when you have depression, it takes a lot to be yourself.
it takes a lot of energy to sustain that effort at being a human being; it takes a lot of energy to wake up, to talk, to move, to accomplish, to plan, to feel yourself exist. anybody can make the decision to detach and become reclusive- and oftentimes we do make that decision. when we do, we are so overcome with guilt that we distance ourselves and are put in dangerous situations, but it doesn’t matter, because any potential harm outweighs the duty of having to be you. you’re aware that there are people who care about you and who want you to move forward, so you push yourself to avoid disappointing them. it’s a hard realization, really, when you realize that your sole reason for pushing yourself is for the happiness of others, and not for the happiness of yourself.
i wish i could do more than just say that you are loved and hold an immense capacity for loving, but for now, i can’t. despite everything, people just want to love and be loved. love is a life-changing and nurturing force. i need to practice always reminding myself that love doesn’t go away. there lies an opportunity everywhere. i’m glad love is enough of a reason for me to move forward now.