pay attention to the one who's talking

my favourite quality in a person is being that one person who listens to your story when no one else is paying attention and asks you to carry on if you start and get talked over

anonymous asked:

pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college

okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order

- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”

- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”

- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.

- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction

- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)

- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him

- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.

- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.

- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point

- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???

- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.

- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE

- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach

- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.

- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao

- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class

- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again

- I’m not even kidding

- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour

- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching

- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.

- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.

- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.

- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.

- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.

- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.

- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.

- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.

- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.

- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream

- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.

- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.

-  I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.

- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.

- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.

- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.

- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.

- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.

- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.

- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.

- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.

- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.

- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.

- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg

- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.

- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.

- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.

- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.

- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.

- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.

- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals

- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”

There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.

Owl Emoji Ratings

Really good solid owl here. He looks strong and brave, he wants to protect his loved ones. Love the details. Love the colors. Love those big ol’ eyes. A perfect owl, to be honest. 10/10

More simplistic approach, but still very good. Eyes gazing at you lovingly. Sweet lil ears. He wants to make new friends but he’s a little nervous. I’ll be his friend. 10/10

This sweet boy went for a more dynamic pose, and appears to be more of a barn owl! I’d love to hear him hooting outside my window at 3 in the morning. 10/10

A purple girl!!! She looks like she walked (or flew) right out of an enchanting fantasy realm. She would be the greatest friend imaginable. 10/10

A tiny fluffy friend…. I would die for him, but he wouldn’t want me to. He would be that one friend who pays attention to you when everyone else in your friend group doesn’t realize you’re trying to talk. 10/10

This LARGE owl is the friend we all need. He’s strong and powerful but he’s also polite and good hearted, and his ears are nice and big, so he can hear if you’re ever in trouble and come to your aid. 10/10

A cute, sweet little guy who is very nervous about being on this list. Luckily there’s room in my heart for all owls, and I think he’s magnificent. I love his sweet eyes. 10/10

This more stylized, colorful owl is really unique and gorgeous. I hope he isn’t worried about standing out too much. His unique patterns are admirable and he’s the envy of all. 10/10

This owl is just a head but I still love him. There’s a sparkle in his eye and you can sense warmth and kindness radiating off of him. He’s the wise old owl you read about only in fairy tales, but never imagined you would see face to face. I’m blessed just looking at him. 10/10

The signs in class

*check Sun, but Moon can also be used here

Aries: Casually chatting with someone, they get bored easily and often don’t pay attention

Taurus: Tries to pay attention and sometimes actually does, but they often get lost in and their thoughts and daydream a lot

Gemini: Random comments to make other people laugh, somehow stays organized even though they look like they’re not paying attention

Cancer: Usually talks to somebody, either the teacher or other people in class, but stays organized.

Leo: One of the people who enjoy debating with the teacher, doesn’t really keep notes but remembers a lot of stuff.

Virgo: Pays attention and makes notes, sometimes they talk to the teacher, but they’re usually not interested in the subject that much.

Libra: Checking out other people, pays attention only when they’re really interested in the subject

Scorpio: Doing everything but paying attention, usually. They’re good at memorizing but they’re mostly interested in something completely different than what they’re talking about in the class

Sagittarius: Only pays attention if they’re interested in the subject, when they are, they usually talk to their teacher and debate 

Capricorn: Most of the time pays attention and makes notes, but if they don’t like the teacher or the subject, they just doodle or something

Aquarius: Sometimes gets super into the subject and then they can go on about it for the rest of the day, but there are days when they just doodle and don’t really pay attention.

Pisces: Snacks, kinda paying attention but mostly daydreaming. Simiraly to Gemini, sometimes they talk to other people and make them laugh

Harry Naming His Children

I just can’t stop thinking about James and Sirius and Remus in the afterlife, watching over Harry. And when he has his first child, James and Sirius are ecstatic that Harry chooses to name him after them. And Remus smiles benevolently and doesn’t say anything of course, but maybe feels just a tad left out. Sirius can tell and he pats him on the shoulder, saying, “Next time! You’ll see!” 

And then next time arrives and what does Harry choose? Albus Severus. And Remus understands, and he’s really not upset. But Sirius is. Sirius just cannot believe that Harry would choose to name his son after Snivellus, the man who had made his godson’s and his own life miserable (so what if he loved Lily), before he honored Remus. Remus, who had been a mentor and friend to Harry. Remus, who had named Harry godfather of his own child. Remus, who was one of the best men Sirius had ever known despite having a childhood that was probably much shittier than Snape’s. Remus, who deserved to be honored by Harry every bit as much as Sirius did, and certainly a thousand times more than Snape.

And for the first time in his life, Sirius is truly disappointed in his godson. And he can’t even let Harry know. And he just has to live with this awful feeling for years and years, and nothing Remus says can make it any better.

Until one day Sirius notices something. He notices how there are always four kids at the Potter house. He’d always thought it was just Harry being nice because Andromeda was getting pretty old by now, but once he starts paying attention, he notices how every time Harry talks about “his kids,” that includes Teddy Lupin. How Teddy is in all of the Potter family portraits. How James, Al, and Lily refer to Teddy as their older brother. 

And one day Sirius is watching as Teddy risks himself to save Albus from falling off his broom, and then proceeds to fuss over Al without once worrying about himself. And Harry runs over in a panic, and goes immediately to Teddy, who took most of the damage, checks that he’s basically alright, looks at him with tears in his eyes, and says “Teddy Remus Lupin, thank you. Thank you for saving Al. You are so much like your father.” And then he hugs him tightly and doesn’t let go for the longest time .

And Sirius’s anger evaporates just like that, and he looks over and sees that Remus has been watching too and now they are both silently crying as they watch Harry, their Harry, take care of two of his sons.

And it’s suddenly so obvious why Harry didn’t name his youngest son after Remus: because that was already the name of his oldest.

The Health Care Freedom Act: A Transcript

INT. SENATE FLOOR - NIGHT

SEN. MCCONNELL addresses the august body.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Okay, idiots. We’ve had seven years of the Obamacare hellscape, which, as everyone agrees, has ruined our country, killed jobs, slaughtered animals, and set the Bible on fire. But now the GOP is in charge – and it’s time for this national nightmare of “sick people being able to maybe not die or go bankrupt” to end.

SEN. SCHUMER
Okay, you’ve been talking about a replacement bill for eight years. Let’s see what you got.

SEN. CORNYN
Whoa whoa whoa – you’re being a little “pushy” there, Chuck.

SEN. SCHUMER
That’s usually code for “Jewish.”

SEN. CORNYN
Nobody said “Jewish.” I said “pushy.” You’re being pushy, is what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth. Anyway: read it and weep: the American Freedom Bald Eagle Old Glory Healthcare for Everyone with No Exceptions “It’s Gonna Be So Easy” Act.

SEN. WARREN
…Where is it? We haven’t seen it yet. Can we see it?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No.

SEN. JOHNSON
A little history for you: when the Democrats wrote “Obummercare” –

SEN. MCCONNELL
(chuckles)
Nice.

They high-five.

SEN. JOHNSON
– they did it in secret, in scarcely 16 months, behind closed doors, with not even 100 Republican amendments, and barely 70 public hearings.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Like you can craft anything good in 16 months!

SEN. CORNYN
In contrast to that undemocratic process, we, the GOP, spent literally dozens of minutes crafting this, over chicken caesar wraps and Arnold Palmers, earlier today in the senate dining room.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Enough talking. We’ve been discussing this bill for almost eight minutes. Time to vote.

SEN. WARREN
Can we see the bill?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No.

SEN. SCHUMER
Can we offer amendments?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No.

SEN. WYDEN
Can we have public hearings?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No. Go back to Oregon, you dirty hippie.

SEN. COLLINS
I’m voting no, Mitch. This bill is terrible.

SEN. MURKOWSKI
I’m voting no too. It’s an abomination.

SEN. MCCONNELL
(shakes his head sadly)
Broads. Look, I know the bill is miserable. It would crash the insurance markets immediately. But who cares? This is just symbolic. This bill isn’t going to be a law. We’re just doing it to initiate a conference with the House, so we can actually pass a real bill later.

SEN. JOHNSON
I just got a text from Paul Ryan. The House might just pass this bill.

SEN. MCCONNELL
They might pass it?! Why the hell would they pass this bill we are about to pass?!

SEN. GRAHAM
(fanning himself)
This bill is abhorrent. It’s absurd, I say. I shudder to think what would happen if it became an actual law!

SEN. SCHUMER
So how will you vote?

SEN. GRAHAM
Oh I’m voting “yes.”

SEN. CAPITO
This bill would devastate the people of West Virginia!

SEN. PORTMAN
It would ruin lives! My own governor hates it!

SEN. SCHUMER
You’re both voting for it, though, right?

SEN. PORTMAN
Oh yeah.

SEN. CAPITO
No question. Voting “yes.”

SEN. HARRIS
Can we read the bill now?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No. Any word from Ryan?

SEN. CRUZ
I’ve been texting him a lot. No word. Oh – hang on, he’s writing back…I see the little bubbles.

SEN. MCCONNELL
What’d he say?

SEN. CRUZ
“New phone, who dis?” Guess I have the wrong number.

SEN. MCCONNELL
No, that’s his number. It’s just: nobody likes you.

SEN. JOHNSON
Ryan just texted me. I asked him if he could guarantee the House wouldn’t just pass our bill.

SEN. MCCONNELL
What’d he say?

SEN. JOHNSON
(reading)
“Look, this is complicated. This stuff gets a little wonky – I don’t want to bore you with the nerdy, wonky details. I’m kind of a policy geek, so I kind of get down in there with the nitty-gritty stuff, that other people are bored by, because they’re not policy geeks like me.”

SEN. MCCONNELL
…He didn’t answer your question.

SEN. CRUZ
(checking Johnson’s phone)
Let me see what number you have for him…yeah, that’s the same number I have. Weird.

SEN. MCCONNELL
It’s not weird. No one likes you.

SEN. GRAHAM
(lying on fainting couch)
My fellow members of this most august body, don’t you see we are headed for a disaster? This bill cannot pass! It would upend generations of Senatorial norms and procedure, and devastate the very fabric of American society!

SEN. SCHUMER
Still voting for it, though?

SEN. GRAHAM
Oh yeah, still a solid “yes.”

SEN. MURKOWSKI
I’m still a “no,” by the way.

SEN. COLLINS
Me too.

SEN. MCCONNELL
No one cares, ladies. Go get your hair blown out or whatever.

SEN. HARRIS
Can we read the bill now?

SEN. MCCONNELL
(angry)
No! Why are there all these women haranguing me?! How many goddamned women are in the Senate now, 95?!

SEN. WARREN
Twenty.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Seems like 95. Look: no one gets to read the bill. It’s not a real bill! It’s not supposed to become a law!

SEN. JOHNSON
What if the House just passes it?

SEN. MCCONNELL
Call that little pissant Paul Ryan and tell him they better not!

SEN. JOHNSON
(dials)
Paul? It’s Ron Johnson. You better not pass this bill that we are about to pass, because we don’t want it to pass, even though we are gonna pass it!

SEN. MCCONNELL
What’d he say?

SEN. JOHNSON
He said the process of passing bills is wonky, and it’s hard to explain, and he’ll try not to bore me with the wonky details.

SEN. CRUZ
Let me talk to him.
(takes phone)
Paul? It’s Ted. Listen, bud –
(beat)
Oh, sorry. Okay.
(hangs up)
It was the wrong number.

SEN. MCCONNELL
We were already talking to him, moron.

SEN. PORTMAN
No one likes you.

SEN. WARREN
Can we read the bill?

SEN. MCCONNELL
No. No more women talking. Time to vote. It’s a fake bill, and if the House passes it and all hell breaks loose, we can just blame Hillary or something.
(calling out)
Who wants to pass a fake disastrous bill that, if it became law, would cause the insurance markets to collapse, and 18 million people to immediately lose health care, but who gives a crap, because it’d be the House’s fault and no one pays attention to this stuff anyway?

49 REPUBLICANS
Yay!

48 DEMOCRATS
Nay!

SENS. MURKOWSKI AND COLLINS
Nay.

SEN. MCCONNELL
(aside)
Must be that time of the month.

SEN. CRUZ
Nice!

Cruz goes to high-five McConnell, who ignores him.

SEN. MCCONNELL
Okay, one more vote. John?

SEN. MCCAIN
I vote no.

Everyone loses their minds.

AMERICAN MEDIA
MCCAIN VOTED NO! MAVERICK! ONCE AGAIN HE DEFIES THE PARTY! HERO! NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!

SEN. MURKOWSKI
…I voted “no” as well.

SEN. COLLINS
Yeah, Lisa and I are also Republicans who defied–

AMERICAN MEDIA
WE REPEAT: THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED! LITERALLY ONLY JOHN MCCAIN WOULD EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! PLUS HE HAS CANCER – AND HE STILL CAME HERE AND VOTED!

SEN. HIRONO
I have Stage 4 kidney cancer, and I voted –

AMERICAN MEDIA
JOHN MCCAIN JUST DID SOMETHING THAT LITERALLY NO OTHER MAN IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICA WOULD EVER DO EVER!

SEN. CRUZ
Bummer, huh guys? Anyone want to come over to my place, get some wings, watch a little “Life of Brian?” No? Rain check, then.

Flourish. Exeunt. Curtain.

The Signs at School

(based on personal experiences)

Aries: tries to seem cool and like they don’t care about school but secretly cares a LOT and often gets really stressed because of it 

Taurus: it changes. they have stages when they don’t do any homework and talk about dropping out and then they have stages when they do really well and have a lot of energy for schoolwork

Gemini: the type of person who sits with all their stationery, notebooks, books, laptop and perhaps even snacks neatly placed on the table but ends up not doing anything. loves talking to their classmates

Cancer: sits nicely and often does all their work quite properly, loves raising their hand every now and then to say something smart about something they know a lot about

Leo: probably doesn’t give a fuck for the most part, lives for art and music or P.E. (or all three of them!), loves annoying their friends

Virgo: very quiet mostly, probably went through a phase when they seriously considered dropping out, pretends to be sick quite often so that they can skip school

Libra: the kid who sits on tumblr all.the.time. but somehow still gets great grades?? and manages to listen and pick up on almost everything the teacher says?? seriously it’s a mystery

Scorpio: can’t work without their music. loves getting things done then and there instead of doing it at home later

Sagittarius (also me): has a lot of trouble paying attention to things they’re not interested in and loves talking to their friends in those moments. big difference in grades when it comes to subjects they’re interested in and subjects they hate, secretly ambitious

Capricorn: hard-working and determined, often takes on way too much schoolwork, takes a lot of breaks

Aquarius: the kid who sits in the back corner sighing and complaining until they just pop in their earbuds and watch Netflix instead

Pisces: so good at almost everything? works very hard and has a lot of motivation, one of the few who actually starts to study for tests and exams in time, often has a good relationship with at least one of the teachers, basically a nerd

Wrong

Summary: In which trying to prove your friends wrong doesn’t go quite as planned.

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Word Count: 994

A/N: I wanted to write something other than ALiL so I found this prompt list and had @marvelingatthewonder pick some prompts out for me. Here’s the first one: 68. “You’re wrong and I’ll prove it.”.

@avengerstories - you edit things for me at all times and I’m forever grateful for that.

Originally posted by davidmuhn

“Steve’s staring at you.”

You glare at Daisy over your shoulder, not bothering to lower the speed on the treadmill. “Sure he is.”

“He is. Not very discreetly might I add,” she notes, lips turning up in amusement.

Wanda peeks her head up from the yoga position she’s in and whistles. “Yup, not discreet at all.“

Keep reading

spellbound (m)

Pairing:  Jimin x Reader
Genre: witch!au (sort of based on the secret circle), smut, comedy, slight angst
Warnings: dom-ish!jimin, magical sex rituals (so slight blood play, breath play, temperature play), rough sex, cumplay
Word Count:  10k+
Summary:  The only reason you agreed to do this magical ritual with Park Jimin’s Circle was for the sake of your own Circle - to strengthen your individual magic. Yes, that means you’ll have to fuck him, but no, you weren’t happy about it because you hate Park Jimin. Once again, you were only doing this for your Circle. 

Keep reading

Unbearable || Peter Parker Imagine

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Request:  Could you write an imagine where the reader is Tony Stark’s daughter and is dating Peter Parker and something happens between them, either like assuming the other one cheated and idk one or the other is hurt and idk i wonder what the situation would end up being like? Thank you!

Word Count: 1752 words

Originally posted by fuckyeahtonystark

(i think I’ve used this gif before but there aren’t many left)

For a couple of weeks now, Y/N has noticed how her boyfriend, Peter, has been getting closer and closer to her best friend Liz. He used to always eat lunch with Y/N and sit next to her in classes. Now, he’s doing that with the perfect Liz Allen. Sometimes, the young girl thought that Peter was dating her for her last name. Stark. Y/N wasn’t jealous of her friend, just envious of the attention she was getting from Peter. Y/N wanted to get closer to her boyfriend again, and she didn’t know what to do.

One day when she went over to Peter’s house, he was being awfully distant. Y/N knew about his alter ego Spider-Man because his relationship with her dad. She knew that was part of the reason why he was bailing on dates but, he would always try to make time with Y/N at least three times a week. That all changed the day he started hanging out with Liz more. The couple only hang out once a week now. So, while she sat on his bed, all she could think about was how he was most likely cheating on her.

“Peter?” She asked quietly. He was on his phone, by his desk, barely paying attention to the girl who was breaking inside. “Hm?” He muttered, smiling at his phone. He tapped the screen lightly to, what Y/N could gather, text someone back.

“Who are you texting?” She asked softly again, looking down at her legs hanging off the edge of the bed. Peter stuttered, “It’s n-no one.” He put his phone down to give his girlfriend his full undivided attention.

“We need to talk Peter.” She forced out, looking him in the eye. “Isn’t that what we’re doing now?” He chuckled at his own statement.

“I mean about us Peter!” Y/N said, angrier than before. This surprised Peter. She was never normally…. angry. Y/N exhaled, trying to keep her cool.

“W-What about us?” He stuttered, “I thought we were doing fine.”

“You’ve been ditching me Peter but, not to protect the city. To hang out with my best friend. And don’t try to deny it cause I see pictures of you guys on her Snapchat all the time.” She sniffled. Peter sighed, “Y/N,” he said shaking his head slightly, standing up to go sit next to her. Before he could complete his statement, she interrupted, “Are you cheating on me with Liz?” She asked.

He shook his head yet again, grabbing her face with both of his hands, turning her towards his. “No, it’s…..it’s not like that.” Y/N got out of his grasp by standing up. Tears started to escape her eyes.  

“Then what’s it like Peter?” She demanded, crossing his arms. Peter sat there on his bed, trying to think of an answer. “It’s just,” he couldn’t continue. He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s just what?” Y/N questioned, getting loud again. Peter looked at his hands.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N.” He couldn’t tell her his plan. Not yet. She’ll forgive me though, he thought. She scoffed, uncrossing her arms to grab her stuff. Before she left his bedroom, she turned to look at him. “You know what Peter,” she scoffed, “Liz is all your’s now.” she spat, slamming his bedroom door.

Y/N scurried towards the front door of the apartment. May was sitting on the couch, watching the girl leave. She smiled sadly, “Bye May,” she opened the door but stopped at the sound of his voice. “Y/N,” He said from across the room with a sad look on his face. “Goodbye, Peter.” She slammed the door not looking back.

School the next day was awful for both Peter and Y/N. Peter had no girlfriend to constantly boast about and Y/N had no one to kiss or greet by her locker in the morning. At lunch, Y/N sat with Liz, not saying anything to her with her friends not speaking as well. Liz broke the silence, “I heard you and Peter broke up.“She said sympathetically. Y/N scoffed, “Let me guess, he told you? Did he tell you why?” Liz nodded her head, “He isn’t cheating on you Y/N.” She said looking at the girl honestly.

“Well obviously he isn’t cause we aren’t together, which means he can date anyone he wants. Including you.” Y/N said, grabbing her lunch and moving to sit somewhere away from Liz, and away from Peter. He saw Y/N stand up, angrily and move away from her best friend. This was all his fault.

Later that day, when Peter arrived at the Avengers tower, Tony was furious. Tony walked with Peter into his lab, grabbing the boy by the color of his shirt viciously. “I’ll give you ten seconds to explain why you cheated on my little girl.” He said with venom lacing his voice.

“That’s not what happened, Mr. Stark. I swear.” Peter expressed with a worried tone.. Tony let go of his collar glaring at him. “Then why has Y/N been crying her eyes out?”

Peter rubbed his face with his hands wanting all of this to just blow over. He hated the fact that it was HIS fault as to why the love of his life wasn’t smiling. “Liz was helping me with something…” Peter trailed off, making the genius confused. “Is that a euphemism for sex or something?” Tony grimaced.

“No! No, oh god no. Nothing like that.” Peter said in shock and slight disgust. “What was it then?” Tony crossed his arms, just like Y/N did last night.

Peter sighed, “Liz is Y/N’s best friend so I went to her for advice.”

“For what?” Tony asked, less agitated at the young superhero standing in front of him. Peter looked at his shoes while bouncing on his feet. “I needed help for asking your daughter to Homecoming, so I thought, who knows her better than she knows herself and I thought Liz. That’s all we were doing Mr. Stark.” He said sadly, realizing that all the help he was getting didn’t matter because he wasn’t with his girl anymore.

Tony was still confused, “Couldn’t you have Googled ideas?” He asked,knowing now that it was all a misunderstanding between the juvenile lovers. Peter shook his head.

“It’s not that easy Mr. Stark. I thought maybe Y/N wanted a subtle way to be asked to the dance. But what if she wanted something completely extraordinary. That’s why I went to Liz. But I wasn’t with her constantly. I was with her handful of lunch periods, and we went to Starbucks to talk about it once. Only once.” He explained. Dropping his backpack on the floor.

“How do you plan on asking her?” Tony questioned walking around his lab.

“We’re not together anymore…..” Peter said as if Tony wasn’t listening to the conversation, following the man around the lab. Tony turned around to face Peter. “I don’t care, You were good for her. And I don’t want her dating some idiot. Now, how are you going to ask her?” He questioned Peter yet again.Peter had a big smile on his face, ready to tell him.

That night, there was a knock on Y/N’s window. It wasn’t too late at night, but she knew exactly who it was. “Go away.” She said, loud enough for him to hear her through the window. He tapped on the glass again, “Go away!” She said slightly louder. The tapping continued much to her dismay. Y/N groaned and got up off of her bed to open the window.

She looked through the glass to see Peter Parker, or Spider-Man, hanging upside down on a web, holding a huge teddy bear and roses in one hand with a poster in the other that said, “It would be unBEARable to go to Homecoming without you” in red letters. Y/N froze, looking at him with wide eyes. He flipped over and let go of the webbing.

She opened the window, helping the boy through it and into her room. “Peter, what the hell? We aren’t a thing anymore, remember?” She said a bit agitated. Peter put the poster down, grabbing his mask off of his face, shaking his head to fix his hair. “I swear that I didn’t cheat on you with Liz, alright? She was just helping me with ideas to ask you to Homecoming.” Peter admitted, wanting her to know the truth. Y/N had a more understanding look in her eyes.

“Then why were you bailing on all of our dates?” She asked.

“Crime rates have gone up in New York, despite everyone’s effort to stop it. Trust me, I wanted to go on those dates with you, it’s just- someone needs to be there for the city after the whole hero versus hero thing.” He rushed. “Please, you have to believe me.” He said sadly.

Y/N ran to him, wrapping her arms around him. Peter let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’m such an asshole,” the girl in his arms mumbled against his shoulder, “I should’ve listened to you. I’m so sorry.” Peter rubbed one hand on her back reassuringly holding his gifts for her in the other. “There’s no need to apologize. I would’ve done the same thing though.” He stated honestly. The two pulled away from each other.

Peter moved to pick up the poster to show her again. He had a cheesy grin on his face as he held everything. “Will you go to homecoming with me?” He asked. Y/N nodded her head, “Of course I will.”

Peter went to hand her the teddy bear and the roses. “You know what you should name him?“ Peter asked rhetorically. “What?” She asked with a smile on her face, smelling the flowers.

“Spider-Man.” He said with a smirk on his face, “So that I’m always with you.” Y/N chuckled, examining the bear. “I think it suits him.” She mimicked his smirk, leaning in to kiss the real Spider-Man

Tips for learning a sign language
  • Sign languages aren’t a weird choice, regardless of what some people might tell you. Don’t feel bad for learning it.
  • Youtube has many videos that teach you a lot of stuff, use YT when you look for tutorials.
  • There are a handful of apps that can teach you basic stuff. Check them out.
  • Try to watch more videos when you learn a sign language since you can’t see clearly the movement in books.
  • Facial expressions determine the mood of the conversation. Pay attention to it.
  • Real life situations will help you learn faster, try to make a friend who knows or learns the same sign language.
  • If no one near you learns a sign language, find someone online and talk on skype.
  • Practice daily, remember that if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.
  • Try to find a dictionary online.
  • If you’re lucky, buy a book with stories from a bookstore.
  • When you practice fingerspelling, practice with sentences, not individual letters.
  • Learn how to pause properly. 
  • Practice in the mirror so you can analyze your movements.
  • When you walk around, fingerspell what you see. In this way your hand gets used to the spelling of the words.
  • Review what you have studied daily.
  • Decide what hand you should use, don’t switch them unless it’s necessary.
  • If you don’t know something, ask someone who knows.
  • Learn and use basic signs. If you learn the first 100-300 basic signs you will be able to communicate with others.
  • Master your hand position. You don’t want to swear at someone instead of saying “Hello”.
  • Take a class. Sign languages require more human interaction than when you try to learn French, Spanish etc. These languages can be taught online without a teacher but not sign languages. 
  • Don’t give up if you have a hard time. Give yourself time.
  • When you don’t know the sign for a word, fingerspell it.
  • If you just started learning, don’t rush. Take your time to sign/spell everything. Some people might be able to sign fast, but they have experience.
  • Challenge yourself. After you have mastered the basics, try some advanced vocab.
  • Pay attention to what videos you choose. Many beginners make videos so mistakes may appear in them. Choose a channel that’s recommended by many people.
  • Try to attend some events where you can talk to deaf people. The more you talk, the more things you’ll learn.
  • When you watch videos, try to copy-cat what those people say; practice in front of a mirror and correct your movements if necessary.
  • Don’t get lazy or you’ll forget everything.
  • Try to convince a friend to learn with you so you will have with who to practice if you don’t have around anyone who knows a sign language.
Owl post

So you know how owls don’t need an address to find the person the letter is addressed to? What if these owls were even cleverer than that?

Imagine Draco, sometime after the war, sitting alone in his flat and not knowing what to do with himself. He feels so empty, but on the other hand, there’s so much he wants to say. But who should he talk to? There’s nobody there. So he just begins writing his thoughts down. Sometimes it’s little poems. Sometimes it’s like he’s writing a journal. And sometimes he writes letters, addressed to no one. He keeps writing every day and whenever he’s finished, he puts the piece of parchment onto the little pile on his desk, where he keeps all his personal writing.

If Draco had been paying more attention, he would have noticed that this pile wasn’t getting any bigger. It stays exactly the same, because his sneaky little owl delivers one per day to the person she thought could help Draco the most.

When she lands on her usual windowsill on Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the window is already open and Harry is smiling at her with a treat in his hand.

“You’re very punctual,” he murmurs as he strokes her feathers. He carefully takes the piece of parchment out of her beak and smiles as she starts nibbling at her treat. Harry suspects Malfoy still doesn’t know that his owl is bringing him these letters.

Harry had been puzzled himself at first, but it hadn’t taken him long to figure out who had written these. After that, he had tried to talk to the owl, tried to explain to her that she must have gotten the wrong address, because surely this wasn’t meant for him.

But the owl had come back every day, bringing Harry another piece of parchment and Harry had found himself mesmerized by them. The poems were heart-wrenching, Malfoy talking about his day made Harry want to go over there and talk to him. But he doesn’t dare. He would have to admit, he read Malfoy’s most inner thoughts without his consent. And Harry doubts, the Malfoy he would be facing would be the same as the Malfoy in these letters.

Sighing, Harry settles down on the couch and begins to read today’s owl post.

I had a dream last night. It wasn’t one of my usual nightmares, but I guess you could still call it that, because this will very likely haunt me for the rest of my days. It was about him. We were younger, much younger. We were on the Quidditch pitch, but not as enemies. We were just flying together, laughing together. It was so strange to see him like this. His eyes didn’t hold the resentment I am used to. He was looking at me like I was his whole world. It still hurts to think about it now. The worst part, however, was the way he cupped my cheeks and smiled at me, right before he kissed me. I could still feel his lips on mine when I woke up. I wasn’t even sure if I had been dreaming or not for a second. Then, reality crashed down on me again. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if he knew. If he had known back then. I’m not sure if it would have made a difference. All he ever did was hate me, just as much as I pretended to hate him. I regret he never saw the truth. All I ever wanted was him. And for one night, my mind granted me that wish. However, I hope it doesn’t happen again. Only if my mind decides to let me dream forever.

Harry feels dizzy when he puts the letter down. It’s true, he never saw the truth, never even knew there was a truth to be seen. He had never thought to look beyond their fighting and mutual obsession. Never thought it could mean something else entirely.

But over the past few weeks, he discovered a whole different side of Malfoy and thereby discovered something about himself. He wants to take Malfoy’s pain away. Maybe he’s been wanting to do that for a while. And now, Harry knows he can.

He jumps up from the couch and locks eyes with the owl, still sitting on the windowsill.

“You clever little thing,” he whispers to her, as he strokes her feathers one more time. She hoots happily, as if encouraging Harry to hurry up. So he does. He hurries out the door, to apparate to Malfoy’s flat. He has no idea how he will do it and how long it will take Malfoy to believe Harry’s intentions are genuine, but it doesn’t matter.

He will do everything he can to make Draco Malfoy’s dreams come true.


Part 2

The First House - A.K.A Your Rising Sign/Ascendant

This is the first part of a twelve part series briefly explaining how the signs work in each house. Enjoy!

Aries Rising: A leader, you are very headstrong and bold. Because of this you come off as selfish and arrogant to those around you. You have a natural birth chart because it is said that you have earned it in your past life, meaning that you are quite lucky than most signs. Your best qualities are being courageous, having a need to succeed, and having lots of energy.  

Taurus Rising: You are very concerned with keeping everything together so stability is important to you. You aim for having a secure home so you will do what it takes in order to achieve it. By others, you are seen as a person who is patient, takes their time, and stubborn in their ways. 

Gemini Rising: Dual personalities partake in the Gemini ascendant as well. There are those Gemini risings who are either bubbly and talkative, or there are those that are witty and clever. You are very curious, and want to learn about everything and everyone. You thrive in chaos, and are able to focus on more than one thing at a time, even if it looks like you are not paying attention at all. Best quality? Social butterflies. 

Cancer Rising: This sign is a very thoughtful and caring one. People tend to pour their problems and feelings on you because you are able to understand their feelings more so than others. It is easy for them to take advantage of you so learn when to stop being everyone’s therapist. Like a crab, you only come out of your shell when you see fit, but when you do you can become pretty social. 

Leo Rising: Off the bat you attract attention whether it be from your charisma or looks. You would make a great spokesperson since you are very grand in your gestures and are demonstrative. You have a sunny vibe to yourself and are courageous and full of pride. Usually creative, you may be talented in the arts. You guys are natural romantics and love to dream, so much so, that you ensure in achieving those dreams. 

Virgo Rising: Like Cancer risings, you are reserved and take your time opening up to new people and places. Because of this, people believe you to be critical and detached. You are very intelligent. You care about your body, so you can be picky in what you eat, and you enjoy exercise. You stress out a lot because you aim for perfection, but remember, nothing and no one is perfect, so it’s okay to be easy on yourself.

Libra Rising: This is the Ascendant of beauty since it is ruled by Venus itself. You have a natural soothing charm that easily attracts people to you. You enjoy being in a relationship for the sake of not being alone, learn to be independent so you are not taken advantage of, conflict can be good. Looking presentable and fashionable is important to you. 

Scorpio Rising: The aura of the Scorpio Ascendant is strong and let’s others know that you are there. You are either loved or hated. Your privacy is important to you. You are very strong and can overcome mental/physical problems more than others. An ambitious sign, you can be competitive and want to be very successful in what you are trying to achieve. 

Sagittarius Rising: You are very enthusiastic, adventurous, and have a strong desire to explore. You have a need for freedom and independence when it comes to your overall aspect in life. You do not like routine. Spiritualistic and philosophic ways of life are more interesting to you. You have a natural charisma that makes you appear larger than life. 

Capricorn Rising: You take everything seriously, and very competent. The way you are and appear to be is important to you because you believe you look successful, you will be successful. However, you have strong feelings of doubt and are good at hiding them. Very mature for your age, you are smart in your decisions whether it be in wealth or your career. 

Aquarius Rising: Off the bat you are a unique individual and everyone seems to know it. Since you are a very idealistic and humanitarian, you have a keen for being educated in many subjects, so people may come to you for advice. You get a kick out of shocking people because it’s simply just entertaining for you, for example, being the devil’s advocate. You can be stuck in the past or future, so don’t forget to pay attention to the present. 

Pisces Rising: Very “go with the flow” type people you move through life like a fish swimming through a gentle wave. You are irresistibly charming because you are dreamy and soft-hearted. Making decisions is hard for you. One day you can be shy and the next day you can be an outgoing person. You are sensitive, compassionate, and vulnerable. 

• • • • •

I am curious as to what your guys’ rising signs are so please, if you reblog this, add your ascendant to the tags or comments!

- Astrologia xo

Ok but Modern AU Sasuke…

-so tired what is sleep

-seriously the bags under his eyes are gucci

-straight A n e r d

-hates finals and tests with a passion

-anxiety anxiety anxiety

-everything must be neat or he can’t function

-let’s his hair grow out and only cares how long it gets if Ino points it out or the bangs get into the way

-but one day Naruto mentions he looks good with long hair and he lets it grow out for a w h i l e

-finds gender norms annoying and stupid so fuck it wear a skirt to school three times a week

-loves naps more than homework and living

-loves his brother but would also sell him to Satan for a corn chip if he finishes the coffee and didn’t buy more

-it’s sacred ok

-“what’s up you depressed bastard”

-“Shut up Suigetsu”

-totally not a gamer of course not

-proceeds to beat all of Karin’s and Suigetsu’s high scores out of spite

-has almost ended a 11 year long friendship because sOMEONE USED THE FUCKING BLUE SHELL

-hint hint that person is Naruto

-a big gay and has a running crush on a cute blonde boy

-who is also Naruto

-“just talk to him”

-“no emotions are hard can’t I kill him instead and blame Sakura on the murder”

-loves writing and poems but it’s a secret

-it’s not a secret

-almost everyone has read one of his poems or short stories at least once

-usually by accident

-but they’re really good why hasn’t he published yet

-oh right cause he’s super shy about it actually

-writes love poems to Naruto when he’s supposed to be paying attention in class

-that goes into a special notebook no one can ever read

-fantasies about kissing him then gets too flustered to speak for three hours

-ends up kissing the blonde boy he’s been pining for YEARS after accidentally punching him

-it’s a long story

-but he’s happy and gay and nothing can change that

Space Between Us | JAEHYUN

summary: being just classmates is not enough for him, but you only get to understand that after his lips had reached yours. 

Genre: frat boy!au | smut  | a wave of fluffiness at the end

⨯ Pairing: Jaehyun / Reader

Word count: 9 575

a/n: lowkey inspired—and enlightened—by study sessions from @honeytaeyong though mine is not as good as hers (god bless you and your writing). Special thanks to my pumpkin @suhsexual for  endure endless requests for help. There may be some grammatical mistakes left so I apologise in advance. Oh, yes, there may be a part 2 ;)

warnings: mature content, language (not actually dirty talking)


You’d been first, it was a relief. The number one exposed in that piece of sheet made your heart flutter little by little, and then you smiled. How sincere and truthful was it, the small grin drawn on your face, transforming your previous anxious expression in something completely lighted and amused. After broken hearts and desperate tears, being ranked as first place was one of the few things that could possibly turn out to be great in your eyes. You blinked. It was there, the one.

The elder woman in front of you—an old professor in the university; someone with an enviable knowledge—rested her hand on your shoulder. She had an odd aura around her; something completely comforting, which was not expectable from someone extremely rigorous. The professor took a deep breath and twinkled.

“You did great, again.” She said. Her voice tone was apathetic, but she managed to show some kind of happiness after a smirk. “If you keep doing like this, you may get in the rank of all courses.” Then she clapped her hands. “It’s something to think about.” And touched her own head with an index finger.

That hadn’t been your main focus, however. The ranks were just something to fulfil the emptiness you felt inside your being, as something really important was missing. At first you concluded it could be all about the end of you three-year relationship; you really had loved him, and that was something you didn’t doubt about. It was crystal clear you’d felt the most intense of all feelings, because you’d wished him well, you’d wished him to be close to you, and you’d wished—and deeply wished—for him to like you back in the same level. Although in the end of all, he didn’t. And that’s when you’d felt on the surface of a limitless ocean, slowly drifting away from the only land that held you—and your emotions—still. He had left you in the farthest blind spot possible, without a plausible reason. Were you supposed to be fine? In the very beginning you had even thought it could work out: you could deal with the situation. Oh, but you had been wrong.

And then you had cried for hours. An intense pain burning inside you for days—afterward days became weeks, and weeks became months. In the end of the third month, after the breakup, you’d realised he wasn’t what filled your soul. The guy whom you dated, and eventually developed feelings for, was just a part of a puzzle you hadn’t had the chance to complete yet. Something bigger was missing; finally you’d gotten to the point when your vision had become clear again and the monochromatic colours of life had turned out to be, actually, the colours of the rainbow. You were free of angst. You were mature enough to understand that the only person you needed was you—but you also knew that it did not mean you forgot your past experiences, it meant you could love yourself entirely. From that moment, what could possibly make you feel satisfied was your own success, so you’d looked for it. And you’d achieved your goals.

You looked down to the paper again. The #1 on the top made you feel ease. You folded the note and gathered the rest of your things, packed them up inside you backpack and calmly walked out of the enormous auditorium. The semester ended in the best way possible, and you were happy with what you obtained. The professor politely asked you to close the door behind you, but before you could do so, someone held it. The blond haired boy gave you a small smile and waited for you to exit the ambient so he could shut the entryway. You nodded, as an acknowledgement, and turned on your heels so you could finally go home, yet a hand touched your free shoulder obligating you to shift back and face the person.

“Congratulations.” The boy said. “You got first place again.”

“Thank you,” you’d begun, searching in your memory for the name of the guy in front of you. The information you had was his physical appearance and his voice, which didn’t sound so familiar. So it took you more effort, causing you to look deep inside his eyes and drive you gaze to his smile. You suddenly knew who he was and the sort of fame he had. You smirked at the thought that he was talking to you. “Hum, Jaehyun.”

Keep reading

Rumor
  • Minho: There's a rumor going around, you know.
  • You: What rumor?
  • Minho: Apparently there's this guy who really likes you but doesnt have the guts to tell you.
  • You: Who is it?
  • Minho: He'd kill me if I told you.
  • You: I thought we were best friends.
  • Minho: He's also one of my best friends.
  • You: Minho, you're only other best friends are Thomas, and Newt and it's definitely not one of them.
  • -
  • Thomas: Hey (Y/N), I heard about the guy who's in love with you.
  • You: Oh, so he's in love with me?
  • Newt: No he isnt.
  • You: Can't you shanks just admit that there is no guy. If there were, you'd at the least give me a name.
  • Thomas: Mm, no names. But you know him. *winks*
  • (walk away)
  • You: I know everyone in the bloody glade.
  • -
  • Minho: Do you want to know more about your secret admirer?
  • You: Not really.
  • Minho: And why not?
  • You: Because you shanks are playing with me.
  • -
  • Newt: You alright?
  • You: *laughs* Just doing my best to stay away from the boys and their secret admirer crap.
  • Newt: Don't think you have one?
  • You: Have you met the boys? Of course not. Besides if there were, I dont understand why he wouldn't talk to me.
  • Newt: Maybe he's afraid you won't like him back.
  • You: How will he ever know if he wont talk to me?
  • Newt: Give the shank a break, he's a shy one.
  • You: So you know him?
  • Newt: *under his breath* Better than you'd think.
  • -
  • You: The hints you gave me about the guy.. Are they true?
  • Minho: Yeah he's a shy dude, one of my best friends and won't shut up about you when you're not around.
  • You: I think I have a clue about who it is.
  • Minho: It's not all that hard to tell if your pay attention to the way he looks at you.
  • You: What if it's the guy I'm thinking of?
  • Minho: I think you know exactly who he is, (Y/N).
  • -
  • You: Guess what? I found out who the secret admirer is.
  • Newt: Oh..how?
  • You: Doesn't matter. Do you think now I know he'll grow a pair and ask me out?
  • Newt: If he does, will you say yes?
  • You: Only if he stops referring to himself in the third person.
  • Newt: Okay (Y/N), would you like to go out with me?
  • You: Y'know I always had a thing for boys with accents.

au prompt, keith and lance are in the same class (maybe at the garrison, or maybe another college) and maybe keith is kind of this quiet guy never really talks in class and lance kind of gives him a glance but the class is boring and it’s more fun talking shit with pidge and hunk, the teacher has given up on getting the class to focus so he just gives the assignments and is like fuck if i care

anyway one of the final projects is giving a presentation in front of the class and when it’s keiths turn no one is paying attention not even the teacher is giving a fuck but this stupid presentation is fucking timed so keith just starts talking stupid shit that has nothing to do with the assignment like “the moon landing was faked” or “professor iverson is secretly a lizard man and will kill us as a final exam” and other nonsense cuz why the hell not? no ones listening

except for lance who got stuck at a table at the front and he was really dreading having to sit through these boring presentations but now he’s trying not to laugh cuz holy shit this guy is hilarious

and lance comes up to keith to tell him he liked it but keith is just embarrassed cuz fuck fuck fucking fuck this cute boy listenex to his crap and he books it to lance’s confusion

Close as Strangers

Close as Strangers: Chapter One

You were happy it was your last year of school. That was until you had to start tutoring your old best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Otherwise known as “Mr. Popular.” 

Word count: 5.6k

Genre: High School au, angst

This was my 5sos story I started on Wattpad but I wanted to do a BTS version.

{Playlist} Parts: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven |eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve


It was August 20th, the first day of senior year. You were pretty excited, you honestly felt this was going to be a great year. You guess you were also happy this was the last year of high school. You got up and turned off your alarm. Your phone read, 7:15. You’d only lived a couple of  minutes away from school, so you could afford to sleep in a little more.

You got up and grabbed your uniform out of your closet. Yet another reason to be excited about this school year, you only had to wear this god awful thing one more year. You got dressed and went to the bathroom, going through your morning routine. Once you were done and ready you grabbed your backpack and headed downstairs. You went into the kitchen and saw your mom and dad eating breakfast.

Your dad looked up from the paper, “Y/N, look at you. You’re up before noon, how does that feel,” his smile was contagious.

“Forced,” You smiled.  

He laughed and went back to his paper. “Y/N,” your mom spoke.

“Yes ma'am?”

She walked over to the table handing you two paper sacks. “Your and Yoongi’s lunch for today.”

You smiled and looked up at her, “Thanks Mom.”

“Sure,” she spoke as she sat down at the table. You’d started to eat some toast that was on the table when Yoogi rushed in.

“Sorry I’m late,” Yoongi shouted from the hallway as he came into the kitchen.

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