I remember when I settled on the task of finding a force that stops like bodies do and in that I found myself red handed. How I desire to use tenses the works haven’t thought of yet! How I treasure backwards becoming the future soon enough. And no one has seen what I have seen with their charcoal eyes that see no light. See no life. They can’t tell if the blue dress you don looks nice on you, and it does. I promise. Your best dress is plenty beautiful but not fitting for war. I’m sorry I got the lit end of the candle where you had to learn how to fashion a wick without setting your house on fire. Jewel-tears made canyons in my cheeks for my soul-man. Because lord and everyone knows I don’t cry for no body. I pretend I’m apart of the scenery everywhere I go. I pretend I live in a picture frame somewhere.

You are tired, near sleeping and I am thinking. Breathing in branches to keep myself alive. We wrapped each other in burnt butterfly nets and pretended that meant love stretched over buildings and back roads. I asked if it would change you if you knew I was dying and you didn’t really say anything after that. In fact, you covered me in stars and said that my clocks were too precious to be held in such dirty hands. I learned about broken pride that day, not broken hearts. Hearts are muscles, not bone. Muscles don’t break. They strengthen or deteriorate. After that night, it was a war betwixt you, my pride, and me. Dragons ate their way through our darkest caves and blew fire in my eyes because stubbornness imminent lived there. I once was blind but now I feel more indifferent.


Beautiful Happy singing and plaiting my hair is an orchestra in my ears
Is it too soon to miss Faith’s tiny body ramming itself into mine, wrapping her little arms around me and greeting me with a “Goodmorning, Aunty”?
Or the chatter of Selgai in the kitchen, making dinner for us and talking to Linda while she holds her son
Or the quiet of doing all the dishes by hand, listening to the soothing balmy voice of solidity and bittersweet waft through the rafters in my brain about Sodom, South Georgia
These dreams will never leave me