cards against humanity as fic prompts
  • A vagina that leads to another dimension
  • Fingering her until the cows come home
  • Inappropriate yodeling
  • A magic hippie love cloud
  • A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness
  • An alternate universe in which boxes store things inside of people
  • Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of “Friends.”
  • Stripping naked and running through a Wendy’s drive-thru
  • Eating the entire $1 menu from Taco Bell before a big date 
  • Waking up half-naked in a Denny’s parking lot
  • Space muffins
  • A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties
  • A stack of bunnies in a trenchcoat
  • Dinosaurs who wear armor and you ride them and they kick ass
  • Building a ladder of hot dogs to the moon
  • A fun, sexy time at the nude beach
  • Surprise sex!
  • Getting naked too soon
  • David Attenborough watching us mate
  • Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife
  • Bathing naked in a moonlit grove
  • Horrifying laser hair removal accidents 
  • Public urination that ends in tragedy
  • A super soaker full of cat pee
  • A gay sorcerer who turns everyone gay 
  • Not believing in giraffes
  • Swapping bodies with mom for a day
  • A literal tornado of fire

Pop’s new boots don’t smell of me
I could fix that with some pee
A little tinkle inside the laces
And he’ll smell me in many places.
The bed sheets have been freshly cleaned
And replaced nice and neat
If I step in the litter and pounce on them
I’ll make the sheets smell like my feet
And that new sweater Mom left by the door
It still has that new smelling smell from the store
I’ll need to work extra hard on that
A little poop and it will smell like her cat!


Author: @thegirlfromoverthepond

Rating: G

A/N: My huge thanks to the wonderful @dandelion-sunset for her beta skills <3

Peeta returned to District 12 on a beautiful spring day. The birds had began their melodies in the trees, and one family had decided to nest somewhere in the roof of my house. It didn’t disturb me at all, reminding me of the dozens that once inhabited our tiny Seam house, another life ago, or was it only three years? I couldn’t tell. Time was nothing but a concept, passing haphazardly, bringing me only remorse, regrets, angst, or memories of fire. How ironic - the Girl on Fire saw her closest friends die to the flames, almost dying herself in the process.

Peeta came back as broken mentally as I was physically. I was familiar with not sleeping at night, plagued by nightmares, visions of deaths, mutts, Snow’s sarcastic laugh - the latest, an every night companion. I wasn’t familiar with the sounds that escaped his windows, tearing my sleepless nights with cries and pain.

Oh, sure, during the days he was fine, baking bread for the construction teams, for Haymitch and for me, but I can tell even the cheese buns aren’t the ones he made an eternity ago with his dad. They are good, of course, but miss a touch that made them unforgettable. His eyes lack the spark that made Peeta who he was - too good for this world, too sunny for this dark district, too loving for a lost soul like me.

When I started looking closer, I saw it wasn’t only his eyes that were empty, but the rest of him. He barely touched anyone, a real smile couldn’t reach his mouth. Of course, he was still the Peeta everybody remembered, kind and gentle, but he wasn’t my Peeta. The one who gave me the pearl, the one who held me at night, the one who painted sunsets and wars to get them out of his head, the one who saved me over and over again.

Maybe it was time for me to save him.

Maybe I could bring back what had been stolen from him, what made him Peeta Mellark.

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