Best things in this video:
-“willy great fucking fight!”
-brian acting out the fight
-GMJR giving flower a huge hug
-someone clapping to early in the speech
-“keep it keep it keep it”
-“give it back to him, dude”
- rusty trying to give flower the helmet back
Requested by anon: Hi! Can you write a one shot where you are a female hockey player and you meet for the first time and team up with Sidney Crosby in a photoshoot for a charity calendar? Thanks :) Pd: Sorry for my poor english
A/N: Hey! This was such a cute idea, I loved it. It is a little short, I want to apologize for that, but I hope you enjoy it. Your English is great, btw.
Word Count: 959
Warnings: Not really, maybe a slight hockey violence, but it is cute.
The metallic sound of a puck hitting the
crossbar is the sound that I hate the most, it means that you were close, but
it wasn’t good enough. I sighed and turn around, looking at how everyone is
working on setting the big studio lights and backgrounds for the photoshoot. I
wasn’t a big fan of pictures, but this time it is for a good cause, so I’ll
just suck it up and do it.
When Bob Martin had called me to ask if I
would pose for a charity calendar I didn’t even hesitate to say yes, but when
he told me that Sidney Crosby and I went into full fangirl mode until
yesterday, when the anxiousness kicked in. I have played for the Buffalo Beauts
for two years now and I have never been so nervous to meet anyone.
“Sidney should be here shortly” Bob tells
me, stepping on the slippery surface and struggling to get to the carpet set on
the middle of the ice for the crew.
“Alright” I mutter, skating on circles and
moving pucks around.
Bob starts snapping some pictures, checking
on the lighting and white balance and all photography things I don’t understand
when I hear the sound of blades on the ice. I look up and see Sidney Crosby in his
Pittsburgh Penguins uniform and carrying a helmet on his free hand. My helmet.
“Hello everyone” he greets the crew,
shaking everyone’s hand and taking the time to ask for names and thank them for
taking the time to help.
I look at my feet, moving them forward and
backwards without moving from my spot on the ice before Sidney turns around and
skates towards me.
“(y/n), it’s a pleasure to meet you” he
stretches his arm and take off my glove to shake his hand.
“The pleasure is all mine, Sidney” I say,
trying to hold the fangirl inside from embarrassing myself too much.
“I’m gonna sound like a crazy fan, but the
goal you scored against the Riveters. That goal should be in the top 3 of this
season’s best hockey goals” he says and my face heats up “but don’t tell Phil
that I’ve said that or he will kill me”
“You watch the NWHL?” I ask in disbelief.
We have been trying to get recognition for years and having NHL players watch
our games would be a great start to make hockey a sport for both women and men
“It started as a guys’ night with Phil and
Geno, but the whole team is addicted by now” he tells me and I look at him,
clearly surprised “we all root for the Riveters, for obvious reasons”
“I’ll tell Amanda that you have said that
the next time I see her” I say and he nods.
“Okay guys, let’s get this done” Bob yells
at us and we turn to look at him “We are gonna do a few shoots on the ice and
then some in formal wear” he informs us.
We keep it professional at first, posing as
Bob tells us and getting some good basic pictures of us on the ice, handling
the puck or shooting at net… and then everything goes insane when Sidney decides
that it would be a great idea to get a picture of me falling and hooks his
stick on my skates, making me trip. And then it is just war, squirting each
other with the water bottles, slapping each other with the sticks and me trying
to check him against the boards and failing miserably.
“I’m sorry, honey. You are going to need to
gain at least fifty pounds and grow four inches to have a chance of checking
me” he chuckles.
Oh, he has awakened the beast. Don’t play
those games with me, Crosby, I think while I start to skate around, gaining
speed before charging against his body, making him fall on his side.
“I think that I have the cover of the
calendar” Bob looks at us laughing and turns the screen he has set up so we can
see the picture he has just taken.
“That is a badass picture” Sidney says,
still lying on the ice and I agree with him.
The lighting of the picture gives it a
dramatic effect; it actually looks like I’m hitting him as any male player
“Just don’t tell anyone that I needed to do
a couple laps before having enough speed to make him fall” I propose and
everyone burst into laughter.
“Alright, alright, we’ll keep that to
ourselves” Bob promises and Sidney pouts a little before getting on his feet
“now, you two go change while we move all of this to the improvised set”
We nod and skate out of the rink, each one
of us walking to our locker room to get change. It takes a while for me to get
ready, since I don’t only need to change my clothes but also put some makeup on
and fix my hair up a little. The dress is a bottle green velvet wrap up dress
with thin straps. It is slightly over the knee and paired with high heels makes
my legs look longer than they really are. I walk out of the locker room and
make my way to the set up Bob has improvised.
“Oh wow, someone cleans up nicely” Bob
yells at me and I give him a shy smile.
“Thank you” I whisper, walking towards
Sidney and standing by his side.
“You ok?” he asks, his voice low.
“I feel more comfortable wearing the pads,
uniform and skates than a dress and high heels” I confess, slightly
“Well, for what it is worth, you look
amazing wearing both”
Where the Legion of Super-Heroes/Bugs Bunny issue had the bunny pretty much as is, and Lobo/Road Runner kept the animals but made them the products of weird science, Batman/Elmer Fudd basically brings the Looney Tunes characters into the Rogues Gallery as humans. It’s a nice trick, because their defining characteristics, be it their appearance, their catchphrase or their nature, whatever it is that makes them identifiable, are not that much stranger than many of the members of the Batman villains club.
Bugs here is a slightly buck toothed individual, chomping on a carrot, for example, and Fudd is a shotgun toting assassin, which doesn’t seem that strange when compared to, say, Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee or even The Penguin. Marvin the Martian’s helmet is replaced by a hat, but his plans are broadly unaltered, and I’m sure he could find a few Gotham locals to help him out.
This all makes the tie-in almost a ‘normal’ Batman crime tale. Maybe not an essential one, since it is essentially built around a gimmick, but an enjoyable one, where the new faces make it a little more difficult to tell where the story will go than if the bar had been populated by the usual suspects.
From Batman/Elmer Fudd by Tom King, Lee Weeks & Lovern Kindzierski