pasta jokes

When everyone went to a sushi train/japanese restaurant...

Shiro: *loving it*
Pidge: whAT IS THIS CHEAP RIPOFF OF PASTA?!??!
Hunk: *heart eyes*

and meanwhile…
Lance: You’re a wuss if you can’t eat a whole spoon of wasabi!
Keith: Oh you’re on!!

***

Lance: *scrEAMING*
Keith: *crying*

Pidge: -_-

Shiro and Hunk: *laughing their asses off*

Just because I’m aromantic doesn’t mean I don’t love anything at all. I have a lot of love in my heart. Like, I really, really love pasta. I feel it would be a waste to love someone romantically when I could orient all of my love towards pasta

the paladins: Who the hell are you?

prince lotor: It is me. Who is me? I am me. And me is the physical embodiment of the galra. We’ve come to claim dominion over you puny anti-galra folk. You and your symbols of hatred, such as the blade of marmora, we have killed them swiftly. There is only you left, and it’s time to end you. It’s time to stomp on the galra resistance. It gets stronger every day, but we only grow off your hatred. We absorb and gain power to become the ultimate galra life form to crush the galra antis. It’s true, and it’s coming

10

Most of my friends do not seem to find my jokes as swaghetti as I think they are

Plus bonus quotes from my dad:

“What have I done.”
“My god you need help.”
“What is wrong with you.”
“Good Lord it’s like I sent a pod off into the world.”

And my all time favorite:

“Why did I reproduce?”

[CHANNEL]

5

Asleep at night you’re awoken by a feeling of unease. You’re not sure why but you’re terrified of the darkness around you. Your reflexes kick in and your hand jets for the switch underneath the lamp shade. A glow illuminates the room, and you’re alone in the silence of the night.

The blankets are heavy, you can’t decide if they’re a safety or if they’re holding you back from escaping. You know at a moments notice you may need to heave them off and bolt for the door. Examining the room, everything is still. The pictures and posters on the wall smile and watch as your eyes dart from corner to corner.

Occasional thuds and bumps and creaks can be heard bursting through the silence. These are common. The neighboring apartments are filled with the rambunctious, inconsiderate type.

Sitting up for this long is becoming uncomfortable. Leaning back on your arms causes them to go numb so you move them. Stretching forward to more evenly spread out the covers around your feet.

-BAM-
The sound pierces through the silent room and you stare in pure agonizing fear across the room at the door. It appears the door was the only thing between you and what must’ve been a professional lineman attempting to break through into your space. This sound was not of the neighbors. This was much closer. This was just in the other side. Whatever it was is now less than 15 feet from you.

Your fists grip the sheets around your feet, eyes aware of nothing other than this door to hell that now exists at the other end of the room. What seems to be an hour passes. No other sounds come from the hallway, and it appears even the neighbors have tired of their usual night time parties. Surrounded in silence you debate waiting for the sun before thinking of moving a muscle.

Before you can make a decision another noise comes from the hall. The sounds of steps, running, away from your door. About 5 quick steps and they stop, and a light creak closes the most horrific orchestra of sounds that have ever hit your ears. Whatever it was couldn’t have left with just 5 or so steps. It wasn’t gone. It just moved.

When you feel you have just about given up on any will to live, it seems your fight and flight senses have both kicked in at once. You quickly and quietly move, smooth and almost graceful, with intent to prepare, towards the closet. Opening it up you reach inside and grab your old baseball bat from the top shelf. You grip it tight and sneak towards the door.

The frame might as well read “Abandon All Hope” above it. You move your head near the wooden plane of the door, afraid to actually touch it. You wait a few moments and listen for anything. Silence again.

With one large sweep you reach for the knob, turn, and with all of your mental, physical and spiritual strength you swing the door open and stare down the hall.

Your body can’t decide wether to force you to faint, scream, run, or vomit. Your eyes tunnel vision at what sits patiently at the end of the hallway. An intruder, sitting quaintly under a hood, faces you from afar.

The door is only open for a few seconds before you slam it back closed again and put your back up against it. Sliding down the door you grip the bat and hold it to your chest like it’s the last hug you’re giving to your loved one before the world ends. As you hit the ground you feel a shove from behind.

-BAM- -BAM -BAM-

Whatever it is saw you, you answered and now it wants in. Your mind can’t take whatever this nightmare is and you shut down. Your eyes go black.

You wake up on the floor, bat beside you and sunshine peeking through the blinds. It’s 3 hours before you build the bravery to open the door, and head to work.

anonymous asked:

May I please have a few headcanons for LJ x reader where the reader loves to... read? (I could’ve worded that better lmao) Thank you!

LJ x Reader Who Likes Books Head cannons

  • LJ Isn’t much of a reader himself, but he will listen to them read if they want to
  • Has a library at his circus for the reader, they visited him so much and left so many books there he had to find a way to organize them
  • Secretly has a book he stole from the reader because it was his favorite
  • Notices little things, like how he will pick up a newspaper to read it even if it doesn’t interested them, or how they re-read a page of a book they find funny, or how they have to stop themselves about talking about their favorite book because they love the characters so much
  • Sometimes he finds them boring (He isn’t a book person remember?) so of course he drags them away to have fun
  • Has a book mark they made just for him (he think the art is terrible but the gesture was nice)
  • Catches them saying some weird things like, “Do you ever wonder why there are so many people like us?” or “wow almost 100 subs, never thought she was make it that far” what does that even mean? Guess it’s just a secret joke
  • (The reader breaks the fourth wall for my own amusement)