pase one

won’t you hold my hand? cause i don’t wanna walk alone anymore

This one I actually wrote in advance, surprisingly. I didn’t even know that was possible for me.

 My finals start tomorrow, so if y'all wanna keep me in your good luck thoughts I’d really appreciate, lmao.


PROMPT: “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting very suspicious” 

Hab°it: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.


The first time it happens she thinks nothing of it. 

They’re in the annual summer fair, it’s the beginning of the summer holidays, a Friday and the crowd reunited at the food court is almost as big as a small country (not really, but she could swear half of Buenos Aires is there) and she just knows she’s gonna get pushed around if she doesn’t hold onto her friends.

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«  ¿ – – – crees que un sacrificio a los dioses ayudará a animar la fiesta ?   »  

Needed- Ashton Irwin  One Shot

I was thinking about not posting this but my friends convinced me too. It’s a little sad but I hope you enjoy!

“Lady it’s six in the morning. Why are you here?” The gate guard demands. “Just please let me in.” You beg,hoping he would see the smeared makeup and smell the alcohol on your breath. “Okay. This time only.” He warns letting you through.

“Between you and me I don’t even know if this kind of shit works but they say it’s worth a shot.Yeah?” You ask sitting on the matted grass in front of the grave. “I’ve lost a lot and you know that..but losing you..” You feel a knot starting to push on the interior of your throat, “losing you was the absolute worse thing that has ever happened to me Ash.” You choke out. “I should probably put this out” You say looking at your cigarette.“You hated smokers.Do you remember when we walked pased one on our first date watching the sunrise and you coughed in disgust? I vowed to myself that I would never smoke again because I didn’t want to lose a guy like you.It was so hard but you were worth it.” I look down at the perfectly trimmed grass. “You were my sun and my stars Ashton. Any time I felt low and hated the world, you would show me that the world wasn’t so bad,sometimes it just does bad things. But Ash the world is terrible and does terrible things. It took an amazing man away. I remember the feeling that I had coming home from the party that your mom threw us to celebrate our pregnancy and God.. your smile that day was the most beautiful and biggest smile I had ever seen.  I was so in love with life again and I thought the world could never ever do anything bad again because everything in that moment was absolutely perfect. In the next moment though.. everything changed.”

“I needed you when found out the accident took away our little boy.

I needed you when seconds later I found out that it took you too.

I needed you when I had to face our family and friends with the news.

I needed you when tons and tons of food kept showing up.

I needed you when we broke the news to the fans that their idol was gone.

I needed you to hold when the world turned bad again.

I needed you.

I hate how much I realized I loved you after you were gone,but it made me realize that we don’t say it enough. Even if that was the only three words I would have said to you in our five year relationship,it still wouldn’t have been enough. I know that you wouldn’t have wanted me to handle the death the way I have been but I have so many regrets Ashton and it really sucks that I will never stop regretting that I didn’t take advantage of every fucking second I had available with you.” You take a long pause. You begin feeling yourself sober up.

“I don’t know if you are counting the days but it’s been 1476 days Ash. 4 years and 19 days. The world has recovered amazingly well in those 1476 days. Your mother started a successful business. Lauren,your sister, she is engaged to a handsome man named Toby. Your brother is off to uni and one of the most amazing lads ever. Your band has a successful label company. They had to stop the band,it wasn’t right without you. And I’m doing okay.. I met a guy a couple weeks back. He’s not you though. I actually kind of like him. He’s really kind and sweet and understanding.He makes me feel like the world is okay again. Maybe he is a little like you.” You giggle picking at some of the grass.

“I guess I got drunk tonight trying to forget you so I could date again without feeling guilty because we never actually broke up. Did we? Well Ashton Irwin this is me breaking up with you because you haven’t said a word to me in four years,absolutely unexecutable. It’s like you’re dead or something.“ You joke,hoping possibly he was listening. "I love you ash.” You whisper,taking one last long look  at the grave.