my fave nhl duos as house hunters couples
sidney crosby and evgeni malkin: sidney has a list of exactly 87 Must Haves and is not willing to compromise. he tears house number 1 apart, the real estate agent is genuinely scared. geno just likes house number 2 because it’s walking distance from an ice cream shop. they end up picking house number 3, even though it’s out of their budget.
sean monahan and johnny gaudreau: sean keeps repeating that he wants “good water pressure and not a long commute.” the real estate agent keeps trying to get something else out of him, but apparently that’s all he’s concerned with. johnny wants a big kitchen and fridge “for my protein shakes… trying to bulk up, you know.”
morgan rielly and jake gardiner: are actually sickeningly in love. mo keeps saying things like “oh jake would really like that,” and gards keeps saying, “mo that would be really great for you.” they end up getting a place with a pool and like 4 extra rooms “for the kids.” the real estate agent was not aware they had kids. (they don’t have kids. they have rookies.)
patrice bergeron and brad marchand: marchy has a ton of very random demands. bergy just shrugs and says, “we’re just moving so he’ll stop bitching at me about our current house.” marchy wants house number 2 even though it’s way out of their budget. bergy just rolls his eyes and says, “zdeno owes me forty bucks, i knew you’d go over budget.”
dylan larkin and zach werenski: have literally no idea what they’re looking for, so they keep using buzzwords like “open concept” and “granite countertops” and “master bath.” the real estate agent has no fucking clue what they want, so they show them three apartments, because there’s no way these guys are ready for a house, right??? they end up choosing the first place, because when they walked in one wall was painted like an american flag.
nicklas backstrom and alex ovechkin: ovi is adamant about having a walk-in closet and a jacuzzi tub. nicky wants a space for a workout room and a big master bedroom. they both want a large kitchen, despite the fact that neither of them can cook. they end up in a place that has tacky wallpaper all over the walls because ovi is in love.
nate mackinnon and jonathan drouin: everytime nate says something, jo says, “nathan, that’s ridiculous, you’re ridiculous.” the real estate agent doesn’t know whether to listen to nate’s “gotta have a game room,” or jo’s “adults without children don’t have game rooms, nathan,” so she shows them a place with a “multi-purpose room” as a compromise.
tyler seguin and jamie benn: the amount of times they use the phrase “dog-friendly” is frankly absurd. the real estate agent shows them a place with a hot tub and they both say “duuuuuuude,” for a solid minute. they don’t end up picking that one, though, because house number 3 is right by a golf course and they go nuts over it. they buy a hot tub for the house.
sebastian aho and teuvo teravainen: sebastian only says nice things about the house and shrugs whenever the real estate agent asks him direct questions. teuvo just keeps saying they want a nice bath tub and to be close to the hockey rink. the real estate agent shows them a nice house with a big living room and a pool and neither of them really say anything but they keep poking each other and nodding at the pool or the fireplace and smiling.