pen ink on paper

I’m having a sketch day, so I won’t really have any new images worth uploading for a couple days. Instead, I wanted to share the older piece of mine that is my biggest inspiration for my current body of work that I am creating for Antler Gallery:

“Coragyps atratus”, 2015, Ball point pen, Ink pencils, Acrylic ink, Marker, Colored pencil, Graphite, and Gel pen on Hot-Pressed Watercolor Paper, 18 ¼ x 24in. sold.

This piece was my favorite from my first solo show. It was at the amazing, but sadly no longer around, Roq La Rue Gallery.

Enjoy!

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Looking back, I can’t remember the truth. I blew everything out of proportion so I could feel the hurt and betrayal and write about it in vivid detail. It was my own method of torture. My own undoing; and I enjoyed every second of it.
—  c.j.n.
A year since the beginning of the end. I’ve learned a lot in that year. I’ll never let anyone manipulate me the way that you did, and I haven’t yet. I learned that sometimes losing who you could’ve loved hurts more than losing someone you have loved. I’ve learned that sometimes you’ll lose parts of yourself that are not retractable but that is okay because you’ll find pieces of yourself that you never knew were there. Life is messy, really messy. If you’re reading this you probably think this all sounds so generic but I promise in due time you’ll understand. People always say that the first person you should love is yourself. I always that I loved myself but I didn’t, and it took you leaving me to realize that. A year later and I finally understand what it means to truly love yourself. I understand that I am in no means perfect, but I am comfortable with who I am in every area of my life. I don’t need another person to fill the emptiness I used to have. I fill those spaces with things that I love and things that makes me happy and I suggest you do the same. It took me a year to realize that it’s not about relying on another person and that love is far more independent than we paint it to be. So believe me while healing is undoubtedly an uncomfortable process in due time you’ll become unaffected. It may have taken me nearly a year to realize that but by focusing on yourself and loving yourself you can mend your own soul, and you don’t need another to do so. You decide what thoughts you allow your brain to process, choose the healthy ones my dear.
—  pen-to-paper-bm, March 21