penny can!

The Magicians as LoTR Characters

With a little help from the fine folks of FTB, we present: The Lord of the Rings AU no one asked for 

Eliot
He’s an elf. Legolas, probably. Them Mirkwood elves love to get down. 

Margo
A dwarf. Short, angry, and obsessed with shiny things. Real life Gimli/Legolas with Eliot, including body count. 

Quentin
A hobbit. Short, sad, a little pathetic, but tries real hard. 

Penny
Gandalf. Always fucking off to find some information, but occasionally extremely unhelpful in how he distributes this knowledge. 

Julia
Eowyn. Do not fuck with her. You will die. 

Alice
Galadriel. Much more interested in books and knowledge than people. A little bit ethereal, a little bit bitchy. Don’t fuck with her either. 

Martin Chatwin
The Balrog. Annoying, temporarily decreased Gandalf/Penny’s power, but can be defeated. 

let dan and phil make money without complaining 2k17

things i wish i’d known in my first year of university

I’m reaching the end of my time at university and it’s got me all sentimental. and regretful. There are a number of things that I had learned during my time at university that I wish I’d known during first year. 

  • Read everything. The only valid excuse for not reading everything on the reading list is that you didn’t have time, not that you found it boring, or that it wasn’t useful. Because there’s nothing scarier than trying to write an essay on something you studied a month ago, and you have no notes on the topic. 
  • Revise constantly. I wish I’d revisited everything I did a week after I did it, just as a recap. I tended to focus on what I was doing in the moment because it felt the most important thing at the time. Well, during exams, everything is equal. And it’s so frustrating not quite being able to remember something. So, revise. Even just for ten minutes.
  • Don’t spend all of your money on impulse. I’ve bought so much rubbish that I really don’t need. And if I’d saved that money, I could have gone on holiday. Save every last penny you can. 
  • Eat well. I just said that you should save all the money you can, but I think that food is one exception to that rule. Try and save money where you can, obviously, but don’t go for days and days without fresh vegetables because you’re saving money for a holiday. Your mind, as well as your body, needs food.
  • Go and talk to professors in their student hours. I used to find this so awkward. To be honest, I still do. But if you’re going sending them an email and asking for clarification on a topic, consider maybe popping into their office when it’s open to students. And tell them if you’re struggling! If you don’t let them know, then they can’t help you.
  • Take hot drinks with you, to your lectures or to the library. Don’t spend all your money in the library cafe. Bring a flask of tea, and loads of study snacks in a packed lunch box. Trust me on this.
  • Make time to meet up with friends you haven’t seen in ages. Don’t wait for them to ask you. I make sure to socialise with my friends at least twice a week. And by socialise, I don’t mean getting blind drunk and going clubbing. Sit down and have lunch together. Chat. Get to know each other properly. Friendships formed over alcohol never last as long as friendships formed through actual conversation.
  • Do stuff that the university puts on for students. Join societies. Get involved. One of the best nights I ever had at university was a masquerade ball that my college put on. And for some reason, I’ve never done anything like that since then? And I don’t understand why! University is for making memories, and I don’t really have many!
  • Travel around your university town. If you’re university is on a campus, don’t let your life revolve around that one place. If you’ve travelled away from home to go to university, then make it worth your while! See the sights, be a tourist, get on a bus and go to a random town and buy ice cream. 
  • Experiment. This is the time. Dye your hair blue, join a weird and random society and take up a hobby you’d never dreamed of.  If you want to try drugs, make sure it’s a safe environment and do your research before hand. If you don’t want to do that kind of thing, then don’t judge other people for doing so.
  • Give yourself a day off per week. When you’re at university and you’ve got loads of work, it’s tempting to just work constantly - or at least, to work every day, if not all the time. But it’s so much better for your mental state to take a day off to just relax. 
  • Keep up with your chores. When you’re stressed about an assignment, you don’t want to be also stressed about that pile of washing up accumulating by the sink. Keep your room tidy too - clear space, clear mind.
  • Be kind to everyone. You’re going to meet a lot of people at university, some you’re going to hit it off with immediately. But there will be some who really rub you up the wrong way. Don’t worry about it, it’s completely fine to not like someone. But don’t be mean to them. This isn’t high school, you’re all here to learn and there’s just no need to make them feel bad about themselves. It’s just petty and childish.
  • Think about the future. I know that you’re completely wrapped up in your university life right now, but you’re going to have to venture out into the real world at some point. Do things that might help your future career: volunteer, get a job, join a sports club, make connections. University isn’t, sadly, forever.

There you have it! The advice that I would have given myself in the first year of university. Whether you’re just about to start university, or whether you’re just about to leave, I hope this is useful to you.

7

RWBY FANCAST

Maisie Williams - Ruby Rose (For those who’ve seen her vines, it makes sense)

Jennette Mccurdy - Yang Xiao Long

Annasophia Robb - Weiss Schnee

Hailee Steinfeld - Blake Belladonna

Hayley Williams - Nora Valkyrie

Sarah Bolger - Pyrrha Nikos

Evan Peters - Jaune Arc

Booboo Stewart - Lie Ren

Anna Kendrick can be Penny cause wtf not

Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Cinder Fall

Amandla Stenberg - Emerald Sustrai

Alex Meraz - Mercury Black

Sebastian Stan - Roman Torchwick

Isabella Fuhrman - Neo Politan

Alexander Ludwig - Adam Taurus

Natalie Dormer - Glynda Goodwitch

Peter Facinelli - Prof. Ozpin

Michael Fassbender - General Ironwood

RDJ - Qrow Branwen

Katrina Law - Raven Branwen

Ryan Renolds - Taiyang Xiao Long

Kelly Hu - Salem

5 Easy methods of protecting yourself.

Whether you have been practising magic for 30 years or a little witchling or anywhere in between protecting yourself (and your home) is probably something you are going to want to do, there are some pretty simple ways to do so, here is my list and ideas, yes there are more than this, but these are my go to ideas.

1.       Salt: salt is amazing for protection, whether it is a line in front or around your house, or salt water (sea water works also) in a spray bottle, spray it on yourself visualising it creating a protective barrier over you or in your home. Using salt water in a spray bottle is also fantastic for cleansing.

2.       Protection pennies: this little simple spell is used on pennies, the pennies can then be carried around with you for protection, or they can be put in the entryways/windows of your home. Just make sure as you are doing this spell you are putting your intent into it.

3.       Sigils: you could design your own sigil, or find one in a book or online that fits with your needs and draw it on yourself, home, car, and even another person.

4.       Charm bags or witchy bottles: bag or bottle of specially picked herbs, with intent put into it then either worn/carried on your person or hung up around your home.

5.       Ask for it: If you work with deities, entities or even spirits you could ask them for help in protecting yourself or home. You never know they may be willing to protect you.

How to deal with a know it all coworker
  • Travis: fill a can with pennies and shake it at him
  • Griffin: buy a copy of how to win friends and influence people, cut it up into little pieces and put it in his food
  • Justin: cask of amontillado him
Is this real?

Simon gets the surprise of his life when his roommate, Baz, asks him to pretend to be his boyfriend. Everything is going according to plan until the line of what’s real and what isn’t starts to blur, and they both have to make a decision.

For @snowbaz-feda

Also many thanks to @eroticgropefest for the beta!!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]


Part 1 - We have a deal

Simon

It’s late, and I’m trying to do my homework when Baz starts staring at me from his bed. I try to ignore it, but after a full minute I look up at him.

“Look Snow…” he starts the moment our eyes meet “I need to ask you something.” The way he’s looking at me, like he’s nervous, makes me start fidgeting in my seat. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.

“I need you to date me” he says with a more determined expression now, ”I’ll give you whatever you want, money is not a problem, I’m desperate, Snow.”

I drop my pencil. Has he been smoking? ”Uh…what?” I give him a strange look. ”Are you feeling alright Baz?”

He takes a deep breath before saying, “For Crowley’s sake, I’m serious.”

He’s serious. I can see it in his face, so I start laughing because this is ridiculous. What could possibly make him ask me this? He really must be desperate.

“Stop laughing.” Baz says, looking really annoyed.

“You can’t possibly think that I’m gonna fall for that.” He’s serious, but he’s probably plotting something against me. If he just needed someone to date I know he could find someone more than happy to do it.

“Look…I have my reasons. Will you do it or not?”

“You hate me, how could anyone believe this?”

“Oh, they will, not everyone is as thick as you are. Besides, you keep crying about how broke you are, so I’m offering you a way to get money for college.”

He’s an ass, why does he always have to talk like he’s insulting me? The thing is, I do need the money. I want to go to college and share a flat with Penny, but to be able to afford it, I would need to find one, or even two, jobs.

“Say we do this…how much will you give me?”

He looks at me like we’re playing a game and he’s calculating his next move. “I’ll pay you a whole year of college.“

What he’s offering is quite a lot of money, but at the same time, he’s loaded. How desperate is he for me to accept this? “Two years of college.”

“Don’t push it, Snow.”

“Then, no. I don’t accept it” I say simply, and start to stand up.

“Wait. Sit down.” He tells me, so I sit down in my own bed, staring at him “Final offer then. I will pay your whole college if you pretend to be my boyfriend for our remaining year at Watford.”

I know that I’m about to make a deal with the devil, but this is too good to say no. “Fine, we have a deal.”

“No one, including Penny, can know that this isn’t real, got it?” He adds.

“Got it.” I tell him, and he fucking smirks, the bastard. I’m so going to regret this.


(see my snowbaz fic masterlist)

secret notes

For @snowbaz-feda day 24. Do I come up with all my ideas for fics by taking a random meme and turning it into a spell? Absolutely.

It’s fine. This is absolutely fine. No big deal.

It’s just a crush. A stupid, meaningless crush, and it’s just because he’s attractive, it’s not like I have real feelings for him (not really, well, I do think about him a lot, don’t I?) and it’s not like I actually want to be with him or anything (but only because I know it’s impossible) and besides, Baz never has to know.

I’m going to write him a note. Like a little schoolboy with a crush. I’m not going to sign it – obviously – I just want to say something to him. I know that he’s cold and distant and will probably sneer at my note and make fun of the sender, but it makes me wonder why he’s like that. Why he can’t express any emotion other than sadistic amusement (and I know he feels other things, because he cares about his family, and he gets angry at me. You don’t get angry if you don’t care.).

I guess I just need him to know that he is loved.

(I mean. I don’t love him. Obviously. It’s just a crush.)

I ask Penny for a spell to disguise my handwriting. She gives me a knowing look (I haven’t told her anything but she’s my best friend and she’s too smart not to know) and casts it on me. Quickly, before the spell wears off, I grab a spare piece of paper and write:

I think about kissing you all the time.

I fold the note in half and stuff it in my pocket.

I know it’s dumb. I just wanted to be able to tell him that. Even though he’ll never know it was me.

Keep reading

Can we talk about this:

And how big a deal it is?

I mean, look…we all know Soos is the perfect replacement for Stan. We all know that by giving Soos the role of Mr. Mystery, he’s not only making Soos’s long-term dream come true, he’s cementing the unspoken father-son bond they have by making Soos the closest thing Stan has to an heir.

But a job title isn’t all Stan gives him.

Let’s be clear here–Stan lives like a poor man. He’s cheap and loath to spend a single penny when he can mend, reuse or steal what he needs instead. But I don’t think that’s a sign the Shack isn’t making him money. On the contrary, everything we see about the Shack reinforces the idea that it’s making great money. Stan isn’t poor. He’s miserly. There’s a big difference.

We never see an episode where Stan’s worrying about how business is dropping off or where the Shack is open but deserted. Whenever we see Stan give a tour, there’s always a crowd. And with one or two exceptions (tourists leaving angrily after Waddles eats the Cornicorn) the tourists are almost always forking over huge fistfuls of cash.The Shack frequently hosts huge events that the entire town shows up for, and Stan’s often surrounded by huge piles of cash. The Mystery Shack is such a fixture of Gravity Falls that it’s on the town map hanging in city hall.

Stan’s bitter promise to his family that he would make millions quite frankly probably came true.

Stan didn’t just give Soos his dream job, he gave him an incredibly profitable business that he could have probably sold for millions. Stan “bleed ‘em dry ” Pines. Stan “wouldn’t loan you a nickel without charging interest” Pines. He gave it to Soos for nothing.

Soos deserved it. After ten years of the most loving, devoted loyalty to his father dad papa padre employer for what I can only assume was terrible pay, he had earned it. But that’s not really my point–my point is that Stan, who couldn’t even bring himself to spend a few dollars on pancakes for his niblings, gave away potential millions to his son heir precious child that he loves so much employee with a smile, without hesitation. 

That is huge. That is amazing. That is both an important sign of character growth and an indication of how much Stan loves this precious baby man.