pbs was the shit

i just tried PEANUTBUTTER AND JAM TOGETHER AND WHAT THE FUCK IT TASTES SO GOOD HOLY SHIT HOW???? WHY I DIDNT KNOW THAT SOONER IM 24 FOR GODS SAKE ITS 24 YEARS WASTED EATING THIS SHIT SEPARATELY I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER AMERICAN BULLSHIT THING BUT NO !!! ITS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!! YOU MIGHT HAVE TRUMP BUT YOU’VE DONE THIS PB&J SHIT GOOD AMERICANS CONGRATS IM IMPRESSED

Cold Coffee in the Morning

Hi I’m writing the PB&J coffee shop AU that no one asked for. Being posted as a WIP because…idk I felt the vibe?? Unclear. 

Finished?! Plz enjoy soft boys in a coffee shop <3


Rating: Mature
Word Count: ~15.5k
Pairing(s): Bitty/Parse/Jack
Chapters: 6/6
Summary: Kent and Bitty were doing pretty well, as far as sort-of functional exes masquerading as co-workers and best friends go. That was until Jack Zimmermann, newly hired professor at Samwell University, moved into town and disrupted their carefully constructed equilibrium.

Read here on AO3!

Saturday’s are for yummy food 😊. Before I went vegan I would eat these Quaker cinnamon spice oatmeal packets with milk, a shit ton of PB, a banana, and extra cinnamon. I loved that shit, I’d eat it like every morning. This morning I decided to recreate that. Instead of the two packets I used to eat I bulked it up one packet with some plain quick cook oats and it was still just as yummy and sugary as I remember it. It’s amazing how your taste changes after eating simple whole foods for a while. Well, my love for PB will never change, that shits just delicious 😋

hey so how about that new executive order that’s basically going to pave the way for the government to eliminate programs they deem unworthy of funding bc they personally don’t think it has public benefits, like entitlement programs, nea, pbs, americorps, etc.

youtube

got bored and made this

audio source

Pretty Boy Morty 1/2

Allow me to introduce you to my own made up 100% USDA Organic Morty: Pretty Boy Morty

Like with all Morty’s it begins with a Rick. In the finite curve, he’s an average Rick, no more evil or good, not excessively brilliant or stupid in comparison. His Morty, however, is nothing like what he should be. Rick meets him for the first time after things go terribly wrong. He’s been avoiding meeting his own Morty for years. He knows what they look like and how they act and, frankly, he’s not really all that interested in the idea of lugging around a whiny brat.

But during a mission to exchange some illegal weaponry with a buyer, he slips up and gets in trouble. The heat’s coming down hard. And he could just slide into a new universe but, unfortunately for Rick, he’s actually kinda attached to the one he’s in. So with no other options, he does what every Rick eventually does. He goes to visit Beth. He figures he’ll stay there a week tops, avoid Morty as much as possible, and go on with his life.

But when he gets to Earth things don’t go as planned. Namely, because his Morty is not what he should be, and suddenly the average life of an average Rick is completely thrown off track.

Morty’s are supposed to be unpopular, whiny, idiots but this Morty… is an outlier. He’s got long eyelashes, bouncy hair he grows just a little longer than his copies and he has it styled to perfection. He takes care of his appearance, wears lip gloss, tight jeans, button up shirts, even jewelry. He’s the student council president, popular with the girls [and the guys]. Not even the football team at his school will dare lay a finger on him because he’s helped them with their studies [and he may or may not have blackmail material on the others].

The fact is that Rick’s Morty is a pretty boy. He’s got a perfect life and, frankly, he’s got the personality to match. He’s spoiled, selfish, and cocky, so when Rick shows up, Pretty Boy Morty he doesn’t give a damn about him.

Rick soon realizes the key feature that’s morphed his Morty this way is Beth. She finished school to be a doctor even through her pregnancies and then divorced Jerry not long after Morty was born. The constant competition between Beth and Jerry to be there children’s favorite led to Morty getting whatever. He learned quickly that all that really matters to people is appearances so he’s spent his life molding his appearance into one of perfection and beauty.

Pretty Boy Morty is constantly fixing his lip gloss, refusing to get out of the ship until his eyebrows are on fleek. He takes forever to apply and reapply lipstick when it gets fucked up. He refusing to be out at night because he needs his beauty sleep. He dressing scantily for adventures and draws all the wrong kind of attention, just for the fun of it, because at school he’s always prim and proper and it boring beyond belief.

And it doesn’t stop there. Pretty Boy Morty lectures Rick angrily at 4 am when he walks into his room, drunk, and wakes him up. Morty being a little brat and refusing to go on a mission because, “My homework isn’t done yet, Rick, and I won’t have my grade drop because of you.“ This leads to Rick doing the homework for Morty while the pretty little shit paints his nails. and Rick doesn’t even realize it until after he’s done all Morty’s equation work.

Because you can bet that Pretty Boy Morty is the single most manipulative little shit that Rick has ever encountered in his life. He knows he has to be, he knows that no one really cares about him that they only really care about the pouty lips and cute eyes he can flash them. They only care that he has the perfect grades, the perfect resume, and Morty knows that. Morty knows how to get exactly what he wants. He knows what to say, how to dress, what look to give, and it drives Rick absolutely insane.

And you can bet that Miami Morty and Pretty Boy Morty are best friends. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Just imagine: Pretty Boy Morty looking at Rick with scathing disgust when Rick wants to go get laid and suggests that he stay at the Morty Daycare for a few hours. Morty obviously fights tooth and nail, stating he’s not a child and he can’t just be brought to the dog hotel like some prized poodle while Rick goes off to let some alien fuck him.

But when he gets there and meets Miami Morty he figures he can stay a little while.

And they are most definitely the Mean Girls of the Daycare. They seem to sit above the rest, painting each other’s nail and gossiping, exchanging secrets on how they keep their hair bouncy and soft despite the hair gel and dye necessary to keep it in perfect style. And you know they talk shit about their Rick’s, and, honestly, PB Morty is slightly relieved to hear he’s not the only one who has to deal with leering glances from his own grandpa.

By the time their Ricks finally come to pick them up, the two are practically best friends, telling the Ricks to shut up as they got right back to talking. Just picture it. Pretty Boy and Miami exchange dimension numbers and like, when PB needs to be dropped off for a while, he demands to go to Miami’s house or back to their own house. No exceptions. To which Rick eventually concedes because he doesn’t want to deal with a pissy Morty and, either way, he’s getting what he wants by dropping the boy off, regardless of where he’s at.

Just imagine PB and Miami all holed up in Miami’s extravagant bedroom, giggling and laughing and gossiping and, after a while, Miami leans in and asks Morty if he’s fucked his Rick yet. And PB rears back. He definitely wasn’t expecting that and he’s grossed out and disgusted and like "Wtf no, why would you even ask that.” And Miami just blinks at him, all confused and tells Morty that he thought Rick was PB’s Sugar Daddy and that’s why he was so spoiled and so different from the other Morty’s.

Miami confiding in PB and admitting that Miami Rick is his Sugar Daddy and, standing up and pulling his shirt up in the back, showing PB the tramp stamp tattoo of Rick’s name and dimension number on his back.

And even though PB wants to be disgusted, and kind of is, he’s also intrigued.

PB Morty asking Miami what it’s like and Miami happily telling him that Rick’s are SKILLED in bed. Really skilled. You kind of have to be to fuck your way through all of space-time. Miami explaining how it happened and what it’s like. PB Morty admitting he’s still a virgin because looks are everything and the moment you start sleeping around rumors fly and he has devoted too much time to making his reputation untouchable and he can’t risk it not for anything, or anyone. and if he’s honest, he’s a little scared of sex he’s scared of what people will say. Miami assuring Pretty Boy Morty that people will talk anyway. PB actually opening up to someone for once. They’d be such tight knit friends after that.

I mean, they exchanged secrets and, no matter how prissy and uppity, they’re still Morty’s so they bond fairly quickly.

After a few months go by, PB tries to convince himself that he’s interested in the whole “fucking Rick” thing as a concept, like people who read sex stories about incest but have no interest in fucking their own fathers. Nothing more.

But.. as time goes on, he starts discovering that’s a lie. Because he’s slipping. He’s letting Rick get away with shit. He goes out later than he normally would just to spend time with Rick. He misses the occasional throwaway assignment and just flutters his eyelashes and gets full points because the teachers know he’s brilliant anyway. Morty can’t stop looking at Rick now. Whenever the older man isn’t looking, Morty is subtly glancing at him and wondering what it’d be like to fuck him. But, even after PB Morty finally comes to terms with wanting to fuck his own grandpa, he has a feeling that it won’t be that simple. He has a feeling Rick won’t immediately hop into bed with him if he asks and so, not willing to risk fucking up in any way, he goes to Miami for advice on how to seduce his grandpa.

Miami telling PB Morty that it’s basically a universal consistency for Rick’s to fuck their Morty’s so it shouldn’t be too hard. And PB Morty being partially relieved and horrified to hear that Ricks are universally perverted old men. Miami telling Pretty Boy what his own Rick likes, telling PB to maybe ditch the prim and proper Pretty Boy school clothes for something a little easier to tear off. When that doesn’t work Miami tell’s him to try getting unwanted attention from some aliens.

But imagine when none of that works. PB has dressed scantily, he’s subtly flirted, he’s danced and giggled with other aliens, he’s flirted with Miami in front of Rick, Hell, he’s flirted with a few Ricks that they’ve met at the Citadel but, literally, nothing is working. And, of course, Pretty Boy Morty feels kinda hurt. He knows he’s sexy but suddenly he doesn’t feel sexy enough for Rick and, before now, he didn’t realize that mattered to him.

But, apparently, it does.

Imagine PB becoming withdrawn, out of ideas, struggling to deal with his own desires, frustrated by his inability to get the idea out of his head and, in his anger and confusion, he even starts pushing Miami away. He blames Miami for making him feel that way about Rick. He never had those types of thoughts about Rick before Miami came into his life. He never even entertained the notion. Ever. And now it’s in his brain like a parasite that won’t go away.

He slowly dresses less and less sexy until he’s literally going to school in the t-shirt and jeans he wore the day before. He ignores Miami’s calls and texts. He goes with Rick without complaint, no matter what time of day it is. He barely gets through his homework. he doesn’t wear makeup, his roots start to show and de doesn’t re-dye them. He doesn’t style his hair.

He doesn’t do anything other than try and figure out how to stop wanting to fuck Rick…

[My lovely @the-clairvoyant-rick will be posting the other half of this on her own blog so make sure you follow her and stalk her and love her.]

@nqrse  今日 外を歩いてたら日焼け止めを塗りながら歩いてる女の人がいて夏だ!となった

Nqrse : Today when i was walking outside, there was this lady applying sunscreen while walking. It’s summer! That’s what it became

@nqrse 自分は子供の頃にお母さんが日焼け止めを塗ってるのを見て、真似して日焼け止めを塗りたくってたけど2日くらいで飽きて それから1度も日焼け止め塗ったことないってのはほんとにどうでもいいね。昨日販売開始したラインスタンプが好評なようでとても嬉しいです(^人^)あざじゃす(^人^)

Nqrse : When i was a child, i saw my mother applying sunscreen, i imitated her ,wanting to apply sunscreen but after 2 days i got sick of it. Ever since then, i have never once apply sunscreen,that doesn’t really matter. The LINE stamp that started selling yesterday seems to be popular, i am really happy 

I love the food network but sometimes they get all, “The chicken parfait tasted like a hot ballon on a midsummer’s night” and it really bothers me. Like, no matter how well you describe this meal to me I will never get to try it Barbara. I’m still gonna be hungry but instead of eating food I’m being fed with your lies.