people need to realize the harsh truth of this situation

anonymous asked:

Do you have self esteem issues? As I'm scrolling through your blog I feel like you do. I saw a pic of you and you're really pretty. Were you bullied as a child or something? I have terrible self esteem issues too but I'm actually very unattractive.

Hi, how are you? First off, thank you so much for the compliment. I appreciate it so much. Thank you so much for saying that and for writing to me. It really means so much. Thank you ❤️. As humans, I think we all deal with self esteem issues and feeling inferior in many ways. We’re put in this body, our soul trapped inside it - on this earth where a lot of who we are is how we look - it is what represents us, the first thing judged - when you’re around someone it’s always what they see and when someone closes their eyes and remembers you - it is that body that they recall first. When something significant happens in life - good or bad - it is your photograph they show - everything you are inside or what you did is this image - our face, our hair, our teeth, our legs. On top of that, we face societies beauty standards and conceptions of what we all should look like and if we don’t meet those then you’re almost outcasted in some ways - life moments are seen as in jeopardy if you don’t look a certain way - finding a significant other, a job, etc. Constantly comparing ourselves. It’s overwhelming to think about - so it’s not a surprise that every single human deals with self esteem issues or faces times where they find themselves unattractive!!! You’re not alone. At all.

We all face self esteem issues. But for me, it has always been beyond that. To a point of abnormality. And I knew something has always been “off” with me in that regard. Never an ounce of self esteem in physical appearance which made it almost impossible to have any self esteem about other things. Nothing anyone can say or do to change it. I from a young age have just looked in the mirror and thought there was something wrong, all without anyone’s influence. Just my brain telling me that. And as I got older, I looked at other people and thought, this is NOT normal. People like themselves most of the time if not all, people LOVE themselves. People think they are good looking… and beautiful. It was really an eye opener to where I started to see that something was mentally wrong. A body dysmorphia type of situation. And no matter what, it’s always gonna be there. You could help it, sure. But for me, it will always be there. So, it’s deeper than self esteem issues.

I’ve been through a lot in life. And I’m certain that has all come to affect my image and self worth. I think everyone has a hard time growing up and in school but no, I wouldn’t say I was bullied! I pretty much coasted, had my friends. I had other personal things that most likely contributed to it but that’s all personal. But, no matter what I had already had those thoughts. No one put them in my mind. And if anyone has said anything in my life (and especially on here - I get like verbally assaulted about my looks on here haha), my mind has only used it as a validation of what I already thought.

But it has definitely gotten worse as I have gotten older. I live in a very mean and competitive city. I have worked throughout my 23 years and gone to school in a VERY critical and judgmental industry (FASHION) where EVERYTHING is based upon HOW YOU LOOK - how you dress, how you style your hair, do your makeup, your weight, YOUR GOD GIVEN LOOKS - and in one of the capitals of fashion - where everyone comes from all around to world to try to succeed in - it could be cutthroat.

I’ll tell you two HORROR STORIES that I can’t ever seem to forget - when I was a late teenager, I worked in a retail store on 5th AVENUE (Manhattan - NYC). (Not only was it mandatory to “be stylish, look good/on trend and wear heels 👠” - judged often in it too) managers would admit that they hired based upon LOOKS. If they didn’t think you were attractive, you wouldn’t get the job. Which, btw, is illegal. I had seen multiple people come in asking for applications or handing in an application and the managers would act nice to their face and give them one or accept it from the person but right when they left (unless they “were hot or sexy”) they cracked jokes about them and threw their application out in the garbage. I still remember this one time - I was standing there and a young guy (probably 21 years old) came in and handed in his application and when he left - the manager (who was like a 28 year old guy) started hysterically laughing and making fun of his acne - saying “did he look around, does he actually think he could work here?” And I felt disgusted and grabbed it out of the garbage and put it in with the applications they were considering. It made me feel so sick. Everything I tried to hold on to in life prior to that - beauty is found within - I still FULLY believed (and still believe) that but it made me realize that at the end of the day in certain and many life situations, that, that mantra is a joke. And I felt like something inside me had died after. I just wanted to be away from society. I quit very quickly after that. Another story like that is when I was in my late teens - I took a college class at a very famous fashion college. A professor actually said to the class, “I’m sorry if this is harsh but it’s just the truth and someone needs to tell you and all the people looking to be in this industry in Manhattan. You need to be attractive and beautiful and extremely stylish to succeed in this industry. If you’re ugly, you should probably just not try - quit now. It’s sad but it’s the truth.” I literally had to get up and go in the bathroom and just stand in there for a bit. Things like that actually make me physically ill.

I have hundreds of stories like that from my life, they disgusted me and definitely made me feel like appearance was everything and if I didn’t fit an image, I was just not worthy of anything. Those things didn’t help. But, you can’t let people tell you those things. When you look at the world and all the talented and successful people that have been on this earth. It didn’t matter what they looked like - who they are is what they contributed to this earth - never forget that. Everything that those people were trying to tell me, I KNEW was fucking sick and bullshit. But overall, like I said, it wasn’t those things that have given me my thoughts, I always just been what I am.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I know you are and you have to keep saying that to yourself even when you feel like you’re faking it. What you think really becomes what you are so we need to start thinking of ourselves in a positive light. Writing or saying out loud that we are unattractive is TERRIBLE!!! I know personally I can’t help it but we need people around us to remind us to stop and that we are amazing. So, stop, you are incredible. You are the only you on this earth. You will make a difference - you were chosen to be here. You are special. You are beautiful. What we are inside and how we treat people - is truly what people start to see on the outside. Don’t let anyone ANYONE effect what you think about life and what you think about yourself. All we have in life is ourselves. And if we don’t like it, what’s the point. And we were put here for a reason so there is a VERY strong point. Be who you are. Be confident and keep going. The reason why we are here will reveal itself soon. And none of us are here because of the way we look. And that is a 100% true. Thank you so much for the question and for being so sweet. Thank you so much for scrolling through my Tumblr. I hope you enjoyed it and decided to stay with me!!!! If not, that’s perfectly ok too!! I just hope you found some inspiration while you were here. So much love to you. ❤️❤️❤️