Bruce goes on a date with someone the kids don’t like
Dick: *Yelling while pushing a reluctant and extremely suspicious Bruce out of the door* YuPp BYE OKAY! HAVE A GOOD TIME! WE LOVE YOU!!!
Dick: PheW!! Okay…time… to Sabotage™
——– half an hour later ———-
Tim: Why are we all wearing really bad beards and trench coats?
Dick: *Rolls eyes* becAUUUSE we’re in disguise Tim!
Jason: Alright, but why does the demon kid have a mustache? He’s like five??
Damian: I AM ELEV-
Dick: Tonight he is a man. A very very tiny and strange man!!
—— later ——
Date: …Why does that table of strange bearded men in trench coats keep flicking peas at you?
Bruce: *Calmly as another pea smacks him in the head* Gotham is full of… unique characters as I’m sure you’ve heard. A table of bearded men throwing vegetables at my head isn’t that alarming
Date: .. I think they’re trying to get your attention..
Bruce: *Loudly and firmly so the others can hear* Then they can make an appointment, we’re on a date and NOTHING IS GOING TO RUIN IT!
Dick: Damn it! The peas aren’t working…
Tim: We can try the carrots next?
Damian: *Glaring at his father* or the knives
Jason: I vote knives!!
Bruce: We should just order desert and go
Alfred: *Appears wearing a glued on mustache on top of his original mustache and a waiters outfit* May I recommend the tart for the lady?
Bruce: oh my god
—– 20 minutes later —–
Steph: *Bursting through the restaurant doors a pillow shoved up her top wailing dramatically* BRUCE WAYNE YOU CAD! YOU TOM CAT! YOU MAN OF THE NIGHT! CHEATING ON ME WITH ANOTHER!!! WHEN I AM CARRYING OUR SECRET LOVE CHILD!!!!!
Dick: *Spooning large mouthfuls of ice cream sundae into his mouth* You’re too late steph, the chick left after Alfred called her a tart
Alfred: I did no such thing! I simply suggested a desert
Jason: *Eating his own ice cream* Suuureee Pennyworth, sure
Damian: *Huffing* She was hardly the same standard as Mother, Father!
Tim: *Gently patting Bruce’s head lay on top of the table in defeat*
Steph:*Ripping off the wig* Oh thank GOD! my ankles are killing me!!