people say talking about your problems help

Love yourself

ARIES: love the way your head makes decisions before you can think about things, love the passion that drives through your blood, love the way your body looks

TAURUS: love the atmosphere in your soul, love your adorable curves, love your calming voice that helps others get through their day

GEMINI: love your happy smile, love the way your personality shines through no matter what people say, love the way you talk

CANCER: love the way you always help people and care about people, love your empathy, love the way you let a little, beautiful tear come out

LEO: love your pride when you’re feeling down, love your self-confidence, love the warm, fuzzy feeling when craving for someone or something

VIRGO: love the way you overthink things for the best, love the way you solve problems, love your crave for any knowledge

LIBRA: love the way you handle social situations, love your indecisiveness because it might help you at times, love the impression you leave

SCORPIO: love your intensity, love your craving for more love and attention, love the way your heart beats when thinking of something that makes you happy

SAGITTARIUS: love your imperfections for they are beautiful, love your sense of humor, love the way you are always down for new things

CAPRICORN: love the way your eyes widen when you hear something you’re interested in, love that people look up to you, love your looks

AQUARIUS: love your uniqueness, love the way you feel safe when being around your favorite people, love the excitement you feel when you create something

PISCES: love the way your mind drifts away sometimes, love your old soul, love your advice because people need to hear it

borderline nightmares

- message delivered
- message read
- when ur fave “needs space”
- when ppl pick on u for being dramatic
- when u just gotta
- explaining splitting to nt friends
- anyone finding ur journal
- when ppl ask why youre “copying them”
- when ppl ask why you are “so clingy”
- when ppl say they will listen and stay and ur like o god i know it isn’t true but u still end up believing the same bullshit
- when u cant help but forgive people who have pushed u passed ur boundries and fucked u over
- when u cant feel
- when u can feel
- when u wanna disassociate but ppl wont stop talking to u
- when u cant stop disassociating
- disassociating during lectures/class/tests
- “tell me about yourself”
- “whats your sexuality?”
-“ha! every1 does that… ur normal dont WORRY”

When anybody says “schools today are just too ‘PC’!”

;Someone said something to me today that bothered me. In fact, I’ve heard it so many times throughout my life I cannot even count: “Long distance relationships never work.” That is a massive pile of bull sh*t. Let me clarify, I am not stating long distance relationships can’t end. I am not saying distance has not ended relationships before. I am just tired of people saying that they can’t ever work. That they are destined to fail from the start. Every relationship has obstacles. And long distance is an obstacle. A difficult one no doubt, but one that can be overcome with communication and devotion. If you care about someone, you never want to let them go(at least for me) and that is the same during long distance. Yeah, of course, you miss them and distance is challenging. It’s work. It isn’t easy. But your care and love for the other person can override that. My parents dated for 6 years long distance and talked over the phone, visited each other, the whole nine yards before getting married. On top of that, this was before we lived in a technological age where you can LITERALLY speak directly to someone’s face through a screen if you want. In my opinion, there are three reasons why long distance relationships fail.

1. Infidelity/Need for Physical Intimacy- A major reason long distance relationships fail is due to someone’s need for a physical/sexual connection. This is very common. Many times when long distance relationships start, people do not understand the actual strain of not having a sex life or the aspect of not being able to physically be with the other person. This leads to people meeting someone new who fills that physical void and sexual need. My love language is physical touch so this is one thing I VERY much understand. Buuuuuuuuut that does not mean I can’t pull off a long distance relationship. The answer to this problem is knowing when you can physically be in their presence next. Plan a week/weekend where you go and stay with them. This can restart your fire and help re-affirm why you are doing this. It also gives you something for both of you to look forward to. Now, many people enjoy sex. It is normal and healthy to have a frequent sex life, but it is hard to have a sex when you are miles apart. If you have some sexual urges, talk to your partner about it. Be open and don’t be afraid to say something to your partner. Let them know it is something you are missing and hopefully, your partner will work with you to try to solve this problem. Technology is your friend: phone sex, snapchat, facetime, etc. There are so many ways you can keep a sex life fresh and strong even with distance between you.

2. Fear/Anxiety- This is usually the reason some long distance relationships end within the first month. In this situation, one person in the relationship is afraid it won’t work out down the road or that they won’t be strong enough to last until they can be together again. It is a rash decision solely based in fear and insecurity. This is not really a problem that can be fixed. It is something that the person needs to sort out themselves. There may be nothing wrong with the relationship at all. Everything could be going great! But the fear that the couple won’t be able to make it work even though the skies are clear, is just anxiety and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some people cannot get rid of the devil on their back whispering in their ear that it will never work. (And people saying, “Long distance never works.” does not help these people FYI.) Key to avoiding this is making sure to communicate with your partner. Let them know how much you care about them. You can schedule time to talk every day so you stay connected. You can text throughout the day. You can facetime and plan movie dates together, Do things you would do if you were actually in the same place. Remind yourself and your partner that this is not permanent, you will be together eventually.

3. Uncertainty/Denial- Finally, uncertainty and denial. This one is short and simple. You were not meant to be. You simply are not right for each other. Denying that you both are not happy will just make you resent each other in the end and ruin any chance you may have at a friendship. I know realizing you are not meant to be with each other is hard to accept, but sometimes that is how life works and there will be someone out there more suited for you. (And they may be just a few minutes away.)

Now, I may seem like someone who is happily in a long distance relationship who has never experienced heartbreak ever; That I have been in a beautiful, perfect relationship since high school and I “am just cut out for long distance.” But I have been in long distance relationships that have succeeded and long distance relationships that have failed. And my reason for sharing this is not to tell you to jump into a long distance relationship. Distance adds obstacles to a relationship that many never anticipate dealing with. It is a big hurdle, but you just have to be prepared to jump over it when you need to. I am tired of being told it cannot be done. Love can travel any distance and I firmly believe that.”

—  therookiewordsmith
Stranger’s

Summary: You met Steve in one bar and two have a great night together.

Words: 2593

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Warnings: Drunk assholes, fuffly, and smut.

You never minded to do things alone, you actually enjoyed it a lot. Going to the movies or shopping was, even more, fun to you when you are alone because you were the one in control. But you are starting to thinking that coming to this bar alone wasn’t your best idea.

Since you arrived at the bar, this is the fourth guy who hit on you in one hour. The first guy insisted on paying for your drink and after you declined several times he went away, the second was nice when you said you weren’t interested he went away without questioning you. The third one was insistent  but after hearing about your fake boyfriend he let you enjoy your drink alone.

The fourth asshole, Mike didn’t leave you alone. You told him that you weren’t interested, that you could pay for your own drinks and that you had a boyfriend but no, he wasn’t having any of it.  “Come on baby, your boyfriend doesn’t have to know… I can show you a really good time.”

Keep reading

I’ve learnt that people literally won’t be pleased with you no matter what and will always assume bad things. if you talk about meaningful topics they’ll say you’re being fake-deep and smug, if you stay lighthearted they’ll say you’re shallow and stupid. if you talk about religion they’ll say you’re trying to act so righteous and name your sins, if you keep it private they’ll say you lack piety. if you speak of your problems they’ll say you seek attention and pity, if you don’t they’ll say you’re spoiled and haven’t experienced hardship. you can literally try to be the most kind hearted, helpful and loving person, and there will be those who say you just do it for praise and you’re sickly and annoying and fake. You’ll kill yourself trying to please the people.

I can’t help but laugh at the scene in Deathly Hallows, when Harry talks to Snape about his ‘security problem’. (“It seems, despite your exhaustive defensive strategies, you still have a bit of a security problem headmaster. I’m afraid it’s quite extensive.”). Extensive he says, and then walks in, like, ten people.

@nd tumblr

I think it really needs to be said in a more formal way why mental illness Tumblr seriously needs to evaluate what they’re doing. Before I get into this, I wanna say that I know this is just a website and I have a choice in what communities I interact with, but when you are living in an abusive environment and you have nobody to look to but your abusers you usually go to social media. I went to Tumblr because it is the most accepting when it comes to mental illness to some extent, because people didn’t immediately judge me or hate me for my symptoms.

Note: sorry for the strange school-esque organization, i just did headings to make it easier to read for people

Anti-recovery and promoting unhealthy mindsets

For the most part, mental illness Tumblr barely promotes recovery or healthy coping mechanisms. Mi Tumblr (mental illness Tumblr) is mostly talking about symptoms in a unhealthy way and are just saying that suffering is a good thing. I completely understand that being mentally ill comes with a ton of negativity within yourself. It is healthy to talk about your problems, it’s good to be open and to reach out to others, but never promoting good vibes or good coping mechanisms in return is not helping. When someone is having any type of episode, they need help, maybe not immediately for some people because they are in too bad of a state to immediately recover from the episode (just listen to what they need), but they should get support and comfort sometime soon. It’s absolutely ideal to recover and/or get in the habit of healthy coping mechanisms. I feel that mi Tumblr isn’t helping us recover or creating a safe environment for nd folk by not normalizing healthy mindsets and healthy coping mechanisms, they are normalizing the suffering and unhealthy ways to deal with your symptoms. Most posts are just talking about our awful experiences and then ending it there. There is literally no support or comfort afterwards. I understand wanting to relate with others when talking about your mental health. It’s great to know that others are going through the same and you’re not alone, but just do not end it there, for your own health. Try to make a support system for each other with this person since they relate with you. Talk about it with people and try to help each other out. One more example I want to bring into light, is when people reblog others personal posts. Personal posts are for venting and it’s not made for others to spread, but people reblog it anyway for the aesthetic and are not taking the op’s feelings seriously.

I want to get this through with a lot of people that recovering or improving in controlling or coping with your symptoms does not make you invalid. It is okay to recover, it does not make you obsolete to the mental illness community.

Memes within the community 

I want to speak about the whole meme thing going on about mental illness. I can understand that joking about stuff can help you cope, but making mi this huge meme isn’t good for a lot of people. For nd folk, making these memes within the community makes them feel like it’s okay to suffer, like it’s okay and a laughing matter to be depressed or that “lmao i wanna kill yourself everyday.” People make all of these jokes and then say nothing about help and don’t express care for those who are suffering afterwards, it’s just a joke to them. It just promotes more anti-recovery for people. My boyfriend has had actual problems within the community where he would be feeling down and terrible and say “I feel depressed,” and people would actually laugh at him, because it’s a meme within the community to say “I’m so depressed,” or like i said earlier, “I wanna kill myself everyday.” I’ve had similar experiences where I would say “I want to fucking die,” or that “I hate living,” and I am actually entirely genuine and I feel suicidal as hell and people just laugh. People laugh, because they think it’s just a funny meme that everyone parrots in the mi community. It makes me feel disheartened and I regret being open about it because people just laugh within the community because they think i’m just making a meme. All of our feelings aren’t a joke and every nd person knows that, so don’t create these mi memes that we laugh at when they’re an actual serious matter. I understand venting with making jokes, I really do, but do not post it and make it go viral, just keep it personal if you need a way to say something without all of the heavy feelings carried with it. Saying a joke about your mi to avoid talking about the heavy feelings and just mentioning it in a not serious tone is not the best way to tell someone about your problems though. It should be normalized to talk about the heavy emotions when it comes to your feelings, you shouldn’t repress it with making a meme to mask what you’re really feeling. I can understand being afraid of disclosing something that personal to people and saying a joke instead, to sort of say something but not really be serious. Even though this makes sense, try your best to sit down with someone and really talk about your issues to avoid the awkwardness that the jokes could create and also avoid repressing your feelings. These memes about mi to me are just a way of repressing what we truly feel and I don’t think it’s healthy to do that. It should be communnity-wide to feel safe when talking about the heavy stuff and not ignore your feelings, bottling it all up.

Peer pressure

Mi Tumblr makes people feel like they should experience constant negative symptoms to fit in. (”You have to be this negative and upset to be mentally ill”) Having this pressure to be in a perpetuating negative state expressed so often in the community can make us not want to recover because they want to maintain their bad habits to fit in. If you end up recovering or noticing you’re getting better you’ll feel invalid and self conscious about this and want to get back to the unhealthy mindset that Tumblr promotes. I can absolutely vouch for this, absolutely. I have a bunch of mental problems and when I started to date my boyfriend I got a whole lot better about my mental health and I felt I was really starting recovery finally. I looked back at mi Tumblr and I started to get afraid I wasn’t valid as being mentally ill anymore and I started to get back to square 1 because of the lack of talk about recovery in the community. My boyfriend has had same experiences and I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined.

Age groups

The majority of the mi community are minors and are really young in general, and I feel having all of the above normalized in this community is awful to teach these kids at such a young age. The friend I mentioned in the “Peer pressure” paragraph at the ending when I said “I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined,” she is 14 y.o. 

Overall, just learning all of the crap from mi Tumblr is honestly really bad for the minors in the community. For those of you who cannot turn to anything but social media: try to find someone with the same problems as you and create a support system. Try to share coping mechanisms that could help or be there for each other whenever. Make support groups and try to steer away from mi Tumblr, it’s unhealthy as fuck. I could sit and talk about all of the awful coping mechanisms I have seen on this site, but that would be a whole new post. Don’t listen to that stuff, if it involves triggering you or making you upset or lying to yourself in the slightest, just don’t do it. Be safe and treat yourselves right and try to recover together and help each other out. Enough of this perpetuating negativity in the community.

Note: Please add to this post if you want to

Flashbacks (Based on DNA by Lia Marie Johnson)

Summary: Dean and the reader have an argument and the reader gets flashbacks of her childhood.

Words: 1159

Warnings: drinking, abusive father, very descriptive argument with domestic violence

Song I Listened to While Writing: DNA by Lia Marie Johnson

A/N: This was another very emotionally taxing fic to write because of personal ties to the subjects of both abuse and alcoholism.



—-Yes I am taking up extra space because there is a big argument scene at the very beginning—-

La di da di da, taking up space….

Do not read if you are triggered by domestic violence….

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.




You were 12 the first time you actually saw your parents fighting. You heard something about money, how your dad was buying beer rather than paying rent and utilities.

“You have a problem! Normal people don’t do this! You need help!” your mom pleaded.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about! How dare you walk around in the apartment that I pay for and insist that I have a problem!” Your father grabbed your mother’s scraggly, loose pony tail and used it to throw her against a wall.

You ran into your room and closed the door, covering your head with a pillow in a desperate attempt to muffle your mother’s screams and the sound of your father’s fists and palms hitting her soft, gentle flesh. You prayed that he wouldn’t come into your room next and take his anger out on you yet again. You thought you heard police sirens. Red and blue lights were flashing outside your bedroom window.

What felt like hours later, your mother came in. Her cheeks and chin were beginning to turn purple, her wrists had clear marks from where your father had pulled her around. Yet that was just the visible wounds.

“Y/N, you have to promise me you will never fall in love with someone with anger issues. Promise me, Y/N.” she begged, holding her your tiny hand in her larger one. Goosebumps rose up out of your skin at her touch.

“I promise.” You whispered, looking down at the bed to avoid seeing her bruises.

—–

You and Dean never fought. Sure, you had stupid little catfights every now and then, but who didn’t? You were aware he had a bit of a temper issue, but you never figured it was bad enough that you would break your promise to your mother. You knew Dean would never hit you. You never told Dean about the promise. You never told him about your father, either. It wasn’t that you were trying to hide it, it was just that you never saw a reason for him to know.

Over the course of about a year, a tension started to build between you and Dean. It was impossible for you not to feel it. Dean would bring booze back to the motel room and drink until he passed out. Not that you could blame him. After all, the poor guy did literally go to hell and back. But to you, it seemed like all he ever did was drink.

“Dean, can you put down that damn bottle for one night? Please?” You asked.

“What’s so wrong with it, Y/N?” he replied, his green eyes bloodshot from drinking for days upon days in a row.

“It’s not good for you, Dean.” You said, looking down at your boots, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

“We’ve all had a long hunt. What’s wrong with having a drink or two to wind down before bed?” He asked.

“The fact that you can’t stop is what’s wrong with it.” You muttered.

“What?” He asked.

“Never mind. It won’t matter anyway…” You trailed off.

“What won’t matter?” he asked, walking over to you.

“It won’t matter if I speak my mind or not because you won’t take me seriously. You’ll just think I’m nagging or something.”

“Seriously, Y/N. What is it? I want to know.” He questioned, defensively crossing his arms, his drink still in his hand.

“You have a problem, Dean! Normal people don’t drink until they pass out every night!” You shouted. Sam got up from his spot at the table and left the motel room.

“You think I have a problem?! Normal people don’t drink until they pass out every night? Well, guess what, Y/N? I’m not normal! None of us are normal!” He set his drink down on the night stand before standing directly in front of you, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

You flinched as he pulled you up from the bed you were lying on.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about! How dare you walk around in the apartment that I pay for and insist that I have a problem?!” Your father’s words were all you could hear. For a split second you almost heard his voice instead of Dean’s.

“Now, what is your problem with all this?” He said. You felt yourself flinch again as he put his hand on your shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter. It won’t change anything. You clearly don’t care enough to even attempt to see things from my point of view.” You said, backing away from him.

“How can I see things from your point of view if you don’t let me in? Why do you have a problem with me drinking at night?”

“Because you never stop, Dad!” Before you knew it, the words flew out of your mouth.

You turned and ran into the bathroom, locking the door. You couldn’t believe what you just said. If Dean could get to you, he would beat for sure even though he had never done so before in the past.

You hid under the covers as your father entered your room. The door slammed against the wall as he forced it open. Suddenly, the blankets were ripped from over top of you and you were being lifted into the air.

“How dare you tell your mother I was drinking again! What’s wrong with having a drink after a long day at work!” He screamed, dropping you back on to your bed.

“Because you never stop, Dad…” you trailed.

“You know I can stop if I want.” He stated, slamming the door on his way out. Soon after you heard your mother start screaming again.

“Y/N, open the door! Please, baby. Just open the door.” Dean pleaded with you.

You undid the lock and Dean slowly entered the room. Tears were streaming down your face as he sat down next you. You flinched as he grabbed your hand.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, grabbing some toilet paper to dry your eyes.

“Why does it matter to you?” You asked, turning away from him.

“Because you looked like you just saw a ghost.” Dean said.

“That’s because I did. A ghost from my past…” You trailed off.

“Tell me. I want to know.” He said, pulling you into his lap.

“My father was an abusive drunk. He’d beat my mother for the fun of it and if he still wasn’t settled down enough, I was next.” You said, explaining as much as you could handle.

“Tell me more.” Dean urged.

“I… Can’t.” You hesitated.

“That’s why you flinched, wasn’t it? I reminded you of your dad.” He said, finally putting the pieces together, “Damnit, Y/N, I’m sorry.”

He began rocking you back and forth as you cried.

“I’ll stop. I promise you this will never happen again.” Dean assured you.

Before you both went to bed, Dean let you throw away his last bottle of whiskey.

Protect You || Part 1/?

MY BITCH @running-outta-time PUT ME IN A WRITING MOOD I LOVE HER CAUSE I ACTUALLY GOT SOMETHING DONE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER. I’ve been wanting to write this for such a long time because I’ve never really read anything like this before. Like not the fact that the reader’s someone that’s cut off, but it’s more like how the reader who is fem!reader, is very much more dominant and peter is (let’s all just admit it) a submissive ass little smol bean. Like come on. I’m just really, really excited for this one, and I hope you guys like it. 

 tags : @running-outta-time 

 words : 1450 

Masterlist 

Protect You Masterlist

————————— 

Originally posted by tomllholland


Peter Parker had never imagined falling deeply in love with a girl whom he very much feared… in a weird way. 

It was scary. 

He would stir up scenarios in his head about what it would be like to be able to hold you, kiss you… love you; what it would be like to let him love you. 

But due to the fact that you were one of the most intimidating (yet chill) people in school stood in the way. 

You’d transferred to the school in ninth grade, coming off a friendly and very much humorous and sarcastic; and that you stayed. 

However, Flash Thompson had learned not to mess with you the hard way; everyone from then on learned not to mess with you. It was after he’d picked on a girl for her weight, calling her names and relentlessly poking and prodding at her, that you’d held tight onto the collar of his shirt, shoved him into the lockers, and punched him right in the gut. You got off with two weeks of detention and a warning. 

Despite people being scared of you, you were trusted… with a lot. 

After three months of you being there you’d become the person who knew everything that went on in the school and everyone’s personal lives. Whenever someone would ask for ‘gossip’ from you, you’d always reply with, “I don’t spill shit, man.” 

You became almost the whole school’s problem solver, or advice giver. You became the designated best friend. 

It was a thing; you’d be their best friend when they needed it, but never, have you ever let someone be your best friend. 

Best friend, as in letting someone in, know what the hell goes on in your life, and trusting them to tell no one. 

You kept all that shit private. No one could be trusted. Except you. And you’re, well, you. So you have yourself, and it’s always been fine that way. 

You made that clear to anybody who tried to get close to you emotionally and mentally. Including Peter Parker. 

You hung out with Peter a lot, actually. Along with his long time friend, Ned, too, of course. 

Their intellect challenged yours, but you often found yourself with them due to the outrageous amount of bullying.

You’d defended them both against some meat heads who, for some reason, went to your very high profile school for gifted and smart kids four and a half months into ninth grade.

You’d thought nothing of it, standing up for the underdog, however Peter found himself starting to fall for you that day.

Another two weeks later, you found Peter in another similar situation, and rescued his ass once again.

After another month of doing so, you confronted him by saying, “You’re one weak ass motherfucker, aren’t you?” Only for you to be met with a blush and stuttering words, and for him to be met with you sitting with him and Ned at lunch the next day, and from then on.

You admit, throughout out the whole year you’d gotten to know Peter, you’d grown a soft spot for the boy; but never did that change your dominant, smooth persona in front of him or anyone else.

Throughout the whole year that you’d been friends with Peter, he’d seen it as an opportunity to get as close as possible to you. At least attempt to.

Not even emotionally or mentally by this point. He’d given up on that three months after you first sat with him and Ned.

The poor boy spent his year infatuated despite being intimidated with you, and you didn’t even know it despite you ‘all knowing’ reputation. And you, poor girl, spent your year being followed around by said boy as though he were a lost puppy.

You’d always thought of it as him trying to cling onto the little protection he had from you.

It was overall that you’d spent your life defending other people who weren’t able to defend themselves, and help others, no matter who they were, with their issues.

Overall, you made their problems your problems to fix.

And now you had to fix your little lost puppy’s problem today, January 14, 2017.

“Hey, Parker!” Flash spoke into the microphone of the DJ’s spin table, “Where’s that girlfriend of yours you were talking about, huh?”

You, Ned, and Peter had just entered a party the popular Liz Allan was throwing.

Peter stood there mouth opening and closing, not knowing what to say.

Earlier on at school, Flash had been taunting Peter about his love life and how he couldn’t get a girl, unbeknownst to you, and Peter had replied with, “I-I have a girlfriend! I really pretty one too!”

Flash then proceeded to challenged Peter and told him to bring said girlfriend with him, still, unbeknownst to you.

“What,” Flash laughed, “Did your old pal, Spider-Man, steal her from you?”

Everyone around you three began to laugh, some looked at Peter with sympathy.

“I-I,” Peter started, but gave up and hung his head in embarrassment.

You been quick and thoughtless about consequences, only thinking of protecting the boy you’d grown to care for, when you shouted over the laughter, “How about you all shut the fuck up, cause he ain’t lying.”

Flash chuckled into the mic, “Oh, what are you gonna say to defend him, Y/N? Does his girlfriend have something else to do tonight? Oh, oh, or maybe she lives all the way in Canada or some shit.”

You squinted at him and snarled, “Imma say she’s right here.”

You turned quickly, not thinking, and grabbed the collar of Peter’s flannel with both hands, pulled him as close to you as possible, and slammed your lips into his.

Peter’s eyes were open and shocked until he began to ease into the kiss and close his eyes. This was the moment he’d dreamed for since the first time you’d defended him.

Gasps were heard as your lips melded into to his for the first time.

Pulling away after a good ten seconds, which felt like only a blissful moment to Peter, you took a good look at him before letting go of his shirt collar.

His cheeks were flushed, eyes and mouth were wide in shock, and lips were slightly swollen.

You turned away from him to look at Flash, “You wanna say something else, or not get your ass kicked?”

Flash opened and closed his mouth a few times before growling and putting down the microphone, only to stalk off to somewhere in the spacious house.

Everyone continued to stare until you shouted at them, “Everybody get back to what you were doing, or else I’ll find creative things to shove up creative places on your body.”

That made the music start up again, everyone resume their conversation, and maybe start a new one about what the hell just happened in the middle of the party.

Peter still hadn’t spoken, not knowing what to say.

“What the hell were you thinking when you told Flash you had a girlfriend?” You questioned Peter after you’d managed to find and pull him into a room in the house without people in there getting it on.

Peter stood there wide eyed and unsure of what to say, “I-I, um, I-I don’t kn-know?” He bowed his head

You sighed and put your thumb and index finger on the bridge of your nose and turned so your side was facing Peter.

“You do realize we have to keep this up if you don’t want to be a joke, right?”

Peter looked up, eyes still wide, “You’d pretend to be my girlfriend.”

Peter had hoped that when he had the chance to be with you, especially with other people knowing, that it would be something real, but he’d take pretend. He’d take anything from you by that point.

You huffed before turning to look at him sternly, “Yes, but,” you held up a finger at his excited face, “Nothing changes. No holding hands, no hugs, no kisses, no pet names or any of that shit.”

Peter furrowed his eyebrows, “But how will people believe that we’re toget-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” You put your finger on his lips and shook your head, “My rules. People know me, and my reputation. So do you. We will go to homecoming together and we’ll use the whole boyfriend and girlfriend title, that’s it. Understood?”

Peter nodded his head vigorously, “Yeah.”

“Good,” You said before shaking your head, began to walk towards the door, and started muttering to yourself, “I’m an idiot, an idiot. You help this god damn lost puppy and this is what you get. I need a drink.”

Argument // Got7

-you pick a fight with him in front of the others.


MARK:

Originally posted by tuanisanangel

If you two were in front of the other members he wouldn’t get loud or really even say anything to you as you spoke out about the issues you two had been avoiding to talk about. He would want to wait until he was away from his younger friends and would want the topics discussed kept between you two. If you spoke back and made him angry, saying that you two would talk about it at that very moment, he would have no problem having a yelling match with you.

“We will talk about this when we’re alone.”


JAEBUM:

Originally posted by saranghaeyojw

He would feel a bit embarrassed by your openness about the problems you two had in front of his members. He couldn’t help but give you a hard stare, he wasn’t going to argue with you in front of the people he had to lead and work with. He would be blunt about it and made sure you got the message.

“Yah! We will talk about this in private.”


JACKSON:

Originally posted by whaaaalep

Jackson would be shocked at first, usually the two of you would talk to one another calmly when you each had something on your mind. Even when things got heated you two were able to soon solve the problem so in front of the members he wouldn’t know what exactly to do.

“Don’t do this in front of the others, let’s go somewhere private.”


JINYOUNG:

Originally posted by the-princejinyoung

This boy would not even allow you to finish what was on your mind, as soon as you raised your voice he would shut it down. Jinyoung is a relatively private person, especially when it comes to your relationship and others didn’t need to see something like this.

“We will wait until I’m done here.”


YOUNGJAE:

Originally posted by gotpmgifs

He would be more annoyed with your behavior than anything else, you guys rarely fought but you couldn’t help it, it had been pent up for awhile. He might just wave you off or make you two go somewhere to talk privately as soon as possible. No matter what his annoyance was clear because he wouldn’t understand why you couldn’t just wait until you guys were alone. He may be a ray of sunshine but he was still very logical.

“Really? You choose now to start this? Let’s go talk about this; away from my members.”


BAMBAM:

Originally posted by chattyang

As soon as you raised your voice at him, the boys were became irrelevant to him and he would raise his voice right back. If it was something simple or something stupid in his eyes he’d just roll his eyes and ignore you and focus on messing with Yugyeom or whoever. If it was something he was equally upset about or you upset him he would have no problem having a screaming match with you in front of the others.

“That’s how you feel!? Well let me tell you…!”


YUGYEOM:

Originally posted by got7hoe

He would also feel embarrassed of your choice of topic and would go silent quickly. He would sit and listen to you as you ranted to him, just feeling awkward around the older members that he was getting yelled at by you. Yugyeom would only speak once you were done speaking.

“Jagiya,let’s go talk about this…”

anonymous asked:

I'm white and cishet, but I have a really hard life and my family has struggled through so much, How can you say that i'm privileged when you don't even know me

alright, i’m gonna try and explain this as best i can.

privilege comes in many many forms, okay? there’s white privilege, cis privilege, het privilege, wealth privilege, there’s even privilege within underprivileged communities (white passing poc have more privilege than darker poc, trans women of color are treated the worst in the trans community, trans women have to deal with terfs, etc) it’s complex. but what you need to understand about privilege is that it isn’t saying “everything about your life is easy” it’s more like “while you do have struggles, some aspects of your life are going to be significantly easier than others lives because of race/wealth/sexuality/gender”

so say you’re white. you then have white privilege, simple as that. and many white people say “well it’s not like i can help it, i was born white and can’t change that” and yeah, obviously you can’t help being born with that privilege but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re privileged. and sadly people are more likely to listen to you when you’re white (or even white passing, and that isn’t even getting into the topic of systemic racism) so it’s your job to say “listen it isn’t right that people treat me better bc i’m white, but i’m gonna try and use my whiteness to bring focus to the discrimination that poc face” and you gotta use your privilege to try and give voice to the silenced

that’s really what all privilege comes down to, acknowledging that some aspect your life will likely be easier and provide opportunities that others don’t get, and use that privilege to help. so cis people could stand with trans people and help bring light to their struggles, white/white passing people standing with poc/fellow darker poc and bringing attention to their struggles, het people standing with lgbt+ people, wealthy standing with the poor, men standing with women, etc you get my drift

an example is the blm movement, like you’ll always hear white people saying “ALL lives matter” like yeah, obviously, but we aren’t talking about all lives rn we’re talking about BLACK lives. black people aren’t saying “we matter way more than all you white people” they’re saying “hey maybe actually give a shit about us and hear our problems and help us fix them??? thanks”

idk i’m explaining this so messy, but my main point is that your struggles are likely valid, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t privileged. like i’m transgender and pansexual, i have LOADS of very real problems and discrimination. BUT i’m never gonna be struggling because i’m white, and that’s my white privilege. heterosexual people are never gonna be struggling because they’re heterosexual, cis people are never gonna be struggling because they’re cis, men are never gonna struggle for being men, wealthy people are never gonna struggle for being wealthy, and that’s privilege. and you could whine and say “but i still have problemsssss” or you could say “hey, i may have my own disadvantages, but i’m gonna try and use some of my very real advantages to help people who are being walked on. NOT speak over them, but speak with them, and try and spread awareness and make change happen. bc as fucked up as it is, change will happen faster if privileged people help out, because people are more likely to listen to the privileged”

like you may not have asked for your privilege, but you still have it. so you can be a dick and deny it and pretend it isn’t there, or you can use it as a tool to help people

kikkerokero  asked:

What is a good way to support local zoos, given that they are reputable? Does it stop at donations? Ps I love your blog! I learned so much from it!

It absolutely does not stop at donations. 

Y’know how tumblr likes to talk a lot about what being a good ally means, how it involves elevating whomever you’re supporting’s voice and helping advocate for the things they say are important? Do that for your local zoo. 

One of the biggest problems zoos face right now is the groupthink that paints them as evil. They can only reach the people who see their posts on social media or who go through their gates. You’re tied into a totally different community online and in person, and you can help by continuing to pass on education. You don’t have to go into threads where people are hating on zoos and talk about why they’re actually not quite right (although you can, and it does do something, but it takes a lot of patience). You can even advocate for them just by talking with people about the cool things you’ve learned they’re doing, or how you learned something you thought was bad was actually good. 

Like, yes, you can donate and volunteer, but some of the most concrete and immediate support you can to is just talk about why they matter, how they save species, what good research they do, etc. Take your enthusiasm and be ready to answer questions and hopefully it’ll end up being infectious. 

(Just, y’know, make sure you do your research on stuff you want to talk about and say when you don’t know about something rather than guessing. It’s so tempting to try to defend something you’re not super familiar with, but the accidental misinformation from that could do more damage). 

anonymous asked:

Can I pretty please get some headcanons for how McCree, Hanzo, Sombra, Reaper, and Reinhardt would (separately) react to finding out how much their short and very chubby s/o hates their body and how they're constantly worrying that they are going to be left because of how gross they think they look? Ahh I hope this makes sense.. Thank you so much!!!

McCree


His chest hurts when he learns about it, he knows a lot about hating your body but he wouldn’t wish that on you. He’ll hold you close, head buried into your shoulder, promising that if you go for help he’ll also get help for his own problems as well.

Hanzo


He doesn’t know what to say, he was always envious of Genji for knowing how to talk to people. He doesn’t have that same gift. He’ll do his best but he can barely manage his own problems, eventually cracking and asking Genji for advice. The two of you learning to love yourselves a bit more after all of this.

Sombra


She already has twenty articles pulled up on how to help but will also listen to you. She’ll constantly reassure you that she won’t leave you, never losing patience with you. She adores you and will do anything to help you, even helping you get a therapist if that’s what you need.

Reaper


He blames himself, it’s not realistic or even healthy for either of you but he can’t help that you’d be happier without him. This feeds into your fear that he’s going to leave you and it only stops when he addresses it. The two of you talk about your fears, both promising to be a little bit more open with your worries.

Reinhardt


He’s a little sad for you, holding your hands and reassuring you that he won’t leave you. Especially not for how you look. He’ll get you to look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself at least five things you love about yourself, it gets easier for you after a while.

important tip for you all

guys seriously you need to stop reacting to everything. try and change your attitude, be more positive, more easy going and just live in the moment.
let go of things stop holding on so tight. you broke up with your ex? move on. drifted from a best friend? you can always find new ones. none of this is going to matter in the next 5, 10 or 25 years.
streaks aren’t important.
don’t be scared of people who are all talk.
if it happens behind a screen the other persons obviously pussy.
if you’re stuck then report it. report the problem so it stops occurring stop being scared to tell someone about it. someone who can actually do something to help you.
guys but seriously i’m saying all this for your sake bc it’s not okay to be constantly worrying over small things like losing a streak with an old friend. these things aren’t important you need to focus on yourself. focus on your education and focus on your future. it’s only you.

hhhhhhh

Are there seriously still people like that on tumblr? Seriously? Can you grow tf up please? I don’t understand your logic. If you don’t like the ship why don’t you just fucking ignore it? Nobody fucking cares if you don’t like it, I’ve dealt with so many people on the novahd tag, who came over and wasted their fucking life just to say “oh I don’t like novahd.” O-okay? Did we fucking ask? I mean I get i get it everybody has an opinion, but some people need to keep some in there stupid blabber mouths, because they’re unnecessary and stupid. And you know what I’m not gonna lie, I did that a long time ago, and I regret it, I even said sorry for it. But the fact that people STILL do this with shipping, is fucking retarded, it’s 2017, grow tf up. Don’t start stupid ass ship wars for no reason. I’ve seen enough ship wars I don’t want to see anymore. And I’ll even say I have a notp right now myself, and I hate it with a fucking passion. But do you see me going on other ship tags to say “Hey, I hate this ship, just wanted to tell you that.” No i don’t, because why would I do that when my ship is ten times fucking cuter anyways? *clears throat* Sorry..and I’m sorry if your dead ship won’t come back so you have to hate on others ships. Tch feelsbadman. Look do you need tips on how to ignore a ship and keep your fucking mouth shut so you don’t get it slapped off by karma? Cause I’ll help you…fuckin…we have other problems in the world and you’re bitching about a notp??? Some people..also don’t. say. sorry. After you just shit on something we like, it’s stupid and you clearly don’t mean it. Stay in your fucking lane. We’ll talk about our ship, and you talk about yours. Fair enough? Okay now shut up. 

How to not lose my/an INTJ’s interest

While I, an INTJ, am very loyal to the people I love and care about, I have a problem: Sooner or later, I tend to lose interest in most of my friends. This isn’t something I’m proud of - in fact, I feel like there’s something wrong with me - but nevertheless, it doesn’t make it any less interesting to analyze. And maybe someone else will even be able to relate, which would be cool.
So here’s a list of things I came up with that can stop me from losing my interest in you.

1. Care about me, but not excessively.

I want deep friends, and if I care about you, I want you to care about me. It can be simple things like asking how I am every now and again, surprising me with kind words or listening to me if I need to talk about something. But don’t let it go too far.

Don’t send me a message everyday asking how I am/how I’m feeling; it makes me feel suffocated, and I will most likely stop talking to you about my feelings. Don’t bombard me with praise or worship me; it makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes even disgusted, and you will probably lose my respect. Don’t blow my feelings out of proportions if I don’t; I may just want to tell you about something without needing you to go “Awwww nooooo sweetie :( :( :( :( :( This is terrible, how are you feeling??? Omg I’m crying now” or bombard me with messages every day the following week. (Yepp, has happened.)

Just, you know, care about me and show interest in me, but don’t overdo it.

2. Don’t dismiss my unique traits by telling me I’m “cute” or “weird”.

As a female INTJ, I have had a lot of friends who haven’t been super comfortable with my… weirdness. And by weirdness, I mean weird by their standards. I have a friend who always exclaims “you’re so cute!!!” whenever I say something about video games or language nerdery, for example, and it undermines me and my interests. You don’t need to have the same interests as I do, but at least show some respect and maybe try to understand them instead of calling me cute. I understand it can be hard for women to accept me not being the typical girlygirl, because they’ve been taught to be that girl, but please try to see this behaviour and do something about it.

3. Possess a will to learn and develop.

This might seem harsh, but I really have problems with people who “stand still” in life or at least don’t want to actively learn new things or improve themselves. I am constantly looking to develop and improve, so if you want me to not lose interest in you, try not to stay the same boring and immature person for too long. We all have negative traits, but I can’t stand people who go “yes I’m immature/naive/prejudiced/etc but I’m not going to do anything about it”. I don’t want to drag your weight behind me; I want someone I can grow and develop alongside with. The more you can teach me, the more bonus points you will get.

Taking care of your health (as in, seeking help for any mental disorders or such) is also very important. Don’t complain about your problems if you’re not going to do anything about them.

And for the love of everything dear, don’t be narrow-minded!

4. Be independent.

Don’t cling to me. Live your own life and then come back to tell me about all the cool stuff you experienced. Don’t be too naive; I don’t want to have to educate you every time we talk. As I said under #1, don’t worship me (might sound like a weird thing to say but too many people have worshipped me, it’s not fun anymore). You need to be able to give me space, and I will give you space in return. Just… Have a backbone, you know.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be dependent on me from time to time. It’s okay to not be strong all the time.

5. Avoid drama and unexpected changes in your behaviour, and be loyal.

… Or I will be out of your life within ten seconds. Really, I don’t have the patience for drama. Tell me if I do something wrong. We can have a conversation about it. We can solve it. But if you’re not at least a little consistent in your behaviour, I will become unsure of our friendship and will most likely fall back.

Also another thing worthy of mention: STAY. LOYAL. It’s okay to grow apart, but ffs, don’t backstab me and don’t suddenly just disappear. I know I can be guilty of disappearing myself sometimes, but I’m working on it. I am actually quite insecure when it comes to friendships, so be straightforward with me. If you just leave me with no explanation, I will be hurt and then I will move on and forget about you before you’ve even realized what happened.

I want us to be comfortable with each other, and we can’t if I’m always scared that you’ll react in a weird and/or unexpected way.

6. Stay a little mysterious/Don’t hurry our friendship.

As an INTJ, I looooove challenges and mysteries. I love to crack people open and find their darkest secrets; learn what makes them tick and how their brains work. Now, I’m not telling you to play “hard to get”, no no, but since I am so thirsty for your thoughts (I will be if I’m interested in you), maybe don’t just lay them all out on the table immediately. It’s hard to say this, because it goes against my innermost wishes - I mean, I want to get to know you NOW NOW NOW - but it’s been shown in my past friendships that such an intense interest tends to blow the relationship up. I go too fast, they go too fast, I get to know everything about them but I haven’t yet started to care enough about them, and so when I feel like I’ve “emptied” them, I lose interest and move on. And they feel let down. They feel betrayed. Of course. I can understand that.

So torture my curiosity. Give me a little of you at a time. Trust me, it will be better in the long run.

7. Possess humor.

Well, I guess this is more about what kind of people I go together well with, but I need to be able to be goofy and silly with you, and we need to be able to joke around without the other person taking it too seriously. At least, if a joke hurts you, then tell me. I will stop. Don’t just ignore me passive-aggressively.

8. Be prepared to solve things and compromise.

Without this, our friendship is doomed from the beginning. There will be problems and fights eventually. One or both of us will get hurt or just don’t like something the other did. WE. NEED. TO. TALK. ABOUT. IT!!! Please. If you’re important to me, I am ready to compromise and do everything in my power to solve any problems that arise between us. If you respect me and care about me, you will do the same.

9. I am an introvert - don’t force me out of my comfort zone.

The headline says it all, really. Never force me to talk to you on the phone or even chat to you if I need to be alone. Never force me to leave my home. And don’t intrude on it, either. I need my safe zone.

10. Don’t be afraid to talk about hard things.

If I trust you, I can discuss almost anything with you. I don’t have any problems discussing hard things like deep feelings, death, sorrow, mental disorders etc.  Actually, those topics are good ways to deepen a bond with someone, so go ahead! Tell me what you feel and think about things.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask me about my feelings. And I don’t mean the standard “how are you”, but more like “how do you feel about this particular thing”. As long as it doesn’t go as far as #1 on this list, you’re good.

2

[ not Justin related ]
I’m so thankful that the show 13 reasons why exists.
A lot of people start to understand that even little actions can take a person down, completely.
They start to understand how it is like to feel lonely, depressed, scared, helpless.
Also a lot of people can relate to Hannah and to see that they’re not alone with feeling what they’re feeling makes them feel taken serious believe me.
I can relate to Hannah on so many levels and believe me, it’s hard.
Even though you’ve got someone you can talk to, it’s hard to open up because you’re scared that they wouldn’t take you serious, push you away and say “ get over it. ”
And believe me when I say that even when a lot of people talk to you, when you have your family and when you’re surrounded by like 100 peoples, you can feel alone, you can feel lonely.
Saying that it is like you’re constantly screaming for help and no one hears it, is the best way to describe it.
But there is still the problem that people don’t take depression serious, at least most of them.
But this show makes a lot of people think about it, they start to understand it and they start to take depression serious.
When people cut and others find out, they immediately think it’s because they want attention but trust me, it’s just a desperate scream for help, it’s a way to let your inner pain out, this show helps people to understand it.
Suicide is not an option, it should never be, so many people die because they take their own life, this has to stop.
WE have to make it stop, if you notice that your friend’s feeling bad more often, talk to them,
make them understand that they’re not alone,
be there for them.
Not once, not twice, be constantly there for them, make them feel loved,
let them know that you care.
Watch your words when you talk to someone because you don’t know what they’ve been through and still go through.
Don’t spread rumors about a person, it could tear someone down, completely.
We can make bullying stop so easily if we just think about what we do and what we say,
we can make suicide stop if we just walk around with open eyes.
Please,
show people like Hannah, like me, like so many others that there IS a way out.
I know that this sounds like a lot but it actually is not, a lot of people just need someone to listen, be this person for them.
People shouldn’t feel like this,
they shouldn’t think about taking their life away.
God has a plan for your life, for everyone of us.
If you feel like Hannah, if you feel bad and depressed,
feel free to DM me and talk to me everytime, I will always have an opened ear for all of you.
Selena Gomez , thank you so much for this show and for the message this show brings with it.
I will forever be thankful.

ok, i’ll say it: “self-help” culture is toxic

you shouldn’t have to feel like your mental illnesses/shortcomings are a mistake that only you can fix. you shouldn’t have to feel ashamed every time you need support from others. you shouldn’t have to try to “change negative thoughts into positive ones!” when you don’t have the energy, especially if you have uncontrollable intrusive urges and thoughts,

responsibility is not a black and white issue. you’re certainly more in charge of your recovery and happiness than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean others around you should be getting away with treating your mental illnesses/troubles dismissively, because they also have an extremely large part to play in your wellbeing. this is often unaddressed, even among mental health professionals.

nobody develops a mental illness in a total vacuum - and nobody can achieve self-improvement in a total vacuum either. society is fluid. individuals have an impact on other individuals. in fact, society, every language on earth, the job market - they only exist because human beings function a lot more efficiently together than they do separately. that’s why every culture in existence, both ancient and modern, has built cities to live in.

self-help culture arose so authors with a psychology degree and no creative talent could profit from misinformed, catchy soundbites. self-help culture arose so mentally healthy people could guiltlessly brush off the troubles of the mentally ill. self-help culture arose so people could sneer “pshh, you need help” and then just walk away. self-help culture shames those who need external intervention.

other people need to recognize your mental illnesses/hardships and support you in recovery for you to stand a good chance of maintaining it. nobody explicitly owes you this, but they still need to be willing to offer it.

a world where everyone seeks to better their lives by “re-directing their mind, body and soul” exclusively towards personal accomplishments is only going to burn bridges between people. these bridges are what ultimately holds society together, so this mindset actually exacerbates the loneliness that self-help culture wrongfully claims to cure.

self-help culture makes everybody sicker. cutting supposedly toxic people out of your life without having the decency to sit them down and communicate the reasons why they’re negatively impacting you*** just denies them their opportunity to reflect on their behavior and learn from it. cutting out toxic people without talking about the issue first is essentially saying “it’s fine if they’re somebody else’s problem, just as long as they’re not mine” - but guess what? the next toxic person to enter your life will have been shoved at you by another self-help consumer who did exactly the same thing.

self-help culture does little more than applaud people for sticking their head in the sand every time they smell negativity.

self-help culture is far, far more toxic than the person you just abandoned in its name.


***see the hypocrisy? self-help media will always talk about how you’re the master of your own destiny, but in the same breath they’ll admit how huge the impact of others can be. these media are actively encouraging you to be too weak to deal with any kind of negativity under the paradoxical notion that such weakness is actually strength. fuck self-help culture.

“Unrequited Love” Rick Grimes x Reader

Word Count: 2,690

Rick Grimes x Reader

Request from Anon: Can you write an imagine where its right after Rick lost Lori and he’s sort of using the reader to get over her? Like he’s emotionally unavailable and he’s just using her for sex in hopes that he will get over Lori but the reader is actually in love with him

Warnings: Implied smut, mentions of death, emotionally unavailable Rick, teensy tiny bit of angst


Originally posted by padmeahmidalas

You watch him as he walks into the cell block, covered in blood and guts. The past few days have been hard for all of you, but especially him. He had just lost his wife, and to make it worse, he has been MIA since it happened. This is the first time you’d seen him since he got the news that Lori died in childbirth.

All eyes are on Rick as he avoids eye contact with the group, going straight to his cell. He looks like a mess. You can’t help but hurt for him. You can’t possibly imagine what he is going through, but you have lost people close to you and you know that hurts.

Your sister Maggie looks over at you with worried eyes, and you know the same thoughts are running through all of your brains. Is he ok?

You all also know the answer to that question, but can’t help but asking yourself that anyways. He was gone for days, leaving the entire group, and comes back soaked in blood and not talking to anyone. Not even his own son, and certainly not going anywhere near his new daughter.

You sigh and shake your head, not wanting to stress yourself out more than you already were. You walk away from the group and go over to your little sister, Beth. She was holding the baby, who had yet to be given a name, and was feeding her.

“I heard Rick is back.” She says quietly.

“Yeah, he is.”

“How’s he doin’?”

“He’s exactly how you would expect him to be, I guess.” You shrug. “He’s goin’ through a lot.”

“And how are you doin’?”

Beth knows how you feel about Rick. Ever since he showed up at the farm, you had feelings for him. He was an attractive man, and the leadership he had just made him more attractive in your eyes. Of course, you never acted on it and you never planned to- he had a wife (or used to) and a kid. You were definitely not the kind of person to get in between that.

Once you guys got to the prison, Rick and you became somewhat friends. He’d ask you to go with him on runs or help him out around the prison, and you would do the same. There were even a few moments when he’d just break down and vent his feelings to you. He would tell you about his problems with Lori, or Carl, or just how much he hated this shitty life. You don’t know why he chose you to talk to about that stuff- he had plenty of other people to talk to. But for some reason, he just felt comfortable with you. And that did not help your feelings towards him. You knew it was wrong to have a crush on a man like Rick, but you couldn’t help it.

“I’m fine.” You hesitate to say. You’re not sure if you’re telling the truth or not. “Just glad he’s back and not dead.”

“Me, too. We needed him here.”

-

You finally get up at some point in the middle of the night. You had just been tossing and turning all night, unable to sleep. You sigh as you shove the blankets off of you and get off the bed, feeling the cold floor of the prison on your feet.

You try to be as quiet as possible as you walk out, as Judith was asleep in the next cell over and everyone would be pissed at you if she woke up again. You sneak out the door, letting the cool air of the outside hit you in the face. You close the door behind you, and begin to take a walk. Walking always helps you clear your mind, which will hopefully help you sleep. You’re exhausted.

Rick is all that you can think about. All you want is for him to be okay, for him to stop hurting. It physically hurts you to see him this way.

You’re thrown from your thoughts when you hear something move behind you. You instinctively pull out your knife, and start walking towards the dark silhouette.

“Y/N!” The figure yells out, grabbing your wrist as you go to stab them. You immediately recognize the voice and put your knife back, relief flooding through your chest.

“Sorry, Rick. Thought everyone was asleep.” You mumble.

“I did too.” He lets go of your wrist, letting it drop. “Why are you up?”

“Couldn’t sleep. You?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

The two of you don’t say anything as you walk together. It’s a beautiful night- the moon was so bright you could see everything without needing a flashlight. You can feel Rick’s hand brush against yours a few times as you walk, but you know better than to look into that. It was probably just an accident.

“Well, I think I’m gonna go back to bed. Thanks for walkin’ with me.” You tell Rick. You honestly didn’t think you could go back to sleep at this point, but you can’t be around him any longer. You turn around to head back to the cell block door, but he grabs your hand before you can walk any further.

“Y/N, please stay.” His voice comes out as barely a whisper.

“O-Okay.” You stutter, not sure how else to respond. His face looks pained and his eyes are watery, making your heart instantly ache. Without thinking you pull him into a hug, holding him tight. He doesn’t do anything for a minute, and you almost pull back thinking that was too much, but he grips you back even tighter.

“You’re going to be okay. It’ll be okay.” You try to say as comforting as possible. You’d never seen a grown man seem so vulnerable. Even though you couldn’t hear it, you knew he was crying from the wet spot forming on your shoulder.

“Thank you.” He says in a hushed voice, still not breaking the embrace. At this point, the hug is way longer than appropriate, so you move yourself out of it. Rick grabs your arms and pulls your closer towards him before you could fully move away, making your heart beat even faster.

“What are you doing?” Your voice barely comes out. His forehead touches yours, and his eyes closed.

“I don’t know.”

He pressed his lips down to yours, butterflies erupting in your stomach. Despite everything in your body telling you to pull away, you kiss him back. You know this is wrong and you shouldn’t be doing it. You know that this is entirely inappropriate and he’s only doing this because it’s probably comforting. That he most likely doesn’t feel the same and this is only happening because you’re here.

But you don’t stop. You don’t stop him when he takes off your clothes, and you certainly don’t stop him when the two of you start having sex.

-

The next few weeks go exactly like that. He’ll come to your cell in the middle of the night and the two of you will sneak off to have sex. You keep trying to convince yourself that maybe he does have feelings for you, maybe he even did before Lori died. Maybe that’s why he was always around you and talking to you. Maybe he feels the same, and he’s in love with you.

You know that you’re wrong, but you don’t want to think about the real reason. You know deep down that he doesn’t love you, and that he’s only doing this with you to get over her. You’re nothing but a rebound. But you’ve loved him for what seems like since the moment you met him, and you don’t want to give this up. Even if it’s for the wrong reasons.

You’re in the middle of washing clothes with Carol when you see Rick come inside the door with Daryl, the two of them talking about who knows what. You’re sitting there trying to pay attention to what Carol is telling you, but you’re having a hard time, as you can’t stop staring at Rick. Rick’s doing the same- he’s staring at you while Daryl is talking to him, nodding his head as if he was listening.

“Y/N, are you even listening to me?” Carol snaps you out of your thoughts, and you advert your glaze away from Rick, him doing the same.

“Yeah, sorry, thought I saw something.” You lie, smiling up at Carol.

“Uh-huh.” She isn’t buying your story.

“Y/N, Daryl and I are goin’ on a run. We need you to come with us.” Rick yells over to you.

“Okay.” You set down the clothes, walking over to them.

“We’re just gettin’ some stuff for the little ass kicker, shouldn’t take too long.” Daryl commented. The three of you went outside and got into the truck. You were squished in between the two of them, Rick driving on the left side of you and Daryl on the right. It was quite the uncomfortable ride, especially with Rick’s hand on your thigh the entire time. Which also kept inching up closer and closer, almost hitting home before you got to the place where you needed to get supplies. If Daryl noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“Alright, Daryl you go check in that store over there. Take anything we need, even if it aint baby stuff. Y/N and I will check this store.” Rick told Daryl, earning a grunt from Daryl in response.

Rick took you into the store, and soon as the door shut, he pressed you up against the wall and started kissing your neck.

“Rick, we can’t do this here.” You whined, but you made no efforts to stop him.

“And why not?” He bit down on your collarbone, most likely going to leave a mark.

“Daryl could walk in at any moment…”

“Well we better be quick then, shouldn’t we?”

-

The ride home was awkward and silent. Daryl undoubtedly knew what was going on in that store, as he kept giving the two of you weird looks on the way back to the prison. Plus, you two came out empty handed from that store. From the messy hair and Rick’s shirt being inside out, Daryl wasn’t dumb. He knew what happened.

You walked immediately back to your cell once you got back, stripping down from your clothes into new ones. You were about to go outside and do patrol when Maggie came up to you, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Can we talk?” She asked, not waiting for an answer before sitting on your bed.

“Sure.”

“Where have you been leavin’ to in the middle of the night lately? I’ve heard you get up and go outside almost every night.” She asked you. She was giving you a look, the look that let you know that she already knew, but she just wanted you to tell her. Price of her being your big sister.

“Clearing my head. Can’t sleep well.” You lied.

“Mhm. Is Rick clearin’ his head with you, too? Noticed he’s not been in his cell either. Coincidence?”

“Must be.”

“Look, Y/N.” Maggie sighs. “Daryl came and talked to me today. He’s worried about you, and I am, too. I know you love him. I know. But this? This is not right.”

“And why not, Maggie?” You say her name with a sharpness you didn’t know you had. “You can’t tell me who and who not to sleep with. You are not one to talk.”

“I’m trying to protect you, Y/N! Rick’s a great leader, but he just lost his wife. He’s goin’ through a lot, and quite frankly Y/N I think he’s using you. You’re going to just get hurt in this. You love him but he does not love you back. That’s the harsh reality of things.”

“Get out of my cell.” You tried to hold back the tears. You know what she is saying is true, but you don’t want to admit that to her.

“No.” She didn’t budge from her spot on the bed. “I love you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Well that’s not your call to make.”

Since he wasn’t leaving, you walked out and left her in there. You went down the hallway where nobody was, and fell to your knees in tears. Everything she was saying was true. He would never love you back.

-

You don’t know how long you sat there, but it felt like days. After a lot of deep thought, you decided that Maggie was right. You have to stop this. You’re only hurting yourself.

By the time you left the empty hallway, it was already dark outside. Most people were asleep, except Rick. He was laying in your bed, obviously waiting for you.

“Hi.” You say quietly as you sit on the bed next to him.

“Hi.” He says back, sneaking his arm around your waist and pulling you on top of him. You push yourself off, earning a confused look from him.

“I can’t do this.”

“What?” He frowned.

“I can’t. I can’t keep on doing this with you, Rick. I’m not enough. I’ll never be Lori, I’ll never be able to be that kind of person with you. I know this is only sex for you. I know you’re hurting. But I can’t do this, not when I have feelings for you. I can’t.”

His face is a mixture of shock and confusion.

“Okay.” Is all he says before he gets up and leaves.

You admit, you were hoping he’d tell you that you were wrong. That he loves you, and you were all he wanted. But he didn’t. He accepted what you had to say and left.

You couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes. People warned you- you even warned yourself, but you didn’t listen. You just wanted what you could get.

Your crying was louder than you must have noticed, because Maggie comes shuffling into your room, half asleep but still looking worried.

“You were right.” Is all you could muster up. Maggie really should be saying “I told you so”, but she cares about you too much to make you feel worse than you already do. She comes and lays down on the bed next to you, letting you cry as you hug onto her.

“You’ll be fine. You’ve gone through shit way harder than this.” Maggie tells you.

“Yeah, you’re right.” You sigh. “I feel dumb. We’re in the zombie apocalypse and I’m crying over a guy.” You laugh, but you’re still upset.

“You’re not dumb. Can’t help who you love.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve got the sweetest guy on earth.”

“This isn’t about me.” She says, and you although you can’t see her because its dark, you can tell she was rolling her eyes.

“I just, I don’t know. It hurt to see him walk out like that. He didn’t even care.”

“Y/N, something really bad just happened to him. He’s not ready to be in another relationship. Even if he did have feelings back for you, he would have probably walked out anyways. His wife just died.”

She was right. She always seemed to be.

You didn’t respond and you closed your eyes, tired and ready to sleep. The more you think about it, the more you realize that it was probably a good thing that you stopped this thing that the two of you had now. Like Maggie said, he was in no place mentally to have a relationship now, not in the way that you wanted.

You drift off to sleep, only one thought lingering in your mind.

It’s time to move on.