The signs as ways to leave your lover, according to Paul Simon

Slip out the back, Jack: Sagittarius, Aquarius

Make a new plan, Stan: Virgo, Capricorn

Don’t need to be coy, Roy: Aries, Gemini, Scorpio

Hop on the bus, Gus: Cancer, Libra, Pisces

Just drop off the key, Lee: Taurus, Leo

Hello human my old friend, I’ve come to stalk you once again. My gentle paws softly creeping. About to pounce while you lay sleeping. When my throat contracted filled with a ticklish ungodly mess, you know the rest. And so you awoke to the sound of hairballs.