people can say insensitive things

anonymous asked:

The guy that I was in love with had sex with me and it was my first time and then he left me a few days later. He said he loved somebody else and I have class with both of them and it makes my stomach sick. I honestly don't know how to handle it. I just walk out of class and cry

clearly he’s someone you don’t need in your life. i’m sorry this happened to you, people can do such shifty and insensitive things and nothing i say will make it hurt less. but you deserve so much better than that, even if you love him please don’t chase him. if he did it once he’ll do it again, you deserve better and so does the other girl he’s “in love with” if he was having sex with you. i’m sorry you had to go through this :(

When fertile 'friends' remind infertile friends that "there's always adoption!"

I’m not even trying to conceive yet, but in the shadow of my pending struggles due to fertility and reproductive issues I’m already faced with many friends and family saying ‘helpful’ things-

“Well, if all else fails you can just adopt!”
“You can have mine!”
“At least you can always adopt!”
“If you can’t have babies, just adopt!”

NO!! No no no. Shut UP!!! How can people not see how incredibly insensitive it is to say these things?!

Adoption is an amazing and complex choice to make and an incredibly hard path to follow- NOT an easy peasy consolation prize.

I’ve learnt that it’s better to keep infertility stuff to myself because Fertile friends and relatives will never understand. Its damaging to friendships. But here’s a little advice for those of you struggling to communicate with your fertility-challenged friends-

If you ever think of saying “there’s always adoption” consider this- the people you’re speaking to have been dealing with infertility and probably trying to conceive. They have probably OBSESSED over it for months, years, decades even. They’ve cried, they’ve sobbed, they’ve screamed. They’ve given up completely then come full circle back to trying to hold on to their dreams of a family. They may have had miscarriages. They may have lost friends, partners and even themselves. They’ve watched friend after friend announce their baby news with a smile on their face whilst feeling like their soul has wilted to nothing.

If you think that adoption hasn’t ever occurred to them yet, you’re a fucking idiot.

If you don’t know what to say, just don’t say anything. Try just listening. Or even try saying to your FRIEND “I really hope it happens for you.” Seeing as you know it’s something they really want. Don’t offer up a “oh well just give up on your dreams and efforts and do this totally different thing instead.” Adoption is a totally different situation to conceiving your own child, not to mention really difficult and straining- a couple who have been through years of infertility might find it really difficult to even contemplate trying and potentially failing to climb the whole different mountain of struggle that is adoption.

Basically, please THINK before you speak. And don’t talk so casually about things that you have no understanding of.