pee on toilet seat

  • Aries: *looks at the restroom, decides they can hold it, and leaves*
  • Taurus: *washes hands viciously after doing their business*
  • Gemini: *covers the toilet seat in toilet paper before sitting*
  • Cancer: *pees everywhere and leaves USED toilet paper on the ground*
  • Leo: *brings out cleaning supplies*
  • Virgo: *complains to staff that the restroom is too dirty*
  • Libra: *eats while in the restroom*
  • Scorpio: *adds a dick to the drawings on stall*
  • Sagittarius: *slips on pee and falls in the toilet*
  • Capricorn: *cleans seat with toilet paper and sits down*
  • Aquarius: *almost vomits*
  • Pisces: *eh doesn't care and sits down on dirty toilet*

THIS. See those pee stains on the rim? That’s exactly why the toilet seat should ALWAYS be left down. End of discussion. Ugh. I added the toilet cleaner, lifted the seat and wanted to barf. Are men incapable of pissing in the giant bowl?!?!

Last night I slept with a woman (20, Pisces) for the first time. Sex so good it’s difficult to recount as a series of advances. More like a collapse. Sex so psychic every cellular movement was fueled by intuition. She read my every thought, scratched every itch. Talk about a fucking safe place. As friends we hit it off immediately. With her I could just be. Very different upbringings, a beautiful complement. Recently, she professed her attraction: “It’s killing me.” We always had chemistry but this time was different, this time she wanted to dance for me (she dances) and I wanted her to take me like a bitch (shedidthat). Take and eat. Pleasure by women, for women. I think it’s about expanding, testing just how powerful an orgasm can be when activated outside of the political imperative. Ever pee after sex and wet the seat with thighs covered in girl come? I think we can teach (our) want to be hyperestrogened. It’s hard work. Not being able to get outta head while getting it, or giving many mornings left unaftered. Unlearning is labor. So is shedding >20 years of performative sexuality and a force-fed appetite! She left a diamond ring on my desk this morning and it’s made its way to my ring finger. I love love don’t you?

Tips for dorm living

1. Don’t pee on the toilet seat. 

2. If you do pee on the toilet seat please wipe it up. Don’t be an asshole and make sleepy people sit in your urine because you just weren’t feeling like cleaning up your own mess.

3. If you shave, wash your hair down whatever drain you use. I can’t tell you how gross it is to find a sink covered in beard trimmings, or a shower covered in leg hair/pubes.

4. Don’t put mulch in the shower drain. I can’t think of a single reason that you could use to justify having dry mulch all over your body but if you do, try to wipe the majority of it off before entering the dorm and then rinse the rest off in the shower. Don’t stick a huge clump of it in the shower drain.

5. Check with your school before bringing a wireless printer or an internet TV device (like Apple TV). These devices can eat up the wifi in the dorm and will make everyone hate you. Not having wifi to do homework with or relax is infuriating especially if people are taking online classes, quizzes, or submitting assignments through the campus portals. 

6. SHOWER. Good gods. Most dorms have showers available for residents. Even just three times a week is good. If you miss a day because you woke up too late, I understand that. Try to make up for it at night or please please please wake up earlier the next day to shower. Sitting near people who smell like ass in classes is absolutely terrible.

7. Even though you don’t have a bed time, other people in the dorm might depending on when their classes are. Be aware of when quiet hours start on your floor and observe them. 

8. If someone asks you to be quiet because they are studying. Listen to them. College is hard work and having people screaming in the hallway is very aggravating and distracting. 

9. If you or one of your friends has a rough night of drinking and throws up one the floor of the bathroom, in one of the sinks, or any other place in the dorm that you can’t clean, please tell a CA. Close the door to the area and tell someone so they can clean it. Most places have good samaritan rules which dictate that you  won’t get in trouble for reporting something like this, even if you were doing something wrong (underage drinking etc…). It’s a hazard to others living in the dorm. I know you can’t help it sometimes when you’re real messed up but please try to make it safe for the others living in the building that have to share these common spaces.

10. DON’T SMOKE WEED IN YOUR ROOM. The walls are thin and all of the other resident’s windows are usually open. I don’t want to smell your grass, and I don’t feel like getting buzzed off your product. Find a different place to get high please. It’s just courteous to others in your building. 

What trans people do in the bathroom

1. enter bathroom
2. find empty stall, enter and lock door
3. check toilet seat for residual poop or pee, wipe off if detected
4. pull clothes down in preparation to expel waste products
5. Sit down on toilet seat
6. Poop or pee until finished
7. wipe buns
8. flush toilet if manual one
9. get up, readjust clothes, unlock stall door
10. head to sink to wash hands
11. if trans feminine person, check make up, appearance
12. exit bathroom

the signs as things that happen to me like every fuckign day
  • Aries: stepping in warm water with socks on
  • Taurus: finding a toenail clipping that isnt yours
  • Gemini: touching gum under tables
  • Cancer: sitting on a toilet seat that has pee on it
  • Leo: your hands smelling like ass for literally no reason
  • Virgo: seeing a spider walk on your pillow
  • Libra: taking a deep breath through your nose and smelling a fart
  • Scorpio: stepping on a crunchy bug with your bare feet
  • Sagittarius: accidentally swallowing a hair
  • Capricorn: stinkbug stinking on your clothes
  • Aquarius: realizing that the due date is this wednesday and not next wednesday and it’s thursday
  • Pisces: being a pisces

i honestly dont know how my roommate manages to pee on the toilet seat EVERY single time… like its disgusting 

and i know it aint me cause i pee sitting down

im thinking about what dating each member of 5sos would be like and i feel like they would be so ridiculous like i bet ashton would steal all ur shampoo and use ur hair products and make u watch lifetime with him, and i bet luke would spill shit all over ur couch and flip the cushions to hide it and he’d delete all ur recordings of ur favorite TV shows and replace them with old episodes of iCarly, michael would pee all over the toilet seat and make u watch pro wrestling, and calum would make u listen to ariana grande and ask if u could rescue 6,000 dogs 

a realistic relationship (calum)

-lots of fighting over how much he drinks/smokes because you care for his health
-him peeing all over the toilet seat lets be honest here
-he’d probably get frustrated with the fan drama and accidentally take his anger out on you unintentionally
-both of you would have a lot of insecurities and you cant be there to comfort him
-so. much. jealousy.
-he’d always be tired on his breaks home from tour and you two wouldn’t see each other a lot
-if you two fight, he’d probably ignore your texts and calls, causing even bigger problems

For days, I’d been debating how to politely ask my roommate to remember to flush the toilet because when today I discovered who had actually been peeing and not flushing. I was applying henna to my hair in our shared bathroom and heard someone peeing, I hadn’t heard anyone enter the room and its a very small bathroom. I looked down at the toilet to my left and nearly dropped my henna bottle because I found our other roommates cat, sitting on the seat and very accurately peeing into the toilet. 

Yo. Let me tell you exactly why people should be able to use whatever fucking toilets they want.

You use the men’s or women’s loos because you identify as a man or a woman, right? So why should someone else who also identifies as a man or a woman not? 

What could possibly happen that’s so awful if someone who identifies as a gender uses that fucking toilet? Unless I’ve somehow completely missed the point of toilets for my whole life, I’m pretty sure they’re there so people can go to the toilet. That’s it. And chances are your ignorant self is far more likely to do damage to a trans person than they are to you simply by peeing in the toilet they want to pee in. And, hey, if they do cause you some damage, chances are you deserve it. 

Also let’s just have a quick look at drunk people (men in particular). Of course, it’s okay to not only pee all over the toilet seat, or somewhere in the middle of the street, but GOD FORBID SOMEONE ACTUALLY PEE IN A TOILET BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO PATHETIC AND CLOSE-MINDED TO DEAL WITH IT.