passing

People that don’t pass:

- are still the gender they identify as

- should have their name and pronouns respected

- are still trans

- still belong in trans spaces

- should not have to fit other peoples’ ideas of their gender

- should be allowed to go to the bathroom of the gender that they identify as without being harassed or called out

reasons i want top surgery

so i can go swimming again
so i can actually wear the clothes i like
so i can go outside in summer without completely overheating
so i can take my top off
so i can be more comfortable in intimate relationships
so i can pass more
so i’m less embarrassed about my body so i don’t have to crush myself in a binder every day (and night)
so i can look at my body in the mirror and begin to recognise myself
so my dysphoria can leave
so i can start to feel happy and comfortable in my own skin

Voice Deepening for Transgender People

Being transgender, your voice tends to give away who you are and so here is some advice to deepen your voice to pass better.

1. Slow down whilst you talk. It has been shown that when you talk slower than normal, your voice tends to drop. And it has been shown that with a slower speaking voice, you look more confident than others. Whenever you talk very fast, it shows that you’re less confident in yourself and your voice becomes higher. So try to make a conscious decision to slow when you talk. 

2. Record your voice. When you hear how your voice sounds through your phone, it simulates what other people hear. So with that, you should record your voice to better understand how to deepen it a little bit better. Then with that, practice with your deeper voice so it isn’t straining whenever you talk to someone. 

3. Play with your voice. Try going high and low all together to better understand your voice. With that information, you can learn if your voice is naturally high or low and work from there.

4. Experiment with your deepened voice. With voices, you need to practice with it in order to make it more natural. And with practicing, you must practice slowly with your new voice. You don’t want your voice to strain your throat and the way you can figure that out is by projecting your voice a little bit and see if it’s comfortable or not. 

5. If you can afford it, take speech or voice acting lessons. With these classes, you can see as to how to speak properly to people. Your instructor will know how to exercise your voice a more professional way to do it. 

If I have left something out, please do not hesitate to drop an ask to tell me what I left out. I hope this helps out my fellow transfolk out there. 

-Kayden  

When you pass (as cis, as het, as allistic) you are having your identity erased. That is a marginalization, full stop.

That doesn’t mean you don’t have an edge - to be clear, you absolutely have an edge. The net gains may even be greater than the losses; plenty of people prefer passing despite the emotional tax and that is absolutely legit.

But marginalization is still marginalization. It still takes a toll on you. Whether physically (able-passing), mentally (allistic passing), or emotionally (cishet passing), you still have that marginalization. It still hurts.

We need to start recognizing that. We need to make a point of acknowledging that you can be advantaged, without being privileged.

Start calling passing what it is - an advantage, not a privilege.

Pro-tip to young trans guys:

If a stranger misgenders you, please please please do not ever utter the phrase, “I’m a man.” It sounds very unnatural and immediately sounds overly defensive.

My advice? Just look at the person like they’re an idiot and, in the deepest voice possible, say, “Uh. Alright, then.”

Just act as though they made a huge and obvious mistake, and don’t get flustered. If you’re comfortable with it, handle the situation with humor and say something like, “Man, I know I’ve got a babyface, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“If you really think about it, the Disney princess Mulan kind of experiences the same struggles as those who are trans. She binds her chest and wears men’s armor and cuts her hair in an attempt to look masculine. When she meets the other men in the troop, she tries to fit in with them in order to seem just like them, and also forces herself to deepen her voice. One of her biggest fears throughout most of the film is being exposed and having the troop find out she is actually female, so shes constantly walking on eggshells, making sure every single thing she says and does is ‘manly’ enough so she doesn’t get caught.”

~ Anonymous

GROSS THINGS U SHOULD KNOW ABOUT CHEST BINDING IN SUMMER

you can find fashion advice on how to make things more visually manageable and more comfortable, but for bigger guys some of those tips don’t apply and some issues will come up anyway. here’s some stuff I could’ve stood to know last year.

  • if you feel the need to layer or wear something thick, sleeveless hoodies exist. they can save you a bit of heat.
  • take off layers when you can. wash carefully in the folds of your skin, dab moisture away occasionally during the day, and wash your binders OFTEN.
  • fungal infections: for bigger guys, these can happen between and under breasts. if you notice a vinegary smell when you unbind, that’s what that is. afaik there’s no massive health risk from this kind of thing on your skin, but still try to keep those areas dry and clean.
  • you might get some pimples on your chest, which is fine.
  • you might also get sebaceous cysts. LEAVE THEM ALONE. do not try to pop them yourself, it increases risk of infection. they’ll probably go away on their own; if one becomes inflamed, see a doctor.
  • in the heat, your binder will stick to your skin more and the shoulder straps will dig into your skin. don’t wait until you’re bleeding - if it feels raw at all, pad your straps. you can get bra strap pads online, or just make your own with whatever you have handy.
  • lastly: drink a lot of water. you’re wearing layers, and binders are skintight. you will sweat more.

I know everything is gross + miserable but hang in there and take care of yourself.

BEHAVIOR THINGS TO PASS AS A GUY

-“shrug” your shoulders very slightly. eventually it’ll feel nature if you keep at it. it makes your shoulders look bigger. Put your elbows on chair arms to do it while sitting

-clench your jaw a little bit. it sounds really weird but it’ll make you look like you have a more masculine jaw line

-walk with your stance every so slightly wider than usual. it’ll make your lips slightly less pronounced and make your shoulders look squarer

-Don’t move out of the way for people gracefully. not saying don’t move out of the way at all, but let yourself brush shoulders sometimes. You can also just be more spacious about it. And yes, in a crowded hallway you probably shouldn’t maneuver your way through.

-Be comfortable! I shit you not, this can be magic for passing. Be relax, act confident, and lean back and be comfortable. People see it as dominance and we subconsciously see dominance and our mind trails to masculinity

-when you sit in the floor, sit with your ass on the floor. Indian style or with your legs out works. Don’t sit on your legs or in that weird W shape (that’s bad for you anyway)

anyone feel free to add any other weird behavior passing tips you’ve discovered!

FTM passing - what i've learned

• the goal is to make your figure look like an upside down triangle. women’s figures are more like a regular triangle.
• yes, hiding curves is important, but well fit clothes are more important. you don’t want to walk around with clothes 6 sizes too big or you’ll probably look even more like a 10 year old boy. (unless thats what ur going for idk)
• layering shirts is everything, especially if you aren’t able to get a binder.
• those “ah bra” things that you see on tv are a great binder substitute. get a size smaller than you normally would & you’re set.
• if you have decent sized hips & thin legs, men’s pants probably aren’t going to work for you. what i do is get regular women’s skinny jeans in one size larger than normal, that way it’s a fitted look but still baggy. ALSO, sagging is actually important, believe it or not. it creates the illusion of a lower waistline and smaller hips.
• small feet? get big shoes. it’s fine. trust me. wear two pairs of high socks and/or make sure the shoes have laces that go all the way up & tie those suckers tight.
• the way you carry yourself is very important. be confident, but don’t go sticking your chest out far & wide because. you know. you have chest lumps.
• when sitting, spread out. put your arms on the back of the sofa or on arm rests. no more crossing your legs. keep them spread, or if you must, cross them at the ankle.
• this is one i’ve learned by observation: MEN STAND WITH THEIR TOES TURNED OUTWARD. this also goes along with being confident & taking up space. don’t stand with your toes together, stand with them facing outward slightly and with your legs apart. unless you really gotta pee or something.
• COLOGNE IS COOL BUT PLEASE USE IT SPARINGLY. one little spray will be just dandy. trust me. no one wants to be next to a walking axe can.
• haircuts are very complicated because it all depends on your face shape, so you can look that one up in ur free time. basically, if you’re going for a shorter cut, make sure the edges are clean and fairly sharp. shaving your hairline to make it appear more masculine is an option as well.

YEP THAT’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED SO FAR & ALL THESE THINGS WORK SUPER WELL FOR ME, I HOPE THEY DO FOR YOU AS WELL.

What people think James Potter was like:

James: Revising for exams? Pfft, I am the James Potter, I don’t revise. I go in and wing that bitch.

What James Potter was actually like:

James: No Moony, I don’t care that chocolate soothes stress, fuck off. If I don’t pass this shit I’m going to die homeless and lonely. Don’t let me die lonely.