so i can go swimming again
so i can actually wear the clothes i like
so i can go outside in summer without completely overheating
so i can take my top off
so i can be more comfortable in intimate relationships
so i can pass more
so i’m less embarrassed about my body
so i don’t have to crush myself in a binder every day (and night)
so i can look at my body in the mirror and begin to recognise myself
so my dysphoria can leave
so i can start to feel happy and comfortable in my own skin
-Walk tall, confidence is the key in everything you do. As a transgender individual not everyone will take you seriously but you need to be strong.
-Shave the fuzz. A smooth face is better than a fuzzy face.
-Vests honestly work to hiding chest thingies. Bajas do as well.
-Finding pants can suck for people. Even cis guys who lift unfortunately. Levis have these amazing jeans. They’re athletic fit which helps around the hips, and thighs which is my issue.
-Acne will suck once you go on T. Wash your face twice a day with soap and water. Acne wipes will help during that time. Lemon water (drink it, or you know I’m sure you can rub it all over) also clears skin and serves other amazing purposes.
-When using the boys bathroom, do not talk, do not interact. Do your business and leave. Do not make eye contact. It’s not the same as using a bathroom with feminine individuals.
-Dating can be hard. You look younger than you really are which sometimes isn’t a good thing. People younger than you will also be all over you. Like teenagers. Do not give in! One day you won’t look like a baby (cross your fingers), that means hopefully people your own age will date you! You could also try getting a tattoo if you’re old enough so people know you’re older than 18 .-.
-Also with dating. It’s a whole lot different as a man. You’re no longer girlxgirl or girlxguy (well the last one is possible but you won’t be the girl anymore). The dynamic is so different. It might take time to get your groove back so don’t get frustrated.
-As you get older and start passing (you’ll get there!). Privileges will open up to you. Your world will change. But that doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole! You don’t need to be a feminist but remember what it’s like to be a women and how the world treated you.
-Bullying can suck, even if you have an amazing support system. I have a warning for you. Do Not Engage. They will pick fights. Yes stand up for yourself but do not stoop to their level. Stay strong and keep your head up. You’re more than them.
-You will lose friends. It sucks but your true friends who are meant to be in your life will stick by you to support you. You will have an amazing support system even if you don’t have one now. If your family isn’t supportive then you can create your own in the future.
-Last but not least, be you. Stay amazing. Stay you. You’re perfect and some day people will see that. I promise.
-“shrug” your shoulders very slightly. eventually it’ll feel nature if you keep at it. it makes your shoulders look bigger. Put your elbows on chair arms to do it while sitting
-clench your jaw a little bit. it sounds really weird but it’ll make you look like you have a more masculine jaw line
-walk with your stance every so slightly wider than usual. it’ll make your lips slightly less pronounced and make your shoulders look squarer
-Don’t move out of the way for people gracefully. not saying don’t move out of the way at all, but let yourself brush shoulders sometimes. You can also just be more spacious about it. And yes, in a crowded hallway you probably shouldn’t maneuver your way through.
-Be comfortable! I shit you not, this can be magic for passing. Be relax, act confident, and lean back and be comfortable. People see it as dominance and we subconsciously see dominance and our mind trails to masculinity
-when you sit in the floor, sit with your ass on the floor. Indian style or with your legs out works. Don’t sit on your legs or in that weird W shape (that’s bad for you anyway)
anyone feel free to add any other weird behavior passing tips you’ve discovered!
When you pass (as cis, as het, as allistic) you are having your identity erased. That is a marginalization, full stop.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have an edge - to be clear, you absolutely have an edge. The net gains may even be greater than the losses; plenty of people prefer passing despite the emotional tax and that is absolutely legit.
But marginalization is still marginalization. It still takes a toll on you. Whether physically (able-passing), mentally (allistic passing), or emotionally (cishet passing), you still have that marginalization. It still hurts.
We need to start recognizing that. We need to make a point of acknowledging that you can be advantaged, without being privileged.
Start calling passing what it is - an advantage, not a privilege.
this is a message it’s taken me a very long time to absorb but I’m finally starting to and god help me I want you all to as well. there will always be people that don’t like you cos you’re trans and *that is entirely their problem and not yours* okay, please remember that. Own yourself, you’re unique and that is so special and so okay.
You do not need to look like someone or something else to be valid. You are just you. Anyone that doesn’t like that isn’t worth your time.
Being transgender, your voice tends to give away who you are and so here is some advice to deepen your voice to pass better.
1. Slow down whilst you talk. It has been shown that when you talk slower than normal, your voice tends to drop. And it has been shown that with a slower speaking voice, you look more confident than others. Whenever you talk very fast, it shows that you’re less confident in yourself and your voice becomes higher. So try to make a conscious decision to slow when you talk.
2. Record your voice. When you hear how your voice sounds through your phone, it simulates what other people hear. So with that, you should record your voice to better understand how to deepen it a little bit better. Then with that, practice with your deeper voice so it isn’t straining whenever you talk to someone.
3. Play with your voice. Try going high and low all together to better understand your voice. With that information, you can learn if your voice is naturally high or low and work from there.
4. Experiment with your deepened voice. With voices, you need to practice with it in order to make it more natural. And with practicing, you must practice slowly with your new voice. You don’t want your voice to strain your throat and the way you can figure that out is by projecting your voice a little bit and see if it’s comfortable or not.
5. If you can afford it, take speech or voice acting lessons. With these classes, you can see as to how to speak properly to people. Your instructor will know how to exercise your voice a more professional way to do it.
If I have left something out, please do not hesitate to drop an ask to tell me what I left out. I hope this helps out my fellow transfolk out there.
For starters, I hate saying that, “ex” best friend. Our friendship was always just worth more than that, and I know you know that too. I hope you realize nobody will ever take your spot, nobody will ever lead up to you. Our friendship was too special for someone to be able to take your title. Plus, nobody will ever be you.
Next, I often think of the “what ifs” and “could’ve beens”, but in all honesty maybe this is where we are supposed to be. Maybe we will find our way back to each other one day, maybe not. However, I will always be here for you, disregarding all the circumstances. Even if you do not ever want to be my friend again, I will always be a friend to you. And I am terribly sorry for how we ended our friendship.
Furthermore, thank you for being such a wonderful person. You were my person, and you came into my life when I needed someone. I will forever be thankful for you. Even if we never cross paths again, our past contains memories I will cherish forever. It was just you and I against the world for awhile, and that’s all we needed at the time, but high school indeed changed everything.
In my opinion, we needed to find ourselves. I admit I lost myself for awhile, and I am terribly sorry that it changed me into someone I was not. I will forever regret that, but just know you will always be my person. Even if I am closer to other people now, you will forever have the spot of being my actual best friend.
The worst part of it all is we can walk past each other now and act as if we were never in each others life. I miss you terribly sometimes. Especially in the summertime, it is like every memory painfully fulfills my mind. I go through old pictures and I wonder how everything just changed so fast, I wish I could have stopped that.
Also, I hope someone walks into your life one day and is an actual great friend to you. You deserve that and please do not settle for anything less, you deserve to be treated like a person, not as if you do not exist. I also hope all your dreams come true and everything in your life turns out good.
Buddy, do you remember how we would always say “do not jump oceans for people who would not jump puddles for you” ? I know you do, so keep that in mind always on your path throughout life. You can overcome all the obstacles life throws at you, and I admire your strength. And I wish you the best for all the next stages in your life.
Lastly, although we are not close anymore, i still want to thank you for all you did for me. Thank you for being my person, wiping my tears, venting with me, going on walks, looking at stars, and laughing together. There is nobody else I would want to have such great memories with. I am so sorry for everything. Also, I hope you still get that apartment we planned on getting in California.
Today was the first time I was called a man and that is making me so happy right now. I wasn’t quite sure if I pass, I think I am :D This is giving me so much hope back. I know that I can do it, that I can conquer this long way to transition.
I am not supposed to be a girl, I never was. I am a fucking man.
Demanding transgender people need to be “passing” to deserve their rights is some of the most disgusting respectability politics that exisst in our community.
But a transgender person trying to look how they think best expresses their gender - even if it aligns with traditional gender roles - does not contribute to this culture. And it is incredibly irresponsible to talk about the politics of “passing” without mentioning this.
one thing i’ve noticed very often when talking to undiagnosed (or diagnosed as adults) adult autistics is that there seems to be a connection between childhood trauma / growing up in an abusive home and learning NT passing at any cost.
i know that i learned this. i can even interrupt meltdowns or shutdowns for self protection by means of “acting normal”. usually i use this skill to get out of the situation to a place where i can recover without disturbance.
when i have to, i can function at an incredible level and with very good NT passing. of course, there’s nothing of “myself” in there any more. i lie, i tell stories, i use script that don’t fit my situation at all, but it puts up a believable facade that can protect me from basically anything.
i think that growing up in a situation where “acting normal” keeps you alive is an incredibly important factor for many of us
The whole thing of “to the trans men that still have long hair ✨” is nonsense.
To be honest, I hated when I cut off all my hair because I looked like a butch lesbian. Not at all the effect I was going for, and it killed my confidence even more. Now that my hair is past my shoulders again (and have been on T for 2+ years), I finally feel more confident. I don’t think I’ll ever cut it short again, to be honest, because I’m afraid of looking like that and subsequently feeling like that again.
Short hair is not for everyone. You can still be hella masculine with long hair. If you’re still afraid you won’t pass, Google guys with long hair and see how they’re styling it.
I’m in your corner. You don’t have to cut your hair to pass.