pee yourself

  • lance: (probs after getting his secret stash of candy stolen from) I'M GOING TO PEE ON EVERYTHING YOU LOVE AND CARE ABOUT!
  • keith: (muttering to himself) good luck peeing on yourself, idiot.
  • lance: WHAT WAS THAT?
  • keith: i said you're dumb.
Ripped Away

Originally posted by hansols

Request: If you have time, please post a oneshot for all BTS boys about robbers breaking into your home.

Author’s Note: I swear I meant for this one to be humor, it somehow changed along the way. SO BEWARE. { Sequel: Oblivious }

Genre: Suspense & Angst

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Words: 2.7k

Keep reading

Pros and Cons of dating each sign
  • Pisces-
  • Pros- you will pee yourself laughing with them/ they will be your best friend
  • Cons- they will close up without telling you why/ miscommunication can turn into a problem
  • Aries-
  • Pros- the chemistry is INSANE/you will feel mentally and physically attracted to them
  • Cons- they are really hard on themselves and might shut you out/ can sometimes be a little too intense
  • Taurus-
  • Pros- they can cook or at least make mac and cheese/love cuddling and are super loyal
  • Cons- can have a hard time opening up and it might seem personal/ they might be annoyingly lazy at times
  • Gemini-
  • Pros- romantics and will always put your feelings and needs first/ adorable little geeks super smart
  • Cons- can over think things and might get upset for wrong reasons/ might make you feel intellectually inferior
  • Cancer-
  • Pros- someone that you can really trust/will be really good with commitments and treat you right
  • Cons- will never tell you what's wrong bc they don't like conflict/ can get sometimes very defensive
  • Leo-
  • Pros- will have some of the best memories with them/never a dull moment and they're super hot
  • Cons- sometimes can get too wild and might not always be loyal/ can hurt your feelings because not that sensitive
  • Virgo-
  • Pros- the sweetest person ever and will always consider your feelings/ adorable yet mature and serious
  • Cons- they will feel bad about themselves but take your reassurances with a grain of salt/ can be overly sensitive
  • Libra-
  • Pros- really good kissers/ can be really flirty and make you feel special
  • Cons- sometimes their outgoing nature can leave you in the dust/ playful teasing could get annoying
  • Scorpio-
  • Pros- someone you can always trust and have understand you/ really intense sexually and emotionally
  • Cons- can sometimes be too intense or serious and fill the room with bad vibes/ can shut down
  • Sagittarius-
  • Pros- a little goofball/ you will always have fun with them and they love connecting mentally
  • Cons- will never really commit or like to be super serious/ can give mixed signals or be really immature
  • Capricorn-
  • Pros- will make you feel special/ someone who will always be loyal and trustworthy
  • Cons- very very controlling/ can be manipulative with or without knowing
  • Aquarius-
  • Pros- they're always up to try new things/ will never make you feel uncomfortable
  • Cons- sometimes they can't be the big person in situations and it can lead to problems/ can be a little too aggressive
Wade Wilson

prompt-”Let’s go fuck some shit up doll face.”


i love deadpool fuck him  warnings:mention of rape p>








“Let’s go fuck some shit up dollface,” Deadpool said as he walked past you, making you jump. 

“Wade Wilson, don’t scare me like that.” He knew, oh he knew how much you hated being scared, yet every single day he managed to make you almost pee yourself. 

“Honey, you can’t just say my name like that.” You could tell he was smirking under his mask, and it pissed you off. 

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want, Wade.” You smirked back at him which made his little moment disappear. 

You walked past him with an insane amount of sass in your step, making his eyes follow you. How did he deal with you? You were extremely sarcastic and sassy, your comments left him speechless daily, which was a hard thing to do. You amazed him. 

“Deadpool, come on.” You nodded your head towards the building, he had been staring at you for a long time and it was starting to freak you out. 

“Coming, coming.” He jogged up to you and you both walked into building. 

There had been a rapist going around and Wade was damned if that guy hurt another kid. Whoever it was, they were raping ten to fifteen year old boys and girls. When you and Wade first read up on the guy you had to walked away so you wouldn’t throw up and Wade had to restrain himself from leaving right then and killing the bastard. At this time you didn’t know if the rapist was a woman or a man. 

When you both walked into the old ass building you were overwhelmed with the sent of weed, causing both of you to let out a few coughs. You two walked slowly into the building,guns drawn. You both walked like you were in some cheesy ass police show but, it added the dramatic affect. 

Turning a corner you were met with about ten guys sat around a table all smoking a blunt. They were laughing, having a grand ole time and you were pissed. You walked up to one of the guys and pulled his head back, placing the gun to his head. 

“Where’s the rapist?” You weren’t having and they were all so stoned they automatically pointed to an old door. 

Within seconds Wade had all of the men with a bullet in their head and you were kicking in the ratty ass door. The man, the rapist was a man, looked up startled when the door came cashing down. You pulled him by his hair and put your head against his, looking into a mirror. 

“You’re pathetic,”You hissed into his ear, “Hurting kids, raping them, you deserve to die.” The man whimpered and you smiled. 

“I hope you burn in hell.” You pushed his head away and Wade walked to the other side of him. Wade smiled at you and at the same time you both put bullet through his head. The man’s blood went everywhere and Wade walked back to you, throwing an arm over your shoulders. 

“Let’s go home, honey.” You shoved Wade and laughed, walking past all the dead bodies. 

New ski jumping game!

On valentines day you’re going to…

First initial of your first name:

A - Go skinny dipping with
B - Make weird sex noises while standing next to
C - Get unhappily married to
D - Get kissed on mouth by
E - Have sexy dream about
F - Go on a terrible date with
G - Get cheap flowers from
H - Get murdered by
I - Accidentally Wink at
J - Have painful sex with
K - Pee yourself while looking at
L - Loudly yawn while looking at
M - Zombie dance with
N - Paint red nails to
O - Hold hands with
P - Take blurry photo with
Q - Pray for
R - Cry while talking to
S - Get purplish hickey from
T - Scare to death
U - Throw up on
V - Play Pokemon go with
W - Gossip about
X - Naked for
Y - Smell like
Z - Tell terrible sex joke to

First initial of your last name:

A - Domen Prevc
B - Daniel Andre Tande
C - Vojtech Stursa
D - Andreas Wellinger
E - Noriaki Kasai
F - Robert Johansson
G - Richard Freitag
H - Cene Prevc
I - Maciej Kot
J - Andreas Stjernen
K - Gregor Schlierenzauer
L - Walter Hofer
M - Kamil Stoch
N - Peter Prevc
O - Markus Eisenbichler
P - Evgeny Klimov
Q - Jurij Tepes
R - Stefan Kraft
S - Michael Hayboeck
T - Piotr Zyla
U - Denis Kornilov
V - Mackenzie Boyd-Clowes
W - Karl Geiger
X - Stephan Leyhe
Y - Kaarel Nurmsalu
Z - Jane Ahonnen

First initial of your mothers name:

A - In his bathroom
B - In his bed
C - In a hot tub
D - At the church
E - On a parking lot
F - In your best friends bed
G - In front of Daiki Ito
H - In your bed
I - At the supermarket
J - In the shower
K - In front of his wife/girlfriend
L - In front of camera
M - In front of his mother
N - And Dawid Kubacki
O - In front of Sara Takanashi
P - While it’s raining
Q - At the hospital
R - In the museum
S - In the graveyard
T - In the dark
U - At the wild party
V - Next to his best friend
W - At the gym
X - At the hotel
Y - In his kitchen
Z - In the bookstore

What is your mashup?

While discussing Newton’s laws in my Physical Science class, I mentioned a factoid from Mary Roach’s book, Packing for Mars, that you cannot launch yourself around the ISS with farts. Apparently many astronauts have tried.

(Gross facts are a wonderful way to keep high schoolers’ attention.)

So, a few days ago, student asked if you could launch yourself by pee. As he came into the classroom today, I handed him this whiteboard. I warned him that the biggest problem with asking a scientist a question is that you might get an answer.

(Also, I’m sure someone can check my math on this.)


DYI - (Free) STP Devices

sheriwallace123  asked:

Imagine having to pee while pregnant and out for a walk with Bucky. You'd try to find a bathroom in time but before you can the baby kicks your bladder and you pee yourself. Super embarrassed, you blush really hard, burying your face in your hands before Bucky ushers you into a bathroom. 'I'm so sorry Bucky' you say, feeling gross but he just kisses you and tells you not worry about it, that it happens and he doesn't care, before buying you dry clothing. You clean up smiling.

bucky barnes ever the hero 

Daddy Wednesday™

I'm pregnant. // pt.3

a/n: hi loves! part 3 is finally here, yay! i hope you guys like it, i don’t know how i feel about it yet :( if you want me to i’ll continue this Little Daddy!luke series, just let me know! much love to you xx

It was another restless night for you, your baby’s kicking keeping you up. You were tossing and turning, tears threatening to spill any second, your body and mind way too exhausted. Minutes felt like hours, the night seemed to be endless, and Luke was the only thing you could think about. Just when your body finally settled down and your eyes stayed close, you realised that your once warm sheets were no longer warm, but damp. A sigh left your lips as you sat up and turned on your lights, adrenaline filling your veins as soon as you realised that you didn’t accidentally pee yourself, your water broke. Before you could even think about what you should do, you already dialled Luke’s number, silently praying for him to pick up.


His voice was filled with sleep, making you feel bad for waking him up.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

“My water, uh, it broke. Could you maybe drive me to the hospital? I don’t want to drive myself.”

Your voice was nothing but a whisper, almost inaudible. You were scared he’d say no, over the past few months you’ve nothing but mean to him. After the two of you bumped into each other at the grocery store, he called you multiple times, begging you to let him help you, but you turned him down every single time.

“Of course, send me your address and I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

A small smile found it’s way onto your lips as you breathed out a gentle ‘thank you’.


“Deep breaths (Y/N), deep breaths.”

You gripped Luke’s hand a little tighter, another contraction taking over your body. A groan left your mouth, the pain almost unbearable.

“No pushing just yet, hold on a little longer.”

You nodded your head silently, a single tear rolling down your cheek. You wanted this to be over, you wanted to finally hold your baby in your arms, but you knew you still had a long way to go.

“You’re doing so well, baby.”

His voice was soft, a small smile playing on his lips, his hand gently squeezing yours. It felt so natural to have Luke around, it felt so natural to hear the pet name slip out of his mouth. In that moment you couldn’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like to go through this pregnancy with him. To have him watch your belly grow, stroking and kissing it every so often. To actually have him talk to his unborn baby, instead of you playing one of his songs so the baby would get used to his voice. To have him drive you to McDonalds at 3 a.m. because you wanted nothing more than a BigMac. To have him reassure you, that you can actually do this, you are able to raise a child.


The midwife’s voice brought you back to reality, another unbearable contraction hitting your body. You did as you were told, one big squeeze, two deep breaths, another big squeeze. You were giving it your all, hoping it would be over soon.

“You got this baby, I’m so proud of you. Keep going.”

His soft lips touched your forehead, the gentle gesture sending chills down your spine. You nodded your head, taking another deep breath, preparing yourself for the next push.

“It hurts so bad, Lu.”

Another tear left it’s wet trail on your cheek, Luke gently kissing it away.

“I know sweetheart, I know. Just a few more pushes, you got this.”

“I can see the head, we need you to push as hard as you can okay? Once the head and the shoulders are out you’re pretty much finished.”

You breathed out a rather quick ‘okay’, before pushing as hard as you could, squeezing Luke’s hand whilst doing so.

“One last push! One last push, (Y/N)!”

Your eyes found Luke’s, a big smile on his face as he nodded his head, reassuring you that you got this.

After one last push, your baby’s sobs took over the room, a small body resting in your doctors hands.

“Mister Hemmings, would you like to cut the umbilical cord?”

Luke nodded happily, his hand slipping out of yours to grab the scissors. Once he cut it, your baby was finally pressed against your chest, her screaming slowly dying down.

“You did amazing! I’m going to leave the three of you alone now for a bit, a nurse will come and pick your little girl up for some check-up’s later on.”

The doctor smiled at you, before leaving the room, giving you time to bond with your new born baby.

Luke was in awe, he’d never seen something as beautiful as his daughter. Her little face was squished up against your bare chest, her small little hand holding his finger, her little lips slightly parted.

“I want to name her Sydney, if that’s okay with you.”

Luke’s eyes found yours.

“Of course, but why Sydney?”

“We met in Sydney, we fell in love in Sydney, it all started there and this little blessing wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for that city.”

Luke agreed, his lips pressing against your temple.

“I’m so proud of you, (Y/N), thank you for blessing me with this angel.”

You smiled at him, your eyes slowly closing.

“Can you hold her for a while, I want to sleep.”

Luke nodded, his large hands carefully lifting her fragile body, wrapping the little blanket tighter around her. Once she was settled in his strong arms, he took a seat in the chair next to your bed.

Just before you drifted off to sleep, you heard him mumble something that made your heart flutter.

“I love you and mommy so much, princess, you’re my family and I’ll always protect you, no matter what.”