so i can go swimming again
so i can actually wear the clothes i like
so i can go outside in summer without completely overheating
so i can take my top off
so i can be more comfortable in intimate relationships
so i can pass more
so i’m less embarrassed about my body
so i don’t have to crush myself in a binder every day (and night)
so i can look at my body in the mirror and begin to recognise myself
so my dysphoria can leave
so i can start to feel happy and comfortable in my own skin
-Walk tall, confidence is the key in everything you do. As a transgender individual not everyone will take you seriously but you need to be strong.
-Shave the fuzz. A smooth face is better than a fuzzy face.
-Vests honestly work to hiding chest thingies. Bajas do as well.
-Finding pants can suck for people. Even cis guys who lift unfortunately. Levis have these amazing jeans. They’re athletic fit which helps around the hips, and thighs which is my issue.
-Acne will suck once you go on T. Wash your face twice a day with soap and water. Acne wipes will help during that time. Lemon water (drink it, or you know I’m sure you can rub it all over) also clears skin and serves other amazing purposes.
-When using the boys bathroom, do not talk, do not interact. Do your business and leave. Do not make eye contact. It’s not the same as using a bathroom with feminine individuals.
-Dating can be hard. You look younger than you really are which sometimes isn’t a good thing. People younger than you will also be all over you. Like teenagers. Do not give in! One day you won’t look like a baby (cross your fingers), that means hopefully people your own age will date you! You could also try getting a tattoo if you’re old enough so people know you’re older than 18 .-.
-Also with dating. It’s a whole lot different as a man. You’re no longer girlxgirl or girlxguy (well the last one is possible but you won’t be the girl anymore). The dynamic is so different. It might take time to get your groove back so don’t get frustrated.
-As you get older and start passing (you’ll get there!). Privileges will open up to you. Your world will change. But that doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole! You don’t need to be a feminist but remember what it’s like to be a women and how the world treated you.
-Bullying can suck, even if you have an amazing support system. I have a warning for you. Do Not Engage. They will pick fights. Yes stand up for yourself but do not stoop to their level. Stay strong and keep your head up. You’re more than them.
-You will lose friends. It sucks but your true friends who are meant to be in your life will stick by you to support you. You will have an amazing support system even if you don’t have one now. If your family isn’t supportive then you can create your own in the future.
-Last but not least, be you. Stay amazing. Stay you. You’re perfect and some day people will see that. I promise.
Being transgender, your voice tends to give away who you are and so here is some advice to deepen your voice to pass better.
1. Slow down whilst you talk. It has been shown that when you talk slower than normal, your voice tends to drop. And it has been shown that with a slower speaking voice, you look more confident than others. Whenever you talk very fast, it shows that you’re less confident in yourself and your voice becomes higher. So try to make a conscious decision to slow when you talk.
2. Record your voice. When you hear how your voice sounds through your phone, it simulates what other people hear. So with that, you should record your voice to better understand how to deepen it a little bit better. Then with that, practice with your deeper voice so it isn’t straining whenever you talk to someone.
3. Play with your voice. Try going high and low all together to better understand your voice. With that information, you can learn if your voice is naturally high or low and work from there.
4. Experiment with your deepened voice. With voices, you need to practice with it in order to make it more natural. And with practicing, you must practice slowly with your new voice. You don’t want your voice to strain your throat and the way you can figure that out is by projecting your voice a little bit and see if it’s comfortable or not.
5. If you can afford it, take speech or voice acting lessons. With these classes, you can see as to how to speak properly to people. Your instructor will know how to exercise your voice a more professional way to do it.
If I have left something out, please do not hesitate to drop an ask to tell me what I left out. I hope this helps out my fellow transfolk out there.
When you pass (as cis, as het, as allistic) you are having your identity erased. That is a marginalization, full stop.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have an edge - to be clear, you absolutely have an edge. The net gains may even be greater than the losses; plenty of people prefer passing despite the emotional tax and that is absolutely legit.
But marginalization is still marginalization. It still takes a toll on you. Whether physically (able-passing), mentally (allistic passing), or emotionally (cishet passing), you still have that marginalization. It still hurts.
We need to start recognizing that. We need to make a point of acknowledging that you can be advantaged, without being privileged.
Start calling passing what it is - an advantage, not a privilege.
GROSS THINGS U SHOULD KNOW ABOUT CHEST BINDING IN SUMMER
you can find fashion advice on how to make things more visually manageable and more comfortable, but for bigger guys some of those tips don’t apply and some issues will come up anyway. here’s some stuff I could’ve stood to know last year.
if you feel the need to layer or wear something thick, sleeveless hoodies exist. they can save you a bit of heat.
take off layers when you can. wash carefully in the folds of your skin, dab moisture away occasionally during the day, and wash your binders OFTEN.
fungal infections: for bigger guys, these can happen between and under breasts. if you notice a vinegary smell when you unbind, that’s what that is. afaik there’s no massive health risk from this kind of thing on your skin, but still try to keep those areas dry and clean.
you might get some pimples on your chest, which is fine.
you might also get sebaceous cysts. LEAVE THEM ALONE. do not try to pop them yourself, it increases risk of infection. they’ll probably go away on their own; if one becomes inflamed, see a doctor.
in the heat, your binder will stick to your skin more and the shoulder straps will dig into your skin. don’t wait until you’re bleeding - if it feels raw at all, pad your straps. you can get bra strap pads online, or just make your own with whatever you have handy.
lastly: drink a lot of water. you’re wearing layers, and binders are skintight. you will sweat more.
I know everything is gross + miserable but hang in there and take care of yourself.
• the goal is to make your figure look like an upside down triangle. women’s figures are more like a regular triangle.
• yes, hiding curves is important, but well fit clothes are more important. you don’t want to walk around with clothes 6 sizes too big or you’ll probably look even more like a 10 year old boy. (unless thats what ur going for idk)
• layering shirts is everything, especially if you aren’t able to get a binder.
• those “ah bra” things that you see on tv are a great binder substitute. get a size smaller than you normally would & you’re set.
• if you have decent sized hips & thin legs, men’s pants probably aren’t going to work for you. what i do is get regular women’s skinny jeans in one size larger than normal, that way it’s a fitted look but still baggy. ALSO, sagging is actually important, believe it or not. it creates the illusion of a lower waistline and smaller hips.
• small feet? get big shoes. it’s fine. trust me. wear two pairs of high socks and/or make sure the shoes have laces that go all the way up & tie those suckers tight.
• the way you carry yourself is very important. be confident, but don’t go sticking your chest out far & wide because. you know. you have chest lumps.
• when sitting, spread out. put your arms on the back of the sofa or on arm rests. no more crossing your legs. keep them spread, or if you must, cross them at the ankle.
• this is one i’ve learned by observation: MEN STAND WITH THEIR TOES TURNED OUTWARD. this also goes along with being confident & taking up space. don’t stand with your toes together, stand with them facing outward slightly and with your legs apart. unless you really gotta pee or something.
• COLOGNE IS COOL BUT PLEASE USE IT SPARINGLY. one little spray will be just dandy. trust me. no one wants to be next to a walking axe can.
• haircuts are very complicated because it all depends on your face shape, so you can look that one up in ur free time. basically, if you’re going for a shorter cut, make sure the edges are clean and fairly sharp. shaving your hairline to make it appear more masculine is an option as well.
YEP THAT’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED SO FAR & ALL THESE THINGS WORK SUPER WELL FOR ME, I HOPE THEY DO FOR YOU AS WELL.
-“shrug” your shoulders very slightly. eventually it’ll feel nature if you keep at it. it makes your shoulders look bigger. Put your elbows on chair arms to do it while sitting
-clench your jaw a little bit. it sounds really weird but it’ll make you look like you have a more masculine jaw line
-walk with your stance every so slightly wider than usual. it’ll make your lips slightly less pronounced and make your shoulders look squarer
-Don’t move out of the way for people gracefully. not saying don’t move out of the way at all, but let yourself brush shoulders sometimes. You can also just be more spacious about it. And yes, in a crowded hallway you probably shouldn’t maneuver your way through.
-Be comfortable! I shit you not, this can be magic for passing. Be relax, act confident, and lean back and be comfortable. People see it as dominance and we subconsciously see dominance and our mind trails to masculinity
-when you sit in the floor, sit with your ass on the floor. Indian style or with your legs out works. Don’t sit on your legs or in that weird W shape (that’s bad for you anyway)
anyone feel free to add any other weird behavior passing tips you’ve discovered!
Not everyone can “pass” but that doesn’t make us any less deserving of safety and respect
It could be due to disability or other medical reasons, lack of funds, lack of medical care, inaccessibility to white colonialist ideas of femininity/masculinity, or just having no desire to pass at all. Transness is not determined by our ability to pass, and discussions about transness should go beyond tips on passing.
For some of us, passing is necessary to survive. But for others, we don’t even have the option of passing, and our survival is important too. Especially when talking about trans people of color and trans women.