Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man
Your beauty is beyond compare
with flaming locks of auburn hair
with ivory skin, and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like the breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him just because you can
Now, you can have your choice of men
But I can never love again
He’s the only one for me, Jolene
And I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
Do whatever you want to do, Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him just because you can

I kind of had a nightmare/word-for-pleasant-dream.

Okay, so the first part was that we were going to camp. It wasn’t Phoebe Needles, though; it was Makemie Woods. Which, you probably don’t know this, but that’s the camp I went to like…one year. Night Owls camp. It was fun, but there were too many owls and canoeing days and pool days and too much food and I just didn’t really want to go back. Anyway, Derek was there, and of course the fucking Jesus girl he likes…let’s call her…Maria. <3 Okay well, Maria is like nice and pretty and all but I just get annoyed by her because Derek likes her (or at least is INSANELY good friends with her…) So, both were there. That’s not his girlfriend. He just likes her. xD But, in my dream, he had broken up with his girlfriend. So, we all had to take like theatre classes and science and whatnot and it just became like normal school. Well, “unfortunately,” Maria had to leave early. )“”’: I was s0 sad~ but then Derek didn’t know anybody else so we just kind of talked and he was like, “I’m so in the mood for a smoothie,” and I was like, “there’s conveniently a smoothie machine right there!” and he was like, “omg yes.” So I walked over there with him and just watched him and it was just cute. And then, okay, this part was WEIRD. They made us go back to our cabins which were just like fucking mosquito nets. Like literally you had to sleep on a pillow on the ground and they were all like “bunk ”“”“beds”“”“ or something. So I wanted the bottom because I’m afraid of heights and all. But this guy Chris was there. HE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR. Like, I really think his name is Chris. It’s like, I KNOW I’ve met him. He was in one of my classes. Older, blonde, hot…Spanish? I don’t know D: Anyway, he had been to camp like both times before or something so I was like, "Chris, you’ve gotten the bottom the last two times you were here!” and he was like, “so” and I just took it and then I realized there was like a huge hole in the netting and that there were like wolves and all so I was like, “uhhh actually I hate the bottom bunk,” and then I died. So I went back to see Derek and he was like all crying about his girlfriend and I was talking to him and he was laughing and all. And then they started to hand out report cards…this is where the nightmare part is. I opened it, and it said I had 27 absences. Like, wtf!? I have SEVEN, in real life. And I was just looking at that letter yesterday. But then my grades were all C’s, except in gym which was still a 93.0. fjasdjfas. My teachers commented like, “Samantha used to love the theatre so much and be great at interpreting it, but ever since she met Derek, she’s been neglecting her academic responsibilities,” or some shit and like, “She really sucks at math!” and I was just like about to cry. But I couldn’t, because Derek had JUST stopped crying and if I were to like cry, he would probably and that would just be bad. So then, Maria came back and he went over to talk to her. And then I wrote a suicide letter. Lulzzz. Okay.

I wasn’t lying. :D :D :D You can’t tell, but I’m doing that blink-and-smile thing. Like in the ‘watch Chris Crocker blink’ video? Okay.

Anyway, I was about to go to sleep and then Christopher wanted to go to walmart so I was like, okay. So I went and I bought make-up so I’m in a better mood. But a certain person is kind of messing with that :):):):):):):) So, you know. gtfo please.

Tomorrow is an odd day, which means Derek. but since I missed today, I’ll have to probably come after school to finish my biology test which is just eh because it’s awkward enough getting in the room like two minutes alone with him but like an hour? No, just no. Anyway. what did I buyyyy.

Oh. well, you know how I’m obsessed with the smell of cucumbers. I had hand sanitizer but I bought more because I’m almost out. It was like $1.50 or something but it smells sooooo good. (: then I bought…what else did I buy? mascara and other stuff, I don’t remember. and this REALLY god gum. all right well that was kind of successful. But my hair dried before I could braid it so now I have to like fucking wet it again so that it curls. ////////: ugh. okay, well, bye.

I never thought I’d say this, but I reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally like you.

I can’t wait until tomorrow, when I finallllly get to see you again.

I should not be saying this. This is such a horrific situation.

but it’s not my fault. ):

So, I sort of just decided, fuck history. Last time we had one of those outlines, it took me almost EIGHT HOURS to do. I mean, I know I go overboard on a lot of it but I REALLY am not going to spend the rest of my night doing fucking history homework, for a ten question quiz! The most I’ll get added is ten points anyway. and she’ll just drop the lowest grade…I’ll probably look over the chapter and all but I just refuse to spend hours doing an outline that will end up being WAY too much information anyway. She always does that. She asks all the questions I didn’t write down and NOTHING that I did write. So, you know. I will just get a zero on that and probably a 60 on the quiz, and then she’ll drop it. whatever. <3 I would much rather sleep and watch House. I have GYM tomorrow, which is horrible, so why would I waste my time making tonight horrible, too?

So, I’m just going to tumbl and longingly stare at a picture of Derek )’: loljk I don’t even do that…heh…

I can't stand to be apart from my Self.

I have so many Selves, it’s ridiculous. I’m not comfortable enough with Samantha, so I have to create others. I “manifest” my Self in other people/things, so that I feel less alone. That sounds pathetic, and insane. That’s why I use to make “fake” accounts. I would act like me, I just HAD to put it behind a different face so that I felt like I was “allowed” to show my Self.

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See, I wouldn’t even be that like ~upset about going to school tomorrow if it were an odd day. I just love odd days, especially since events have occurred and just fajdfa. But, an even day…ehhh. I have biology, history, health and geometry. Biology is just getting so annoying. Like, I like the teacher but it’s either WAY too easy or just boring as absolute shit so I put forth no effort whatsoever. Or both. <3 History is either hard because she’s not the best at giving directions, or we have a quiz, or my hand hurts because we write so much. Health, we have a psycho student teacher who just absolutely LOVES to do group work for shit that could very easily be done individually. plus, i have NO good people in that class AT FUCKING ALL. and then geometry, which is just all THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD. Did I already TAKE this class or something? It’s like “this is a midpoint. it’s in the MIDDLE,” and I’m like “I’m AWARE, freak.”

but on odd days, ohhhh odd days. biology, which sucks either way. Then Spanish, which sucks but I get to read Descartes over and over while the teacher “”“"teaches”“”“ shit I already know. English is fun sometimes, but other times, too easy/boring. Comparative Religions is the one I LOVE, save the fact that Streett constantly calls on me )’: He actually doesn’t at all, but I’m just like, you know, if I want to say something, I will raise my fucking hand. butdon'tworryIstillloveyou.

and plus, i see derek on odd days so you know. and Ben sometimes(;

you know, i think odd days have pretty much always been better for me. i don’t ever remember liking even days more. ugh. just even days are disgusting.

And I’m BORED, and I want to go out somewhere but I have to pay christopher to take me. /: and I don’t even especially want to move for the rest of my life because i’m so tired.

which, you know, i should probably sleep because then i might have another wonderful dream about derek so <3 I seem all obsessed with him but I promise it’s only because I enjoy his face and personality and voice and mind and everything.<3

it seems like i’m joking, i know. but i ACTUALLY really, really, really like you and this ACTUALLY makes a huge difference in my life.

idk. i just had a dream about you where like, we weren’t even dating. well, we were kind of dating. in the beginning, we just became good friends and we were in class together, doing presentations. and then you got called to the office to go help some asian relative with their wedding rehearsal, and i was in the middle of telling you a story. and you said, “hey, you wanna come?” and i really did but i didn’t. it’s not like they would’ve let me anyway, haha. but i just kind of left anyway and ran into you at this flower place. and suddenly it was like three in the morning and we were walking around the streets and we saw some ~thugs beating up these two nerds or whatever. and then we went in the flower place again and were trying to figure out attractive color combinations or something. and then we were making out and that’s as far as i’m gonna go because i don’t wanna be getting all into detail or anything. and then we went back to this hotel room and just watched the guys fighting each other and you drove me to school the next day. there was more than that, but that’s the basic idea and anyway, that’s why i’m all ~in the mood to date you. but like i said, your girlfriend is jesus and like twenty so you know. <3 l0ve ev3ryth4ng.