Before you went off to
college, you’d heard horror stories about awful, inconsiderate, sometimes even
psychotic, roommates. You’d heard stories about people that left dishes piled
in the sink until mold grew, you’d heard stories about people throwing raging
parties every night of the week, you’d heard stories about people having flat
out passive aggressive wars with their roommates, you’d seen movies like
Roommate; and, if you were being honest with yourself, you were terrified.
Your freshman year wasn’t
terrible. You lived with a girl who was messy, had a habit of keeping the room
as stifling hot as possible whenever she was home, and could talk to a brick
wall if she was so inclined. But she was nice. She accommodated your wishes to
be left alone, in silence, during exams. She always made her boyfriend leave by
six so that you could have a little downtime before you went to bed. And she
truly tried to befriend you, even if you were two opposite sides of two
Sophomore year was a bit of a
step up. Your roommate was clean, she rarely (if ever) had friends over, and
she kept your shared room freezing. She was, however, more of a talker than
your first roommate and had a taste for midnight adventures (one of your best
memories would always be of the night that finals ended and the two of you took
a dip in your school fountain).
here are some tips for being a bad roommate in case you’re slacking
come home drunk, throw up all over the bathroom floor, don’t clean it up, and then don’t tell your roommate about it before going off to your room to pass out
make a point of never taking the trash out even when it smells bad or it’s overflowing and you’re pretty much throwing crap on the floor
leave dishes in the sink for literally weeks at a time until your roommate either gets tired of looking at them and does them for you or you’re specifically asked to wash them, and then doing such a shit job of washing that you leave dried food and caked on grease on them and passive aggressively force your roommate to wash them again unless they want to eat off of dirty plates. as a side note, in my current situation, there has been a small pan filled with water in our sink for going on 2 months because he has neglected to wash it and i have refused to do it for him
buy a lot of fresh food in bulk and then let it expire and leave it in the fridge for so fucking long that every time you open the fridge door a gust of the most fetid air you’ve ever breathed hits you square in the jaw and spreads maliciously throughout your apartment and you just refuse to acknowledge it in the hopes that your roommate will sort through all your shit for you in order to find the culprit
fail to buy necessities for the apartment when it’s your turn unless you’re specifically asked to. out of toilet paper? wash your ass in the shower. out of paper towel? use an old shirt. garbage bags? you don’t take the trash out anyway so who cares
never clean. don’t even wipe down a surface
refuse to clean up after you cook, ESPECIALLY after using the oven! let the oils from everything you cook in there just accumulate at the bottom until the rare occasion your roommate goes to use it and smoke suddenly starts billowing out all over the fucking place and fills the whole fucking apartment and the fire alarm starts going off and your roommate’s eyes and throat are burning and he’s coughing and trying to clear the smoke out and you cautiously open your door and just say “oh yeah, that happened last time i cooked”. then don’t help clear the smoke out and make no apologies for not telling your roommate about the problem
have the nerve to ask your roommate for help cleaning up the apartment and making it pretty for when your family comes :)
•Her Miraculous item is a ring her Chosen wears on her left ring finger (gasp! The Wife Finger!)
•When inactive, the jewel in the ring is simply a ruby. (Fitting, because this particular Chosen was born in July). When activated, however, tongues of stylized flame appear in the center of the jewel; the tongues of flame represent how long Phoenix’s transformation can last.
•Lulla’s encounter with her current Chosen was…interesting…
•Meaning that her Chosen nearly smashed her with a bat while screaming, mistaking her for an exceptionally large moth (Lulla’s Chosen is terrified of bugs 😅) More about their first meeting later~
•Lulla often gets into fights about the air conditioning with her Chosen: she prefers hotter conditions, while her Chosen prefers it to be cooler.
•They fight like passive-aggressive roommates over the temperature in the apartment so much that their fights tend to disturb the neighbors.
•Lulla HATES her Chosen’s wardrobe choices when left to her own devices, because she wears nothing but jeans and hoodies! So she takes it upon herself to help “expand” her Chosen’s wardrobe, dragging her to sales of cute clothing stores and what-not.
•Obviously she tries to talk her Chosen into buying anything red. It doesn’t work very often.
•When her Chosen is sad, Lulla will sing sad songs to help her get her emotions out, because she knows her Chosen tends to bottle. (“That’s not good!”)
•When her Chosen is happy, Lulla will sing catchy melodies that she knows her Chosen can’t help but sing along to.
•They have beautiful duets when her Chosen is cleaning the apartment~
My sister was really passive-aggressive towards her roommate. She used to eat all the berries out of Kellog’s Red Berries cereal but leave a small amount enough so she thought Kellog’s was just being an a**hole.
I just realized. They all look so bitter like passive aggressive roommates. Like the brown one didn’t clean their dishes last night and snowy’s pissed about it even though it was tropical’s fault cause the were making food all night and brown couldn’t do their dishes before bed cause they had a big test. And tropical’s pissed at snowy for blaring their music too loud so they went and unplugged their speaker while Snowy was at class.
Things that became canon in this episode:
- Jared has an old lady friend named Gloria who trusts him enough to babysit her great-granddaughter
- Jack Barker is the shitty, laughing-loudly-in-the-middle-of-the-night roommate while Gavin is the passive aggressive, revenge-seeking roommate
- Jared regularly gives Richard manicures (and holds his hand while he does it 😊)
- Dinesh secretly cares a lot about what Gilfoyle thinks
- Jared left Hooli not to work on Pied Piper, but to work with Richard ❤️
There are certain situations in which one expects to find passive-aggressive notes. Roommates who haven’t done dishes; neighbors who didn’t appreciate that loud party last night; jerks who take up two parking spots when they would have fit into one. About the last place I’d generally expect to find a passive-aggressive note - particularly a professionally mass-produced one - is in an abandoned asylum. But that’s exactly what I found taped to a paper towel dispenser in the wards of Athens State Hospital - such a note, pertaining to hand-washing hygiene!
As someone who’s a real arachnaphobe but likes spiders and wants to peacefully coexist with them I really wish I could just leave them passive aggressive roommate notes.
Just like “hi! I see you’ve moved in. Welcome, please help yourself to any bugs and insects you find crawling around. Just one thing–could you not crawl around on the ceiling above my head while I’m trying to sleep? It’s a personal space thing. Also if you’re going to lay eggs could you do it in the walls because if I see a clutch of eggs hatch into a ton of baby spiders my soul will depart from my body. Thx, see you at movie night!!”
i’ve long said i’m nasty and lazy and household things don’t bother me. i’ll take the trash out when it bothers me, but until then… i’ll usually just leave it. if you want me to do it, instead of passively aggressively refusing to touch it until someone else does… JUST ASK! I’ve made this offer multiple times to everyone i live with. I cannot read your fucking mind. so if you want me to do something, FUCKING ASK!
Imagine the Engineer being the ultimate passive aggressive roommate. He always treats the other mercs like roomies he just has to put up with. He uses sticky notes with the snarkiest messages he can muster without outright insulting people. He leaves them wherever he deems fit; on leftover food containers warning others not to touch the contents lest they too lose a hand, or on messy sinks warning about how it better be clean by the time he gets back or else someone’s face is going to be used to scrub it. Oh, how the sticky notes are feared.