So, I know how much everybody loves pretend-dating/pretend-marriage fics, but have you considered ‘pretend NOT to be dating/married’ AUs?
My friend is so determined to fix me up with somebody better than my string of casual coffee date/hookup partners that I didn’t have the heart to tell her, after she set us up for a blind date, that I actually met you six months ago
We’re both professors in the same department and it enhances your reputation with the students as a mysterious enigma and my reputation as a stone-cold terror if we pretend to hate each other, plus when we back each other up in departmental meetings everybody’s so surprised they give in right away
My parents thought I was working for an insurance company in New York when really I was joining the CIA so I just sort of never mentioned when I met you on an assassination-gone-wrong and now we’ve been married for five years and they still don’t know you exist, this has gotten wildly out of hand and you won’t stop laughing about it
All your coworkers know you’re married to a cop but now I’m undercover investigating a string of bank heists and it turns out that your only friend at your shitty new job is dating the head bank robber.
We’ve been communicating entirely by email/phone/carrier pigeon/paid messenger for the past year as we work to bring some peace and order to this troubled land, so when I walked into the negotiation room to sit down with the fearsome and terrible politician/businessperson/famed warrior that all my people are so afraid of, I didn’t really expect it to be you.
I didn’t think my parents could accept me dating somebody of your gender/race/religion/species, so we’ve been keeping it quiet, but now my mom can’t stop talking about her friend’s next-door neighbor and how perfect they’d be for me and you’ve got some nosy neighbor trying to set you up with their coworker’s kid and how do we tell them we’re engaged without making them think it’s because of their completely uninvited meddling?
You’ve got to pretend-date your best friend for a couple of weeks because reasons, and somehow that means we’re passing ourselves off as siblings to explain why we live together but we’ve started giving each other really filthy pre-sex looks behind everyone’s back like a game of chicken and pretty soon somebody is going to start to have serious concerns about our siblinghood.
Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker is basically a magical space vigilante. He technically works for the Rebel Alliance (an organization working to overthrow the government), but faffs off on his own personal missions three times in the films and a bunch more times in the current comics. He helps who he wants when he wants based on the dictates of his own conscience and it’s fucking awesome.
It’s also a big part of why the PT-era Jedi are so disappointing. They aren’t independent agents like Luke; they’re state actors. Jedi authority is not derived from the Force and their cool laser swords, but from the full weight and backing of the Republic behind them. It’s what gives them the right to negotiate treaties, arrest criminals, and cut off random people’s arms in bars, but it means they can’t just randomly go around helping whoever they want. They have assignments as given to them by the Council and the Senate. Some of the more creative knights can interpret their missions as broadly as possible in order to help the most people, but, at the end of the day, the mission takes priority. When the mission is set by a fundamentally corrupt government headed by an evil megalomaniac, the Jedi start to look pretty sketchy.
Basically, we were promised Guardians of Peace and Justice and what we got was the space!CIA propping up friendly dictators and crushing the political opposition with an army of slaves. Add in the fact that a number of individual Jedi are arrogant, borderline abusive assholes and it’s a real recipe for disappointment.
There is unrest in the Galactic Senate. Several thousand solar systems have declared their intentions to leave the Republic. This separatist movement, under the leadership of the mysterious Count Dooku, has made it difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights to maintain peace and order in the galaxy. Senator Amidala, the former Queen of Naboo, is returning to the Galactic Senate to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC to assist the overwhelmed Jedi… Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
There is unrest in the Galactic Senate. Several thousand solar systems have declared their intentions to leave the Republic. This separatist movement, under the leadership of the mysterious Count Dooku, has made it difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights to maintain peace and order in the galaxy. Senator Amidala, the former Queen of Naboo, is returning to the Galactic Senate to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC to assist the overwhelmed Jedi…
It’s perfectly okay to enjoy spending time alone. It’s also okay to relax and enjoy a calm, quiet environment where you can do anything you want to without others being around. There is nothing wrong with needing peace and quiet in order to feel better and recharge.
INFP: The Dreamwalker - Has the ability to disappear from existence and enter into the dreams of those they desire. While this Superhero is more about pleasant dreams and helping people through their dreams, they will also send warnings, and even nightmares if said person is an enemy. Can produce dream like illusions, send people into strong daydreams, and warp dreams how they see fit. Has a habit of disappearing randomly and unexpectedly.
ENFP: Quantum Wizard - Has the ability to manipulate the laws of physics however they see fit, often done in cartoon like ways such as random teleportation, walking on air before falling and then running through a wall only to end up somewhere else. Highly unpredictable, and energetic, luckily for us all the Quantum Wizard doesn’t overuse his/her abilities… or so we think. Has a habit of glomping you when you least expect it from what seems like literally nowhere.
INTP: Data Sage - Has immediate access to any data one may need in any situation in order to go about the correct path. There is no need for a computer for them to do this, which also allows them to hack into any system with just their mind. Is the one who stays in the background and directs everyone else in where they’re needed and what they need to do as they are the MBTI Superhero Types Oracle. Has a habit of still not being able to figure out their own directions even though they’re able to direct everyone else.
ENTP: Silver Tongue Viper - No one can resist their charm, and their words. With their words they can cause a person to forget or remember what they desire, as well as to do or not do anything they ask. There are few and far in between who can resist their charming silky honeyed hypnotic voice and sexual charm. Words are their weapon and their power, with which even nature must obey. Has a habit of flirting too much and ending up sometimes doing the exact thing they weren’t suppose to do.
INTJ: Shadowmaster - Literally a master of peoples shadows, and shadows in general. Can cause shadows to become physical copies of the person or thing, allowing them to control them via their shadows as long as they are within sight. Can turn into a shadow themselves and teleport as well as walk from shadow to shadow without being seen. May or may not have a habit of making people dance like marionettes.
ENTJ: Dominion - Where ever Dominion stands or walks an area of up to 200 meters is completely and utterly under their control, for that is now their temporary domain. As such the people must follow and everything must obey their will within that area, and should they choose the force they let out can cause people and buildings to collapse with a simple push. Has a habit of lazing around when no one is watching.
INFJ: Starchild - Has the ability to imbue people with the knowledge of the universe and the workings of the very stars themselves, often causing a brain meltdown once done. Is able to fly and go supernova should they choose, often very kind and helpful, but also always in another place as if they never belong… as if they themselves came from the very stars themselves. The most elusive type and the most secretive, only to act when they are absolutely needed. Has a habit of randomly dozing off.
ENFJ: Southern Wind - Has the ability to bring about warmer air and an emotional embrace. Wherever people are hurting there the Southern Wind is, comforting and healing them before moving on as the wind passes through the persons body and heals them completely. If serious he/she can use their ability to create a tornado or even hurricane should they come across such evil that requires it. Most of the time however they are the empathetic healer, who guides people towards a better path. Has a habit of playing with children and inspiring them to follow their dreams.
ISFP: Beastmaster - There is no animal that does not listen to them, and their is no animal that will not obey him/her. Nature is their domain and all the animals within are under their control. As such he/she also has the ability to talk to and understand any animal they come across through a telepathic link that is often established. As such he/she won’t be seen so much inside the city but in places of nature where they are most suited towards their task. Has the habit of placing animal sounds in some of their words.
ESFP: Hyperdrive - Due to their endless energy that challenges that of the Quantum Wizard, Hyperdrive is able to do, gather and disperse energy however they see fit within their actions, which can often cause them to do everything at faster than lightspeed, which in turn causes them to be able to go through a dimensional shift, as well as open portals as well as wormholes in space. Has a habit of not being able to remain still, whether this is from the body constantly vibrating or them constantly moving.
ISTP: Thundersmith - There is nothing that Thundersmith can’t build, and there is no weapon that they can’t wield. With the force of his/her hammers he/she can topple mountains, and build buildings from the ground up. Anything they touch can be used as a weapon as it is imbued with the powers of the earth shaking forces of thunder and lightning. Has a habit of building automatons and giant fighting robots.
ESTP: Steel Commando - Can make their body impervious to harm and even turn to steel. Further more they relish in the arms of combat and can use any firearm, explosive, or general mass destructive weapon by mere will alone. And it’s not just one or two that they have in their hand either, no any firearm they touch will immediately be linked to them allowing them to have as many firearms and explosives they can get their hands on and use all of the simultaneously. Has a habit of jumping from buildings or airplanes as a first mode of attack.
ISTJ: Enforcer - Law is their domain, not law in the sense of the laws of society, but law in general. As such they can erase or create any law they see fit, and make it come to pass in anyone they see. If they do not wish for some one to escape, the law that they create will prevent that person to escape, as their law becomes part of physical nature itself. Of course once again they must be within eye distance of all that is going on in order to execute this ability. Has a habit of playing memory and mind games with themselves and others.
ESTJ: Captain Force - There is nothing they cannot force themselves into or command upon setting foot in a place that requires such or that they simply dictate requires such. Everything moves in the path they desire, when they desire, and how they desire. This includes systems, people, and things in general. Their overpowering presence may also cause others around them to faint. Has the habit of placing everything into neat organizational order when their ability is used.
ISFJ: Harmonious Sparrow - Besides the power of flight, Harmonious Sparrow is able to gently bring all into order and harmony. Where ever there is chaos, and general conflict, their powers of peace and order will bring everything into quiet settlement. When needed they also utilize their unique martial arts skills that gracefully place their opponents in the ground before they even realize what has happened. Has a habit of always bringing herbal tea with them.
ESFJ: The Sentry - Nothing will be able to get past that which they guard or watch, as they are the caretakers of all those in need. They have the ability to not only see all that is coming from far distances, but to also dish out as much punishment as they are given. They will stand in front of all the people they care for and if the enemy wants to get to those people, they first have to get through them. As long as they have people to look after, guard, and take care of, nothing can harm them as instead all of that harm returns in equal force towards the person giving it. Has a habit of hugging and cuddling everyone they’re close to.
Presented in no particular order with very few rules. These are suggestions and ideas! There is no “school” of trash witchcraft and you can combine it with all sorts of other workings and traditions. Trash witchcraft is all about having a good time and changing the very nature of reality with something you picked up on the way to the bus stop.
What is “trash?” Well, it’s all relative, isn’t it? I think of trash as “stuff someone is no longer using that’s been left somewhere I can get to it.” My trash witchcraft focuses on getting use out of items people thought were useless, and making beautiful things out of what’s been written off as refuse. I’ve also found trash contains things that are unique to it - energies and thoughts from previous possessors, energies of being reused and recycled, energies of BEING trash, entropy, death, life, perseverance, marginalization, chaos, and a strange kind of peaceful order. Just depends on what you find!
Recycle! Save your drink cups and straws and even straw papers.
Some low-income hipster/artist areas have “free” boxes on the corner that you can pick amazing stuff out of
Thrift stores are great places to buy trash for cheap! It’s usually some pretty good trash, too.
Library free book piles, they get a lot of useless donations. Books are sacred on some levels but do not be afraid to rip apart a book on how to use 2005 Microsoft Encarta and turn it into a Sharpie Grimoire. You’re giving it more life than it ever had.
You’re gonna look at the ground a lot. You’re gonna look at soda can tabs in new ways.
Loose/broken cassette tape used to be common on roadsides but not anymore; you can usually get tapes for something like $1 apiece at a thrift store if you don’t want to wait. The tape inside is useful for all sorts of things, same with VHS tapes!
Discarded roadside CDs tho.
Rocks aren’t trash but you’ll start finding them if you look at the ground long enough! Even some stuff that’s kinda valuable. Get a rockhounding book and start finding even more treasure!
Asphalt and other manmade rock chunks are abundant because roads and sidewalks are constantly being repaired.
Near construction you may even find rebar, screws, etc.
Dirt is useful. Different kinds of dirt is useful different ways.
All sorts of interesting weird bits of metal and glass and plastic!
Discarded lighters, some of which still work!
Free matchbooks in bars, plus lemons and nuts and cocktail picks.
B O T T L E S
You will likely find some money even if it’s a bit of change. Spend it or save it for spell stuff (or just because you’re wise).
Animal bits are everywhere really.
U-Pick/Pick-n-Save/U-Pull-It type car lots will let you go into their broken down/wreckt car lot and pull anything off of vehicles for flat fees and it’s quite cheap.
Craigslist: for people who want to take other people’s junk away for them.
Freecycle-type trade groups and dumpster diver groups are good places to start on both practices, give em a google.
Watch the animals around and see if they lead you to something interesting.
What it’s useful for
Anything that has been run over or left on a road long enough has been charged with the energies of the roads. The energy might change depending on the type of road, a slow rural dirt lane will have a different feel than busy urban blacktop.
Even empty cups are useful for a jar replacement, especially temporary spells.
Straws can be used to build lattices, mock-structures (build a house out of straws and blow it down!), can even be used as temp wands.
Straw papers can be braided or written on and then wrapped around things for a binding spell or wish spell. For instance write a wish, wrap the straw paper around the straw, blow through it to charge.
Write a spell on the paper of a wrapped straw, then tear open one end and blow through the straw to launch the paper and spell!
A cocktail sword is now your tiny ritual knife. Rejoice.
Logo/corporate magic: you can use discarded items with a company’s logo with it to draw upon that company for help or even attack it. Use the money attached to the Starbucks brand to make a Starbucks cup the focus of a money jar spell, etc. Or just curse Blockbuster. Oh wait, too late.
Glass that changes the light (curved, warped etc) can be used for magnification or focus spells. Colors of glass can add certain aspects depending on how you associate colors. Green is commonly associated with money; there’s lots of green glass out there since it’s a common drink bottle color!
All your tiny metal/glass/concrete bits are great jingles for a spell jar that should be shaken, or even a jar bell just for making noise.
Flatter lighter shiny clinky bits can be tied up on a frame as a wind chime, gathering wind energy or just being decorative. Add string/knotwork if you want! Great to do with found silverware.
A chunk of a place helps call up the presence of that place or draw on the energy of that place or influence that place. This applies to dirt, rocks, roads, concrete, bricks, asphalt, etc. Get macro (a whole city) or micro (this corner of the street) but either way, tap that!
Pendant materials abound if you look in the right places, especially if you know how to wire-wrap a weird chunk of chrome.
Broken window glass to shatter illusions, break defenses, and expose lies.
Broken mirror for scrying mirrors or defensive traps.
The right rocks can be used to draw on concrete in lieu of chalk, do a scratch test.
Mark the corners of your neighborhood or yard with innocuous, tiny bits of rocks and other things that aren’t likely to be picked up. Even just arbitrarily moving bits of stuff around helps increase your sovereignty over a location. Be aware of who else might control the area though!
Trash is useful for shadow work. Find a trash object that you can meditate on or use for an energy focus. A lot of feelings can resonate with trash - the feeling of BEING trash, being discarded or used, being broken. These can be focused on for catharsis or for calm. Walk through the life of this trash item, empathize with its journey, see where its journey parallels yours. Give it a new home if you’ve found some part of yourself you’re reclaiming (a lot of “trash” is actually worth keeping and was mistakenly devalued!); if you’ve found parts of yourself to let go and move on from then throw them away with the object.
This can also be a focus for luck or serendipity workings - do a working to find something precious, then do a trash hunt and see what comes up!
Broken glass and sharp metal bits ABOUND in the places where the best trash is. So you’ll want good gloves and I suggest keeping your tetanus shot up to date.
Depending on what you’re doing, eyewear may be good too, and I’d wear tough jeans and a shirt you won’t mind getting snagged.
Watch where you hunt trash. Some other people may be trying to get returnable bottles or metal for money; I suggest just giving them right of way.
People and animals are unpredictable so only work with those you trust and know the rules for if you’re out of your element.
Sometimes places with interesting trash are already occupied by belligerent spirit entities who are keeping that as their hoard. Only approach if you’re willing to bargain fairly or otherwise if you’re willing to fight the entity. (I suggest bargaining or leaving. Remember, it’s just trash.)
Look, if you pick anything up that’s squishy keep some hand sanitizer on you and some resealable bags.
Actually resealable bags are a good idea anyway, stay organized! Label with date/place if you like to draw on specific associations.
Add sigils or cleaning/sealing spells to your bags to keep newly-collected materials from causing spiritual/magical problems before you have a chance to take them home and deal with them. If you have an on-the-go cleanse spell then that’s important to use, but sometimes an extra layer helps for really gunky stuff, and trash tends to have a history attached to it.
Animal parts - please do some research before you collect so you know how to safely do it and preserve things without violating the Migratory Bird Act and other local laws. There are a lot of “vulture culture” people on tumblr alone, see if you can talk to someone who works with animal spirits so you’ll know how to respectfully harvest materials.
If it looks too nasty to touch or reach for or get to, let it go. It’s just trash.
Remember that rooting through other people’s trash that’s part of their property is technically crime and a theft. Be aware of when you are trespassing.