past losses

She won’t break you like those other girls will. That’s exactly why you’re terrified of her. She could make you happy. And you know being happy is the most terrifying thing in the universe. Once you’re happy it can be taken from you.
—  The girl who terrifies you

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter - tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther….And one fine morning — So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (published: 10 April 1925)


It’s big girl appreciation day! 2016 has been a year full of stress and revelations. Stress regarding my last year in school, life, jobs, and relationships. I’ve learned that I am not defined by the fact that I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never needed one. I’m yoruba, female, and the eldest of three. I’ve grown up with the fact that I have to focus on my future. And I have. I’m proud that I’m finishing my last year in university. I’ve learned to love my curves because I am not my body. There is more to me than my boobs, ass, or stomach. I am smart, funny, a whole lot of sass, and caring. And if people can’t see past my body their loss 😊
Happy big girl appreciation day to those who struggle to see past their flaws, and who rely on others for validation. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT. YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHANGE YOURSELF FOR ANYONE. @karayray1

“There are a lot of things I wish I could’ve seen before.” Dean’s voice gets a little rough, a little too strained for the quaint atmosphere of the bustling coffee shop. “A lot more things I did see but I didn’t appreciate.”

He didn’t get a response, but he could sense the deeper breaths from his coffee companion. Being immersed in darkness for so long made him sensitive to other facts of life. Like how he knew his friend had ordered a hot chocolate, could smell the marshmallows melting. Like how he knew there was a cute girl, with a giggly personality and a love for lavender bath bombs, who stopped by their table frequently as if she couldn’t stay away from them.

What he didn’t know was how they got to this point. They’ve been friends for years and Castiel never brought up Dean’s past, Dean’s loss of sight. It was one of the reasons Dean treasured their friendship. But now… now Dean couldn’t help the disappoint as he continued to talk into the dark abyss that smelled of coffee.

“I wish I would’ve paid more attention to my mom’s smile and my dad’s grin. I wish I could’ve known to memorize Sam’s boyish features. But I don’t. I have nothing to remember my parents except the ghost of their words.” Taking a deep breath, Dean readjusted the cane by his side. The cold metallic feel underneath his fingertips brought him some sense of safety. “I wish I could see a lot of things, Cas.”

Still sitting in silence, Cas shifted in his seat. Taking a soft breath, he finally parted his lips. “I’m sorry that I asked that question. I know that… I want you to know that I really don’t see you as a blind man. It only recently started to bother me.”

And there it was. The statement that made Dean’s face harden into a grimace. That one sentence crushed everything he had built with this other man. “I’m sorry it bothers you.” He couldn’t help the venom dripping from his words. He was halfway on his feet when he heard a hiccup.

Turning his head just the slightest, Dean heard it. Crying. Quiet enough as if Cas was using all of his energy to hold it in. That was not what Dean expected. He found himself sitting back down and trying his hardest to look in his best friend’s direction.


“I-I just…” Cas’ words were breaking, his breathing choppy and violent. “I didn’t care before because… because you were my friend. But now… now I f-fucking fell in love you and you’ll never see me… you’ll never see the smile I get when you walk into a room or know just how much I stare and it’ll never be okay because I want more than anything to have you see the way I love you.”

A single cool tear slipped past Dean’s cheekbone. Without a word, he maneuvered himself from his chair to kneeling beside Cas. With a heavy heart, Dean reached up and took his hand in his own. “Castiel, I don’t need to see.”

Cas sniffled, calming himself. “What do you-“

“I hear every smile you have. I hear every sigh and little gasp from your lips. I don’t need to see you to know that you love me. Just as you don’t need to hear me say it to know that I love you. Jesus Christ, Cas, I…” Without hesitating Dean reached his hand toward the breathing he was so tuned into. His fingers cautiously brush Cas’ stubble. “I love you.”

Dean didn’t need to see to know his friend was smiling. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know that Cas was staring right at him, right into him. And he sure as hell didn’t need his sight to lean forward and press their lips together.

“Let’s get out of here.” Dean whispered against tear-soaked cheeks.

Cas nodded, clinging to Dean’s shirt. “Is it true that sex with a blind person is quite mind-blowing?”

That, that was why Dean loved Cas so much. “You can tell me that answer tomorrow morning, sweetheart.”

Inktober #9: Cornered

Connie’s log

Garnet was the first to fall. That really shook us all to the core… then amethyst… then Stev– Steven went missing. Then it was just me and pearl for a long while… until… until they took her too. But they will NOT take me. Not without a fight…

Luna Lovegood’s past is full of losses, full of the death of her mother and the friends who used her for a novelty and the way she viewed her possessions as fluid and temporary. Still, though, she’s different after her time in the basement at Malfoy Manor. 

She’s more withdrawn, prone to longer and longer afternoons walking by herself, thinking, absorbed in the forest or the seashore or her own thoughts. Sometimes she can only bring herself to talk to her father or to Ginny - the rest of the world sounds snarl-y and cold like Greyback and that Bellatrix woman. Dean and Griphook seemed to have gotten over it quickly, but this girl of sunshine and softness, of trees and wonder, can’t seem to shake the damp from her skin. 

She takes a long time to respond when spoken to, can’t hold down a job because she can’t be relied upon to show up multiple days in a row. (George Weasley finally hires her at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes because he feels the same way some days, and she’s good with the customers.)

Her trauma makes her different, but it doesn’t make her less. 

Saturn ♄

Associations: Safety, protection, intellect, life lessons, loss, past lives, law, justice, sincerity, restraint, discipline, responsibility, caution, time, chaos

Botanicals: Black poppy seeds, bluebell, comfrey, cypress, daffodil, datura, elm, foxglove, garlic, hemlock, hemp, holly, mandrake, mullein, myrrh, nightshade, patchouli, rosemary, skullcap, snowdrop, thyme, tobacco, valerian, vetiver, wolfsbane (aconite, monkshood), wintergreen, witch hazel

Crystals: Hematite, jet, onyx, obsidian, blue sapphire, halite, black tourmaline, black diamond, garnet

Metals: Lead

Colors: Black, maroon, purple, yellow

Numbers: 8

Elements: Earth

Zodiac Signs: Capricorn

Day of the Week: Saturday

compiled from my personal grimoire

I finally made it!!! I finally finally made it to onderland!! I’m so happy, I cried on my way home from the gym. I can’t remember the last time I was under 200 pounds. I remember weighing 170 in 8th grade and being too mortified to step on a scale again until I weighed 220 halfway through my freshman year of high school. But here I am now, I’ve reached my first mental goal, and now it’s on to the next one.

This is a big fuck you to anyone who doubted that I couldn’t, especially my past self. My emotionally abusive ex boyfriend, who called me a deterrent to his own weight loss goals. Past friends who looked down on me because of my weight. I’m stronger than them. I’m really freaking proud of myself.

anonymous asked:

I'm in need of some prayers. My dad got laid off after working for the same company for 25 years, and while he still has two months to look, he doesn't have a job yet. He just now told me and two of my siblings, and my little sister took it hard. My older brother started crying, and I can't remember the last time he did that. My dad thinks that it'll be fine because he has some promising leads, but there's the possibility that we'll have to move away after living here for almost all our (1/2)

lives or cut off luxuries that my family has grown accustomed to. Me and my older brother go to a wonderful private Christian school, and we would have to leave the school. Please send us your prayers, but above all, pray that God’s will be done and that he’ll protect and care for my family. (2/2)

I’ll be praying for you and your family, anon. In times of fear and worry, prayer and community see us through. 

~ O Spirit of New Beginnings, fill this person’s father with the energy he needs in his search for work, and open doors before him. No matter what happens, we trust that you will not abandon this family. Be their courage and their hope, their comfort and their strength. Send helpers their way. Amen. ~

  • Leo in the beginning of The Lost Hero: I dislike my powers due to past trauma and loss directly related to them, so I have decided I will only use them under dire circumstances.
  • Leo for the rest of the series: lol fire i sure do love fire hey check out my fire powers aren't they cool that was a pun get it because fire is hot flames cinder heart combustion other fire-related words wow i sure do love using these fire powers for literally everything whenever i feel like it
Pull down your walls. Tear them down strip by strip. Let the ghosts out. They’re running rampant in your head. Your old ways are holding you back just as much as your walls. Free yourself. You deserve to ignite a fire inside yourself, but your flame needs oxygen to thrive. Open the treasure chest, climb down the tower, open the gates. You don’t have to be scared anymore. Hurt is inevitable, even behind your titanium walls. This way you can grow. Spread your wings and leave this joke of a town behind. Fall in love, with yourself or that boy who can’t help but smile when he sees you. Find yourself in the world you’ve never allowed yourself to see. Look around, you are finally free.
—  It’s Okay To Love, It’s Okay To Live; Reminders For 2016

Sarah Barthel & Josh Carter here…we play in a band called Phantogram.

Our new album “Three” just came out. If some of the songs seem very dark…it’s because they are. They’re highly-personal portraits from our past; snapshots of tragedy, loss, and all the emotions that follow. For those of you who don’t know, we did actually suffer a great loss this past year, when we lost our sister Becky (Sarah’s sister) to suicide.

It crushed us.

We went through a wide range of emotions…loneliness, depression, desperation. And it was hard to find focus. The biggest support we had was each other, and of course, our close friends and family. We talked, we hurt, and we’re still talking. Still keeping on. But it wasn’t easy getting to this point.

We thought about how tragic life can be at times, how the world can bring you down…and we ended up learning that you have to try to find the beauty in it. It’s okay to not feel okay, and it’s okay to ask for help. We even thought about you guys (our fans & friends), and what you’d think about when listening to this album. And if you or someone you know is experiencing any issues with mental health - please don’t be afraid to get help.

Communication was our way of dealing with it…and we think it can help you too. Find love & support in each other, and don’t stop talking. Don’t stop sharing your stories or your advice.


Check out Tumblr’s @postitforward campaign to help continue to counter the stigmas around mental and emotional health.