people i would like to have a pint with

I want a short story on Fred and George staring at this blank piece of paper and trying to figure out why Filch would label it “Dangerous”. Then I want them going through every possible variation of “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” before actually hitting the right words.

Example: “I promise I’m gonna fuck shit up.”

Mr. Moony would like to ask Messrs. Weasley why they think such foul language is necessary to accomplish mischief.

Mr. Wormtail would like to inform Messrs. Weasley that they are getting warmer.

Mr. Padfoot would like to high five Messrs. Weasley.

Mr. Prongs would like to have a pint with Messrs. Weasley as they seem just like his kind of people. As long as they solemnly swear it.

DIY - Simple STP

If you’ve ever done any research into STP devices for transmasculine folks, you may have felt the same horror I felt when I saw that a good quality STP would cost me in the region of £300. This wasn’t happening, so I had a think and did what trans people are very good at: I improvised. 

I made my STP out of a 2 pint milk carton. It is durable, hygienic, fits in my pocket, and cost nothing to make (well, 50p for the milk) Here’s how I made it:

You will need: Milk carton, scissors, lighter/candle

Instructions: You need a milk carton that looks something like this. Make sure you clean it out thoroughly. Mark with a pen and cut along the red lines shown here. 

The handle of the carton will act as a funnel. 

Cut a ‘V’ shape at the end of the funnel to make the flow look more natural.

Soften the edges of the STP with a lighter

and you’re done! Here is the finished STP:

Practice with this thing before you take it out, as there is a bit of an art to it, but I have never had any problems with mine! Just rinse it after you use it and you’re off. Happy peeing my dudes! 

anonymous asked:

One time I threw a party and my friend (who was like 28 at the time) bought my friends and I a fuck ton of liquor, and I've only told a few people about it, because everyone at the party was 17 and under. Anyways, I drank two bottles of vodka, one bottle of gin and a bottle of wine by myself that night. It was lit.

Okay i dont want to be that guy but this is fake

Ive been drinking for a long time and if youre talking whole bottles you would have alcohol poisoning definitely. Even if it was small bottles like pints. A pint is abt 10 shots so if youre saying you had two bottles of vodka and a bottle of gin thats already 30 shots and then wine like,,, ooookayyyyy
Unless youre talking those tiny bottles from a mini bar i dont believe it

(Send me random confessions!)
Try to smugly tip me 1p, end up looking embarrassed because you didn't pay enough

I work in hospitality at a huge hotel, generally on the bar. I poured a man two half pints which came to £4.25, ‘how would you like to pay Sir?’ 'I’ll stick it on the room please’ To pay for room charge you have to have the 'wallet’ that your room key came in that says your name and room number and has a signature, just to stop people saying random names and numbers they’ve overhead. 'Okay sir do you have the wallet it came in? Reception gave you it when you arrived’ Him annoyed now, 'erm no it’s in the room’ (reception purposely tell them that they need it for room charge) 'Okay. Do you have any form of ID that has your name on please? It’s just to stop people using your name and number’ 'Oh for god sake I’ll just pay cash’ at a busy bar he proceeds to pull out his wallet and empty his change on the bar, counting out £4.20 in 10 and 5ps. He hands me it with a smug smile, and places 1p on top (if you’re not familiar with Sterling 10 and 20ps are silver whilst 1&2ps are copper, it was an obvious dig). 'Sir there’s £4.21 here it’s £4.25’ Cue him looking embarrassed, 'oh I thought you said £4.20’ and hands me 5p. 'That’s okay sir, here’s your 1p change.’

He soon hurried off.

anonymous asked:

what do you think jackson would have made of robert? and what would robert make of jackson? if they had a pint in the woolie?

tbh nonnie, I am pretty sure they would have hated each other. Like despised each other.

Jackson is too pure for Robert. He would have a similar reaction to him as he does to the Andy being so perfect stuff. He just doesn’t get on with those kinds of people. 

Robert is far too morally grey for Jackson. He could barely handle Aaron’s antics at the best of times, he would have hated Robert. Probably would have called him a prick. 

I can only imagine them sniping at each other from across the bar. 

To all people getting hate for shipping Pewey:

Keep on shipping!

Seriously, just keep having fun with all the fanart and the fanfic. Don’t let these winy babies rain on your parade. Don’t feel guilty for liking something they find revolting (for some reason).

Getting hate? Just block them like you would a scambot. 

and remember

Originally posted by firemango

Have a nice cold pint and wait for all this hate to blow over.

P.S. Is it weird that I pronounce it “Poo-ey”? Cause I think that it makes it a little bit cuter and dorkier…

Okay.  So.  I maybe went a little crazy with the jam making last year?  And maybe I have something like 12 pints of unopened canned fruit product, and the growing season is nearly upon us?  So.

Giveaway!  Would you like jam?

If so, please reblog!

Available flavours:

  • Strawberry
  • Blueberry
  • Strawberry-Apple-Ginger
  • Blackberry
  • Plum
  • Apple Butter

I will mail stuff anywhere in the world that’s it’s legal to send food (apparently even Australia will let me mail jam there, so I think that means it’s legal everywhere).  If you have a preferred flavour, feel free to mention in your reblog, but I can’t promise you will get it.

Give away ends March 20, because I want all this stuff out of my kitchen.

Winners will be asked to send me their address via google form.

(If you are not on tumblr, but know me personally and want jam send me an email or something and I will include you.  :-P  Ex-roomie, do you want jam?)