i think i need help.
Hello! This is about ableism, not fatphobia, but I know you guys are super sweet and fight against ableism as well. I don’t know where to go for support. I have something called misophonia. It’s where certain noises, like chewing or smacking, are very upsetting and painful for me. Yesterday my brother wanted to show me a youtube video. Smacking and chewing noises where part of the video. It was some comedy skit about restaurants. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He seemed to enjoy the video, and that made me happy. While watching, it got so painful that I starting twitching and having spasms. I tried to stay still and be polite.My brother noticed however and got angry. He yelled and cursed at me, all while calling me a b*tch. I didn’t speak during the whole thing. I only spoke when I agreed to watch the video. My mom said it wasn’t a big deal and my brother was just being impatient. My brother said disabilities are all in your head and anyone can get better. He said it’s a mind over matter thing. I’ve had misophonia for as long as I remember. I remember being 4 and crying at a restaurant cause my stepdad always ate with his mouth wide open. My family is super ableist, fatphobic (majorly so), and sexist. My brother who makes fun of me is also trans. I don’t understand how he could say feminists and sjw’s are cringe and cancer when I want to support his rights, end the gender binary, and listen to what trans people have to say, while empowering them. Is all this hate internalized? Why is ableism, fatphobia, and all the other isms and phobias, even a thing. When he came out as trans, I never questioned it. I’d stay up late into the night googling about being trans, and educating myself about how gender is a social construct, and how to respect trans boundaries and be a good ally. All this stuff is how I got into intersectional feminism! I wish my family would be more supportive about my misophonia. I didn’t know where to go. I’ve been a long time follower of your blog as a fellow fat person. You don’t have to respond, but If you had any words of encouragement I would be very grateful. I’m already humbled by all the hard work and dedication you all put into this blog. TW SUICIDE MENTION. Btw I’ve just left the hospital less than a week ago from attempted suicide. My brother knew about me being suicidal when he yelled at me.
Your brother is definitely in the wrong. Being trans doesn’t stop people from acting badly in other ways, and he is a boy or man. He has male privilege, even if it doesn’t manifest in the same way as it would for a cis person. And really, trans people can be awful just like anyone else (e.g. Caitlyn Jenner)
I also have misophonia, and I sympathize. It’s pretty horrible, and not something you can think yourself through. If it’s a problem with your mind, how can you “mind over matter” through it anyways. That is super ableist. And as someone who is also physically disabled, fuck him. <sarcasm> Sure, my mind is in complete control of my immune system, and that’s why it’s attacking my body </sarcasm>
I’m sorry you have to deal with this :(. If you can, I’d try to just leave when your brother starts calling you slurs. You deserve better than this, and you deserve to be safe.