people be judging me but who cares~


replied to your



i loathe skincare culture like its the worst kind…

This post was surreal to read because ive never used skincare in my life and had no idea there were people who considered those like 5 products like a simple skincare regimen.. (not judging im just confused)

oh yeah totally, its an extremely extensive consumption culture. what frustrates me about it is how there seems to be no end to the kinds of products created, when for me–and i take a ton of pleasure in caring for my skin–it just seems like everyone has objectively limited needs when it comes to products (if your skin is clear and hydrated? what else do u need?) i dont know. i stress the fact that i read intothegloss every day of my life and am intimately familiar with a wide range of products i do not need and will never buy, because even participating in the consumption culture on that level is extremely satisfying. so i take part in it and am also very frustrated with it because it seems like the most profound example of unnecessary, unbridled conspicuous consumption. but the allure is so strong

i also turn to it when i’m extremely depressed and desperate for any kind of short-term satisfaction 

For a dog, you do not need big cars, big homes or designer clothes. Status symbols mean nothing to him. A stick is already great. A dog does not care if you’re rich or poor, smart or dumb. A dog judges others not by their color, creed or class but by who they are inside. Give your heart to him, and he will give his. It’s really very simple, but even so, we humans, as wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really matters or not. How many people can you say that? How many people make you feel unique, pure and special? How many people make you feel special?
—  Marley and Me, Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog

Gryffindor is laughing loudly and not caring who hears you. It’s two AM truth or dare and giggling furiously. It’s complimenting someone’s hair and smiling when they smile. It’s climbing trees with your significant other. It’s standing up to your childhood bully. Gryffindor is being an adrenaline junkie who’s trying to do what’s right.

Ravenclaw is having existential crises at four AM and throwing things at each other. It’s having a small, interwoven group of friends. It’s having inside jokes that no one can understand. It’s wanting to see inside the soul of your significant other. It’s drinking tea and looking at art. Ravenclaw is being a person who expresses creativity and pours their soul into what they love.

Hufflepuff is giggling with friends in the middle of the night. It’s baking cakes and tossing flour at each other. It’s making flower crowns with your significant other. It’s the feeling you get when you compliment someone. It’s baked bread and sunshine flowing through the windows. Hufflepuff is being fiercely protective and loving until it hurts.

Slytherin is having story sessions at three AM in the morning. It’s willing to kill for the people you love. It’s looking at the stars and holding hands. It’s cuddling with your significant other and playing with their hair. It’s complimenting people and feeling your heart bloom when they smile. It’s putting up strong walls because you care so much. It’s an ambitious dream. Slytherin is being a constantly judged mastermind who loves too deeply.

Can’t Afford the Vet?

You have probably heard the phrase “if you can’t afford the vet, you can’t afford the pet” and it is true to a degree. Pet ownership doesn’t stop after the purchase of the animal and it is my personal opinion that getting a pet when you know you cannot afford vet care is selfish.

There are of course many people who fully intend on taking their pet to the vet but life happens: they lose their job, family members get sick, the pet gets hit by a car, etc. What do these people do? The absolute best thing to do is be prepared as much as possible. Get pet insurance! For something like $25 a month you can get your pet insured and it will cover most illnesses and accidents. Get a savings account. Put money away every month, as much as you can afford and use it only for vet visits. If your dog gets hit by a car or needs emergency surgery it can easily cost $5,000.00 so try to have that much in savings ready to go.

Go see the vet at least yearly. I cannot stress enough how much preventative care does exactly that: prevents illnesses. I have caught heart disease, cancer, retinal disease and more just doing annual exams. The owners had no idea their pet was ill. By taking care of these things before they got worse these owners saved thousands of dollars. Vaccines are important too, especially for puppies and kittens. A parvo vaccine may be $20, treating parvo can cost into the thousands.

Understand that you don’t have to do everything your vet recommends, but also understand the repercussions of declining. For me personally, I cannot sleep at night knowing I didn’t offer every single pet owner the very best care. Who am I to judge what people can afford? On a more selfish level, if I didn’t offer the best care and a pet died or became ill and the owner filed a board complaint, I could be fined or even lose my license.  This is true for all vets. So please understand we must offer the best care and at least give you the chance to understand what you are declining. If you do decline testing or medication, understand that this limits what we can do for you. I had an owner decline testing a lump on his cat but he became very angry when I couldn’t tell him what the lump was. We offer tests for a reason. Also understand that sometimes if you decline care your only option is euthanasia. People do not like it when vets suggest euthanasia but sometimes this truly is the only other option. It isn’t right to send an animal home to die a slow and painful death simply because the owner cannot afford treatment but refuses to do the right thing and euthanize.

Also understand that wasting time on Google and pet care forums wastes precious time and money. I can cite numerous cases where an owner spent months or more researching and trying things on their own and it was something a vet could have fixed in a single visit. By the time the pet comes to us it is too late. By all means get care advice from other trustworthy sources but if an animal is ill, the internet is not your friend.

I know that there are those out there that will say they cannot put anything in savings, they cannot afford pet insurance, and they cannot even afford basic vaccines. To you I say, don’t get a pet. It just isn’t right to take a living thing into your home knowing you cannot provide it the care it needs. If you want that connection with an animal go volunteer at a shelter and walk dogs, babysit friends pets, there are lots of other ways to have animals in your life without owning one.

Positive things about the signs:

(//These are based on people I know\ &based on sun signs)

Aries: are always so adorable, even when angry. They can be really reliable and down to earth people. May seem a bit cranky sometimes but they are still the cute little fluff on the inside. They are sometimes kind of impulsive and obsessive about things, but it just shows how determined they can be.

Taurus: loyal and people who you can rely on, who care more than people sometimes assume. They strive for peace and are good communicators. Tauruses are caring towards whom they love. They can also be very passionate once they find something that they enjoy to do.

Gemini: towards friends, they are real protective and kind. Very daring people, who are always fun to have around as they seem to love learning new things, and having new experiences. 

Cancer: interesting to have those long deep conversations with, because they are good listeners and can always relate. They are also very committed in life and with ambitions.

Leo: the wisest people I know, who know what they want in life, and are organised enough to get there. To me, they hold a mother-like figure and deeply care for all loved ones.

Virgo: moderately confident, they are very sociable and willing to sacrifice a lot for others. These people are quite bold and accepting, sometimes very crazy (especially as children) and organised. Plus they enjoy a little bit of change once in a while, which is good.

Libra: can bring people together, to me they hold this social power, however, they are considerate and generous. They are approachable, therefore always there to help you, or support you.

Scorpio: perceptive, I find that these people do not judge others that much. Probably most understanding, and funny people to generally hang with. Extremely magnetic and yes - charming to a high degree.

Sagittarius: hard-working and caring, Sagittariuses are also very charming, and sometimes I feel this goes unnoticed. These people are usually(however not all)risk-takers, and enjoy extreme sports or the outdoors.

Capricorn: funny, humorous people, who always know how to make you feel better. They always try their best and are born poets sometimes. Caps are also quite realistic yet very creative.

Aquarius: They don’t judge, and are always there to support you, truly caring for you. Furthermore, they never fail to bring your mood back up and are very individual. I love how independent and strong they are.

Pisces: Independent and talkative, these people are very gentle and nurturing. They are warm people who can be a bit impulsive yet are likely to be family oriented. Plus, they are really passionate and committed to things.

GOT7 ideal types

A/N I do not own any of the gifs nor is my opinion a fact. This is just for entertainment and i could be totally wrong about their preferences.


Ideal type:

  • Someone who makes me want to be with them.


  • Someone kind and charming. Is the parent of the friend group. Someone calm in any situation. Thinks before they say anything. Doesn’t want to hurt anybody


  • 1996-1998


  • 158-165cm

Originally posted by mayfifolle


Ideal type:

  • Someone who catches my attention; someone cute.


  • Someone mature and minds their own business. Is good at judging the situation. Kind and humorous. Can be very serious and intimitading if they want to. Enjoys music and movies. Someone soft.


  • 1995-1999


  • 160-167cm

Originally posted by got7europe


Ideal type:

  • Someone who I feel connected to; Someone who takes care of me.


  • Someone optimistic and bright. Sporty. Kind and bubbly. Kinda childish but can impress people by their serious side. Someone who takes good care of themself and others.


  • 1992-2000(would need to be 18+ when daiting)


  • 157-165cm

Originally posted by juxghoseok


Ideal type:

  • Someone that belives in me; someone who takes their career seriously and focuses on their work.


  • Someone social and likes teasing others, but doesn’t mean to hurt their feelings( at least much) Is hard working and succesfull. Belives in themself and other people who work hard.


  • 1995-1998


  • 160-170cm

Originally posted by jypnior


Ideal type:

  • Someone with a sense of humour; someone very cheerful and laughs a lot.


  • Bubbly and cute. Laughs at his jokes. Well mannered. Someone pure and innocent. Isn’t judging and is open minded. Enjoys peoples company and thinks well of others.


  • 1994-1999


  • 157-167cm

Originally posted by jiminthebun


Ideal type:

  • Someone bright and innocent.


  • Someone who knows whats trendy. Likes making people smile by embarrasing themselfs. Bright and a little tomboyish. Someone kind and someone who has a big heart.


  • 1998-2002( would need to be 18+ when daiting)


  • 160-168cm

Originally posted by bamethyst


Ideal type:

  • Someone who thinks outside of the box; someone with a wacky charm.


  • Someone unique and different. Is good at communicating and likes music. Sporty and intelligent. Someone childish and mature at the same time.Someone who can handle teasing.


  • 1995-2002(would need to be 18+ when daiting)(he has also said age doesn’t matter to him but i think still over 18)


  • 162-175cm

Originally posted by chichangyu




I’ve learned a lot since then, and while I have to say the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, it does open my eyes to issues that I previously have not seen nor considered before. Being a cis Muslim woman is already hard enough as it is. But being an afab nonbinary Muslim? Oh boy. If I were to touch on that here I will not have the space to do so, and it’s honestly still something I’m learning about, so I don’t have the resources or knowledge enough to talk about this here.

Yes we still have a lot of things we need to work out on. Yes, I probably will never take my hijab off knowing what kind of things I might end up getting if I did (I could get kicked out of my own house, for one). I realize and understand these are issues faced by nb Muslims like me EVERYWHERE. 

But you know what? 

In the end only Allah can judge you for who you are. And I highly doubt He cares what you identify with. All I know is that He is Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. So fuck what people tell you. You’re valid, your gender is valid, your beliefs are valid, and you can be both at the same time and still be a good Muslim. 

Fuck what everyone says. Be you, do you!

*My ask box & IM is open for any nonbinary Muslim that wants to talk or vent about it to me. You’ll always find a place here with me. I promise.

Thanks Orphan Black

Sarah Manning taught me that a hero doesn’t have to look like a hero. Our lives and paths are defined by our own choices, what we choose to become. When we put those we love first in our lives the rest falls into place.

Helena taught me that our past doesn’t have to define our future. When we find the people who truly love us and care for us that’s what really matters.

Alison Hendrix taught me that it doesn’t matter how others perceive us, it’s how we perceive ourselves. We can make a difference if we want to, there are plenty of temperature controlled bags that are perfect for storing heads.

Krystal Goderitch taught me not to judge people based on first appearances. There is often more beneath the surface if we just search.

Cosima Niehaus taught me that sexuality doesn’t define a person, and maybe her and Delphine taught me some things about my own sexuality.

Rachel Duncan taught me that it is never too late for redemption. Even if we see the truth at the last minute that doesn’t mean we can’t still pursue it.

Felix Dawkins taught me that it’s okay to be myself, and to not shy away from it.

Siobhan Sadler and Delphine Cormier taught me to act with fierce loyalty and love no matter the consequences. The ultimate sacrifice is never in vain when done in love.

Orphan Black taught me that stories can change people and bring healing, and that love is the purest form of motivation. Orphan Black changed the way that I watch television, and the way that I look at the world around me.

All I can say is thanks.

  • onision (2012): uhh excuse me? thank my fans? i don’t think so swetty :) i got where i am today because of ME :) because i worked hard, not because of my fans :) don't agree? then stop watching me and see what happens :)

i’ve always been made of iron fists and i guess at this point, i’m just looking for somebody to be soft with me. i’m just looking for somebody to say look: i know you’re mad right now but tomorrow you’ll get over it and i’ll still love you and you’ll still love me and that means everything. what i’m saying is i know i always make it seem like i’m angry but anger has always been a defense mechanism when i’m really hurting.

did you know that almost every time i’m screaming during the night, i drive home crying? did you know that i’m afraid to reach out to my friends because i think they’ll go running? did you know that i stopped blaming myself, i started realizing that people are afraid to show emotions in a world where people always brush them off.

so here’s what i’m going to do: i’m going to start saying thank you more. i’m going to tell people how much i appreciate them. i’m going to say i love you, because i’ve lost too many people without them even realizing how much i do. i’m going to start asking how are you more. i’m going to keep crying because nothing good comes out of hiding your feelings and i don’t care anymore who judges me for it. i’m going to take down my guard and show others that i’m struggling and that’s okay. because i know you probably are too.

what i’m saying is hurt manifests itself in different ways and just because people don’t show hurt in the way you’re used to doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. what i’m saying is check up on your friends. many of them are good at hiding their true feelings.

ASTRO ideal types

A/N I do not own any of the gifs, this is just my opinion and is not meant to be taken seriously.


Ideal type:

  • Someone with a nice and bright smile;Someone who has a kind heart; Someone similiar personality; someone I can joke aroud with; someone with the same humour.


  • Someone bright and positive would match with him. Lame dad jokes.Kind, passionate, someone who is relatiable and doesn’t take themself too seriously. Is always ready to help. Girly and bubbly.


  • 1992-1999


  • 155-165cm

Originally posted by astroyals


Ideal type:

  • Someone with their own opinions and someone who can speak up their mind.


  • Someone honest, but knows when to draw the line. Someone mature but can be really childish and bubbly. Sticks up to their themselfs and beliefs. Strong opinions, but can admit they are wrong. Cuddly.


  • 1996-1999


  • 156-164cm

Originally posted by astrodaily


Ideal type:

  • Someone who likes me; someone I love; someone I can laugh with together; someone graceful; someone I automaticly know is my girl.


  • Someone who is good at expressing their feelings through words. Someone who knows that they are good enough, but knows that they aren’t better than anyone else. down to earth and loyal.


  • 1998-2001(they need to be 18+ when daiting he’s not a pedo)


  • 160-170cm

Originally posted by shookbin


Ideal type:

  • Someone I’m attracted to; someone who loves music; someone with a pretty smile and smiles easily; someone who can help me be more organized


  • Someone who likes helping others, likes music or plays Instruments. Laughs at his jokes. Knows what they want in life and works hard. Kind, respectful and talkative. Loyal and intelligent.


  • 1996-2002(they need to be 18+when daiting  he’s not a pedo)


  • 160-170cm

Originally posted by astroyals


Ideal type:

  • Someone cute and lovely; someone nice; someone who thinks of others well; someone who takes care of others well; someone considerate.


  • Basicly a mom friend. Puts others before them. Doesn’t judge straight away. Always ready to give advice and is ready to do basicly anythig for people they care about. Mature, with a good sense of humor. Sporty, and a food lover or a cook.


  • 1999-2004(they need to be 18+ when daiting he’s not a pedo)


  • 156-166cm

Originally posted by asterocky


Ideal type:

  • Someone who thinks of me alot; someone who is interested in me an my life.


  • Immature and adventurous. A good listener and clingy (not too much) Someone who doesnät care what other people thinkabout them, but likes to be on the good side of people. Pure and innocent.


  • 1999-2004(they need to be18+ when daiting he’s not a pedo)


  • 158-170cm

Originally posted by mxnbin


Studio Ghibli & Mr. Miyazaki starters

- suggested by Anonymous and pulled from various films/sources

  • “You cannot alter your fate. However, you can rise to meet it”
  • “A heart’s a heavy burden”
  • “I’ve got something I want to protect - it’s you”
  • “I think we ought to live happily ever after”
  • “Once you’ve met someone, you never really forget them. It just takes a while for your memories to return”
  • “It will protect you. It’s made from the threads your friends wove together”
  • “Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can’t remember it”
  • “We need to find our own inspiration. Sometimes, it’s not easy”
  • “I make friends, then suddenly I can’t bear to be with any of them”
  • “Here’s another curse: may all your bacon burn!”

Keep reading


imagine not loving and dying for this girl, can’t relate.

I feel immense happiness knowing that she’s the happy, full of life girl I met 5 years ago again, knowing that SHE’S FOUND HERSELF AGAIN; that she’s living her dreams, doing what she loves to do, surrounded by people who love and care about her, people who support and uplift her, people who don’t judge her, people who understand her, people who appreciate her for the person and artist that she is. This is what she deserves.

These tweets mean everything to me. Because i know they’re real, i know this is the real Camila, this is her showing us her heart, this is her being 100% happy and grateful, this is her sharing her happiness with us. And the most gratifying thing about this is that we are part of the reason she’s happy.

This is The Loving 🌹🦋❤️

Sometimes, he thinks about his mother.

When the sky is grey but too indifferent for rain, and even Brooklyn is drowsy and quiet beneath him. When his schedule is unusually slow, but potions are steeping, and he needs to give his eyes a break because ancient symbols are blurring together from the strain of another night turned into an early morning. In these empty seconds, when he’s caught off-guard by the lack of consultations, meetings, visitors, demands-

Here, in these quiet moments, when the silence is staggering, his mind wanders down paths he knows are fraught with dangers. One tentative step, a smell, or in this case, a color, and he knows he should pull – run - back, but he’s already traveled too deep, hasn’t he? So he goes deeper, leaving behind storm clouds for the dull grey of three ceramic bowls set neatly along a small table.

A small and rundown thing, wasn’t it? Centered in the middle of a room he can’t quite remember. He can remember his mother’s laugh, one delicate hand cupping the thick, ceramic dish, another gently smoothing his then tangled hair. How his stepfather would wink before stacking the bowls, then tucking him into his small cot, the linen always itchy, but comfortable in ways only nostalgia can account for. Magnus thinks about how, for a few years, they were happy, a family, and then -  

A demon. An echo in time that reverberates throughout the loft, shaking the crystals of his chandelier. Forgive me, Father. He thinks about the gasp that likely came when a dagger pierced warm skin. And then-

It’s for the best, a shaken, broken voice. Just don’t fight it. Don’t fight. Fingers wrapping around his throat, squeezing and pushing him into the freezing waters below. And for a few agonizing seconds, Magnus was sure he was going to die, and maybe he was meant to, but then-

Vodka, Magnus thinks, slamming back into himself with a force that shatters the table lamp next to him. And if his heart is racing, well, he’s already reaching for the remedy.

One gulp, a quick and desperate thing, but it doesn’t help. Of course it doesn’t. The burn of vodka threatens to take him back, submerge him in memories of fire filling his throat, but it wasn’t the water anymore, was it? It was something else, something primal, building in the base of his gut until his body shook with it. And he wants to pull back, remove his own memories until he can’t remember the feeling of energy ripping from his body, but it’s too late, it’s too-

A knock. Forceful and loud against his door.

Magnus surrenders to the shudder that passes through him. It’s not enough to shake away the memories, but it’s enough to unclench his jaw, smooth away the ridges between his eyebrows until whoever’s knocking won’t notice the storm raging on the inside.  

Another succession of knocks, faster and louder than before. “And suddenly there came a tapping,” Magnus mumbles, pleased with the way his voice doesn’t waiver.

One deep breath and a snap of his fingers reveals Simon, huddled and trembling between the doors. There’s no trace of the creature that could rip a mundane in two if he chose to, just the shell of a boy, frightened and oh so alone.

“I-I saw my mom,” he says, voice breaking like a wave. “I didn’t even mean to, I swear. Not after Raphael made me promise not to after he- after he – but then there she was. Ten feet in front of me and I couldn’t say hi, couldn’t even wave to let her know I was okay. G-go-” he swallows the words he still can’t say, “I wanted to, you know. I just wanted to see her smile, tell her that everything’s going to be okay, but I can’t. I can’t and she’s so sad, Magnus. She looked so sad and I did that to her. This is all my fault.”

“Oh, Simon,” Magnus soothes and ushers him in.


Gold and green pigment swirl together like a nebula against the setting sun. Beautiful, Magnus thinks, a work of art, really. Expertly crafted with the finest of ingredients. Another job impeccably accomplished if he says so himself.

“Chance of failure?” The client asks lowering the vial until they’re gripping it against their sternum.

“So long as it’s used as directed, the chance of something- unfortunate -happening is…minimal.” Magnus punctuates the point with the wave of his ringed fingers and a smile that holds no hints of reassurance.

Glancing back towards the vial, they’re lips part in hesitation. Under usual circumstances, the caution would be something respectable, after all, potions and serums are not things that anyone should handle half as carelessly as they normally do. But today, after six months of work accumulated to only three ounces of liquid and a skeptical glace, it’s downright grating.

“Minimal,” they repeat, voice verging on accusatory.

Magnus shrugs. “If you never go out on the branch, you’ll never get the fruit.”

“It’ll have to do.” Not thank you, of course, never thank you. Just good and finally and you’ll hear from me if something goes wrong.

“Now,” Magnus says, bringing his palms together to alleviate the weariness that’s setting into his joints. “About the remainder of my payment.”


Another tissue pulled from the box, soon crumpled and discarded onto the floor with the others.

“Love,” Magnus says, certainly not thinking about brooding eyes, and a touch that literally threatens to undo him- “is a tricky thing, indeed. Let’s get you sorted, shall we?”


Magnus portals back to his loft precisely four seconds before his phone starts ringing. Placing several boxes of fresh ingredients delicately on the table, he shuffles through his pockets before sighing. So much for assuming he could have a simple night in with Alec.

It’s how he finds himself, hands in pockets, some fifteen blocks from Van Brunt Street. Instinctively, Magnus checks the glamour, making sure they’re protected from the rush-hour traffic flowing around them. Summer moisture is thick in the air, along with palpable tension. Thankfully, the situation isn’t as dire as Luke initially assumed, and while the injuries are severe, the young werewolf, Asa, if he recalls correctly, will survive.

Magnus watches as Luke sends off the remaining members of his pack, back rigid with strain. As soon as they round the corner, Luke undergoes one of several transformations he’s perfected since he was bitten. Gone is the alpha wolf, demanding order after the attack. In his place, stands someone more level-headed and tired. Magnus can’t help but see himself in the pinch of Luke’s should as the detective turns towards him.

“Witnesses?” Magnus asks, already guessing the answer.  

“Unlikely,” Luke responds. “And you’re going to be hard pressed to convince them this was an unfortunate run in between Downworlders. Asa’s convinced it was deliberate.”

Magnus noted the lack of cameras as soon as he appeared on the scene. If the fight was indeed the result of a coincidental run in and heated words, it certainly was a well-placed one. “You think he was followed?”

“Potentially. Figure I’ll pay a visit to some neighboring shops, see if I can pick up anything odd that might tip us off.“

Magnus nods. "Good call.” Then after a second: “Thought about bringing anyone else in?”

Luke rubs at his neck, likely revisiting a question that’s been lurking around the peripheral of his mind all evening. There’s no need to ask about who Magnus is referring to. Clary, no doubt, was one of the first people Luje thought to reach out to. Personally, Magnus would go with someone a little taller, someone with a wide smile, whose body contoured perfectly with his own. How he longs to be wrapped around that particular body right now.

“I’d like to keep this between us,” Luke responds, finally, and Magnus can’t argue. “This will be delicate enough without getting the others involved. At least for the time being.”

Magnus has spent a fair share of time with Luke over the past few months, between their mutual involvement with a certain set of Shadowhunters, a growing unease between Downworlders, and a desperate hunt for Valentine. So much so that his judgment is easy to defer to. Luke is careful where he needs be, bold when the occasion calls for it, and most importantly, rational when emotions are running high. It was easy to come to respect him, easier still to call him friend.

"Full discretion,” Magnus agrees with a quick pull of his lips, “say no more.”

“I appreciate it.” Luke moves to stand next to Magnus, shoulders still tight with unease. “You know they’ll want blood for this.”

“They always do.”

They exhale in unison, comfortable enough with each other to stand there, shoulder to shoulder, wondering how they’re going to prevent the situation from escalating.

“You’ll help me keep the peace?” Luke asks, finally. “May not be pretty and there’s already enough on your plate.”

Magnus takes a long, careful breath. Funny how keeping the peace always feels like picking a side. Briefly, he wonders what he’ll lose in the process this time. "As much as I can.”

Luke reaches out, placing a hand on his shoulder.  "Thank you,“ he says, and Magnus feels it.

"Of course,” Magnus answers, nearly breathless.  It’s never thank you, after all. “It’s what I do.”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees, “but you don’t have, and I can’t deny it feels good having you in my corner.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”


He loses himself, sometimes.

Nights when trails of blue weave through his fingers like serpents. Caressing his skin as it weaves through his rings until it captures his wrists, kisses his arms, before wrapping itself around his body.

There is no space here to worry about younger warlocks integrating dark magic into their spells, or contracts he’s become too preoccupied to finish. No room to envision Catarina’s self-satisfying smirk because she was right after all, wasn’t she? But he’s accustomed enough with that to tuck it away and examine it later.

Valentine is prowling the perimeters of an ever growing shadow and for the first time in a very long time, Magnus doesn’t have an immediate solution to the threat. Hasn’t a clue how to protect a Downworld that’s unraveling from fear.  

There will be time to think about all of that later. Tonight, with the last of winter nipping at his skin, Magnus unfurls his fingers as an orb of white grows between his palms. Breathing in, he expels the last of his worries, watching as his energy flows through his hands until he can cradle it.


I’m worried about you, not-Ragnor says from a position he’s certainly not taking up on the couch.

“Why?” Magnus asks in spite of himself. To his credit, he doesn’t look this time, even with evening drowsiness softening the edges of his instincts. “Just this week I saved a woman’s son, helped Luke prevent another war between werewolves - you should have seen Raphael handle the rouge vampire group, the potential in him-

Of course you did. Magnus imagines the frown, daunt and unseemly. That, my old friend, is precisely why I’m worried.


“I have to say,” Magnus says, hand trialing down the cracked cover of a tome that bleeds timelessness into his skin, “these are quite exquisite.”

Catarina hums next to him, eyes half lidded and dark. Four hours he assisted with a healing that had pushed even his friend’s abilities to her limits, yet here he is, pouring the remainder of his strength into a collection of books it’s simply not fair for one warlock to possess. Oh, Magnus has his share of collectibles and trinkets, most immortals are prone to collecting odds and ends, but these, he thinks, feeling energy pulsate under his palm, are treasures indeed.

“Something told me you would appreciate them,” she says, voice soft from spent energy.

“And I do,” Magnus agrees. He moves towards the next volume, flipping through pages of lore half-forgotten and obscured by ages.  “Well, if you wanted my curiosity consider me hooked, how did you manage to get your hands on these?” It’s unbecoming, he knows, but tomes like these are never freely offered.

Nor, it appears, are straightforward answers from friends. “I’ve seen where your curiosity leads and I have no interest in it,” she responds as sweetly as the wine in her cup. If Magnus looked up, he’d catch her staring from the side of her eyes, satisfaction settled on her shoulders like a shawl. He doesn’t give her the pleasure and imagines her smile growing wider.

“It seems like age is finally making a bore out of you,” he quips, hiding his own smirk in a sip of red wine.

Setting down her glass, Catarina sits up until she’s facing Magnus, blue skin highlighted auburn by the fire. “If that’s the side-effect of wisdom, I readily accept it. And you, dear friend, should consider those an example.”

“An example?” He’s taking the bait, but Catarina knows how to work him and they both know it.

“Of where your attention should be focused. Perhaps if you distanced yourself from the problems of everyone surrounding you, you’d have more time to spend taking care of yourself and your own passions.” If it’s meant to be light, there’s a weight to the words neither of them miss. “Instead, you’re moderating Downworlder dramatics and interjecting yourself in Shadowhunter affairs.”

Magnus feels his head tilt to the left before he realizes he’s doing it. “Trust me, Catarina, my passions have never been so well tended.”

“Ah,” she responds with her own head tilt. “Deflection. They’d be more dignity in simply agreeing with me.”

Catarina isn’t wrong, not entirely. Spaces once reserved for bargaining services in exchange for goods beyond ingredients and information are becoming increasingly overcome by Clary and Jace barging into his loft or mending reoccurring rifts between Simon and Raphael or listening to the pleas of a seelie before facing trial. After shouldering room in his schedule for Alec, well, there’s not much room for much else. 

It’s a conversation they’ve had countless times, and if Catarina has lost a measure of support in the absence of Ragnor, it’s not exactly a comfort. Thing is, Magnus has never been particularly good at turning his back on those who need his help, has he? Even when his mind begs him for it. An hour, a day, just a moment to breathe without the weight of the world pressing against him like a vice-grip.

And sometimes, Magnus wants to listen. But every time he thinks about a werewolf or vampire, frightened, alone, abandoned, he remembers walking down unfamiliar streets, the yearning to tuck himself in a cot that no longer existed, and even if it did, he wouldn’t be welcome there. Not in that bed, or that home, or the family that he was once able to call his own.

Demon, the word bites into his neck like a mantis, but he’s been living with the poison since he ran from the riverbed.

He won’t allow another Downworlder to feel what he felt. Regardless of what he has to give up in the process.

His hand stills, palm flat on the tome. “There’s dignity in helping others,” Magnus says, voice low like the flicker of flame behind him. “Besides, if Valentine wins, it won’t be the Shadowhunters who will suffer the loss.”

Catarina falls back against her chair, shoulders pushing against the plush pink velvet. “Don’t you get tired of cleaning up everyone’s messes?”

A ghost of a smile pulls at Magnus’ lips, but it doesn’t stick. “They need me, Catarina.”

“Magnus,” she says, and he can already feel her words of warning swarming towards him like hornets. Instead of a bitter sting, there’s a just a rush of air as she exhales. “There’s always been too much room in that heart of yours for your own good. It’s going to be your doom.”

She smiles at him, a soft and tragic thing born from a fight she can’t keep fighting.

They both know how this ends, the price he constantly pays.

His reply is lost to the taste of wine coating his tongue. And there it is again, the silence that creeps into his head and does wicked things with his thoughts. Bending and twisting and molding until toes are creeping past the wood of a bridge and he can’t hear anything past the roar that says jump. But instead of a roar, it’s a whimper. Pleading and begging him to give in.

Stop it coos. You’ve done enough. Hasn’t he earned the chance to rest? Let go, it soothes, and sometimes, Magnus wishes he could.

Times when he feels hallowed out and scraped raw. When he’s certain he has nothing left to give, but somehow manages to find a piece of himself not yet ripped from his rib cage and hands it over, free of charge, to another Downworlder broken in ways his soul can still relate to. Just wall himself off like his friends have begged him to, like his heart has pleaded him to, but then he remembers how hard he fought to open himself up again. Forgetting every stone that cracked his temple and the warmth of the blood that trickled down his face because he was different. Dangerous in ways that humans feared and Downworlder’s couldn’t account for.

Magnus finishes the remainder of his wine in one long gulp and for a second, it feels like drowning all over again.

“That’s what I thought,” Catarina says. “I’ve taken the liberty of sending for the others. Most won’t come; likely too busy fortifying their homes in case Valentines finds a way to activate the sword. Those who do, they’ll need orders, and something to make it worth the risk. I’ll see to that.”

Magnus snaps his head up, eyes widening. “My dear Catarina, this isn’t your fight. Valentine holds enough power to destroy the Downworld, I can’t ask-”

“You don’t have to.” If she were a lower person, she would have rolled her eyes, he’s sure of it. “It’s not your fight either, but if you choose to stand, and it was a leap to assume you wouldn’t, we’ll stand with you and your Shadowhunters.” Snapping her fingers, both glasses refill with amber liquid. “Last book, green cover; one of the first mentions of the Soul Sword. Do what you can with it. But listen to me Magnus Bane, for the remainder of this evening, I don’t want to hear a word about Valentine or Shadowhunters, I forbid it.”

“Not even a very particular one?”

And just like that, he feels a hand grasping him from the frozen waters.


Sometimes, everything is overwhelming.

When exhaustion digs deep into his bones and he’s torn between collapsing onto his couch and reaching for the drink cart, but even the idea of conjuring a gin and tonic is too much. So he lingers, idling in his living room as his legs sway beneath him, wondering if this is the moment he’s going to fall, crumble under the weight of everything thrown onto his shoulders.

When Magnus tells himself he should have known better. He shouldn’t have gotten involved with Shadowhunters. Just like he shouldn’t have taken in Raphael or Simon or Jace (or Beatrix, Naomi, Greg). But here he is, too drained to breathe think move, and even though he could rid himself of these headaches with a snap of his fingers or just saying no, his mouth mind soul betrays him.

He can hardly blame anyone for calling him a fool when he ushers Clary in later on that evening.

He’s has never been good at protecting his own heart.


He notices the garlic first.

An overwhelming scent that floods his senses as he exits the portal.

Magnus pauses before walking towards his kitchen, arms crossing before he casually leans against the entrance.  

Alec glances up from the stove, smile easy and wide. “Hey,” he says sheepishly before losing his confidence in a short huff. “I know we didn’t–I figured you’d be tired – it’s just that you were gone for a few days and I thought maybe it’d be nice if you came home to-” He takes a breathe. “Is this okay?”

Magnus feels something crack in the center of his chest. Something dark and cold, encasing the last bit of himself he was trying to protect. Part of him reaches for it on instinct, desperately trying to drag it back where it’s safe, to hide it before the cracks turn into craters he won’t be able to repair, but it’s too late. He’s split open and vulnerable yet somehow, he feels warmed because of it.

“More than.” It’s more of a whisper, a ghost across Alec’s cheek as Magnus moves to hug him. And if he gets lost in the contact, the subtle shift of Alec’s torso as the Shadowhunter moves to align his body more closely with Magnus, well, at least he’s not the only one.

Magnus sinks against him, wanting nothing more than to shut his eyes and get lost in the touch-scent feeling- of Alec. But if he closes his eyes, the exhaustion will catch up to him, and if it catches up to him, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle it. 

“That bad, huh?” Alec asks, gently kissing Magnus’ forehead.

“Just tired. And starving.”

The truth is, Magnus left his appetite in the heat of India but the smile is enough to make him ravenous. The truth is, Magnus could snap his fingers and have the finest foods lining his counters, but this feeds something else, something deep in his core that’s been empty for entirely too long. Taking Alec’s chin between his fingers, he lifts his head until their lips meet, slow, and soft, so much more nourishing than anything he could ever eat.

Leaving his hand cupping Alec’s face, he looks towards the stove, then back towards his boyfriend. “So, what’s the occasion?” Magnus asks, “Last time I checked, there was still a war on.”

Alec shrugs, almost sinking back into himself, but he stays where Magnus can reach him. “You.” A smirk he’s becoming more comfortable with settles on his face and oh, what Magnus would do to keep it there. “Isn’t there always going to be a war or a problem that needs to be fixed?” Magnus smiles in spite of himself. “C’mon, sit.”

Placing a hand on the small of Magnus’ back, Alec guides him to the table before setting a plate and a glass of wine in front of him. He remains close, setting himself up so it’s easy to weave their legs together, and Magnus feels some of his exhaustion slipping from his shoulders.  

Outside, a war is one. Valentine slipped through their fingers, almost literally when he thinks about his spell book, continuing to collecting artifacts that can alter their world in devastating ways. Outside, Magnus sits through councils and Alec leads patrols, but tonight, this is more than enough.


They talk about him, about Valentine, because he’s always lingering in the undercurrent of their conversations these days, like the steady hum of magic that pulsates just under Magnus’ skin. A distraction, certainly, but Magnus has lived through enough near misses to know there are still pressing matters to attend to. One glance behind his shoulder will certainly attest to that. Books even he forgot he owned are scattered across the dining room table, with sheets of ingredients still not filled settled on top of them as lazy reminders, and somewhere amidst all the papers, there are contracts that still require his approval. Quite frankly, it’s messy. But they won’t go away until the job is done, just like Valentine won’t go away until he’s locked up or dead.

Not for the first time, he thinks of dragging himself to bed, allowing the warmth of Alec’s arms to sink deep into his muscles, soothing the tension that comes with nights spent huddled over ancient tomes that even Magnus can’t quite make sense of. As if to make a point, his eyelids droop, summoning a yawn as easily as he summons portals. How his body betrays him. Or maybe just enables him. He can’t deny the appeal of spending a few early morning hours tucked away in the bedroom with Alec.

Magnus stands at the thought, but his eyes travel back to the books covering the table. Maybe just one more glance before he takes a break. Yes, just one more glance before he drags himself across the silk sheet of his bed and gets lost in the warmth that is his boyfriend.

Magnus settles for the couch, opening the doors to the balcony before focusing his magic on bringing a tome into his hands. He pauses for a moment, taking in the sound of Brooklyn still sleeping below him. The air outside hints of spring, but is still cool and refreshing as it nips at his exposed skin. Whether it’s the cold, his exhaustion, or his longing to be close to Alec, he gives up on getting any more work done. Before he can move though, Alec emerges from the bedroom, bleary eyed and squinting.

"Have you gotten any sleep?” Alec asks, voice rough like the stubble that’s beginning to grow over his jaw. Magnus would appreciate the sight much more if it wasn’t another testament to the strain of Valentine’s victories. Magnus may know how to separate the weight of an impending apocalypse just as easily as the next immortal, Alec though, Alec carries the weight on already overstrained shoulders. Magnus sees it working through his muscles, tightening his shoulders as the softness of sleep leaves him.

Magnus offers an easy smile, “I had every intention of joining you, but duty called.” He lifts the book for emphasis.

Alec shakes his head before running a hand over his eyes. They’ve all been pushed to their limits lately.  “Magnus-“

“I should take better care of myself,” he echoes before getting drawn back into a passage.

Conceding, Alec walks to the kitchen, mindlessly grabbing the red and black robe Magnus had wrapped around himself for the majority of the night. “It’s freezing,” Alec says, wrapping the silk tightly around him to prevent the fabric from draping down one of this shoulders. Though his point certainly stands, the sight is enough to warm something in the pit of Magnus’ stomach. 

It was almost too easy falling into the rhythm they’ve finding here. Months ago, Magnus was certain he’d have to endure endless gossip about the Lightwood-Brandwell union, now Alec’s navigates Magnus’ home with an effortlessness that speaks of familiarity. Magnus wants to capture this moment, trap it in a vial to preserve its perfection. Something tells him he’ll need it in the chaotic times facing them.

The sound of the coffee maker refocuses him. Habit stops him from telling Alec he doesn’t need to go through the trouble, because Alec always seems intent on going through the trouble. Home brewed coffee, greasy hamburgers from the lower east side instead of catered meals from Nepal, small gifts before they head to the pool hall or out for dinner. It’s nothing special, but it made me think of you. And didn’t that always make Magnus feel like he was holding the world in the palm of his hands.

When Alec returns, he’s holding two mugs of coffee in his hands. It’s domestic in a way Magnus hasn’t allowed himself to think about in centuries, but here it is, draped across him like a cotton blanket. Magnus wants to sink his fingers into it and pull until he’s uncomfortable with the sensation, but he settles for accepting the cup of coffee instead.

Alec lingers, standing in front of him until Magnus flicks his eyes up, then smiling at the look of impatience. Not a second after Magnus moves the book towards the arms of the couch, Alec claims his lap as his own, curling in on himself until he’s sprawled somewhere between Magnus and the cushions, head burying itself against his chest. Neither of them notice when the book falls to the floor.

Draping a hand around Magnus’ neck, Alec tugs until their lips meet. It presses in on Magnus, the smell of coffee, fresh and warm next to them, the lazy taste of Alec’s mouth as silk glides against his skin. Trapped here, the world feels a little less chaotic than it did before.


Sometimes, it’s easy.

Times when the air outside is warm and fresh from a passing rainstorm. When Magnus shifts, trailing a finger across Alec’s exposed collar bone, instead of burying himself in research. Here, in these empty seconds, he  knows what he’s fighting for.

Jeff's Interview: Real truth about RWBY soundtrack and his thoughts(Reposted with new info)

Just so everybody knows, Jeff Williams has stated,a long time ago in an interview(in january), that some of the songs in the RWBY Soundtracks are pure coincidence and not literal aspects of the show!

He said,basically,that It’s annoying and childish that some people in the fandom take the lyrics of the soundtrack as gospel, when in reality it’s built up from ideas he had and then “RWBYized” to fit the themes of the show.

So in short, although the songs ARE representations/ metaphorical(meaning a departure from a literal use of words)/symbolic for RWBY(obviously), it’s not enough to support that anything and everything it says in the lyrics for the show is absolutely canon …..and Jeff is a savage; his words cut deep cause we all know that what he said about how we react to the songs(me included) is true.

And before people go "oh Jeff said that the crew tells him alot about RWBY in another interview”-yes that is very true, he did say that. But the fact that he still has this to say on the matter of the soundtracks regardless of whatever the crew told him should be saying something to you about how much info he gets; in general,vague/broad info or in specific detailed info.

Also in an another interview/panel with Einlee, Arryn, and Barbara at RTX, they stated that Casey and Jeff have free range over the rwby soundtrack and explore and have fun on their own. They also stated that they just write songs that they think people will enjoy and that it doesn’t confirm or deny anything; its just there for people to enjoy.

So yeah, I just wanted this info to be out there because regardless of what ship becomes canon in future volumes I don’t want people attacking him or Casey because of what people think or believe about the songs they make. Cause I know there are, unfortunately, some people that will definitely 100% to their very soul do that…..

I know for one instance(I just found out), that Arryn who is the voice actor of Blake and a supporter of Bumblebee had went on twitter some time ago and essentially said that ship was not sailing just because of the BMBLB song since it was not something they, the crew, consulted over as it was not intended to be in the show(they also didn’t know about it) and Jeff just wanted to share it with the fans so he added it at the end.

So I guess the song is for the ship of bumblebee but it wasn’t intended to say that the ship was canon; just that it was something he thought bumblebee shippers would enjoy because IT WAS PRIDE MONTH. That tweet was obviously deleted because, as most would guess right, she got death threats for at least two days; as they just wanted it to be canon and didn’t just appreciate when Jeff is trying to give something to the fans. He wasn’t trying to bait, he genuinely just wanted was to give something sweet to the fans to just enjoy; just like fanart or something.

To me, personally, it just shows that the people who did that are not true supporters of lgbt as it looks like they, judging by their actions, wouldn’t even care if someone outside the main 4 is lgbt(the crew did say they have some); they just want their ship to be canon and would still probably get mad even if none of the main 4 wasn’t lgbt but some of the characters outside the main are. I feel like those who are doing those death threats or whoever sent death threats regarding their ship, any lgbt ship, shouldn’t claim they are lgbt supporters because they are the ones contributing to the stereotypical belief that people support same sex relationships just for the sexual relations or that same sex relationships are here just for sex. But no you guys aren’t; your just giving the lgbt community a bad reputation.

The crew said they have lgbt characters but they want to show us properly and with care as it is something very important. You guys should be happy that there is confirmation of lgbt but still; be patient. You wouldn’t want it to end up like korrasami where it is very much a functional couple,more better than korramako, but(I gotta admit) didn’t have a great build-up as it could have and should have. Especially since its the first time Nick introduced lgbt to the audience. If you guys can wait through elementary school,middle school, and highschool to graduate(cause you have a choice to drop out or not) than this should be nothing.

Either way, it is so disrespectful and disgusting; whoever sent those death threats should go and apologize cause not only are you guys most definitely in the wrong,given by the proof of the video below and how you are supposed to treat others how you want to be treated, but you guys are cyber-bulling to an extreme and you are also setting a bad reputation for the fandom and RWBY.

So they, Jeff and Casey, already have their stance on what the music is and we have to accept it wether we like it or not and just take his words as advice to not take it, the soundtracks, as seriously/over the top as we have been and to just enjoy it without all this hate and arguments. Because the songs are essentially just for people to enjoy and that’s all there is to it

Edit: I was able to find what she tweeted and here it is:Arryn’s tweet

The source is here:A Chat With Jeff Williams and in the source link below


If you want to help please send the link out,tell people about it, re-post the message in your own words with the link, or re-blog please! Just anything to show people what he says about it.

And on a side note I will be re-posting this periodically just in-case; so that the message from Jeff is loud and clear and everybody in the fandom gets it.


I’m a long-time fan of Unfuck Your Habitat, and now have the chance to share some photos. A lot of the posts UFYH reblogs are examples of people deep cleaning a small area (like a desk or a drawer), or a larger area over a day or two of extended effort–which is super cool and fantastic don’t get me wrong! but is a bit difficult for me to emulate, because I’m all over the place figuratively and literally (visiting family etc) and my executive function… doesn’t. :D

The first half of 2017 was a bit shite and I let my room get to what you see in the first pair of photos. When I had finally extinguished my mental health garbage fire, I realised that if I wanted to do things besides sit on the couch and glare at the wall, I needed to reclaim my space.

So, I made it my goal to clean my bedroom over the course of July. These are the progress photos; the dates are in the captions. I never worked longer than an hour at a time and on many days, I did no cleaning at all, but I managed to juuuust make my personal deadline. :D

One more photo and some advice/a lot of words under the Read More:

Keep reading

Little things.

Request: Justin and Y/N are married and have a 2 month old baby. Justin tells all the little things he loves about Y/N and reminds her why he fell in love with her.


“Damn baby you look good”. You turn around to see Justin awake and smiling.

You playfully glare at him, thinking he was being sarcastic. “Are you serious right now? I’m a freaking mess”. You pick up all the dirty baby clothes before placing them in the laundry basket. You felt sweaty and gross. You received no sleep last night because (baby’s name) would not stop crying but a few minutes ago you managed to finally put her to sleep.

“A hot mess” Justin winks causing you to playfully roll your eyes. You throw a pillow at him. “Okay, can you stop being a flirt and help me clean up…” you say as Justin rolls out of bed chuckling.

“What? No kiss?” Justin says jokingly. You grab another pillow as a way of threatening him. He looks at you and puts his hands up in surrender.

“Yes m'am” he says as he immediately helps make the bed. You let out a laugh.

(A few hours later)

“Justin? Where are you?” You call out. You just came back from grocery shopping and you needed help putting away the groceries.

“I’m here…” you hear Justin call out and it was coming from (baby’s name) room. You walk towards her room and your heart immediately melts when you see Justin sitting in the rocking chair with (baby’s name) on his chest sound asleep.

“Well is this not the most adorable thing ever?” You say peaking in the doorway smiling.

“Well we try…” he says quietly in a joking matter trying his best not to wake the baby up. You walk towards the two as you crouch down, you place a kiss on (baby’s name) forehead.

“She looks so much like you….” you whisper and it was true. She had Justin’s nose, eyes, lips, etc. It was almost a duplicate but as a female.

“Nah…she gets her beauty from her mother”. He says causing you to blush. You look at him confused before placing the back of your hand onto Justin’s forehead. “What was that for?” Justin says as he looks at you confused.

“I thought you were sick,” you say giggling. “You’ve been complimenting all day, is there something you want to tell me?” You say arching one brow in curiosity.

Justin was always seeet in general, but today was different.

“Actually I do..”

“Oh really now? This can’t be good.” You say in a sarcastic manner, Justin chuckles and shakes his head.

“No I swear you’ll love this. Come here.” He says before patting his lap. You take a seat on his lap, looking at him. “Well first of all I want our daughter to become almost like you…” he says as he looks at (baby’s name).

“What? Why?”

“Babe I admire you. At every little thing you do makes me fall in love with you over and over again. You’re humble and modest. You’re so down to earth and kind to everyone even if they don’t deserve it. You give people hope, you make them believe they’re worth it even during their darkest times. You’re loving and caring and never do you make anyone feel excluded. You’re understanding and supportive and never judge anyone for who they are or what they want to become. Baby, I could list so many traits about you but we would be here till our old age.” He says looking into your eyes and you couldn’t help but smile. He looks down at (baby’s name) as he gently caresses her back while holding your hand. “I’m thankful for you and our little princess, and I can’t wait what our future holds for us” he whispers.

Married for almost 2 years and he still managed to make you feel special. That was one of the reasons you fell in love with him.

“I love you and our family…” you say as you run your fingers through his hair, looking into his eyes. “Although, I still feel like you want something from me” you say jokingly ruining “the moment”, Justin chuckles before holding your hand once more.

“Just don’t leave me…” he says. You look at him a little taken back but you were also touched. You placed a kiss onto his lips as your hand was gently on his face.


Requested by @kidbizzle

Enjoy! Please send in requests:)

Constant struggle: Not wanting to participate in a fandom where standard operating procedure is to denounce and push out those with different opinions, who aren’t fans in the way deemed acceptable vs. Not wanting to let those people get to define the fandom and deny people the opportunity to enjoy something they love.

People are welcome to disagree with me. I honestly am fine with that. If after thinking about things, you think that how this arrest has been handled is part of a smear campaign ruining his reputation with the GP, then that’s fine. Discussions of differing opinions are healthy. But that’s not what usually happens. Differences of opinion become criteria upon which people are put on “lists” and “kept an eye on” and will be “remembered later.” (And it’s usually not even differences of opinion so much as the level of protectiveness language used that becomes the relevant criteria.) Discussion is replaced by calling out and some sort of moral record keeping, usually based on isolated statements. 

And, to me, that creates an environment that’s about policing each other and not allowing different opinions to be proffered. People who do offer different opinions regularly get silenced or pushed out altogether. In the year or so I’ve been here, I’ve seen it happen more than once. Sometimes I’ve agreed with the dissenting opinion, sometimes not, but the process is the same. (And I’m not talking about people who have changed their minds on fundamental things and have been cut out. While I don’t always agree with the tactics, those people are choosing to step out of the community when they’ve changed their mind on something that is fundamental to being a member of the community. I’m talking about people who had new theories to speculate about or who have had different opinions on the severity or importance of things.) 

And that process leads to my above dilemma. If that sort of policing and name-taking is a defining feature of the fandom, do I want to participate in that? It would certainly be less aggravating to just move on to something else and let people have the fandom they seem to want. To just bow out. But that just cedes the fandom to those policing it, ensuring that nothing ever changes. And denying myself something that at one point I really enjoyed. I’ve seen that struggle with others – a few people can make life here so miserable that some just leave, but in doing so they’re letting those people define what they can and can’t enjoy. I don’t have an answer. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I welcome advice, because I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. 

[So that it’s very clear, none of my fundamental opinions on anything have changed. I still think Louis and Harry are together, I still think that Louis is not a father (and Briana isn’t a mother), I still think that most of their PR is being controlled by contractual obligations, I don’t think Louis is choosing to closet himself willingly, I still think that to the extent OT is involved they are targeting Louis as part of a smear campaign, I still think that Harry is unlikely to release music before Dunkirk but that stranger things have happened and I’ll welcome his music when it comes, I still think the band will stay together and be managed probably by Full Stop. But I also think that we can get trapped in our perspectives and have a hard time being objective about how all of them are perceived by the GP. I don’t think that every single thing that happens is intentionally done to smear them. I think sometimes incompetence is just incompetence, sometimes we set high standards that aren’t met through inefficiency or inability, not intentional efforts to destroy. I think there are more things we don’t know than we do and we can maybe be too quick to judge the people involved when we’re lacking facts. I think that we can get very protective of our favorite and ignore the little agency they do have. I think we get competitive with other fans who have different faves and that can influence our opinions. I think these aren’t radical viewpoints and yet people often see them as heretical.]

Anyway, I know this is long and most people don’t care at all about what I’m feeling. But I think it helped me to write it down, and if anyone has advice, I’ll listen.

i had a patient with stage 3 rectal cancer and severe cachexia. she weighed about 34kgs. she had ascites so she looked about 9 months pregnant. but her little arms, oh she was so tiny. and full of rectal tumours which made her constipated. she was quite an alternative lady, she lived a natural lifestyle and appreciated esoteric arts like astrology. she was palliative care. doctors gave her months at most, likely weeks. we had long talks. she was so compacted in her bowl it was quite horrible. so we suggested aperients. natural ones. pineapple juice i said. and she replied, ‘pineapple juice? i dont know, doesn’t that have a lot of sugar and preservatives?’. and you think, oh, does it so much matter? don’t you want comfort? realistically, you are going to die soon. but this was such a lesson to me, some people i guess would say it’s ignorant, and despite my initial reaction something larger swept over me, something i think is important. that people have to stay true to themselves, and when we are approaching something like death, how can we judge? this lady had lived by her lifestyle, it made her feel good, it was who she was. how could you deny somebody this in their last moments on earth? it was the person she was, something she believed in, and who was i, or any health care provider for that matter to tweak her personality for some final weeks. yes she had the chemicals of chemotherapy running through her. but she went to heaven without those additives and preservatives, cancer destroyed her body but not her spirit, the essence of who she was, a tiny example, but something if we watch closely enough in others should be so admired 

rp sentence starters using lines from r.h. sin’s work , rest in mourning

“ you’re going to overthink yourself into oblivion. ”
“ who were you before the nights when madness plagued your soul? ”
“ you’ve gotten so much better at disguising your anguish. ”
“ sometimes we wear masks for so long, to hide what we truly feel, that those layers become an extra skin. ”
“ your reflection is the lie. ”
“ even the strongest heart gets broken. ”
“ even the strongest soul feels weak. ”
“ you’d like to hide the truth that lives deep within you. ”
“ you can be honest with me. ”
“ i won’t judge you. ”
“ aren’t you just holding on to ghosts? ”
“ you’re the only one that cares as much as you do. ”
“ you’re in love with the person they’ve promised to become. ”
“ you’ll get plenty of the things you try your hardest to avoid. ”
“ i hope you find what you deserve. ”
“ what you demand is never too much. ”
“ you’re expecting those things from the wrong person. ”
“ nothing good has happened. ”
“ your own vulnerability becomes your worst enemy. ”
“ these words are often used by people who are just bored. ”
“ their words have never matched their actions. ”
“ __ has often let you down. ”
“ maybe it’s for the best. ”
“ everything is perfect when read on a mobile device. ”
“ those lies are spelled out with everything you’d like to hear. ”
“ for some reason you apologize. ”
“ don’t trust words. ”
“ even the devil appears kind behind the right wording. ”
“ there is a certain amount of value locked within every word. ”
“ silence is what i’ll provide. ”
“ nothing is what you deserve. ”
“ i just sit here thinking about all the hateful things you’ve said to me. ”
“ everyone is in pain. ”
“ the wrong person will steal your time and strip you of your youth. ”
“ everyone has a breaking point. ”
“ i think our demons were the same. ”
“ i see god in the details of your existence. ”
“ heaven is in reach whenever you’re close to me. ”
“ i hate how much pain your heart has known. ”
“ i’d like a place in whatever space you choose to exist. ”
“ a player is just a nicer way of calling a man a whore. ”
“ flirting is not giving someone consent. ”
“ what is lost will be replaced. ”
“ there is rest in mourning. ”
“ relationships are more like hell. ”
“ the hatred is hard to ignore. ”
“ you pretend to be happy. ”
“ smiling becomes an emotional lie. ”
“ when it ends, let it end. when it’s over, let it be. ”
“ don’t think about what you lost. ”
“ you’re not missing anything but the bullet. ”
“ my blind devotion has made me your fool. ”
“ i’ll move on eventually. ”
“ loving you was too draining. ”
“ the truth will always reveal itself. ”
“ none of this gets easier, we simply become stronger. ”
“ the scars that are left tell painful stories of victory. ”
“ i lost the essence of who i was while trying to be everything you wanted me to be. ”
“ true happiness is in letting go. ”
“ true love is already within you. ”
“ my greatest mistake was believing you. ”
“ i just wish you’d notice me. ”
“ we try our hardest to hide our hurt with a smile. ”
“ i’m not ready to give up on what i deserve. ”
“ i no longer needed you. ”
“ to gain you have to lose. ”
“ i could never do the things you did to me. ”
“ i could never lower myself to that level. ”
“ sometimes what we really need is to let go. ”
“ i got tired of being the victim. ”
“ i wanted to be my own hero. ”
“ you were incapable of saving me. ”
“ i wish i could exchange my memories of you with something worth remembering. ”
“ sometimes i think these words will be my last. ”
“ i almost gave up on myself. ”
“ you gave up on me. ”
“ let yourself be upset. ”
“ this is how you move on. ”
“ you’ve been waiting for something that won’t occur. ”
“ you weren’t able to provide what i needed. ”
“ not everything is what it appears to be. ”