”! I would like to say something to all of you, why when it comes to black people, everyone raises flags and judges any kind of offense (and of course this is right) but when it comes to Asians in general, do you turn everything into a joke? This is a lot of lack of respect, and more IT’S CRIME! And another thing, what if they were gay? What is the problem with that? This is homophobia !! So pay close attention to the way you talk about others, don’t judge someone by their nationality, and if you are a person who does not accept differences and thinks that your language is the only one and the most beautiful, it is not their problem!
How can you be so happy?
Do you not know I’m in pain?
Do you not see me break?
Do you not understand, you could help!
Do you not know helping is humane?
How can you stay online all this time without responding to my texts?
Do you not know I miss you everyday?
Do you not understand the words I say?
Do you not care about these emotions I display!
Do you not know basic consideration is expected?
How can you stab me with this knife?
Do you not remember the time you were bleeding?
Do you not recognize this to be the same knife?
Do you not remember the time you were pleading!
Do you not acknowledge, I saved your life?
How can you breathe without choking?
Do you not drown in your hypocrisy?
Do you not suffocate in your air of mendacity?
Do you not want to kill your rotten heart!
Do you not see this is how I truly feel and not just some art?
So apparently AU!Cas was dressed and hairstyled as a Nazi, but his accent was definitely Russian. We Germans don’t speak American with such an accent, unless we’re from behind the Iron Curtain (like me hehe).
So he includes two different political systems which both are Totalitarian but from the other end of the political spectrum (ultra-left and ultra-right). What does this mean, that no distinction is made between those? If a devoted communist Russian would be compared to a Nazi, he’d definitely freak out and vice versa!
So AU!Cas is THE Totalitarian in person, two evils combined. He is not even a fighter or ruthless soldier like the other AU!angels, but a torturer, the AU Gestapo.
After the Second World War, way into the 1960s and 1970s people have discussed how one can become so cruel, and many have seen the roots to this worldview in a childhood went wrong.
The first years in a man’s (and woman’s) life are important to how the adult sees his world and the people surrounding him. Johanna Haarer wrote a book on baby “educating”, how to make soldiers and obedient citizens out of kids (in other words, how to break them). Her book “The German Mother and her first Child” was given to every household with a newborn.
Mainly parents were advised to leave the kid alone if it was well-fed and the diapers were changed, to let it cry and scream until it passed out. Yes, to leave it somewhere where you can’t even hear the “annoying” whine (which is for the baby an essential life saving method as it cannot talk and cannot care for themselves. It is an inborn basic need, the baby thinks it is in real life danger if it cannot feel the parents.) So German babies were “educated” (aka tortured) to mental health death.
As were communist kids from the very first day of their life.
That is a big similarity.
Apparently Cas was neglected and tortured by his family too (Chuck, Naomi etc…). But why did AU!Cas grow so evil? Why is not everyone who had a bad childhood cruel? Some did survive real shit and still are kind and caring people with a heart of gold.
Scientists say that you need one really emphatic and loving caretaker in your childhood to counterbalance neglection. In many cases one human being can be enough to turn your mind and not lead you down to the dark side. It can be a grandparent, a teacher, your neighbor etc.
For Castiel it were the Winchesters, Dean most of all. AU!Cas had not a single person to show him the loving side of the world (well, there is none in AU??). So he became a symbol for the “hard-core” people who grew up in Totalitarian regimes, left and right. Even if their ideologies were politically opposite, their mental health took the same road.
They were “hardened” in childhood to become “strong” soldiers and executives. But from our 21th century point of view, their minds were just irreparably broken.
I shouldn’t have read it. Especially this late at night when I’ve already been having a bad day.I shouldn’t have read the hate comments. Normally they don’t bother me because I know how I feel about Colby and how Colby feels about me, but today was just one bad thing after another.
Hi Wil, i'm sorry to vent at you, but I had a bunch of racist bigots bombard me with hate on twitter today, and it's made me feel so down. How do you deal with shit like that? I blocked them and tried to forget about it, but damn, it hurts my heart that people can be so needlessly cruel. My tweet was meant to be light-hearted, too, with some humor in it, and still these assholes find a way to make it about them. Anyway, sorry to bug you, I guess I'm just asking how you deal with nazi trolls?
I’m so sorry. It just sucks when a mob of shitfucks comes after you. Before I decided that Twitter was useless at best and actively harmful at worst, I would block and report, which helped with the disempowerment I felt after being subjected to an emotional DDOS.
To be honest, the only thing that really helped me was to depersonalize the attacks, and to remind myself that these people weren’t attacking me as much as they were attacking their idea of me. It’s a subtle, but vital difference. It still hurt, it was still frustrating, it was still demoralizing, but it helped.
I’m sorry I don’t have more useful and helpful advice; I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, or are willing to do, but consider taking a break from Twitter, because it’s a toxic and harmful environment, that gives the worst people in the world direct access to your heart, soul, and attention. You wouldn’t stay in a room full of awful people who are being awful to you, and you shouldn’t feel like you need to stay in a virtual, online space that is essentially the same thing.