penguin in a helmet

Best things in this video:
-“willy great fucking fight!”
-brian acting out the fight
-GMJR giving flower a huge hug
-Kris
-naked patty
-someone clapping to early in the speech
-“keep it keep it keep it”
-“give it back to him, dude”
- rusty trying to give flower the helmet back
-everything

50lbs and 4in - Sidney Crosby

Requested by anon: Hi! Can you write a one shot where you are a female hockey player and you meet for the first time and team up with Sidney Crosby in a photoshoot for a charity calendar? Thanks :) Pd: Sorry for my poor english

A/N: Hey! This was such a cute idea, I loved it. It is a little short, I want to apologize for that, but I hope you enjoy it. Your English is great, btw.

Word Count: 959

Warnings: Not really, maybe a slight hockey violence, but it is cute.

Originally posted by so-hockey-eh

The metallic sound of a puck hitting the crossbar is the sound that I hate the most, it means that you were close, but it wasn’t good enough. I sighed and turn around, looking at how everyone is working on setting the big studio lights and backgrounds for the photoshoot. I wasn’t a big fan of pictures, but this time it is for a good cause, so I’ll just suck it up and do it.

When Bob Martin had called me to ask if I would pose for a charity calendar I didn’t even hesitate to say yes, but when he told me that Sidney Crosby and I went into full fangirl mode until yesterday, when the anxiousness kicked in. I have played for the Buffalo Beauts for two years now and I have never been so nervous to meet anyone.

“Sidney should be here shortly” Bob tells me, stepping on the slippery surface and struggling to get to the carpet set on the middle of the ice for the crew.

“Alright” I mutter, skating on circles and moving pucks around.

Bob starts snapping some pictures, checking on the lighting and white balance and all photography things I don’t understand when I hear the sound of blades on the ice. I look up and see Sidney Crosby in his Pittsburgh Penguins uniform and carrying a helmet on his free hand. My helmet.

“Hello everyone” he greets the crew, shaking everyone’s hand and taking the time to ask for names and thank them for taking the time to help.

I look at my feet, moving them forward and backwards without moving from my spot on the ice before Sidney turns around and skates towards me.

“(y/n), it’s a pleasure to meet you” he stretches his arm and take off my glove to shake his hand.

“The pleasure is all mine, Sidney” I say, trying to hold the fangirl inside from embarrassing myself too much.

“I’m gonna sound like a crazy fan, but the goal you scored against the Riveters. That goal should be in the top 3 of this season’s best hockey goals” he says and my face heats up “but don’t tell Phil that I’ve said that or he will kill me”

“You watch the NWHL?” I ask in disbelief. We have been trying to get recognition for years and having NHL players watch our games would be a great start to make hockey a sport for both women and men equally.

“It started as a guys’ night with Phil and Geno, but the whole team is addicted by now” he tells me and I look at him, clearly surprised “we all root for the Riveters, for obvious reasons”

“I’ll tell Amanda that you have said that the next time I see her” I say and he nods.

“Okay guys, let’s get this done” Bob yells at us and we turn to look at him “We are gonna do a few shoots on the ice and then some in formal wear” he informs us.

We keep it professional at first, posing as Bob tells us and getting some good basic pictures of us on the ice, handling the puck or shooting at net… and then everything goes insane when Sidney decides that it would be a great idea to get a picture of me falling and hooks his stick on my skates, making me trip. And then it is just war, squirting each other with the water bottles, slapping each other with the sticks and me trying to check him against the boards and failing miserably.

“I’m sorry, honey. You are going to need to gain at least fifty pounds and grow four inches to have a chance of checking me” he chuckles.

Oh, he has awakened the beast. Don’t play those games with me, Crosby, I think while I start to skate around, gaining speed before charging against his body, making him fall on his side.

“I think that I have the cover of the calendar” Bob looks at us laughing and turns the screen he has set up so we can see the picture he has just taken.

“That is a badass picture” Sidney says, still lying on the ice and I agree with him.

The lighting of the picture gives it a dramatic effect; it actually looks like I’m hitting him as any male player would.

“Just don’t tell anyone that I needed to do a couple laps before having enough speed to make him fall” I propose and everyone burst into laughter.

“Alright, alright, we’ll keep that to ourselves” Bob promises and Sidney pouts a little before getting on his feet “now, you two go change while we move all of this to the improvised set”

We nod and skate out of the rink, each one of us walking to our locker room to get change. It takes a while for me to get ready, since I don’t only need to change my clothes but also put some makeup on and fix my hair up a little. The dress is a bottle green velvet wrap up dress with thin straps. It is slightly over the knee and paired with high heels makes my legs look longer than they really are. I walk out of the locker room and make my way to the set up Bob has improvised.

“Oh wow, someone cleans up nicely” Bob yells at me and I give him a shy smile.

“Thank you” I whisper, walking towards Sidney and standing by his side.

“You ok?” he asks, his voice low.

“I feel more comfortable wearing the pads, uniform and skates than a dress and high heels” I confess, slightly embarrassed.

“Well, for what it is worth, you look amazing wearing both”

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penguins: Flower can’t win the batting helmet every game… can he? #PITvsOTT

Where the Legion of Super-Heroes/Bugs Bunny issue had the bunny pretty much as is, and Lobo/Road Runner kept the animals but made them the products of weird science, Batman/Elmer Fudd basically brings the Looney Tunes characters into the Rogues Gallery as humans. It’s a nice trick, because their defining characteristics, be it their appearance, their catchphrase or their nature, whatever it is that makes them identifiable, are not that much stranger than many of the members of the Batman villains club.

Bugs here is a slightly buck toothed individual, chomping on a carrot, for example, and Fudd is a shotgun toting assassin, which doesn’t seem that strange when compared to, say, Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee or even The Penguin. Marvin the Martian’s helmet is replaced by a hat, but his plans are broadly unaltered, and I’m sure he could find a few Gotham locals to help him out.

This all makes the tie-in almost a ‘normal’ Batman crime tale. Maybe not an essential one, since it is essentially built around a gimmick, but an enjoyable one, where the new faces make it a little more difficult to tell where the story will go than if the bar had been populated by the usual suspects.

From Batman/Elmer Fudd by Tom King, Lee Weeks & Lovern Kindzierski

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Sidney Crosby literally scored a goal off of Henrik’s helmet.