What she means: I feel like SC5’s amazing character creation was just designed to take attention away from the crappy storytelling. Patrokolas was extremely annoying and unlikable. Where was Viola in the whole war scene? And my least favorite thing about the story mode was how everyone called Patrokolas a pale imitation of his mother and then they make him SETSUKA???:):)??? At least before he had his OWN ORIGINAL FIGHTING STYLE!!!!!!:):):):):)!!!!! And DON’T get me started on the lack of Talim! Why? Did? Project Soul? Screw up so bad??:)???
It seems to me that while you are young you can ask to be judged on your potential instead of on your works. You can say: “While it is true I haven’t done anything yet, something is coming.” And then at some point you can’t say that anymore. You have to be judged by what you have done or are doing.
Looking over my projects I have decided that I have done very little and none of it noteworthy. I have wasted time.
There will be no new zine, nor will there be a new poster. Those things are not satisfying to me and making a new one would be only for quick external recognition. I would make it to hear someone tell me that they liked it or that I did a good job. This kind of validation is important but it shouldn’t be the only reason to make something. To make something just for the short-term praise of others would be to abandon my actual task, the actual challenge I have set before myself. I want to write a novel.
Diverting attention and effort to zines and posters is a way of distracting myself. A way of saying “Not yet, not yet. Just let me finish this first.” Or, “It is too hard to work without recognition.” Or even, “I know I am going to fail so I will stay with these things I know I can do.” I do not want to say any of those things.
You can still order all three of my earlier zines at Sweet Candy Distro and print copies of them, and the three posters, by following the links posted below.
Two years ago I sat alone on the hardwood floor of an empty house in Salt Lake City folding and stapling copies of six letters addressed to you.
A year ago I left Utah and moved to Philadelphia, a city where I knew no one, to try and begin again.
Today I met three old friends at an art museum. We spent a few hours talking quietly and looking at paintings. Among other works, we stood before this painting by Vincent van Gogh. It portrays a view of wheat fields in rain, a view van Gogh could see out the window of Saint-Paul-de-Mausolée where he went to try and save his life.
The second patrokolos project, (two love fragments), was reviewed for the first time a few days ago.
(two love fragments) was a split published in the summer of 2011 and only about forty copies were made and sent out. Partly this was because I was moving across the world and back and then back to the east coast, and partly this was because I don’t know if I like this zine. One half is about growing old with someone I love and the other is about growing old alone. I am afraid it sounds desperate or could be read as putting too much emphasis on the couple as some sort of shelter or relief from the antagonism of the world. I don’t believe this. I think Raoul Vaneigem was right when he wrote: Isolation à deux cannot confront the effect of general isolation.
Further, whenever I think about this zine I remember what it felt like and what I hoped for when I made it and now I feel embarrassed and foolish. Which is not to say that the content was not, and does not continue to be, true. My desires for the future haven’t changed. But that doesn’t mean I have to read about them or dwell on them or tell anyone about them.
All this is just to say: I don’t have any copies and I won’t make any new ones. If you want one you can order it from Sweet Candy Distro.
(two love fragments) was reviewed by Clara in the sixth issue of her zine Paper Doll.
Clara is the only person to write me and ask for a copy of something I had written and then to write me again with her thoughts after reading what I sent. I can’t promise anything but if you write her she might send you a copy of her zine. I would say the same for me but I don’t have copies of (two love fragments) left, though I can direct you to where one might be found if you’d like to have one.