TSK: Chief Complaint “2 y/o with fever and runny nose x6 hours”
Cranquis: … so this virus will probably stop causing fevers within the next 2 days, and as long as he keeps drinking liquids meanwhile, he’ll be just fine.
Mom: BUT YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE HIM ANTIBIOTICS FOR THE INFECTION RIGHT.
Cranquis: Well, if there were any signs of bacterial infection on his exam, I would definitely do that. But this is a viral infection, and viruses just giggle when they see antibiotics.
Mom: NO YOU GUYS HAVE STRONGER ANTIBIOTICS THAT KILL ALL THE VIRUSES TOO AND YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE HIM SOME BECAUSE I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HIM GETTING VIRUSES EVER SINCE HE STARTED DAYCARE 6 MONTHS AGO.
Cranquis: That’s the unfortunate nature of daycare – kids share all their viruses around a lot. On the plus side, he’ll have a much healthier immune system by the time he starts school and–
Mom: HE WON’T EVEN SURVIVE TO START SCHOOL AND WHEN HE DIES BECAUSE OF THIS VIRUS IT’S GOING TO BE YOUR FAULT FOR NOT GIVING HIM ANTIBIOTICS. THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING VIRUSES.
Cranquis: Well, funny you should mention it, because I noticed he hasn’t had a flu shot yet, and the flu is a virus that could actually kill him, so a flu shot could help keep him from getting a deadly virus.
Mom: I’M NOT PUTTING THOSE CHEMICALS IN HIS BODY HE NEEDS TO FIGHT IT OFF ON HIS OWN.
…and some people say that if you put your ear up to the door of Urgent Care Exam Room 4 today, you can still hear this conversation taking place on an infinite loop until the eventual heat-death of the universe…